Hpchic Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 Was at a surprise party on Saturday night and ended up hitting it off with one of the guys there. A little backstory, the party was for the husband of a couple I’m friends with who I met through my best friend, so my best friend and I were both at the party. We hang out a lot with this couple, especially the wife. A few days before the party, I saw the wife and she was telling me how there would be a few single guys there who are friends with her husband, but there was one in particular—let’s call him Rob—who she thinks I’d hit it off with. Ends up we he was seated at our table, so we did indeed hit it off, and by the end of the evening it seemed clear he was interested. He kept paying me compliments, telling me I was gorgeous and I caught him staring at me a few times. It was clear to everyone around us that we hit it off, however every time the husband (the guy who’s party it was) would come around us he’d say something to me like “oh you know who would be good for you? So and so” and he was never mentioning Rob, which was awkward because it was clear there was a connection, and the husband knew. At one point I went to use the ladies room, my best friend heard the husband say to Rob “go ask her out”, and Rob said something like well I’m not going to just corner her like that. Anyway by the end of the night it was just me, Rob, my best friend, her husband, and the couple whose party it was left. I felt like he had the perfect opportunity to ask me for my number, he said goodbye to me like 3 times, but he never asked for my number. Rob and the husband work together, so I’m thinking maybe Rob will ask him for my number, but I think it’s still odd he didn’t ask for it. Is there anything I should do or say to the wife? Or will that look desperate? My best friend is closer to her and yesterday apparently the wife and her were texting and the wife said she saw that Rob kept talking to me and telling me how pretty I was. My best friend then said yea I wonder why he didn’t ask for her number, and the wife didn’t really respond. Just a covid disclaimer here, we are in the northeast and you’re allowed gatherings of 20 people or less, there were 18 people at the party and it was in a party room of a restaurant which can hold 100 people.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 Well, my initial thought is that the husband knows something about Rob he doesn't necessarily like so he doesn't want you getting involved with Rob.... Do you know for sure Rob's definitely single? Is he maybe known as someone to screw women over or something? 2 1
spiderowl Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 Maybe he didn’t want to ask you out in the face of pressure from friends. If he is really interested, he will find a way to contact you, maybe via friends. If you are asked by a friend, maybe you could say you liked him so this gets fed back if they are sounding you out. 1
Author Hpchic Posted October 13, 2020 Author Posted October 13, 2020 3 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: Well, my initial thought is that the husband knows something about Rob he doesn't necessarily like so he doesn't want you getting involved with Rob.... Do you know for sure Rob's definitely single? Is he maybe known as someone to screw women over or something? He’s definitely single, he’s almost 50 years old and has never been married so maybe that’s the red flag. However the wife of the couple who had the party told me he’s mentioned regret over not starting a family.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 4 minutes ago, Hpchic said: He’s definitely single, he’s almost 50 years old and has never been married so maybe that’s the red flag. However the wife of the couple who had the party told me he’s mentioned regret over not starting a family. How old are you? Do you want to start a family?
Author Hpchic Posted October 13, 2020 Author Posted October 13, 2020 8 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: How old are you? Do you want to start a family? Late 30’s, yes I would
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 1 minute ago, Hpchic said: Late 30’s, yes I would If you feel comfortable, I think I'd ask the wife of Rob's coworker if you don't hear from him by the end of the week. Life's too short!
