lana-banana Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 Calling someone "baby" on a first date could for any number of reasons---he uses it with all women, he's trying to sound more confident and cocky, he's being blatantly manipulative---none of them good. The best-case scenario is that he's trying really hard to put up a front and seem like a suave, sexy, in-control dude; the worst-case scenario is he really is a player and a jerk. You can give it a few more dates if you want, but I would make it clear that you aren't falling for the act and you want to get to know the real person. 2 1
smackie9 Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 Super religious? Are you of the same faith? It would have me running for the exit. 1
Author Blondegirl89 Posted October 16, 2020 Author Posted October 16, 2020 Different guy from the one with the jacket lol Thats why I asked where those things odd or not. I’ve never called someone by a pet name until I was in a relationship with them. He said he only calls me baby because I’m younger than him. Only 6yrs btw. He seems like a nice guy, we text almost everyday. He texts me somethings good morning or good night even if we haven’t been speaking at the time. im just going with the flow on this. He could be trying to make a really nice impression or it could be a culture thing. He’s from Spain so that could be it either. I don’t know. do you guys think they are red flags I should be cautious about?
lana-banana Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 Being from a different country/culture could certainly be a part of it too. Even so, yes, they're red flags. You don't have to give it up if you really like him but proceed at your own risk. 1
introverted1 Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 33 minutes ago, Blondegirl89 said: do you guys think they are red flags I should be cautious about? Yes, but I'm of the school of thought that you should be cautious of any guy you've only gone on 2 dates with. We date to assess compatibility and determine fit. Keep doing that, paying attention to your gut reaction to things. If something seems off, it probably is. Good luck. 4 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted October 17, 2020 Posted October 17, 2020 15 hours ago, Blondegirl89 said: Different guy from the one with the jacket lol Thats why I asked where those things odd or not. I’ve never called someone by a pet name until I was in a relationship with them. He said he only calls me baby because I’m younger than him. Only 6yrs btw. He seems like a nice guy, we text almost everyday. He texts me somethings good morning or good night even if we haven’t been speaking at the time. im just going with the flow on this. He could be trying to make a really nice impression or it could be a culture thing. He’s from Spain so that could be it either. I don’t know. do you guys think they are red flags I should be cautious about? It's hard to say. He's sort of moving fast but sort of not. He's not pushing for sex, for example. Just go out a few more times and see how things go. 1 1
poppyfields Posted October 17, 2020 Posted October 17, 2020 (edited) On 10/15/2020 at 11:13 AM, Blondegirl89 said: I do think he likes me, he always mentions meeting again. I think the question to be asking yourself is do you like him? Do you feel comfortable with these gestures? Judging from these responses, some women would and some would not, the only thing that matters is what you think and how you feel. Are you attracted to him? How did you feel when he fed you and wiped you mouth? How do you feel when he calls you baby? To me, on a first date, it's over the top, and crossing boundaries, and imo his excuse for calling you "baby"(because he's six years older?) is a bunch of BS, that's not why men call women baby. Reason I know this is cause I've had plenty of men call me baby and they had no idea how old I was. I may have even been older! It's a dominance thing (which is not necessarily wrong or bad), along with him feeding you and wiping your mouth; he's testing the waters to gauge your reaction. What was your reaction? In any event, I'm not the one dating him, you are. If you're comfortable with it, are attracted to him and want to continue seeing him, that is OK! You don't need anyone's approval, learn to trust your own judgment and depend on yourself for answers. You will make mistakes, that's a given, but that's how we learn. It was the best advice ever given to me! Edited October 17, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Fletch Lives Posted October 18, 2020 Posted October 18, 2020 As others have suggested, he's moving too fast. It would have been better if he would have waited a few dates to break out the baby-wipes!! 1
