Fletch Lives Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 He may have a mental disorder. However, the stuff he's doing does not suggest that..........it just suggests ignorance about women and relationships and immaturity. 1
poppyfields Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said: He may have a mental disorder. However, the stuff he's doing does not suggest that..........it just suggests ignorance about women and relationships and immaturity. Do you know anything about autism, the levels of severity and how it impacts social interaction? Imo, it does suggest that, at least it's a possibility. Whatever, carry on Fletch, your posts are always so inspiring. Edited October 16, 2020 by poppyfields
Fletch Lives Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 I know there are a lot of people out there with mental problems......but not everything is a mental disorder. I'd be more inclined to believe that he's missing a few brain cells from alcoholism. Speaking for myself, I do have a few brain cells left! 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 8 hours ago, Confoosedgal said: So, I have been thinking about breaking off with this guy 6 hours ago, Confoosedgal said: Then, this is Strike 3. Go and look up the rules in baseball if you aren't already familiar with them. If he asks, say it is because he drinks morning, noon, and night.
Dork Vader Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 These are major red flags, just dump him and move on. Every single one of my male friends who are into strippers, cheat on their partners. 3
Wiseman2 Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 9 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: lol, the guy does not have a mental disorder. He's simply an idiot Agree. Why has this veered off and derailed into an amateur armchair debate about autism? It's insulting (to people on the spectrum) and ridiculous to assume this kind of basically Bozo behavior is because of some neurological problems. 3 3
ExpatInItaly Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 OP, how many more red flags do you need to see? This guy is not the sort of boyfriend you're looking for. I'd leave him to get more dating and relationship experience on someone else's watch. 1
Gaeta Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 14 hours ago, Confoosedgal said: He goes to bars everyday after work, he drinks when he's at home, with his friends, and even at my house. There is an expression in your language that says *can't see the forest for the trees*. You are so lost in the details of this 'strip club' story that you fail to see the train wreck you're about to embark with this man. He's an alcoholic. He picks alcohol (or pot) over you. This trip club visit is probably more about drinking than it is about the strippers there. You need to see the big picture here. This man is not relationship material. A woman serious about dating would have dropped him a long time ago. It's not important why he does what he does....Ask yourself why you endure this. 3 3
Crazelnut Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 I cannot fathom why you haven't dumped this guy yet. He has made it clear multiple times that you are NOT in his top 5 list of priorities. You come somewhere after booze, pot, friends, strippers, and work. You are now asking the wrong question. You should be asking yourself what is wrong with YOU, that you've put up with so much disrespect. 4 2
boymommy Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 (edited) 10 hours ago, poppyfields said: Do you know anything about autism, the levels of severity and how it impacts social interaction? Imo, it does suggest that, at least it's a possibility. Whatever, carry on Fletch, your posts are always so inspiring. Hey I’m a therapist and I’m not on board with him having a mental disorder either. Not everyone who acts weird has one! And for the record..the majority of people could fall under the umbrella of Austism spectrum disordets but it doesnt mean they are. You have to meet certain criteria to be diagnosed and broad range internet searches can usually diagnose pretty much ANYONE given that they are so vague and general. You have to meet 5 specific diagnostic criteria (even in mild cases) and he probably doesnt. Even my 6 year old son was thought to be on the spectrum as a toddler but it was ruled out because he exhibited a few symptoms. Anyway who really cares what the issue is..obviously they arent compatible. She doesnt seem into it, they dont seem like a great match. Case closed. Edited October 16, 2020 by boymommy 3 2
Fletch Lives Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 (edited) 29 minutes ago, boymommy said: Hey I’m a therapist and I’m not on board with him having a mental disorder either. Not everyone who acts weird has one! And for the record..the majority of people could fall under the umbrella of Austism spectrum disordets but it doesnt mean they are. You have to meet certain criteria to be diagnosed and broad range internet searches can usually diagnose pretty much ANYONE given that they are so vague and general. You have to meet 5 specific diagnostic criteria (even in mild cases) and he probably doesnt. Even my 6 year old son was thought to be on the spectrum as a toddler but it was ruled out because he exhibited a few symptoms. Anyway who really cares what the issue is..obviously they arent compatible. She doesnt seem into it, they dont seem like a great match. Case closed. Nice to see another counselor here (there are a few on here). Welcome. I'm a life coach. I'm also da wuv doctor! Edited October 16, 2020 by Fletch Lives
FMW Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 The reason he acts so clueless and insensitive doesn't really matter, knowing why wouldn't change how it makes the OP feel. OP, you have plenty of reasons to walk away and free yourself to meet someone more caring and attentive. If you stay with him, expect more of the same. 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 This guy is showing you EXACTLY who he is and how little he values you. If you stay, what happens from here is on you. 1
Atwood Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 Even if you're cool with the strip club, his lack of empathy, sensitivity and tact about your feelings is a pretty big indicator of how he's going to continue to behave. You brought up something that has upset you and to him it's no big deal. I can only speak for myself, but I prefer a mutual understanding of hurting the other person's feelings being a pretty big deal. 1
