Keeves1 Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 (edited) Hello everybody! Long time no see. I was very active posting topics here in the dating side of Loveshack. As you may know I’m in a relationship with Maria and we’ve been together for 10 months now since the start of january this year. everything has been great but there is something that has been bothering me and that’s about the sexual side of things. We haven’t had sex in a couple of weeks and I had a chat with her about what’s going on. It’s always been me who takes initiative when we are having sex. She told me that she is not really aware and does not think of sex so that’s why she is not horny and take initative. She also responded with saying that «We don’t need to have sex all the time» All I want is for her to take initiative. So recently Maria has been promoted to the Leading manager/Boss at her job at the interior store. She’s new and need to take things slow as there is alot of new information to take in. Her job is on her mind most of the time but not 24/7 as she has admitted. I don’t think this is the reason. I mean what’s relationship without Sex? is this something I should worry about or can I just let it go? Edited October 9, 2020 by Keeves1 Some words that I wrote wrong
Happy Lemming Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 1 minute ago, Keeves1 said: is this something I should worry about... In a word... YES!! In life you need to compartmentalize work from your personal life. I understand if you need to bring some paperwork home or make a quick work related phone call, but nothing over an hour. After that, you shut off the work part of your brain and turn on the "personal life" part of your brain and yes, that includes sex. 4 minutes ago, Keeves1 said: «We don’t need to have sex all the time» Those words are the first nails in your coffin, if she is actually saying this to you, there is "trouble afoot". Jobs come and go, you should be her number one priority, not her job! 7 minutes ago, Keeves1 said: or can I just let it go? NO... you need to have a discussion about this, otherwise you face a sexless long term relationship. I mean you guys have been together less than a year, you should be going at it like bunnies in heat. 9 minutes ago, Keeves1 said: It’s always been me who takes initiative when we are having sex. At 10 months she should be playful and spontaneous. I've been dating my girlfriend for 8.5 years and she still surprises me every once in a while. Moreover, she NEVER turns me down when I ask. Time to worry, my friend. 1 1
Author Keeves1 Posted October 9, 2020 Author Posted October 9, 2020 8 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: In a word... YES!! «trouble afoot". Jobs come and go, you should be her number one priority, not her job! NO... you need to have a discussion about this, otherwise you face a sexless long term relationship. I mean you guys have been together less than a year, you should be going at it like bunnies in heat. Time to worry, my friend. Thanks you for answering and actually coming up with good points. But I feel like I need more opinions. Right now I want to wait a little bit. Wait until she has her work stuff done. Meanwhile I’m testing her if she takes initiative.
Happy Lemming Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 @Keeves1 Best of luck, my friend. Remember life is short and you only get one youth, live happy! 1
Author Keeves1 Posted October 9, 2020 Author Posted October 9, 2020 3 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: @Keeves1 Best of luck, my friend. Remember life is short and you only get one youth, live happy! Thank you
Mystery4u Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 Yes you should be worried as your sexual levels do not match and she is not satisfying you sexually. You either accept her how she is, and the fact that most likely you will never be fully satisfied, or you end things. You need to decide how important it is to you, and whether her other positive qualities outweigh this negative. My ex was similar in the sense that I was always the one initiating, and she also told me that even if we are married, we don't need to have sex every day. We ended for different reasons. My current girlfriend now is the opposite, always telling me how horny she is and can't wait to do x y and z to me and initiates as much as I do. Also wants to have sex every day, just like me. Can't wait to marry her. 1
Wiseman2 Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 No sex for 14 days while she's stressed out? You're going to have a very hard time in any long term relationship, if you can't ride out a few days here and there. Relax . Stop acting so desperate and insecure. Don't pressure nag or beg. She'll come around .
