mortensorchid Posted October 11, 2020 Posted October 11, 2020 I swear, I will never understand some of these people who are on these dating websites / apps. Some of them seem like they are just chatting and making small talk here and there and when they ask that big question "What are you looking for?" and you answer it, they suddenly ghost on you. Now, let's be honest, there are a few people out there who are looking for sex and if you are also looking for that, that's fine. But when you answer it honestly or if you ask them that same question back, they clam up and don't answer it. Two guys asked me what I was looking for in the recent past and I answered that honestly with "I am looking for The One", or "I am looking for a relationship". Then they never speak a word to me again. Another I answered "the same as you, I am guessing". Never heard a word from him again either. Or if you are vague and say "I'm not sure", they also vanish. Anyone else encounter this? I can't be the only one. 1
Fletch Lives Posted October 11, 2020 Posted October 11, 2020 The first thing I look for in a person is a pulse. If they don't have a pulse I call 911 6
Giovane Posted October 11, 2020 Posted October 11, 2020 1 hour ago, mortensorchid said: Now, let's be honest, there are a few people out there who are looking for sex More than you assume, I guess.
poppyfields Posted October 11, 2020 Posted October 11, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, mortensorchid said: Two guys asked me what I was looking for in the recent past and I answered that honestly with "I am looking for The One" Tbh mort, if I was given that response from a man, I'd run too! Lol It tells me he's big into the fantasy of "the one," not to mention there is no "the one" anyway. So far in my life, I've had three "the one's" who all turned out to be not "the one." I was asked that question only once during a first meet. I answered "I'm looking to meet men and if we click, date, see where it goes." That's all he was entitled to know at that point in time. Even answering "I'm looking for a relationship," in one ear out the other. You need to date the person first before determining whether or not you want a relationship with that person. Edited October 11, 2020 by poppyfields 4
Happy Lemming Posted October 11, 2020 Posted October 11, 2020 3 hours ago, mortensorchid said: there are a few people out there who are looking for sex... I can only speak for myself, but sex is all I was looking for. And if the woman made me jump through too many hoops to get sex, I'm gone. I think I'm the pretty average male. Perhaps other guys will chime in.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 11, 2020 Posted October 11, 2020 It's probably only a small percentage of men on dating sites who are relationship minded, but for me those are the only ones worth talking to. I got pretty good at screening out the time wasters. The best guys usually say more on their profile and their seriousness comes through. 2
MeadowFlower Posted October 11, 2020 Posted October 11, 2020 (edited) Why don't those sort of guys just be upfront about just wanting sex or a FWB. Like just say it outright. Some do, which is better than chatting away, but having the same goal. Those ones who don't reply @mortensorchid, are probably the ones just looking for sex but they are also immature, simple, boys. Edited October 11, 2020 by MeadowFlower 1
SumGuy Posted October 11, 2020 Posted October 11, 2020 4 hours ago, mortensorchid said: ... Anyone else encounter this? I can't be the only one. Good question. I can't say I kept track of the reactions when asked of me and I answered. Frankly the answer was right there in my OLD profile, not some laundry list thing, just like you looking for connection, see where it goes and prefer relationships. Basically basic human stuff like that which says no I am not really looking for a FWB/ONS type of thing....of course men who are say the same things I say. I never really ask that question in a broad open-ended way as it was pretty clear form a woman's OLD what she was looking for in such general terms. As to looking for "the one" never stop being surprised how people are put off by that, of course we are all looking for "the one" that just varies so much, to some "the one" is a person you see once a year to others someone you see every moment of every day. I personally feel it only scares people who have no idea what they want or what their soul needs. For me a negative reaction to my answers to such questions I embrace as a filter. Life is too short to deal with people who read so much into what should be a self-evident answer from my OLD profile, or even a reasonable response. If they were expecting you to say no strings attached sex, they are fools, sleaze bags and losers, as I am sure your profile make clear that is not what you want...and they can't attract the women who make it clear they are only looking for fun. Next I say, and without regrets. 1
SumGuy Posted October 11, 2020 Posted October 11, 2020 16 minutes ago, MeadowFlower said: Why don't those sort of guys just be upfront about just wanting sex or a FWB. Like just say it outright. Some do, which is better than chatting away, but having the same goal. Because they are losers (at best) who can't succeed with being up front. There are women who are up front about just wanting sex but such guys can't succeed in attracting them.
