Ann3zies Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 So i was asked to be his Girlfriend after the 2nd date. He is a very serouis person and we have already had the ex decus and what we both want out of this relationship. But now the thing that bothers me is both of us have desided to take things slow and see where things go and i have heard that him asking me to be his girlfriend now is because he doesn't want me to see other people while getting in deeper with him i also have to say that both of us know how much attraction there is between us. He was also very understanding with the fact that i told him i don't want to have sex now as if we did it now it would be out of being 'hot' for each other. And it wouldn't mean anything other than sex being sex. Now the thing that has caught me waaay off gaurd was the fact that after we parted he told me that just holding me and kissing me was more than enough for him and he is glad that we didn't end up having sex and that we will wait for me. Okay so by this time my mind is rising all types of red flags. Saying that either his playing the game or he could be for real. we've only been talking to each other for the past 2 weeks and it feels alot different then my past relationships. Best thing i'm worried about is that this guy already knows me well enough to ask me why i'm afraid and on gaurd around him. So at this point i'm already going crazy with how he sees things and how he says things. So here are my questions: 1. Is he hiding something? 2.Could he really be honest about how he feels or is he plaing? 3. Am i overthinking things? Any advise you guy might have i would truly appricate it. Would also love to get other guys opion on this matter.
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 He’s practically a stranger, so it’s definitely a red flag that he’s offering a relationship after 2 dates. Did he recently break up with someone and is rebounding? Is he love bombing you? Is he telling you what he thinks you want to hear in order to take advantage of you? Is he desperate for someone, anyone? I’m not saying to break up with him, but keep your eyes and ears open until you know more. 1
Wiseman2 Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 2 dates is not a relationship. Slow down and get to know him better. Do not agree to be exclusive or bf/gf if you are not sure about him. You do not know him after 2 dates and a couple weeks of talking Slow Down. 2
d0nnivain Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 He asked you to be his GF & doesn't want to multi-date while you two get to know each other. Relax. Just go with the flow of getting to know each other. You didn't make a life time commitment. Stop making yourself crazy. If he is hiding something it will be revealed. Just be patient & stay vigilant. While 2 dates is fast for labels, you are overthinking things & he's not a player. 5
Ruby Slippers Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 (edited) I don't think it's a bad thing that he asked you to be exclusive early on. Almost every boyfriend I've had did the same. I think it's healthy to focus on one person and figure out if it's a real match. The thing is, though, no matter how dreamy and fun it is in the early days, you don't really get a good sense of his character for at least 3-6 months. My last relationship seemed close to perfect for the first 2 months, till one night he had a little too much to drink and acted like a complete jerk with borderline abusive behavior. It was kind of shocking and so disappointing. We spent another few months after that trying to work it out, but I could never fully respect and trust him after that incident. Now, hopefully nothing like this happens to you. I'm just saying... for all the dreaminess and fun, you don't really get a good sense of this guy for quite a while. Good luck! Edited October 12, 2020 by Ruby Slippers 5
schlumpy Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 2 hours ago, Ann3zies said: He was also very understanding with the fact that i told him i don't want to have sex now as if we did it now it would be out of being 'hot' for each other. And it wouldn't mean anything other than sex being sex. Now the thing that has caught me waaay off gaurd was the fact that after we parted he told me that just holding me and kissing me was more than enough for him and he is glad that we didn't end up having sex and that we will wait for me. Okay so by this time my mind is rising all types of red flags. I think he said that because he wanted to show you how much he respected you. He went overboard because it's a new relationship and he's unsure as yet how to communicate his sincere thoughts to you. It may be that you have more relationship experience then he does which is evidenced by him asking you to be his GF after only two dates. I would hold off on showing him your crazy side. Plenty of time for that later on. 2 1
