arcoiris Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 we married when we were both 19 because i was pregnant. we have been married for 10 years. we moved to the US right then and studied and worked and raised our son. my husband is a very good man but i am not in love with him. in the beginning of our marriage i was in love, but i think we have changed. also during the first 9 years or so he was inmature and probably still is. he wants to be friends, and go out now, i think partly because we never had that. he was always embarrassed to have such a big kid and that no one our age has kids so old. he has also been less involved than me in our son's development. he also has a passive personality, and hasnt been a source of emotional support. but lately he is much better in terms of taking charge of things. he is supportive of my work, which is super important to me, he loves our son, and he has never cheated, he is hard worker. however i feel i do not love him and that i will never be fullfilled in our relation. he has been traveling for work every week for the past year and a half, and i feel that i am not too afraid of raising our son alone. i am also financially independent. but he is a very good man, and i do feel great fraternal love for him. but not romantic love... i dont get excited with his presence, we dont have sex -- havent had sex since february, and for all our marriage very very infrenquently. i am so afraid that i will cause pain to our son if i decide to break part. i am so afraid that i will cause my husband pain too. but i dont want to be for the rest of my life in an unsatisfying relation. i am also afraid that the someone else special doesnt exist. 1) is there more love out there than this domestic routine live? 2) should i weight more my son's and my husband 's happiness and stay together? at least for the next 8 years until my son is off to college? 3) should i leave and try to find someone that fulfills me? am i just selfish? -- we have talked with my husband, i told him i am considering leaving, that i am not happy, etc. it is hard for him, he has been more attentive, but i think no matters what he does my lack of emotional romantic ties will remain. best
hooghie Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 My first question to you is why is there an emotional disconnect between you guys. Is it because over time, you have lost your love for him based on emotional distance or is have you always felt this way about him and only now have the confidence to move on? Either way, what is making you make this decision NOW after so much time? If you don't love him and feel that you won't be fullfilled- your should probably move in. It is much worse for your son to grow up in a household without love and respect between the parents.
Author arcoiris Posted October 14, 2005 Author Posted October 14, 2005 i think over time i have lost interest in him our careers and interests are very different now -- i like research, he likes business, i like art, he likes more social things, i like the outdoors he doesnt. we have no friends in common. we have very few friends, but almost none overlap. i think we have changed over time. but i have been feeling like this for say the last 4 years. i had an emotional involvement with some other guy about 3 years ago for a couple of months... it was very hard because i was in love with the other guy, but things didnt go further and no sex involved. so i told my husband at that time. turned out the other guy was not too good anyways and after a year he was totally out of my mind. but the relation with my husband hasnt changed.... i have had also one other big crush, who is not totally out of my mind, but not really good prospects there. this other guy is completely uninterested in me and i think he couldnt handle a kid... i am feeling now stronger , have a job that i love and feel more stable than before. also i am starting to be afraid that this will be life forever. we are still young now , and i am thinking that maybe there might be something to say about trying to find a better life. i think it will be easy for my husband to find another partner ... he is handsome, nice, smart, rich. but it is just that i am not happy with him..... i am afraid though that if i leave i will never find someone as good as him, and also that i am never going to connect with someone as i dream it ought to be. i am afraid of leaving alone forever... and i am also afraid of hurting my son ... that really is difficult. thanks for responding....
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