Kirstoski Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 Some of you know my past and know I have had to defend myself. but the real me is quite timid and doesn't want trouble. I heard someone knocking on our door and walking round our year looking around. I tell my boyfriend, he goes downstairs, tells me to lock the door behind him and stay upstairs and to keep an eye out. and if I saw him get attacked I am to just ring 999. I went downstairs and waited by the door for him. He tells me off saying a lady shouldn't put herself in danger and if I would have got hurt he wouldn't have been able to forgive himself and these situations, I need to protect myself inside. I said I'm alright and had to look after yourself. He tells me this was dangerous. Was I wrong trying to be close by if he got attacked to try and defend? or should I have stayed upstairs? We rang the police and it took them 25 minutes to answer.
Wiseman2 Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 5 minutes ago, Kirstoski said: He tells me off Does he have a temper? What do you mean by this?
ExpatInItaly Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 Do you live in a very dangerous area or something? His reaction seems a bit extreme. 1
poppyfields Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 (edited) I think I would have done the same, in fact I have! My ex got into a bar fight one night (some bozo made a crude sexual remark about me), and I began hitting the guy (all my boyfriend's friends did as well). I was pretty drunk though. But I recall being pretty upset and scared at the time, it was a natural impulse. I wasn't hurt. My ex was quite bruised though. I don't recall him being upset with me or telling me off about it. I remember him feeling pretty proud he had a girlfriend who was so protective of him, when it was usually the other way around. So what ended up happening? What was it, a burglar? False alarm? Did they catch the guy? Edited October 9, 2020 by poppyfields
Wiseman2 Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 16 minutes ago, Kirstoski said: I heard someone knocking on our door and walking round our year looking around. Why didn't you call 999 at this time and Both stay inside until police arrive?
ExpatInItaly Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 Just now, Wiseman2 said: Why didn't you call 999 at this time and Both stay inside until police arrive? I was about to ask the same thing. It’s a little strange to me that he went outside and told you to lock the doors behind him, rather than both of you staying safely locked inside and calling the police.
poppyfields Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Why didn't you call 999 at this time and Both stay inside until police arrive? I'm thinking he wants to be Kirstoski's hero. Kind of goes along with all his other behavior. What happened though? That's what I'd like to know. Are you both okay? Edited October 9, 2020 by poppyfields
Watercolors Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 I'm really confused about what you're upset about, Kirstoski. 1
poppyfields Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: >>He tells me off saying a lady shouldn't put herself in danger<< ----- Does he have a temper? What do you mean by this? I echo this question by Wiseman? Is this what troubles you? That he "told you off"? Made you feel "wrong" for wanting to protect him? A bit confused myself. Edited October 10, 2020 by poppyfields
Crazelnut Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 This guy has a bad case of White Knight Syndrome. 4
CaliforniaGirl Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 (edited) I know you're not a child but this is the first thing that popped into my mind. Once my son squirmed right out of my hands and started to run toward the street, I can't even remember why (probably every parent has had that happen) and I caught him and yelled. I was so terrified. Honestly I can't even remember the circumstances anymore. It was the whole "Don't you ever do that again! You could have REALLY gotten hurt!" (although I was thinking "killed") with both of us ending up crying sort of thing. Maybe he just got really, really scared for you. He might have been just that spooked as it was, thinking someone was in the yard. Then snapped in his fear and upset, in that moment. Edited October 10, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl
ExpatInItaly Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 3 hours ago, Crazelnut said: This guy has a bad case of White Knight Syndrome. That's my impression, too.
Author Kirstoski Posted October 10, 2020 Author Posted October 10, 2020 9 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Does he have a temper? What do you mean by this? No he was like "You could have got hurt and thats the last thing I want. If they'd have got me fine but not you. I can replace the stuff if they took anything, Amazon don't stock new <my name>, Uninvited visitors from the estate generally carry knives, so it would have been dangerous for you." 9 hours ago, poppyfields said: I'm thinking he wants to be Kirstoski's hero. Kind of goes along with all his other behavior. What happened though? That's what I'd like to know. Are you both okay? Some guy had been trying houses, He tried all our neighbours and tried our doors and windows. My boyfriend went out to see what was happening. We have told the police and they went looking. They got them down our road coming out of a house. They had knives with them. I just felt he is wrapping me in lots of cotton wool. Trying to protect me from the big bad world, but if I can honestly say I've never had a knife pulled on me so he might have a point. 1
balletomane Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 4 minutes ago, Kirstoski said: No he was like "You could have got hurt and thats the last thing I want. If they'd have got me fine but not you. I can replace the stuff if they took anything, Amazon don't stock new <my name>, Uninvited visitors from the estate generally carry knives, so it would have been dangerous for you." Dangerous for you, but not dangerous for him? Is his skin knife-proof or something? The others are right. He's constantly trying to play the hero. In that situation the sensible thing would have been for you both to wait indoors while the police came. Nothing good would have come of him confronting a knife-wielding thief. As for "a lady never puts herself in danger", this isn't about gender. There are women firefighters, lifeboat captains, mountain rescue personnel, the list goes on. The difference between them and your boyfriend is that they are trained to deal with the risks they face. There is nothing heroic or "manly" about anyone putting themselves in harm's way unnecessarily, which is what he did. Either the situation wasn't as risky as he makes out and he's exaggerating it to show off his bravery, or he is prepared to act recklessly in order to impress you. Neither is a good thing. 2