carhill Posted October 18, 2020 Posted October 18, 2020 On 10/16/2020 at 9:57 AM, Blondegirl89 said: im just going with the flow on this. He could be trying to make a really nice impression or it could be a culture thing. He’s from Spain so that could be it either. I don’t know. That was going to be my advice, go with the flow, keep showing up until you or he decides otherwise and not over-think the process. On 10/16/2020 at 9:57 AM, Blondegirl89 said: do you guys think they are red flags I should be cautious about? A style disparity could be a red-flag but IMO it's too early to know and, if you enjoy the dates, it's healthy use of time and energy even if things go sideways at some point in the future. Deal with that if/when it happens is my advice, in the now focus on the now. The future will take care of itself. 1
Author Blondegirl89 Posted October 18, 2020 Author Posted October 18, 2020 On 10/17/2020 at 4:35 PM, poppyfields said: I think the question to be asking yourself is do you like him? Do you feel comfortable with these gestures? Judging from these responses, some women would and some would not, the only thing that matters is what you think and how you feel. Are you attracted to him? How did you feel when he fed you and wiped you mouth? How do you feel when he calls you baby? To me, on a first date, it's over the top, and crossing boundaries, and imo his excuse for calling you "baby"(because he's six years older?) is a bunch of BS, that's not why men call women baby. Reason I know this is cause I've had plenty of men call me baby and they had no idea how old I was. I may have even been older! It's a dominance thing (which is not necessarily wrong or bad), along with him feeding you and wiping your mouth; he's testing the waters to gauge your reaction. What was your reaction? In any event, I'm not the one dating him, you are. If you're comfortable with it, are attracted to him and want to continue seeing him, that is OK! You don't need anyone's approval, learn to trust your own judgment and depend on yourself for answers. You will make mistakes, that's a given, but that's how we learn. It was the best advice ever given to me! Very good advice, yeah I am proceeding with caution. Well my reaction to being called baby I thought it was cute and he did ask if it bothered me and I said it was fine. Although what you said about it being a dominance thing makes sense. The feeding me and wiping my face. Well that was a shock lol. I just smiled it off. I’ve never had anyone do that before. I like him he seems interested but can be a little bit sketchy as well. today for instance. He texted me asking what I was up to etc. I asked him and he mentioned he was going to the beach with some friends. I replied saying my friends where going to the beach. He immediately sent me 2 messages asking if I was going with them, what my plans where. I said I didn’t think I would make it but I was gonna try. He read it and didn’t respond. I feel like that was fishy behaviour. He really wanted to know if I was going to be there or not and I doubt it was because he wanted to see me and once he found out he didn’t respond. Im a little annoyed by that.
SumGuy Posted October 18, 2020 Posted October 18, 2020 On 10/16/2020 at 12:57 PM, Blondegirl89 said: ..... im just going with the flow on this. He could be trying to make a really nice impression or it could be a culture thing. He’s from Spain so that could be it either. I don’t know. do you guys think they are red flags I should be cautious about? No red flags to me (as of this post) especially when you have the different cultural dimension added in then. Pet names may be the thing, in my limited experience with women from latin cultures, now that I think about it, his behavior aligns with theirs. It's warm, close, and much more sensual...which can freak people out from a more restrained cultures. I agree, go with the flow, keep your normal cautions in place and enjoy. 1
Wiseman2 Posted October 18, 2020 Posted October 18, 2020 12 minutes ago, Blondegirl89 said: He texted me asking what I was up to etc. I asked him and he mentioned he was going to the beach with some friends. I replied saying my friends where going to the beach. He immediately sent me 2 messages asking if I was going with them, what my plans where. I said I didn’t think I would make it but I was gonna try. He read it and didn’t respond. A bit flaky and definitely not a date. Has he mentioned getting together a gain? Keep in mind he's probably playing the field, since nothing has solidified as yet. Lay back on texting, let him see you in person on dates if he wants to chitchat. 1
Author Blondegirl89 Posted October 18, 2020 Author Posted October 18, 2020 12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: A bit flaky and definitely not a date. Has he mentioned getting together a gain? Keep in mind he's probably playing the field, since nothing has solidified as yet. Lay back on texting, let him see you in person on dates if he wants to chitchat. Yeah I agree. And yep he’s allowed play the field although I might hold off on the kissing. I’m not kissing anyone else but I can’t speak for him now that I think about it the whole COVID thing I probably shouldn’t have in the first place. yep the end of the last date he said next time I’ll explain it to you. He hasn’t set a plan in motion as of yet. I know if I texted him he would meet me. But maybe I should let him ask this time?
