dispatch3d Posted October 21, 2020 Posted October 21, 2020 I'd block him at this point. Texting once and then not replying to follow up texts or anything is just game playing. 2 2
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted October 21, 2020 Author Posted October 21, 2020 10 minutes ago, Watercolors said: ***We interrupt this thread. This is a test of the emergency Loveshack Thread system. Your text messages and voicemails have not been taken seriously by this guy, b/c he is a narcissistic douche bag. This is an alert from the emergency broadcast system. Do not continue wasting your time texting or calling this idiot. He just wants the attention you give him. He doesn't respect your feelings. He is not interested in anything serious with you. This has been an alert from the emergency broadcast system. Had this been an actual emergency, an official message from the blogs of the Internet on how-to-avoid-players would have been broadcasted to you.This is only a test.*** Haha. At this point, I don't know that he wants anything with me, serious, casual, or otherwise. 1
Watercolors Posted October 21, 2020 Posted October 21, 2020 4 minutes ago, TheBlingRing14 said: Haha. At this point, I don't know that he wants anything with me, serious, casual, or otherwise. Yeah. He just wants the attention your text messages give him. Time to Grey Rock his ass. Basically, ignore him and pretend he doesn't exist to you anymore. 2 1
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted October 21, 2020 Author Posted October 21, 2020 At this point, some of those guys who have been messaging me on POF that I have not been attracted to are starting to look good. 2
Watercolors Posted October 21, 2020 Posted October 21, 2020 13 minutes ago, TheBlingRing14 said: At this point, some of those guys who have been messaging me on POF that I have not been attracted to are starting to look good. Eww, you're on POF too? That's literally the *worst* of all the OLD websites. 1
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted October 21, 2020 Author Posted October 21, 2020 3 minutes ago, Watercolors said: Eww, you're on POF too? That's literally the *worst* of all the OLD websites. Oh trust me...I know.
Miss Spider Posted October 21, 2020 Posted October 21, 2020 Ugh , Been there so many times. That’s usually my cue to take a break for a bit. 2
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted October 21, 2020 Author Posted October 21, 2020 I got a message from a dude the other day on Bumble who asked if I ever wore my hair in pig tails, because he would like to use them as handlebars. I'm not sure POF could be that much worse. 3 1
Watercolors Posted October 21, 2020 Posted October 21, 2020 19 minutes ago, TheBlingRing14 said: I got a message from a dude the other day on Bumble who asked if I ever wore my hair in pig tails, because he would like to use them as handlebars. I'm not sure POF could be that much worse. Ehr meh gerd. Seriously... I don't miss online dating at all. 1
Wiseman2 Posted October 21, 2020 Posted October 21, 2020 7 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said: just texted me. Ready for this gem? "Sup?" Sorry to say but you must be pretty bored to waste your time on this. 1
pinkpaw Posted October 21, 2020 Posted October 21, 2020 (edited) You know what, you deserve more credit than has been given to you here. You were willing to take on advice, self-reflect and went out on a limb. The guy, however, has been very rude and exhibited narcissistic-like manoeuvres. I think he is the type to enjoy feeling in control, and gets a buzz out of being chased. He feeds it by being passive aggressive, unclear, withholding communication to ensure you're continuously confused and will continue to seek him out for answers - his precious narc supply. It's all so dull once you've experienced these types. Normal people just dont do this weird nonsense. He sounds selfish and boring. Get rid. Edited October 21, 2020 by pinkpaw 3
beentheredonethat77 Posted October 21, 2020 Posted October 21, 2020 (edited) He is getting off on punishing you at this point -- and knows you're contrite and hes milking it. I think this Narcissist sensed your social challenges/anxiety from the start and exploited it. All the ambiguous answers you gave him only allowed him to play around more and trip you up/ confuse and guilt you. You gave him a lot to work with by being so vague and unclear. It worked, keeping you on the back foot and anticipating his every text. --- If he liked you at the start, hes now devaluing you -- You are supply here.. nothing more or less --- Grey Rock like Watercolors said -- Let him find another source. At this point he would sense you are so nervous talking to him, yet he continues to neg you and pretend to forget you mentioned a date -- and playing with your mind. Do not give him the supply he needs. Block this guy, hes dangerous -- if you do end up back in his good graces, its only going to cycle around again as he seems to get off on the punishing phase a little too much.. I think your social anxiety is crippling.. i empthasize with your need to plan.. everything.. even plan 'being spontaneous' (which you should probably avoid because its not natural to you and being 'easy and breazy and spur of the moment' is more likely to put you in a panic. I think you need to work on quelling the anxiety and starting with dates with very straight forward men, genuinely kind mature men - with whom you can practice being equally straight forward. Maybe less butterflies but so much more peace of mind. The game stuff can be fun .. but ultimately its a power-struggle and ego-stroking sport that tires out-- its not a great prelude to a healthy relationship. Edited October 21, 2020 by beentheredonethat77 3 1
