sam123456 Posted October 11, 2020 Posted October 11, 2020 My psych nurse suggests I have high-functioning Asperger's, so I really don't understand these things. Help! 1
basil67 Posted October 11, 2020 Posted October 11, 2020 Neither - strive to be well presented. Current hairstyle, clothing and on trend glasses if you wear them - but in a style which you like. A person can be 'on trend' with a nerdy style or a cool style or an expensive style or a hipster style. Many clothing stores and department stores can offer assistance with styling - or ask a friend/family member to help you. As far as your face goes, care for your skin and wear sunscreen but don't buy into all the cosmetic surgery trends to make a person look young. There's nothing wrong with looking your age. 2
smackie9 Posted October 11, 2020 Posted October 11, 2020 You should strive to look neat, clean, healthy, fit. Women are like snowflakes, none are exactly alike. Some like clean cut, some like big and hairy. It's a crap shoot my friend. 4
SumGuy Posted October 11, 2020 Posted October 11, 2020 17 hours ago, sam123456 said: My psych nurse suggests I have high-functioning Asperger's, so I really don't understand these things. Help! Both! Neither! Seriously though, if you are striving for a look focus on the one that the women you'd like to attract like. Frankly for me I go with what I have as I want women who like me as I am. Makes it easy. Granted though my "look" is not on the edge. On look, what you put in your clothes can often override what clothes you wear. Fit and athletic, can get away with a lot. 1
Wiseman2 Posted October 11, 2020 Posted October 11, 2020 (edited) 19 hours ago, sam123456 said: I'm 36 . When I shave off my facial hair I look even younger. It was deliberate to try to look young, and I think it looks very credible and natural. Are you dating? Are you on dating Apps? Date women in the 25-35 range. The best thing you can do is go to a hair salon/barber and have them figure out what kind of hair cut and facial hair works best for your bone structure, etc. Doesn't matter if you're going for the GQ or lumberjack look, both are fine. Then get some mens magazines and looks at what clothes work best for your build, lifestyle, etc. Also get to a dentist for regular cleaning. Rugged is fine, but poor grooming is a turn off. Edited October 11, 2020 by Wiseman2
lonelyplanetmoon Posted October 11, 2020 Posted October 11, 2020 Depends on what you want to attract. I personally like the rugged look more than “young”. Rugged guys are comfortable with their masculinity and usually more down to earth. I find these qualities appealing as I am more of a down to earth / girl next door type.
Woggle Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 Men should strive to look however they want to look. 2
Mrin Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 (edited) I'm on vacation now in Florida. I was running in the beach the other day and came up behind a dude in I'd say his late 50's running as well. Dude was pretty jacked. Fit. I was like... Ya. That what I want to look like when I hit that age. As I passed him though I noticed he had this God awful platinum blonde toupee on. Not a hair was moving and it is glaringly obvious what it was. Like couldn't be more clear if it had blinking lights. Sad thing is that dude would have looked great if he shaved it off. But he tried to be someone he wasn't and ruined it. Don't be "that guy". Be you. Edited October 12, 2020 by Mrin
mortensorchid Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 Depends on how you look now. Have you tried to change your appearance just to do so? I like changing my appearance all the time - hair, makeup, clothes, etc. It's a lot of fun to do so but it doesn't help me attract men any more.
Azincourt Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 Depends on what you want. There's a super hot 60 year old woman at the local supermarket who'll flirt with me all day long but when it comes to sealing the deal, she comes to her senses and she tells me, ''what am I saying, you're young enough to be my son.'' If you want to date young women, it pays off to look young/younger than your real age, although if you are going to have a honest relationship with a woman you're going to have to be frank with the woman about your real age, and it can be quite awkward when you meet the parents of your 20 year old girlfriend and the dad's only like 10 or 15 years older than you. I'm a middle-aged man(I'm in my thirties) and most of the women I date are 19, 20, 22, 25 years old. Most fashion agencies are still giving me work meant for young people(forever 21 brand, as an example) and I've consulted with several renowned plastic surgeons and they still say I look much younger than what my biological age would look like in another man, so I date young women. If you want women your own age, then there's nothing wrong with looking the age you are. But if you want young women you're going to have a hard time if you look 36. Apparently you have high-functioning Asperger's, which would be better dealt with if you were to date women who are on the same boat?