Acacia98 Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 (edited) 17 hours ago, Confoosedgal said: But, he's just too stupid. He doesn't know how to properly care for his women. Okay, so that's his excuse for behaving the way he does: he's "stupid" and lacking in basic relationship skills. What's your excuse for accepting this treatment? You are intelligent and understand how people are supposed to behave in relationships. After he stood you up the first time, you should have dumped him. You really shouldn't still be in the relationship, accumulating a list of things to be offended about. Edited October 16, 2020 by Acacia98 1
kendahke Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 12 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: I'd be more inclined to believe that he's missing a few brain cells from alcoholism. Agreed. His drinking is a huge problem for OP... but OP sticking with him is a huge part of the problem --accepting this bad behavior for 3 months thinking he'll flip into being someone he's never shown her to be capable of being. The first 3 months of any new relationship, people utilize their "on their best behavior" representative to make a good impression. At the 3 month mark is when the representative is dismissed and the "real him/real her" comes to the fore. This clown has never been on his best behavior--he's shown her the "real him" from the get go and she chose to look the other way and I'm wondering why? So many times his behavior warranted being dropped off at the mall, yet he wasn't. 2
smackie9 Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 wellllllll looking at your last thread, this guy is rude, has no manners, treats you like you are of no priority to him.....seriously you can post till you are blue in the fingers...the same result is, you need to get some self worth and dump this guy. Why can't you see that you deserve better???? There is nothing we can do to make him change for you. You can't fix this/him. He is who he is. 3 1
elaine567 Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 15 minutes ago, kendahke said: he's shown her the "real him" from the get go Maybe when the "real him" shows up, he may be even worse... 1
poppyfields Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 (edited) Guys, re autism, I only said it was a possibility. I actually have no idea what's up with him, except he's clueless and doesnt appear to understand basic social nuances and proper etiquette when in a relationship. And I'm referring to the OP's previous thread too about what happened at his friends' house, not introducing her, etc. Doesn't actually matter whether he is or not. The OP wrote: >>Dumb*** tells me, "Well, what if I go home and take a shower first? IT should be fine right? What's the big deal it's not like we're having sex?"<< I agree with lotsgoingon, the way she speaks of him, so disrespectfully and with such malice, she needs to just end it. Edited October 16, 2020 by poppyfields
LeoLady88 Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 (edited) Please walk away now. My ex-h pretty well ignored me on our 2nd 'date' which was a party at his house. It was the first of a long line of red flags that I couldn't/wouldn't see. If you stick around it will only get worse. Sorry. Edited October 16, 2020 by LeoLady88 Grammar 3
boymommy Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 (edited) 34 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Guys, re autism, I only said it was a possibility. I actually have no idea what's up with him, except he's clueless and doesnt appear to understand basic social nuances and proper etiquette when in a relationship. And I'm referring to the OP's previous thread too about what happened at his friends' house, not introducing her, etc. Doesn't actually matter whether he is or not. The OP wrote: >>Dumb*** tells me, "Well, what if I go home and take a shower first? IT should be fine right? What's the big deal it's not like we're having sex?"<< I agree with lotsgoingon, the way she speaks of him, so disrespectfully and with such malice, she needs to just end it. Well I definitely think OP’s lack of patience and complete disrespect for him doesnt help any relationship inexperience or social issues he may struggle with. I would imagine that would be annoying to have in a partner..BUT if this is someone you care about then you take time to understand and work with them. OP has done nothing to show she wants to do that. Hence why they are a very bad match. Edited October 16, 2020 by boymommy 1
poppyfields Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 (edited) Yeah, when it gets to the point you're referring to your boyfriend as a "dumba**" especially so early in, it's time to walk away. I actually felt a little sick when I read that. OP, you don't need anyone's approval, just say goodbye and walk. You both deserve better. Edited October 16, 2020 by poppyfields 2
boymommy Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: Yeah, when it gets to the point you're referring to your boyfriend as a "dumba**" especially so early in, it's time to walk away. I actually felt a little sick when I read that. OP, you don't need anyone's approval, just say goodbye and walk. You both deserve better. I felt bad as well! This should be the honeymoon period where nobody has faults, your partner is perfect and can do no wrong. If its already so toxic that you are aggressively name calling then you know it’s probably only going to get worse, not better! Edited October 16, 2020 by boymommy 1
kismetkismet Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 (edited) I was going to type out a long response expounding the many ways he's f***ed up, but I think you already know. This guy sucks. Dump him. Edited October 16, 2020 by kismetkismet 1
SumGuy Posted October 17, 2020 Posted October 17, 2020 On 10/15/2020 at 9:35 PM, poppyfields said: You say that like it's 100% fact. How the * do you know? None of us know, anything is possible. True but this guys mentality / behavior seems so bros before hoes, figure that is the most likely. His "girlfriend" is just a person he presumes he can have sex with after drinking and going to the strip club with his bros. 1
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