Syd8 Posted October 11, 2020 Posted October 11, 2020 (edited) At this point and time in my life all I'm looking for is a FWB Edited October 11, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language
SumGuy Posted October 11, 2020 Posted October 11, 2020 40 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: I can only speak for myself, but sex is all I was looking for. And if the woman made me jump through too many hoops to get sex, I'm gone. I think I'm the pretty average male. Perhaps other guys will chime in. Perhaps true, and maybe why never had much trouble with OLD as a male. When on OLD I was looking first and foremost for connection. I'm not unusual amongst my peer group though in that. There are those in my peer group who were just interested in sex, they made that very clear in there OLD profiles and seems to work for them. There were no "hoops" for them because everyone was honest and on the same page. I just don't get the "hoops" thing. To me it reads like the stories I heard from women who dated men who said they were looking for a relationship with the "right person" but what that really meant is sex by date 3 and FWB until someone better comes along. The women's reactions to this are not "hoops," they are sending a message they are not into FWB... they want an actual connection first. The thing is with men (and women) in OLD who are looking for a relationship, they often find it and are off the market, so you don't get a build up of inventory of those folks. Those who are only looking for sex, if decent, would not be bothering you but instead focus on women who make it clear that is all they want. It's those who can't be decent, who are misleading about what they want, won't take you at your profile's word you don't want only sex, or who are desperate (can't succeed with women who only want sex) who bother you...and they get stuck on OLD trying to pressure women because their strategy is a losing one, so OLD can build up an inventory of these men. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 11, 2020 Posted October 11, 2020 I would assume that if a man is asking that question 99% of the time he's hoping for "just looking for sex" as a response. You've just reminded me about something else I hated about online dating! Yuck.
Happy Lemming Posted October 11, 2020 Posted October 11, 2020 13 minutes ago, SumGuy said: Perhaps true, and maybe why never had much trouble with OLD as a male. I think I need to clarify that I met every woman I dated in "real life". I briefly tried "on-line" dating and hated it. Between the photo-shopped & 10 year old photos posted on the OLD profile (by the women I attempted to meet), I felt like I was getting a "pig in a poke". The women that used real photos seem to be a little too concerned about my finances, so that was that and I went back to "real life" (to meet women).
ajequals Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 here are the One's out there ladies. just like there are the one's out there for us men. the problem is in my opinion. we have gotten away from actually dating and this online BS is not worth the letters we type on the keyboard There has to be one on one contact to gauge the type of people your dealing with..I think we need to go back to meeting people. save the conversation for when your enjoying each others company..
Maldives Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 17 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I swear, I will never understand some of these people who are on these dating websites / apps. Some of them seem like they are just chatting and making small talk here and there and when they ask that big question "What are you looking for?" and you answer it, they suddenly ghost on you. Now, let's be honest, there are a few people out there who are looking for sex and if you are also looking for that, that's fine. But when you answer it honestly or if you ask them that same question back, they clam up and don't answer it. Two guys asked me what I was looking for in the recent past and I answered that honestly with "I am looking for The One", or "I am looking for a relationship". Then they never speak a word to me again. Another I answered "the same as you, I am guessing". Never heard a word from him again either. Or if you are vague and say "I'm not sure", they also vanish. Anyone else encounter this? I can't be the only one. 17 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I swear, I will never understand some of these people who are on these dating websites / apps. Some of them seem like they are just chatting and making small talk here and there and when they ask that big question "What are you looking for?" and you answer it, they suddenly ghost on you. Now, let's be honest, there are a few people out there who are looking for sex and if you are also looking for that, that's fine. But when you answer it honestly or if you ask them that same question back, they clam up and don't answer it. Two guys asked me what I was looking for in the recent past and I answered that honestly with "I am looking for The One", or "I am looking for a relationship". Then they never speak a word to me again. Another I answered "the same as you, I am guessing". Never heard a word from him again either. Or if you are vague and say "I'm not sure", they also vanish. Anyone else encounter this? I can't be the only one. Yep me. Im a guy and when I say I'm looking to see how it goes lol never hear from em. It's like they wanna hear serious relationship each and everytime but I don't like to say that because it takes time to see if your compatible so I say it as I see it and they don't like that
Foxhall Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 there are another group of guys on these sites- a group who are lonely and have a need for building friendships- that is as much their motivation as sex is, at least to begin with anyway, many women are quick to dismiss these guys though in the false belief that the guys are not sophisticated enough or successful enough for them generally though the guys who portray the successful image, they are the ones who only want sex, would ladies be prepared to change their outlook and give the more timid ordinary and less "successful" chaps a chance.