SumGuy Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 3 hours ago, Ann3zies said: ... So here are my questions: 1. Is he hiding something? 2.Could he really be honest about how he feels or is he plaing? 3. Am i overthinking things? Any advise you guy might have i would truly appricate it. Would also love to get other guys opion on this matter. Answering the last first....Good grief you are overthinking this. You get a guy who is on the same page with you regard to sex yet you think that is a red flag, of course if he wasn't on the same page that would be a red flag to. Your overthinking is leading you to a lose-lose situation. He could be hiding something no matter what, his reaction is no indication of him hiding anything. Are you hiding something and thus projecting? Yes he could be honest, yes men feel this way...ignore the internet stereotypes that all men are sex crazed pigs, although the internet may have more than its fair share of those. How in the world is this playing? It would be playing if he said the words but acted the opposite. Sounds like his words and action currently align. This is after date 2, by boyfriend at this stage believe all it means you are not going to multi-date, just see each other and see where it goes with the realization you both are going to refrain from giving into you carnal urges for a while. That sounds pretty normal, mature and healthy. There really is no huge commitment here except just date each other for a time and lets not rush sex. You do realize though that for sex to happen eventually you may need to make the first move, let him know you are ready because otherwise he may feel he is coming off as pressuring you and that you will think he lied when he said he can wait. 3
smackie9 Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 I would definitely find it odd to be asked to be someone's GF after only two dates. It would actually make me take a step back. My advice, have that conversation, be firm and say no to the title for now, but agree to not date other people, get to know one another and take it from there. No one can promise anything, and this guy needs to know that. 1
Author Ann3zies Posted October 13, 2020 Author Posted October 13, 2020 Thank you guys. i have read all of the comments and i have thought about them all. I will defintly take things as they come and not be to open but also not to closed off. And see where things go. Me freaking out about this at the beginning of 'something' seems to be a bit over the top. I'll give you guys an update when i see him again as both of us live busy lifes we tend to not always get the time to see each other but try to make time for each other. Thanks again you guys are awesome 1
Author Ann3zies Posted October 13, 2020 Author Posted October 13, 2020 17 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said: He’s practically a stranger, so it’s definitely a red flag that he’s offering a relationship after 2 dates. Did he recently break up with someone and is rebounding? Is he love bombing you? Is he telling you what he thinks you want to hear in order to take advantage of you? Is he desperate for someone, anyone? I’m not saying to break up with him, but keep your eyes and ears open until you know more. I will take this to heart and keep my eyes and ears open. Thank you. 1
Author Ann3zies Posted October 13, 2020 Author Posted October 13, 2020 16 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: I don't think it's a bad thing that he asked you to be exclusive early on. Almost every boyfriend I've had did the same. I think it's healthy to focus on one person and figure out if it's a real match. The thing is, though, no matter how dreamy and fun it is in the early days, you don't really get a good sense of his character for at least 3-6 months. My last relationship seemed close to perfect for the first 2 months, till one night he had a little too much to drink and acted like a complete jerk with borderline abusive behavior. It was kind of shocking and so disappointing. We spent another few months after that trying to work it out, but I could never fully respect and trust him after that incident. Now, hopefully nothing like this happens to you. I'm just saying... for all the dreaminess and fun, you don't really get a good sense of this guy for quite a while. Good luck! Thank you so much for this. And i'm sorry to hear about your past relationship that could not have been easy to deal with at all. I'll see how things go and just get to know him better before falling head over hills. 1
Author Ann3zies Posted October 13, 2020 Author Posted October 13, 2020 16 hours ago, schlumpy said: I think he said that because he wanted to show you how much he respected you. He went overboard because it's a new relationship and he's unsure as yet how to communicate his sincere thoughts to you. It may be that you have more relationship experience then he does which is evidenced by him asking you to be his GF after only two dates. I would hold off on showing him your crazy side. Plenty of time for that later on. Now that you mention this. He does have more experince when it comes to the sex but when it comes to having a normal type of GF he does not. He has already told me about his ex's and all of them is 10 years older then him and is the super 'crazy' type he told me that the one ex wanted to drive him over with her car becaause he was talking to a girl waiter about what she would recommend menu wise. And i'm the one that told him i want things to happy naturally and that i don't want to rush into something and just see how things go. He also told me that he didn't used to be the romantic type and that i'm the first one he wants to do romantic stuff to and make me happy. I haven't shown him my crazy side as I'm still being very careful with him at this point and he also picked up on it and said that he understands. Me going crazy lik this is because i'm not used to meeting someone being so understanding. Thank you for your advise.