Ruby Slippers Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 I'm most attracted to men who are reasonably fit with decent clothes/style, nothing too flashy. Personally, I'm not attracted to overly muscular or overly styled men. Probably the best thing a man can do for his appearance is just stay in decent shape - trim with a little bit of muscle.
Author sam123456 Posted October 12, 2020 Author Posted October 12, 2020 (edited) [OP here] All my life I tried to stay young looking so I could attract younger (18+) women. Now I don't have any facial wrinkles and I think I look too young and effeminate. Should I let myself get some wrinkles, like smile lines and furrow lines? Edited to add: Plus, at this age, I think looking like I'm 15 could be bad for my career. Edited to add: It is only recently that I figured out that the main barrier was my lack of social skills (Asperger's?) rather than me not looking good or young enough. Edited October 12, 2020 by sam123456 multiple ETA's
snowboy91 Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 Strive to look like the best version of yourself even if it doesn't quite fit one of the boxes you describe. It's not just about what your face looks like, it's how you dress as well. If you try to look "young" when you're not it can make you look silly. Think of your dad dressing like today's 18 year olds and trying to have a "cool" haircut with thinning or greying hair. Personally I like to aim for "tidy" and have done for the past 6 years or so (nearing 30 now). A well maintained haircut (and beard if it's thick enough - I find I'm better off with a short beard than without, YMMV), combined with fashionable, well fitting clothes looks good at any age - although you'll need to adjust exactly what that is as you get older. But you may also want to go for "rugged" (don't mistake it for messy), "sharp", "serious", "casual" or whatever. Don't be afraid to mess it up - it's by pushing the boundaries that you can really find what works best. Getting advice from others is helpful, but sometimes once you know... you know.
basil67 Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 1 hour ago, sam123456 said: [OP here] All my life I tried to stay young looking so I could attract younger (18+) women. Now I don't have any facial wrinkles and I think I look too young and effeminate. Should I let myself get some wrinkles, like smile lines and furrow lines? Edited to add: Plus, at this age, I think looking like I'm 15 could be bad for my career. Edited to add: It is only recently that I figured out that the main barrier was my lack of social skills (Asperger's?) rather than me not looking good or young enough. I'm so glad you're finding answers as to why you've struggled all these years. Has the psych nurse suggested any social skill/dating skills resources? Linking to your previous post about attracting younger women. You're pushing forty these days - you'll find that younger women will have little in common with you. Perhaps look at women who are closer to your age? 2
CaliforniaGirl Posted October 14, 2020 Posted October 14, 2020 Trite as it sounds, just look nice! Look how you want to look, smell nice (not cologne-nice, just...showered...I mean nobody be offended, I mean this as in: doused in cologne can be a turnoff but so can not-just-showered-right-before), don't "go for rugged" if you're not already rugged because I don't think that really works for most guys...be yourself. Again...I know...sounds trite but when people try to fake these things they don't feel comfortable in their own skin and that all by itself is the real turnoff. You may try for "older" and find a girl you really like who isn't into that. You may try for "younger" and find a girl you really like who isn't into that. Because *you can't know* what a girl will want, because it's never a sure thing, why try to be a mindreader? Go "as you really are," go presentable, and that's all you can do. FWIW, that's all she can do, too. Good luck!
CaliforniaGirl Posted October 15, 2020 Posted October 15, 2020 On 10/10/2020 at 6:17 PM, basil67 said: Neither - strive to be well presented. Current hairstyle, clothing and on trend glasses if you wear them - but in a style which you like. A person can be 'on trend' with a nerdy style or a cool style or an expensive style or a hipster style. Many clothing stores and department stores can offer assistance with styling - or ask a friend/family member to help you. As far as your face goes, care for your skin and wear sunscreen but don't buy into all the cosmetic surgery trends to make a person look young. There's nothing wrong with looking your age. This is true too. I had to do this (I'm female). As a teen I literally had no true. "HFA" too. (I don't like the "functioning" labels but I understand they're necessary and all that. I can be hard to understand what's "current but still you" but just do the very basics without going crazy, you should be all good and still "you." I hope that makes sense.
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