Azincourt Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 21 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I swear, I will never understand some of these people who are on these dating websites / apps. Some of them seem like they are just chatting and making small talk here and there and when they ask that big question "What are you looking for?" and you answer it, they suddenly ghost on you. Now, let's be honest, there are a few people out there who are looking for sex and if you are also looking for that, that's fine. But when you answer it honestly or if you ask them that same question back, they clam up and don't answer it. Two guys asked me what I was looking for in the recent past and I answered that honestly with "I am looking for The One", or "I am looking for a relationship". Then they never speak a word to me again. Another I answered "the same as you, I am guessing". Never heard a word from him again either. Or if you are vague and say "I'm not sure", they also vanish. Anyone else encounter this? I can't be the only one. What am I looking for on the online dating websites/dating apps I have a profile at? Sex. I like sex. That's the only thing I like in a relationship that has more of a chance happening than if I was to hit the nightclub every night, not to mention that the quality of sex within a relationship is higher than what can be found in nightclubs, for a variety of reasons. I got my own money, I got the physical health of a 18 year old Manchester United Starter player despite being in my 30s, which means I don't need someone to physically care for me, and I have the money to hire nurses when I do get old. My house was already paid off in it's entirety before I turned 25, so I don't need someone's help to put a roof over my head and to help keep it there. I don't have 'emotional needs,' as in, I don't feel lonely, I don't get depressed, and I don't become emotionally attached to the women I date. I don't like drama. I don't like obligations. I don't like responsabilities and I don't like having girlfriends expecting me to meet their parents, meet their brothers and sisters, cover for them $$ €€€ £ when they come up short because Middle-Class is just a strange way of saying poor, having to deal with their own siblings and with their parents and all that nonsense, and I don't like having people expecting anything from me. I'm on tinder and on dating websites because I enjoy sex. I love the look and the touch and the smell of the body of a 21 year old attractive woman, and that's about it, and since I'm far more likely to get what I want by being in a romantic relationship than I am, not being in one - I become a part of a romantic relationship. If I ever win the Powerball, I'm probably going to move back to The Netherlands or back to Germany and I will spend the rest of my days sleeping with high-end escorts, and I won't have a romantic relationship again.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 8 hours ago, Goodguy05 said: Im a guy and when I say I'm looking to see how it goes lol never hear from em. It's like they wanna hear serious relationship each and everytime but I don't like to say that because it takes time to see if your compatible so I say it as I see it and they don't like that Anytime a guy on a dating site told me he wanted to "see how it goes," I got the feeling this was a guy who was going to waste my time, thought of dating as just another way to pass the time, so I naturally felt "mehhh" and lost interest. It just sounds so aimless and blah. I suggest you come up with a more creative answer 4
SumGuy Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 22 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: I think I need to clarify that I met every woman I dated in "real life". I briefly tried "on-line" dating and hated it. Between the photo-shopped & 10 year old photos posted on the OLD profile (by the women I attempted to meet), I felt like I was getting a "pig in a poke". The women that used real photos seem to be a little too concerned about my finances, so that was that and I went back to "real life" (to meet women). Fair enough. I found the same with women met in "real life," even long before the internet. Actually the women I met in OLD were much more likely to be up for sex sooner rather than later as opposed to those met in real life...except for a few who made it clear that is what they were after. At least for me I found it was only about 1 in 10 I met through OLD where the photos were far better than in person...but there was also a couple who looked far, far better in person than photos. So not much of an issue in the women I was after, they all were as advertised so to speak at least in the appearance department. I guess I was as advertised as well (in all regards) from more than a few comments...that is, looked like my photos, I was not 30 lbs heavier and had hair and wasn't shorter than I said, etc.
alphamale Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 mortensorchid, stop looking for Mr. Right and start looking for Mr. Right Now. It will make your dating life much less complicated... 1
boymommy Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 I went through the same thing when I was dating! There are lots of online guys either a) mascarading as serious relationship material but really they want to hook up (those are the worst!) or b) the ones who flat out are honest and admit they dont want anything serious. If a guy is shirtless in his profile or has pants unzipped or is flexing I learned really quick he was a player or hookup guy and not even to respond to him. A pic is huge indicator alone or how serious he is! I got ghosted too by saying I wanted a serious relationship. Also got ghosted by guys after a few dates (they just blocked me or stopped talking to me) when the question of remarriage came up (I said I would if I found the right person and they were GONE!)
smackie9 Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 (edited) If you stipulate in a more positive way that you wish to find love/relationship that should weed out most of them....by now you should get a good sense if these fellows are in it to win it or to get laid. Now I understand that dating is about discovery, ie: attraction, compatibility and chemistry but also motive. I think by now you should be able to get the jest of it after the first date...I know I did. Maybe I was a pretty good reader, and no poker face was going to fool me, but with all this experience, you should have a thicker skin and know what's what with these guys. Are you just saying yes because they ask you out? Edited October 12, 2020 by smackie9
boymommy Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 (edited) 16 hours ago, Goodguy05 said: Yep me. Im a guy and when I say I'm looking to see how it goes lol never hear from em. It's like they wanna hear serious relationship each and everytime but I don't like to say that because it takes time to see if your compatible so I say it as I see it and they don't like that Well you arent saying you are looking for a serious relationship necessarily with that specific person who is asking..just in a general sense of things. I am looking to get remarried someday in a general sense of the word. It takes time to get there in a relationship..my boyfriend and I arent there yet but I know I want that someday. Same thing. Most women know what they want in a general sense. Why that scares men I dont know Edited October 13, 2020 by boymommy
lovebooks Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 If you're looking for sex you should be on sites with like minded people like Tinder.
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