d0nnivain Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 10 hours ago, Keeves1 said: Meanwhile I’m testing her if she takes initiative. Flag on the play. Testing your SO in a relationship is BAD. You & this woman do not have the same level of sexual desire & never will. She will have sex with you when you initiate but she's not going to initiate. If you need a partner who initiates stop dating Maria. Trying to change her & her outlook is wrong & it won't work. If you can be content with always initiating stick around. As for her stress at work, she needs to leave work at work. You can try doing sweet things for her to help her relax like giving her a massage or drawing her a bubble bath. 3
Wiseman2 Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 12 hours ago, Keeves1 said: She needs attention 24/7 and I’m getting tired of it. I can’t even catch up on playing games with my friend, I can’t catch up on youtube and I can’t even have time to look at Instagram. I told her that I’m tired of it I hope I didn’t screw it up because the way I look at this is that it’s completely common that you get tired of a person when you’re with them 24/7. Is there any advice on how I can stop being tired of a person? So you're tired of living with her after ~ 6 mos? And now after pushing her away, telling her 'you're tired of her" so you can play games with your friends you want her to initiate sex when you demand it? Sorry but it sounds like moving in was a bad idea for many reasons and there isn't enough maturity to meet each other's needs.
elaine567 Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 Quote "Responsive desire" is when the agreement to have sex happens after some kind of sexual initiation has begun. It can look like this: You are reading a book, and your sexual partner makes a sexual advance such as kissing your neck. You weren't thinking about sex in that moment. You were reading your book, but then you start thinking "Oh My" this feels good. And the books falls to the floor.Sex happens. What book? Quote This is contrasted with "Spontaneous desire", which we tend to associate more with our idea of male sexuality. This can look more like, you are sitting in a business meeting, at a dance club, or simply walking the dog in the park and, for no apparently obvious reason, you think, "Sex would be good right now." You are going to sleep or waking up, your are in the shower or eating a pizza and you think "I'd like to have some sex!" I guess your gf is more the Responsive desire type. Your gf has never initiated yet you somehow think she should. Men are often guilty of thinking the sex will get better and better, but often the sex at the start is often as good as it gets. Women will push the boat out at the start but as they get comfortable they tend to only want to do the stuff they like. Your gf is happy with you initiating, she doesn't want to initiate, so you will wait a very long time before she will initiate...
Fletch Lives Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 Hmmmmm well she just started a new position at work...........that can be stressful and stress can hurt sexual appetite so I would give it some time before you pass judgement. 2
ajequals Posted October 9, 2020 Posted October 9, 2020 I think I'd question what's going on also. work and personal life should be separate entities. I'd have a long talk with her about your concerns. No sense in beating around the bush so to speak 1
SumGuy Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 On 10/8/2020 at 8:33 PM, Keeves1 said: ... I mean what’s relationship without Sex? ... Marriage? Just kidding. It certainly is a sign of differing libidos. I'm a high libido person so it would relationship yellow flag for me. 2
SumGuy Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 On 10/8/2020 at 9:01 PM, Keeves1 said: ... Right now I want to wait a little bit. Wait until she has her work stuff done. Meanwhile I’m testing her if she takes initiative. Tests = games, a good way to ruin a relationship. If she is receptive to your initiation then this is her response to sex you could learn to live with, unless her initiating is what you need to really get there and not just a want or like. In the world of sex, looking for perfect will get you nothing. Besides her not initiating, how's the sex...that's what I'd ask myself in the sex area of the relationship. 1
smackie9 Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 (edited) You can poke at this with a stick all you want...the fact is, she's just not that into you....how do I know that? Because her priorities obviously always lie somewhere else. Edited October 10, 2020 by smackie9 3
balletomane Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 (edited) On 10/9/2020 at 2:01 PM, Wiseman2 said: So you're tired of living with her after ~ 6 mos? And now after pushing her away, telling her 'you're tired of her" so you can play games with your friends you want her to initiate sex when you demand it? Sorry but it sounds like moving in was a bad idea for many reasons and there isn't enough maturity to meet each other's needs. This. Keeves, in your very early threads about this relationship, several posters commented that you seemed to be living in each other's pockets and it was all too much too soon. Did you take any of the earlier advice? If you didn't, I'm unsure what more people can say to you that will help. Edited October 10, 2020 by balletomane 1
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