ExpatInItaly Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 6 hours ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: Well, my initial thought is that the husband knows something about Rob he doesn't necessarily like so he doesn't want you getting involved with Rob.. That's what I was wondering, too. At any rate - the man is nearly 50. He knows what to do if he wants to make a move, OP. 4
Wiseman2 Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 If he's interested he certainly knows how to contact you. Let it rest. There's way to much hearsay and speculation. If he's interested he will be in touch. 3
elaine567 Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 8 hours ago, Hpchic said: However the wife of the couple who had the party told me he’s mentioned regret over not starting a family. Big difference between regretting not starting a family and wanting to start one at 50+... 3 1
Wiseman2 Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 8 hours ago, Hpchic said: Late 30’s, yes I would Ok, he's not your guy. Try not to listen to fixing up hearsay. Also he's not asking you out or asking for your contact info. Try to avoid the amateur match making in this case. It sounds like the wife wants to pawn him off on you for her own reasons. It's great to mingle and meet people in person like this, but you should have made the rounds rather than get stuck in this busybody's agenda. 1
schlumpy Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 I suggest that you make it known to the wife or her husband that you asked about him and then let it rest. That's a clear signal without much emotional fallout. If he is interested, he will call. If he wants children, he may be interested in a younger woman because one of you will need the energy to keep up with them and that's not going to be him. 1
Fletch Lives Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 No, many guys don't know what to do. In fact, the older they get the more the memory goes and the more brainwashed they get by TV and Hollywood. It would have been better if he asked for her number. Wimp! But he can get it from friends. 1
d0nnivain Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 Rob may not know you are interested. Men can be clueless. Years ago I was at a singles mixer meet-up. I was IMO flirting my tail off with this guy, laughing at bad jokes, touching his arm, standing too close, tossing my hair. Turns out he was in the market for the services my company provides. When it was time for me to go because I had another event, I gave him my business card & told him I'd be happy to help with his business need but I'd be happier if he called me for personal reasons. I winked as I said the last part. Told you -- shamelessly flirting. When the guy called me 2 days later he confessed that if I hadn't been so brazen he never would have called because he didn't think I was interested. Keep your friend & her husband out of this. 7th grade was long ago. Assuming you know his last name, look him up & contact him. 4
Wiseman2 Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 13 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Rob may not know you are interested. Men can be clueless. Assuming you know his last name, look him up & contact him. Yikes No. Do not stalk him. He has his friends he can ask. And No men are not "clueless", they're not interested. Assuming men are brain dead idiots isn't a good dating strategy, nor is hunting them down because they did not ask for contact info, did not contact them on social media, etc. She doesn't need to stalk and throw herself at someone who knows her contact info and people who know him. Some fix ups do not work out and it becomes this type of awkward drama for everyone involved at the amusement of the busybody yenta. he knows who you are, his friends know who you are. If he's interested, wait and see if he contacts you/asks you out. he had ample opportunity at the event but did not chose to pursue that.
d0nnivain Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Yikes No. Do not stalk him. He has his friends he can ask. And No men are not "clueless", they're not interested. Assuming men are brain dead idiots isn't a good dating strategy, nor is hunting them down because they did not ask for contact info, did not contact them on social media, etc. Did you read the rest of my post @Wiseman2? The guy in question was clueless. I'm not suggesting that any woman assume the man is brain dead idiot. Nor am I suggesting that any woman stalk a man. I'm suggesting that the OP should take initiate & make 1 phone call to him. One. Back in the day when we had phone books, it would hardly be intrusive for her to flip a few pages to find his number. Similarly for her to do an internet search & send 1 message via social media or use a phone # she easily found on line is hardly a cause for alarm. Action is better then sitting on her hands fretting that some guy isn't calling her. 3
Author Hpchic Posted October 13, 2020 Author Posted October 13, 2020 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok, he's not your guy. Try not to listen to fixing up hearsay. Also he's not asking you out or asking for your contact info. Try to avoid the amateur match making in this case. It sounds like the wife wants to pawn him off on you for her own reasons. It's great to mingle and meet people in person like this, but you should have made the rounds rather than get stuck in this busybody's agenda. I don’t think the wife has her own agenda for wanting us to meet. I didn’t really have other single guys to mingle with there since the rest of them were a bit too old for me, I mean even 50 is pushing it for me.