Author Blondegirl89 Posted October 18, 2020 Author Posted October 18, 2020 Also out of curiosity is it acceptable to ask given the current pandemic if he is dating others? Simply saying something like ”hey just to be safe etc and seeing as how we’ve kissed and in the current COVID situation I was just wondering are you dating many people or dating people”
Wiseman2 Posted October 18, 2020 Posted October 18, 2020 10 minutes ago, Blondegirl89 said: Also out of curiosity is it acceptable to ask given the current pandemic if he is dating others? Simply saying something like ”hey just to be safe etc and seeing as how we’ve kissed and in the current COVID situation I was just wondering are you dating many people or dating people” Well, the cat's out of the bag you can't unkiss him. Geez, and people used to worry about STDs now it's this monster...from just a kiss/contact. Yes if you are on the safe side and he hangs out in big crowds, there's an issue. Perhaps mention you are covid-aware and what kind of crowds he runs with. 1
Author Blondegirl89 Posted October 18, 2020 Author Posted October 18, 2020 10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Well, the cat's out of the bag you can't unkiss him. Geez, and people used to worry about STDs now it's this monster...from just a kiss/contact. Yes if you are on the safe side and he hangs out in big crowds, there's an issue. Perhaps mention you are covid-aware and what kind of crowds he runs with. You know yourself. I haven’t even hugged friends since this whole thing and For a moment forgot there was a pandemic and we kissed. I might mention it next time we meet.
introverted1 Posted October 19, 2020 Posted October 19, 2020 Eh, if you are truly concerned about covid and not just wanting to know is he's multi-dating, then it's not how many people he's dating that is the issue, but how many people he interacts with in person. And that's something to be thinking about before you agree to be dating or kissing. He will quickly see through an excuse to find out if he is kissing others, so if that is your goal, just own it.
Be Cool Posted October 19, 2020 Posted October 19, 2020 Young guys here should pay special attention: The fact of the matter is: Pushing for sex in early dates is okay, as long as the woman likes you. If she doesn't like you, pushing for sex from your side is always creepy and unpolite and un-gallant and so on. If she does like you, then not pushing for sex would even cause her to wonder whether you're not interested in her or not. So, pushing for sex in early dates is 100% okay.
stillafool Posted October 19, 2020 Posted October 19, 2020 18 hours ago, Blondegirl89 said: Very good advice, yeah I am proceeding with caution. On 10/15/2020 at 4:52 PM, Blondegirl89 said: Thanks, yes we definitely have kissed. Our second date involved a lot of kissing. Really? I thought everyone was worried about getting Covid. Apparently not when it comes to kissing.
poppyfields Posted October 19, 2020 Posted October 19, 2020 (edited) He's from Spain? All I'm going to say about that is that I spent a few months in Spain and in my experience, Spanish men are notorious "players." Players in this case meaning smooth talkers, over-the-top romantic gestures, with all the women they date! They are also extremely jealous and possessive, although they feel it's their right as men to date and seduce as many women as they like! Just how it is over there, or was. And my experience. But they're charming, I'll give them that! I recall one man literally serenading me from outside my apt window after our first date! Lots of people around, he didn't care. Nearly declared his undying love for me, after our first date. Anyway, keep eyes and ears open, and if you are not comfortable with anything he says or does, you have the right to stop dating him. You actually don't even need a reason. Edited October 19, 2020 by poppyfields 1
SumGuy Posted October 19, 2020 Posted October 19, 2020 19 hours ago, Blondegirl89 said: .... yep the end of the last date he said next time I’ll explain it to you. He hasn’t set a plan in motion as of yet. I know if I texted him he would meet me. But maybe I should let him ask this time? I'm a guy who doesn't mind being asked out, but then again not shy about asking. Though I can (very rare but it has happened) let the complexities of life get in the way of following up promptly (essentially a single father with several kids and my own business to run, and ailing parents, etc....a pretty typical picture at my age) and then feel a little awkward having let time slip by. A long way of saying lack of being on top of it is not necessarily lack of interest. I'd say for yourself reach out to him, why wait around, get the info on why...and you can ask about him about his social behavior as it is important with COVID around. Unless of course if you doing the initiating is a turn-off for you, then don't.
dispatch3d Posted October 21, 2020 Posted October 21, 2020 On 10/15/2020 at 10:17 PM, poppyfields said: Was that a rhetorical question alpha or do you really want to know? In any event, here goes nothing, lol. 1. Feeding me and wiping my mouth 2. Calling me "baby" 3. Asking me what I liked about him On the first date? I dunno, I just find that a bit over the top and creepy! Not my cup of tea. I agree - these are kinda red flaggy. That said I'd cut him slack as he's doing a lot of other stuff right. And yeah pushing for sex right away is a huge red flag. Also its pretty obvious from what you wrote he likes you. I'm a little shocked he can do all that and you still question it.
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