Blondegirl89 Posted October 15, 2020 Posted October 15, 2020 I met this guy about 2 weeks ago. He asked for my number while I was getting a coffee. Anyway we have had 2 really good dates with a third planned this weekend. There a just a few things I have need had a guy do to me before that he has. Our first date, we ordered nachos and he fed some to me. I then got a little bit of salsa on the side of my mouth and he wiped it off before I got a chance to. This has never happened before. He calls me baby, all the time. I asked him why and he said it's because he is 6yrs older. We were sitting outside having our meal and he gave me his scarf as I was cold, When we went to leave he put my jacket on me and even my backpack. He holds my hand when crossing the road and will stand with me until I get on the train and texts to see if I got home ok. We got to talking about attraction, and he asked what I liked about him and I asked what he liked about me. He said that he liked that I was always smiling and that i gave off a good energy. He then said my beauty, it's differnt. I asked a good or bad differnt and he said good. i can't deicde if this is a good or bad thing. I do think he likes me, he always mentions meeting again He is also very religious, so I'm not sure if thats why he hasnt pushed for sex yet. Most guys I date tend to want it pretty soon on
d0nnivain Posted October 15, 2020 Posted October 15, 2020 If those basic manners are novel to you & your past guys have been pushing for sex the answer is in the past you have dated the wrong men. I don't like being fed, especially by hand but it can be sweet once in a while. Giving you his scarf & helping you on with your coat are chivalrous gestures. So is holding your hand & waiting for you to board the train safely. His mother raised him right. It's not an act. It's not a function of his religion. He's just a gallant person. I would never date a man who did not do those things for me. 5 1
Wiseman2 Posted October 15, 2020 Posted October 15, 2020 55 minutes ago, Blondegirl89 said: Anyway we have had 2 really good dates with a third planned this weekend. Sounds good. As long as he is communicating and dates are planned he is interested. The rest is flirting. There are a few red flags such as calling you baby and some of the other stuff just seems flirty. Do not fish/ask for compliments such as "what to you like about me"? That type of insecurity is the same as having a bullseye tattooed on your forehead for players to target. Slow down. 2 1
boymommy Posted October 15, 2020 Posted October 15, 2020 It seems like you are put off by his manners...perhaps you have not dated men in the past who have this level of good manners about them? Again not good or bad...just maybe this is an adjustment for you. Seems like maybe you are just anxious about the "newness" of the relationship and trying to overthink things a bit (which of course I do a lot!) but if you like this guy then just relax and let nature take its course. 1
SumGuy Posted October 15, 2020 Posted October 15, 2020 As others have said, a lot of his behavior is just that of a decent man. Men that push you for sex I say drop. If there is chemistry a man has no need to push. A man knows to build chemistry to "work" at the connection and sex will happen naturally. A boy pushes because he expects sex to be given to him and then whines about any "work" he has to do to build connection. I put work in quotes because for men that are decent and worthwhile building connection is not work...it is the fun of getting to know you. Now feeding you nachos and wiping your mouth, that is a very intimate kind of thing....to each there own on if you liked it but it is a sign of his attraction to you. Calling you baby...that is another personal preference. If you don't prefer it let him know. People can be picky about such things, they have different connotations to different people. Just because he is OK with it he shouldn't assume you are, and if you find it unflattering don't assume he means it that way. I do see it as him testing the waters on your feelings towards him. Have you kissed, made out, etc.? I get that people can take it slow for religious reasons. Caveat: you just met this guy (2 dates) so don't throw out all your normal cautions just because he has manners. 3 1
Author Blondegirl89 Posted October 15, 2020 Author Posted October 15, 2020 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Sounds good. As long as he is communicating and dates are planned he is interested. The rest is flirting. There are a few red flags such as calling you baby and some of the other stuff just seems flirty. Do not fish/ask for compliments such as "what to you like about me"? That type of insecurity is the same as having a bullseye tattooed on your forehead for players to target. Slow down. I didn’t ask for the compliments, he asked and then asked if I wanted to know what he liked about me. 1