Wiseman2 Posted October 21, 2020 Posted October 21, 2020 42 minutes ago, pinkpaw said: The guy, however, has been very rude and exhibited narcissistic-like manoeuvres. Exactly. And this is precisely what the delete and block functions on messaging and social media apps are for. It's hard to imagine even pondering, no less diagnosing nonsense and texts such as "sup". All this angst and drama could have been avoided by talking charge and cutting it off.. 1
Velvet teddy Posted October 21, 2020 Posted October 21, 2020 (edited) 11 hours ago, Watercolors said: In all seriousness, I've received texts like this from a specific guy last year I felt led me on to believe he was romantically interested in me, but he never was. He just liked the attention that I gave him on Facebook and via text message. Any attempt I made to interact with him in a normal way, was met with baloney like the one-word text message, after I'd call and leave a voicemail. Sometimes, he'd wait hours to respond to a voicemail I left, with a text message like, "Saw you called. Is it an emergency?" Very rude. Very passive-aggressive. Very manipulative. Very much a red flag showing me that he wasn't interested in me and didn't respect me. At this point, you need to cut and run. You are his source of attention. His behavior is rude. When a guy likes you, he doesn't treat you the way this guy has treated you today or previously. It's pretty easy for a guy to return a voicemail or answer a phone call when he respects you and likes you. This guy -- he doesn't seem to respect you or like you. My recommendation is to delete his cell phone number from your phone and stop responding to any breadcrumb texts he leaves you. It will be hard for you to do, but you will feel better about yourself ignoring him. He's just milking it now. I don't understand when men act like total brats. And as for you? i get you like him but i don't think this will do your mental health any good. So i would let it go. My bad i was meant to quote the op. Edited October 21, 2020 by Velvet teddy 1 1
poppyfields Posted October 21, 2020 Posted October 21, 2020 (edited) 13 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said: I don't want to give up, because I really do like him very much. You liking him isn't enough, HE has to like you too, that's how it works. You must know that. I'm not getting the sense he does. Given the latest round, it sounds like he's messing with you and it's intentional. When it gets to this point, which ideally it never should but in your case it did, it's truly time to WALK. The man has very little, if any, respect for you Bling, to him it's become a joke, I'm sorry. As for his character, it's all been said so won't repeat. Time to toss in the towel. This is done. There are much better men out there. Edited October 21, 2020 by poppyfields 2
Trail Blazer Posted October 21, 2020 Posted October 21, 2020 20 hours ago, Watercolors said: Eww, you're on POF too? That's literally the *worst* of all the OLD websites. I had some absolute shockers message me on PoF. Having said that, I found it a gold mine for flings. It certainly served me well for a while there. It just depends what you're looking for...
Watercolors Posted October 22, 2020 Posted October 22, 2020 19 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said: I had some absolute shockers message me on PoF. Having said that, I found it a gold mine for flings. It certainly served me well for a while there. It just depends what you're looking for... If I wanted an STD I'd use POF... 2
Trail Blazer Posted October 22, 2020 Posted October 22, 2020 38 minutes ago, Watercolors said: If I wanted an STD I'd use POF... Meh... protection does wonders.
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted October 22, 2020 Author Posted October 22, 2020 I appreciate all your pep talks. I will say this: I'm not exactly rolling around in offers. I'm not exactly fighting off the gentleman callers with a stick, I'll say. So....the advice to "Move on. There's plenty of fish in the sea." or some variant of it....while well meaning, and maybe it's the experience for some people, in my experience dating is hard. Meeting guys is a slog. It's swiping right on 200 guys, just to get 4 guys to match, just to get 1 guy to even respond to me. Now, that's not to say I want to "settle." I really do like this guy....when things are normal and not "off." And, up until about a week and a half ago, I was pretty certain he liked me too. This whole ordeal...it's not like it's usual that he acts this way. It's not like he has been like this all along. In the months that we've been talking, and the weeks that we've been seeing each other, he's never acted this way before. He's never talked to me like this. He's never replied to me like this. He's never gone so cold, much less for so long. Anytime we have minor squabbles, he has always been very forthright and quick to resolve things. I have no explanation for the last couple of weeks. It's like a switch was flipped. Over the weekend prior, he was talkative, flirtatious, happy-go-lucky. Then by Monday evening, he was cold and distant, and things only went downhill from there (I fully acknowledge I am at least partly responsible for some of it) Something is wrong, and I don't know what. And he won't tell me what it is, so I feel a bit stuck. Without going in to too much detail, it's not just with me either. I'm not trying to let him off the hook for acting like a douchenozzle either. And, I'm certainly not trying to let myself off the hook for setting this whole thing into motion, as well as the ways I messed up in the follow up to it. It feels like it is this swirling perfect storm of terrible. A combination of my T.O.M. which makes me overly emotional and irritable, me overreacting to a situation, him having *something* going on in his life that I may not figure out, him losing interest......all of these things combined together in a 1.5 week period......not good.
