LNY Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 My girl broke up with me 5 months ago now, and I'm still having touble coping with it all, I took the breakup pretty damn hard. I dealt with depression, anxiety, and eating & sleeping disorders. I still do to some extent even now. There are still a few sleepless nights I have, and I think pretty much EVERY night I lay in bed thinking about her, no matter how much I try not to. We've been NC for about 3.5 months now, I said hello to her once and kept walking when I bumped into her at the shops. I used to drive by her house almost every night to see if she was home or who was there, I've since stopped that. I don't know what I'm trying to say really, I guess I'm just trying to vent, it woulda been our anniversary the other day, and I suppose thats why I've been down again the last few days. She started seeing this other guy fairly quickly after we broke up, which makes me think if anything was going on before we broke up, when I used to think about the way she acted. I just really miss her and her company I suppose, I don't even know what I'm trying to say anymore. I'd give anyting to have her back, and it's been so hard to NC, but I've stuck with it (not that it's given me any benefits), it probably made her run away further, thinking that I didn't care. I just feel that there will never be another girl in my life that compares to her. Be good to hear someone's thoughts. Thanks.
Art_Critic Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Sorry for what your going thru.. It is never easy letting go of the one you cared for.. There isn't alot I can say other that you need to keep busy and find something else to occupy your time.. She is done and you have to move on.. Don't worry about how long it takes you.. some people with some relationships it takes a while.. Chin up.. and try not to think about the aniversary.
In Sync Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 LNY, I am sorry that you are going through this rough spot. Most of us on this thread have shared similiar experiences, so you are not alone. We've all are at different stages but we still understand the pain you are feeling. Try to take care of yourself physically. Definitely engage in some exercise. Emotionally this is taking a toll on your mind body and spirit, but a little exercise can ward off some of the down moments. It's natural that you are still missing her. Don't judge that as being a wrong thing. It means you cared. Don't beat yourself up for the amount of time you are coping with your loss...everyone handles their grieving period (and I'm speaking from big time experience) in differently. Anniversary dates were apart of your past. You can't just ignore them, but dwelling obviously is going to bring you down. So fill your head with other things (hang with buddies go see a film, take a drive somwhere) if any other dates roll around that had meaning for you two. Go through your emotions (and guys do tend to shy away from that word..still have them don't deny and judge them) It will get better.
Author LNY Posted October 13, 2005 Author Posted October 13, 2005 Thanks for the advice and input Art_Critic. In Sync, I've been exercising at the gym for 4 years constantly now, and I wasn't going to quit because of her, but that doesn't really seem to help me, probably because it's something I've done for a long time. I do try really hard to go out with mates all the time, goin clubbing and to the movies and driving etc etc etc, it's all well and good when I'm out having fun (even though it's still in the back of my mind, and still bugging me), but it's when I'm alone at home that it all sets in, especially at night, before I go to bed, and when I'm laying in bed alone, thinking about her (when I'm trying hard not to).
bunnzy Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 You could get some *gasp* counseling i was depressed for years and years, afraid of 'freudianisms' and being a freaky psychopath. But earlier this year i couldnt take it anymore and saw a counselor, and got on efexor, a very good antidepressant. Talking about it to an objective outsider and learning about ways to change your thoughts (its called cognitive behavioural therapy) will help you out of the rut. It did for me.
In Sync Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 LNY, Sooner or later everyone has a breakup that takes a toll on us. I never thought I would be so crushed by this lastest one but damned it really effected me like you can't imagine. Therapy is one more option for you to consider in helping you to recover. Until then, remember a broken heart is not something one gets over quickly and overnight. For some people it could take up to a year. And NO that doesn't mean you'll be bedridden and never meet another person who loves you... Don't try to resist not thinking about her. In fact the next time you do just breathe and say to yourself what exctly do I feel. Describe really describe the feeling to yourself. And stop judging it, your body is just experiencing different feelings! Then one day you are going to have to seriously reflect on some of the things that you were not happy with within the relationship. Doesn't mean you hate her, but perhaps in loving her you were not taking a look at your needs and what you may not have gotten out of it with her. Right now your needs are important. Because until you see that you deserve happiness you will stay in the same place of wanting and missing her. Instead of knowing somewhere you can get your happiness from another source like yourself for starters.
Hot Coco Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 I just wanted to address your comment about NC making her run further away. I don't think so. How much further away can she run than she already has. She already left you before NC. So don't start second guessing yourself. She made the decision. Just keep your integrity and don't go running back. Don't know if this helps but my first love dumped me for someone else and I was a mess. I wrote pages and pages in my journal...cried, couldn't eat lost a lot of weight. Thought I couldn't live without him. Ten years later I called him out of the blue when I wasn't dating anyone. We chatted but there was NOTHING there. He suggested we meet since he wasn't dating anyone but the conversation was so boring that I couldn't bring myself to meet him in person. I had changed so much that he wasn't even my type anymore! And I'm not talking about physically, since we were only on the phone. He just was very intellectually not stimulating. I guess back when I was 19 that wasn't a concern. When I was 29 it was. Now, I'm 44 and look back at him with fondness but boy am I glad he left me so that I could meet my soulmate much later at 33! Hang in there! It's the worse right now but it really, REALLY gets better. You'll see. Don't demean yourself by going back. The more you try to get with her the more she'll push you away and the more you'll be hurt. Good luck!
spiritual73 Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Hey.......I'm sorry for how this is affecting you. I guess when these things happen we have to ask ourselves what we can do to stop the hurt. Basically it boils down to making a choice: Allow this breakup to jade you from moving on, or accept that it's over and get out there and try again. Either way it's not an easy thing to do when you love someone as you did her obviously. Try to let go of any preconceived thoughts about what she did or didn't do before the breakup, your only hurting yourself by doing that. One thing that I try to bare in mind is that it doesn't matter what's happening in my life bad or good........."LIFE GOES ON!!" That is not an option. You'll get through this, just know in your heart that it's over and time heals all wounds. Allow yourself to grieve, it is a loss. Good luck!!
Author LNY Posted October 17, 2005 Author Posted October 17, 2005 Thanks for all the help and advice all, I'll try to take in onboard and keep battling on, as much as it's easier said than done.
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