xSqueezyy Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 Okay so me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 months now and she just broke up with me yesterday. She said that she doesn't have time for a relationship right now, and that we're both busy and we haven't talked much lately and she needs time to find herself. She also said that she still wants us to be friends and close friends. I told her that it's alright, don't worry about it, studying (we're both in uni) is more important right now. The next day, I texted her saying that I didn't like how we ended things, and that I know we haven't talked much lately and it's because of the pressure we're both in and that I believe we can fix things. I told her that we should have a talk about what each of us want in this relationship, what we don't want, how often should we talk/call/text, how to be more emotionally connected and such. I also told her that she's one of a kind and I don't want to lose her just like that. She responded saying that it's more about me than it is about you I can't be in a relationship right now. She also said that she feels there are things missing from our relationship that are just not there and won't end up being there even if we talked about it, it's going to end up forceful and not fair to any of us. That it's going to be a relationship "by name" and losing each other more than anything else and she doesn't want that to happen, that she still wants to be friends. Finally, she said that she is sorry that she doesn't mean things to end up this way and that she doesn't believe she can be the person I want her to be now or anytime in the future. I think she completely friendzoned me forever when she said "Anytime in the future" :(((((((((( Notice how her response changed? Did I royally **** up by sending her that text the next day? Is there any chance we could end up together again, or did I royally **** things up??? I don't know what to do. I'm in love with her and I want her badly ;(
d0nnivain Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 You did not royally screw up by sending her that text. You are not in love with her. You have only been together 90 days. It's uni. You have plenty of opportunities to meet new people. Where you went wrong was not understanding the reasons she gave you for the break up. She gave you a bunch of standard clichés. They all boil down to the same harsh reality that she was too police to voice: she's just not that into you; you don't do it for her; she wants somebody / something else. If she cared about you the way you profess to care about her all the pressures of school wouldn't keep her from you. Instead she chose to sugar coat the rejection rather then be mean. I don't mean to be harsh but that is the truth. You need to let her be. There is no chance you will end up back together. The best you are going to do is that she will be polite when she sees you around campus. Unless you start stalking her & otherwise making a pest of yourself by remaining an unwanted presence in her life, you won't get drama from her & she'll tell other girls you are a good guy. If you push yourself into her life & don't take no for an answer you will get a reputation around campus as an unhinged stalker who should be avoided. Take the high road. Accept this is over. Grieve for the loss. Pull yourself together. Dive into school & do other things to keep active. Surround yourself with supportive friends. In a few weeks, I bet another coed catches your eye. 2
Author xSqueezyy Posted October 10, 2020 Author Posted October 10, 2020 28 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: You did not royally screw up by sending her that text. You are not in love with her. You have only been together 90 days. It's uni. You have plenty of opportunities to meet new people. Where you went wrong was not understanding the reasons she gave you for the break up. She gave you a bunch of standard clichés. They all boil down to the same harsh reality that she was too police to voice: she's just not that into you; you don't do it for her; she wants somebody / something else. If she cared about you the way you profess to care about her all the pressures of school wouldn't keep her from you. Instead she chose to sugar coat the rejection rather then be mean. I don't mean to be harsh but that is the truth. You need to let her be. There is no chance you will end up back together. The best you are going to do is that she will be polite when she sees you around campus. Unless you start stalking her & otherwise making a pest of yourself by remaining an unwanted presence in her life, you won't get drama from her & she'll tell other girls you are a good guy. If you push yourself into her life & don't take no for an answer you will get a reputation around campus as an unhinged stalker who should be avoided. Take the high road. Accept this is over. Grieve for the loss. Pull yourself together. Dive into school & do other things to keep active. Surround yourself with supportive friends. In a few weeks, I bet another coed catches your eye. We are not in the same uni. We were kind of having a long distance relationship for a month now. I think she kind of lost interest in me and she doesn't like the pressure of having a long distance relationship. I kind of still want to try and win her back. I don't know how when where, I won't force it, when I see her I'll talk to her and see how things move between us. If I feel like she still has feelings for me buried deep within then i'll slowly try to rebuild the bond we once had before. However she said that she can't be the person I want her to be anytime in the future, can that thought of me change?
d0nnivain Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 Then it's the distance that isn't working for her. She wants a BF who is right there. Until you can permanently close the distance, don't chase her. When the distance closes, perhaps she can be the person you want -- a faithful GF. She knows there is too much temptation with you at another school & she wants to explore local guys. I suspect that by the time you two are in the same local again you won't care any more because you will have found a nice girl at your school 1
ExpatInItaly Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 You didn't screw it up, OP. She'd already decided it was over for her and she's trying to let down as gently as possible. How you responded to that wasn't going to make much difference. I know it's disappointing and hurtful, but she just doesn't feel the right way to continue dating. 1
schlumpy Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 She sent you a clear message the first time that she wanted to break up You decided to ignore it. In the second conversation she spells it out for you. You can't be friends with someone you have feelings for. You will go insane traveling that path especially if she talks about her new boy friend. Go dark and flush her from your media. Don't snoop on her FB. Type into your browser "cheating 180." The 180 can help you detach from your feelings and make the healing just a bit quicker. Show her you have other options and you do. 2
kendahke Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 8 hours ago, xSqueezyy said: Notice how her response changed? Did I royally **** up by sending her that text the next day? Is there any chance we could end up together again, or did I royally **** things up??? That text didn't mess things up. You will not end up together if you agree to be her emotional tampon/friend. Unless you can stomach her talking about the new guy she's got the hots for--because that's what friends talk about---I'd go NC with her and let her do without your friendship. You don't want to be her friend: you want to be her man/lover. Hold firm in that conviction or else she's going to steamroll you and your friendship. Also--agreeing to friendship is not a backdoor to get back into a relationship. The minute you overstep your position, she's going to remind you that you are not her man anymore, and that's going to be a colossal emotional setback for you. Avoid that mess now and go NC with her. 2
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