morrowrd Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 There is a difference between someone who wants something, and a person who wants someone. It isn't going to be rocket science to determine which one this guy is. 1
Author Ann3zies Posted October 13, 2020 Author Posted October 13, 2020 15 hours ago, SumGuy said: Answering the last first....Good grief you are overthinking this. You get a guy who is on the same page with you regard to sex yet you think that is a red flag, of course if he wasn't on the same page that would be a red flag to. Your overthinking is leading you to a lose-lose situation. He could be hiding something no matter what, his reaction is no indication of him hiding anything. Are you hiding something and thus projecting? Yes he could be honest, yes men feel this way...ignore the internet stereotypes that all men are sex crazed pigs, although the internet may have more than its fair share of those. How in the world is this playing? It would be playing if he said the words but acted the opposite. Sounds like his words and action currently align. This is after date 2, by boyfriend at this stage believe all it means you are not going to multi-date, just see each other and see where it goes with the realization you both are going to refrain from giving into you carnal urges for a while. That sounds pretty normal, mature and healthy. There really is no huge commitment here except just date each other for a time and lets not rush sex. You do realize though that for sex to happen eventually you may need to make the first move, let him know you are ready because otherwise he may feel he is coming off as pressuring you and that you will think he lied when he said he can wait. Thank you for your advise. I did think that him asking me to be his GF had to do with the fact that he doesn't want both us us to see anyone else. He has invited me to spent a weekend with him in 3 weeks as i have a family fuction this weekend and next weekend i have a work fuction. I told him that i would like to go but we will see how things go within these 3 weeks. But he hasn't pushed the thing regarding sex. And if i need to make the first move i'm fine with that i'd rather it be me to make the first move in the case of ' the first time' since i want it to mean something more then just hormanes.
Acacia98 Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 35 minutes ago, Ann3zies said: He does have more experince when it comes to the sex but when it comes to having a normal type of GF he does not. He has already told me about his ex's and all of them is 10 years older then him and is the super 'crazy' type he told me that the one ex wanted to drive him over with her car becaause he was talking to a girl waiter about what she would recommend menu wise. This bit is concerning. Why are all his exes "super crazy"? Has he previously been lousy at picking partners? Or does he engage in crazy-making behavior that would push many otherwise stable women over the edge with jealousy? Alternatively, is he just lying: is it possible he's accusing his ex of doing something that he actually did? Is he going to label you a crazy ex if things don't work out between you? It's a good idea to take things very slowly. Take the time to really get to know this guy before you give your heart to him. 1
Author Ann3zies Posted October 13, 2020 Author Posted October 13, 2020 14 minutes ago, Acacia98 said: This bit is concerning. Why are all his exes "super crazy"? Has he previously been lousy at picking partners? Or does he engage in crazy-making behavior that would push many otherwise stable women over the edge with jealousy? Alternatively, is he just lying: is it possible he's accusing his ex of doing something that he actually did? Is he going to label you a crazy ex if things don't work out between you? It's a good idea to take things very slowly. Take the time to really get to know this guy before you give your heart to him. Thats just the thing i still don't know. and i don't know how to ask him about these types of things. Because its still very early i'm still not at all very trusting of him and he knows this but he isn't saying anything and from what i understand he never knew they'll be 'crazy' 1 year in the relationship. His ex is 10 years older then him and his been single for 1 year after a 4 year relationship. Appartly she was very possesive and forced him to become a stay at home boyfriend and at that stage he was working with her and he needed the money because he was saving up for college. And he started college this year. i just don't know that is why I'm being very careful not to fall for him until i know him enough to be able to trust him. And because i see the good in people i give them time to show me i can trust him and believe everything he tells me. At this point i'm still very cautious around him and when talking to him. 1
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