Author Blondegirl89 Posted October 15, 2020 Author Posted October 15, 2020 30 minutes ago, SumGuy said: As others have said, a lot of his behavior is just that of a decent man. Men that push you for sex I say drop. If there is chemistry a man has no need to push. A man knows to build chemistry to "work" at the connection and sex will happen naturally. A boy pushes because he expects sex to be given to him and then whines about any "work" he has to do to build connection. I put work in quotes because for men that are decent and worthwhile building connection is not work...it is the fun of getting to know you. Now feeding you nachos and wiping your mouth, that is a very intimate kind of thing....to each there own on if you liked it but it is a sign of his attraction to you. Calling you baby...that is another personal preference. If you don't prefer it let him know. People can be picky about such things, they have different connotations to different people. Just because he is OK with it he shouldn't assume you are, and if you find it unflattering don't assume he means it that way. I do see it as him testing the waters on your feelings towards him. Have you kissed, made out, etc.? I get that people can take it slow for religious reasons. Caveat: you just met this guy (2 dates) so don't throw out all your normal cautions just because he has manners. Thanks, yes we definitely have kissed. Our second date involved a lot of kissing. I Feel like he’s interested, I’m taking it easy and going with the flow. I like that he grabs my hand when we cross the road. I find it very sweet and it actually makes me like him a little bit more. I feel like it’s all positive signs so far, but I’m cautious because this is usually when the guys ive dates before run for the door 1
SumGuy Posted October 15, 2020 Posted October 15, 2020 Just now, Blondegirl89 said: Thanks, yes we definitely have kissed. Our second date involved a lot of kissing. I Feel like he’s interested, I’m taking it easy and going with the flow. I like that he grabs my hand when we cross the road. I find it very sweet and it actually makes me like him a little bit more. I feel like it’s all positive signs so far, but I’m cautious because this is usually when the guys ive dates before run for the door Well then yes he is interested in you I'd say. I'm very much a kiss first date, and certainly second date a lot, if interested...and holding close, etc. If anything in my experience have slowed ourselves down, a bit...well often not much but a mutual decision. When one is not thirsty and confident there is no need to rush sex, in fact sex too soon can get in the way of figuring out how much connection there really is. Connection is key for me because sex is easy to find, connection is not. I'm not a love 'em and leave 'em person so prefer not to have sex if figure the connection is not there, just makes life easier. Doesn't sound like there are any signs he is running for the door, sounds like he is coming back for more.
CaliforniaGirl Posted October 15, 2020 Posted October 15, 2020 He sounds very sweet. He is going out of his way to show you that you're special.
Watercolors Posted October 15, 2020 Posted October 15, 2020 I'm confused. You reference 'all the time' and claim you've only been on 2 actual dates with him? If that's the case, calling you "baby" all the time via text is love bombing you. I wouldn't say that's good manners at all. I'd be put off by that type of text behavior b/c for one thing, you two are still complete strangers. And him feeding you on the 1st date? Eww. Very smooth operator, this guy is. He's pulling out all the stops isn't he. Just be wary. He's really going full steam ahead and only 2 dates? Too much too soon. How many times a day do you two text each other? 1
poppyfields Posted October 15, 2020 Posted October 15, 2020 (edited) I kinda got the "eww" vibe too for whatever that's worth. Edited October 15, 2020 by poppyfields 1
alphamale Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 46 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I kinda got the "eww" vibe too for whatever that's worth. tell me about it poppyfields
poppyfields Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 (edited) 41 minutes ago, alphamale said: tell me about it poppyfields Was that a rhetorical question alpha or do you really want to know? In any event, here goes nothing, lol. 1. Feeding me and wiping my mouth 2. Calling me "baby" 3. Asking me what I liked about him On the first date? I dunno, I just find that a bit over the top and creepy! Not my cup of tea. Edited October 16, 2020 by poppyfields 3
Fletch Lives Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 34 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Was that a rhetorical question alpha or do you really want to know? In any event, here goes nothing, lol. 1. Feeding me and wiping my mouth 2. Calling me "baby" 3. Asking me what I liked about him On the first date? I dunno, I just find that a bit over the top and creepy! Not my cup of tea. - it is a little much for a first date. However, the guy does sound classy, I'd give him a chance. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 I'd give him a chance. However, the feeding you and wiping your mouth on the first date.....for me, personally, would have been a turnoff. I would have felt really uncomfortable with that unless maybe I was drunk.