Author Hpchic Posted October 13, 2020 Author Posted October 13, 2020 2 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Did you read the rest of my post @Wiseman2? The guy in question was clueless. I'm not suggesting that any woman assume the man is brain dead idiot. Nor am I suggesting that any woman stalk a man. I'm suggesting that the OP should take initiate & make 1 phone call to him. One. Back in the day when we had phone books, it would hardly be intrusive for her to flip a few pages to find his number. Similarly for her to do an internet search & send 1 message via social media or use a phone # she easily found on line is hardly a cause for alarm. Action is better then sitting on her hands fretting that some guy isn't calling her. I don’t plan on seeking him out. I’m not fretting that he isn’t calling either. It was nice meeting him and if he contacts me great, if not no big deal. I’m out dating anyway, I’m not sitting home waiting for some guy to call me. Was just wondering if I should say something to the wife, if she asks then I’ll tell her I’m interested, if not then oh well. 3
d0nnivain Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 8 minutes ago, Hpchic said: Was just wondering if I should say something to the wife, if she asks then I’ll tell her I’m interested, if not then oh well. Glad you are not home waiting & fretting. If she asks it's fine to answer her. I wouldn't get her involved by your initiative. That feels too much like 7th grade, pssst can you tell your husband to tell Rob I like him. [cringe} My point was that it would be OK for you to reach out to him if you chose to. It was not a requirement that you do so. 1
smackie9 Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 (edited) He's probably thinking you might be too young for him...he may not want kids, and that would be a contributing factor. There's a reason why he's never married....probably a commitment phobe. Edited October 13, 2020 by smackie9 2
Wiseman2 Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 1 hour ago, Hpchic said: I don’t plan on seeking him out. I’m not fretting that he isn’t calling either. It was nice meeting him and if he contacts me great, if not no big deal. I’m out dating anyway, I’m not sitting home waiting for some guy to call me. Was just wondering if I should say something to the wife, if she asks then I’ll tell her I’m interested, if not then oh well. This is a great mindset to have. it was nice to meet him there, but if nothing ensues, that's fine too. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 Yeah, when a man is interested, nothing will stop him from asking you out. I definitely wouldn't contact him or tell the friend you like him. He's a grown man. It's not rocket science. 4
kendahke Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 Despite what other people may think, at the end of the day, the decision is up to him and he took a pass 3 times for reasons the wife doesn't know and perhaps her husband does, through observing him at work. He's 50, not 15---he didn't take initiative when he had the chance. It's not like he doesn't know how by his age. It's because he didn't want to. 2
Author Hpchic Posted October 14, 2020 Author Posted October 14, 2020 23 hours ago, kendahke said: Despite what other people may think, at the end of the day, the decision is up to him and he took a pass 3 times for reasons the wife doesn't know and perhaps her husband does, through observing him at work. He's 50, not 15---he didn't take initiative when he had the chance. It's not like he doesn't know how by his age. It's because he didn't want to. Her husband has been best friends with him since they were kids, they just happen to work together as well 1
SumGuy Posted October 14, 2020 Posted October 14, 2020 (edited) On 10/13/2020 at 1:32 PM, kendahke said: Despite what other people may think, at the end of the day, the decision is up to him and he took a pass 3 times for reasons the wife doesn't know and perhaps her husband does, through observing him at work. He's 50, not 15---he didn't take initiative when he had the chance. It's not like he doesn't know how by his age. It's because he didn't want to. ehhh it all comes down to what you are after and your success rate. I agree at his age he should have had the confidence to ask her out. Yet how many times do we hear stories of women who attract only the wrong men? The "wrong men" usually have no trouble pursuing, and in fact may not take no for an answer. This may be one of those cases where you step outside your "wish zone" and into the reality of people are complex zone. Yes he has real confidence problems here in this situation with this person, but otherwise he could be great. Letting internet "wisdom" and conclusions guide your life is foolish IMHO, the guy was clearly interested but didn't want to take the risk for whatever reason. One may need a man who does chasing to get there, and that is fine as long as that is working for you. I actually find this thread kind of sad actually, both people seemed to be interested in each other and hit it off, but neither wanted to take a risk, sure cultural expectation is the man is supposed to take that risk...cultural expectations 1, human self actualization and enlightened self interest 0. Edited October 14, 2020 by SumGuy 1
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