Author Kirstoski Posted October 10, 2020 Author Posted October 10, 2020 1 minute ago, balletomane said: Dangerous for you, but not dangerous for him? Is his skin knife-proof or something? The others are right. He's constantly trying to play the hero. In that situation the sensible thing would have been for you both to wait indoors while the police came. Nothing good would have come of him confronting a knife-wielding thief. As for "a lady never puts herself in danger", this isn't about gender. There are women firefighters, lifeboat captains, mountain rescue personnel, the list goes on. The difference between them and your boyfriend is that they are trained to deal with the risks they face. There is nothing heroic or "manly" about anyone putting themselves in harm's way unnecessarily, which is what he did. Either the situation wasn't as risky as he makes out and he's exaggerating it to show off his bravery, or he is prepared to act recklessly in order to impress you. Neither is a good thing. He would put himself at risk but he doesn't want me at risk. I'll be honest some posters on here are against me for my previous career and my boyfriend. If you want me to go, just say. I'm used to people going "eww you were one of them" Don't worry I'll close the door on my way out. 1
balletomane Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 1 minute ago, Kirstoski said: He would put himself at risk but he doesn't want me at risk. I'll be honest some posters on here are against me for my previous career and my boyfriend. If you want me to go, just say. I'm used to people going "eww you were one of them" Don't worry I'll close the door on my way out. I'm not against you for your previous career, which should be very obvious from my posts in your other thread. I am very critical of the stigma against sex workers. This doesn't mean I think it's good or healthy for your boyfriend to try and playact the hero in unnecessary ways. What about the impact on you or other people in his life if he got hurt? It might seem selfless and noble, but this is actually selfish behaviour. I daresay he is a good person, but that doesn't make him perfect or beyond reproach. 1
schlumpy Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 If you have the TV fighting skills of Melinda May of Agents of Shield then by all means stay right by my side. In fact, I might go get a pepsi while you clean house. Otherwise keep yourself safe so your BF can concentrate of doing what must be done. The worst thing that can happen during an altercation is distraction and unless you can contribute, you will be nothing but a distraction. Twenty-five minutes? Time enough to suffer a serious injury. Five minutes is enough for an untrained man to run out of gas in a physical fight. Is pepper spray or tasers also illegal for law abiding UK citizens?
ExpatInItaly Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, Kirstoski said: I'll be honest some posters on here are against me for my previous career and my boyfriend. If you want me to go, just say. I'm used to people going "eww you were one of them" Where are you getting that from? Nobody on this thread has said anything here about your previous career. People can think your boyfriend's behaviour here was a bit foolish without it being connected to your past, OP. They are two different ballgames, so let's not unnecessarily conflate them. Edited October 10, 2020 by ExpatInItaly 1
Fletch Lives Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 999? The Spanish people call nine-juan-juan ! ` 1
kendahke Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 (edited) 17 hours ago, Kirstoski said: They got them down our road coming out of a house. They had knives with them. He should have stayed inside to protect you and called 999 from inside with you, not go outside in his skivvies and a torch. Edited October 10, 2020 by kendahke
smackie9 Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 (edited) There needs to be a conversation.....go through a safety plan for invader, fire, etc. He didn't need to go outside. Just flicking the outside lights on is the easiest non evasive deterrent, or even installing sensor lights. Video surveillance now a days is cheaper and easy to install. You can get the door bell one that you can operate through your cel phone. Amazon has lots of inexpensive options. The police find video of the suspect very useful in their investigation. I think doing these things will help out, and put him and you more at ease. Not sure where you live, but gun ownership might be a good option. Edited October 10, 2020 by smackie9
poppyfields Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 (edited) 18 hours ago, Kirstoski said: Was I wrong trying to be close by if he got attacked to try and defend? On behalf of Kirstoski, this^ was her question. Kirstoski, imo no you weren't "wrong," your first instinct was to protect and that's admirable. However, it wasn't smart, as you were placing yourself in danger and might have gotten hurt. Whether your boyfriend is a "white knight" and playing the hero role is not my place to judge. If you like him, and he makes you happy, that is all that matters, imo. Edited October 10, 2020 by poppyfields
Author Kirstoski Posted October 11, 2020 Author Posted October 11, 2020 When i got back from ring. boyfriend had put some CCTV cameras around the place, so we don't have to go outside.
lovebooks Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 You should've just stayed by the phone to call 911. Has this been resolved after the 25 minute wait for the police? What is your boyfriend into? Sounds like you need to find out more before investing any more time with him.
Wiseman2 Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 On 10/11/2020 at 1:27 PM, Kirstoski said: When i got back from ring. boyfriend had put some CCTV cameras around the place, so we don't have to go outside. Have you moved in? Good you have a better security system.
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