Ami1uwant Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 My two cents.... he could be doing this to impress you but that is not who he really is. You said he’s religious....how religious? You need to learn more about it? Being very religious is cultish which might come with odd roles or social notms you are unfamiliar with. 1
Watercolors Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 (edited) 45 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: I'd give him a chance. However, the feeding you and wiping your mouth on the first date.....for me, personally, would have been a turnoff. I would have felt really uncomfortable with that unless maybe I was drunk. The guy the OP describes, reminds me of that creepy character Buffalo Bill from the movie, Silence of the Lambs, "It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again." A guy who is super religious, according to the OP, yet he's feeding her food, calling her 'baby,' and love bombing her within the 2 dates they've had together. Just creepy. Edited October 16, 2020 by Watercolors
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 Just now, Watercolors said: The guy the OP describes, reminds me of that creepy character Buffalo Bill from the movie, Silence of the Lambs, "It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again." A guy who is super religious, according to the OP, yet he's feeding her food, calling her 'baby,' and love bombing her within the 2 dates they've had together. That's all just really creepy behavior for just 2 dates. Haha! Yes. And, I missed the part about being super religious. I agree, creepy. 2
Watercolors Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 1 minute ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: Haha! Yes. And, I missed the part about being super religious. I agree, creepy. I forgot the part about wiping her mouth. If a guy wiped my mouth on the first date, I'd check to see if he spiked my drink, with the SipChip device. Unless I'm a resident of a memory care unit who can't feed herself, no guy gets to touch my face unless he's invited; including his lips. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 Just now, Watercolors said: with the SipChip device What is that?!
Watercolors Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 3 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: What is that?! Its a quarter size device that you can test your drink for drug substances with. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 Or maybe Stone from Vacation. Look...the wiping the mouth thing was artless but she didn't wake up the next day in a well and she doesn't seem to have any significant gaps in her memory so I say just go with it for a few more dates...see where things go. 3
Watercolors Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Or maybe Stone from Vacation. Look...the wiping the mouth thing was artless but she didn't wake up the next day in a well and she doesn't seem to have any significant gaps in her memory so I say just go with it for a few more dates...see where things go. I can totally see Stone from Vacation, or even Alan or Stu from The Hangover movies. I just remembered a guy I went out with. The second date, he called me a b**** because I wouldn't let him pay for my movie ticket. This is the same guy who drank water directly from his faucet, as in, he sucked the water directly from his kitchen faucet. I remember texting my sister as it was happening and her response was, "get the hell out of there!" And I did. I didn't even tell the weirdo I was leaving. I just bolted out of his condo door to the elevator, hoping I wouldn't end up in a well with a bottle of lotion attached to a string. Or the guy who showed up at my apartment with a backpack, begging me to sleep with him. "I have to make this work." We didn't sleep together. I actually kicked him out of my apt. "Date's over. Please leave." Egads. I've dated some doozies in my time.
Wiseman2 Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 16 hours ago, Blondegirl89 said: He gave me his scarf as I was cold, When we went to leave he put my jacket on me and even my backpack. I asked what he liked about me Is this the same guy as the one who lent you his "$800.00" coat because you were cold on that date too? Sounds like you are getting quite the collection of menswear here. Overall take it slowly and see how it goes. Lot's of red flags, but time will tell. 2
alphamale Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 9 hours ago, poppyfields said: Was that a rhetorical question alpha or do you really want to know? In any event, here goes nothing, lol. 1. Feeding me and wiping my mouth 2. Calling me "baby" 3. Asking me what I liked about him On the first date? I dunno, I just find that a bit over the top and creepy! Not my cup of tea. I really wanted to know poppyfields. All three items are a little over the top for a 1st date, but you never know, give him a second chance
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