poppyfields Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 (edited) >>"He told me he just wants to find his forever person, and since Im not it, then every day he spends with me is one less day he has with her." << ---- I fixed it^ so you'd better understand what he meant OP, and that he is done, I'm sorry. My advice is gather whatever self-respect you have left and end it. Tell him HE is not the right fit for YOU. There is so much gaslighting, manipulation and frankly emotional abuse going on here, I wouldn't even know where to begin. Somewhere along the way, you lost yourself. Please end it and find yourself again. Along with your self-esteem. You are definitely not going to find it with him, not that he even wants you to. It's over, he's done, and he wants you to end it. Please do so. Hugs. Edited October 12, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Lotsgoingon Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 There is no basis for a relationship here. Relationship is about accepting the other person. If you don't trust them or the way they drive and the way the think and all of that, then you should get to a different partner. This guy is about to dump you ... so you might as well initiate. Being with him cannot be good for your confidence. And you need to do some personal work--you guys are way too much into changing the other person's thinking. That's not a relationship--that's codependence ... But the brutal truth is he wants to break up with you but doesn't have the integrity to directly do so. So, he's just going to continue to torture you until you say, "no." Get out.
boymommy Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 (edited) 12 hours ago, SeriousAsparagus said: He told me he just wants to find his forever person, and if Im not it, then every day he spends with me is one less day he has with her. I have so much love and myself invested, and to me it's always felt like he checked all of my boxes except for now when everything seems like its imploding because he wants to make a decision. I just wonder if this is something I could fix, or if there is a middle ground we could come to. He looks for patterns in all the mistakes I make, and because there had been so many, he doesn't think I can meet his baseline standards. I just dont know how to keep him from not checking out, or how anything will be better even if I change things when he's checked out. This is an extremely mean and abusive thing to say. He sounds like a control freak..exactly like my ex husband. Turn the tables and tell him you dont need a deadline to “change.” See you later dudie! I dont regret my two children but if I knew what my husband would be capable of..yikes. He wasnt nearly what you are describing in the early years either. That was towards the end of our marriage he gave me ultimatums to change. Except it takes two to tango..whats his part or accountability? Get out now. It will get worse, trust me. Men like this get worse not better! For your part..stop trying to fix him. You wont be able to. I tried that as well and now I am divorced. Focus on yourself and finding a partner who is a good person and where both of you can continue to accept and love each other. Not that you shouldnt try to work with a partner on behavior..BUT you guys just want to change so much chore stuff..not very simple everyday issues. Edited October 12, 2020 by boymommy
ShyViolet Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 You are not marrying this guy. Put that thought out of your mind. This guy is treating you like crap. It sounds like he doesn't really want to be with you and he's working towards the conclusion that he wants to end it. Why on earth would you want to save that relationship and be with someone like that? Where's your self-respect? Cut your losses and get out of this failing relationship. He's not going to magically start treating you well. It's obvious that this will only get worse until the relationship finally implodes. 1
spiderowl Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 This guy is blaming you for all sorts of things. He is not loving. He is holding some kind of deadline over your head before which you are supposed to change. This is very unfair and controlling of him. Honestly, this is not a loving relationship and you need to dump this guy yourself. Don’t wait for him to do it. You can do so much better for yourself than this mean guy. You just need to believe that it’s possible. Ending a relationship allows you the space and opportunity to find a better one.
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