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted October 22, 2020 Author Posted October 22, 2020 11 hours ago, Trail Blazer said: I had some absolute shockers message me on PoF. Having said that, I found it a gold mine for flings. It certainly served me well for a while there. It just depends what you're looking for... Er, not that. 1
Wiseman2 Posted October 22, 2020 Posted October 22, 2020 2 minutes ago, TheBlingRing14 said: Er, not that. Have you heard from this guy? If not delete and block him and move forward to someone who you can communicate with much better. 1
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted October 22, 2020 Author Posted October 22, 2020 13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Have you heard from this guy? If not delete and block him and move forward to someone who you can communicate with much better. I have yes. I am cautious. Not even cautiously optimistic. More cautiously neutral. Moving forward to someone....easier said than done. I am keeping my radar open on all the apps/sites. Most of it is absolute rubbish. If a guy seems decent and is responsive, then I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now, it is mostly jerks with whom I have zero interest. "With whom I can communicate better" is a pretty loaded phrase. I've had communications issues with every guy I've ever dated or been with. Every single one. With every one, communication is great....until it isn't. Now, I am sure this is a common thing in today's society and dating climate, so I try not to take it too personally. BUT...I would be dumb to not acknowledge the one common denominator, which is me. At some juncture, I've seen it said, and I'm sure you have too, that if you start having the same results over and over and over, you may want to realize that the problem is not that 10 other people have the same issue (although it's certainly possible), but rather that the problem is yourself. 2
Velvet teddy Posted October 22, 2020 Posted October 22, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, TheBlingRing14 said: I have yes. I am cautious. Not even cautiously optimistic. More cautiously neutral. Moving forward to someone....easier said than done. I am keeping my radar open on all the apps/sites. Most of it is absolute rubbish. If a guy seems decent and is responsive, then I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now, it is mostly jerks with whom I have zero interest. "With whom I can communicate better" is a pretty loaded phrase. I've had communications issues with every guy I've ever dated or been with. Every single one. With every one, communication is great....until it isn't. Now, I am sure this is a common thing in today's society and dating climate, so I try not to take it too personally. BUT...I would be dumb to not acknowledge the one common denominator, which is me. At some juncture, I've seen it said, and I'm sure you have too, that if you start having the same results over and over and over, you may want to realize that the problem is not that 10 other people have the same issue (although it's certainly possible), but rather that the problem is yourself. Work on yourself then. You can't be in a 'relationship' with someone and be unable to communicate. And just because online dating is a challenge for you, doesn't mean you put up with games and s***. This guy knows hes got inside your head now and he can do whatever he wants and you'll put up with it. But whatever it is be it games or his interest is lacking...you shouldn't be hanging around for crumbs. Also when a guy recognises that you're taking all his poor treatment he will figure out that maybe you can't do any better. Your value will go down immensely and attraction will in turn decrease, regardless of it being in the high realms at the start . Get some self respect and move on. Edited October 22, 2020 by Velvet teddy 1
Annonymous1234 Posted October 22, 2020 Posted October 22, 2020 (edited) Seriously, honey, listen to people's advice - block/delete and move on. You deserve far better than this. You sound like a decent person. The best relationship you can ever have is with yourself. Work on that and on your insecurities. You will then become more likely to attract a potential partner who makes your heart sing. I am baffled as to what the hell you currently find attractive about this creep. He just comes across as a total w*nker to me - one who is enjoying getting his little rocks off by wielding this pathetic power trip over you. He is an emotional bully, who has spotted your vulnerabilities, and is exploiting them to the fullest. I do believe that if you hang on to this poor excuse for a potential 'partner' - it could all very well end up descending into an abusive relationship, with you on the receiving end. Toss this back in the sea - and take your power back. Edited October 22, 2020 by Selkie1111 grammar 4 2
FMW Posted October 22, 2020 Posted October 22, 2020 Maybe focus on going out/hanging out with your friends (depending on the current situation where you live) and not on dating right now. I'm not saying take a break from it, just put less focus on dating. I most definitely would NOT be reaching out to this guy right now, and if he reaches out only to blow you off again, move on. I know you don't want to, but you're only setting yourself up for a lot of frustration and disappointment if you allow him to keep it up. Learn the lessons from this and in future relationships be more clear and direct. And don't put up with someone not being clear and direct (and responsive) with you. 1
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