Mystery4u Posted October 7, 2020 Posted October 7, 2020 39 minutes ago, dangerous said: Thanks to all, for your ideas, suggestions, and even criticisms. I can take it Well it has sorted itself out. She texted me quite a lot since Sunday, and I have texted less and no kisses. I left it vague and did not set the second date/meet either. Tonight she texted me to say she is not feeling it. tbh that is what I wanted. Rather than me tell her, she has reached her own decision. I'm not upset in the slightest, and I reckon she'd feel better this way, than if I had said I wanted to friend-zone her. Fair play to her for telling you, looks like she has more cojones than you. 1 2
Author dangerous Posted October 7, 2020 Author Posted October 7, 2020 9 minutes ago, Mystery4u said: Fair play to her for telling you, looks like she has more cojones than you. I disagree. It would have been EASY for me to have told her at the outset. I wanted to try a differmet approach, and tbh I believe SHE now feels better "rejecting" me rather than me telling her. Anyway, that's me done.
Happy Lemming Posted October 7, 2020 Posted October 7, 2020 1 hour ago, dangerous said: Well it has sorted itself out. Going forward, if the woman doesn't have pictures that are clear, current and show what she looks like, either ask for updated pics or avoid her and move onto the next one. This is not your fault, she tried to sell you a pig in a poke. Everyone who participates in OLD should be honest about their appearance (and pics), again this is just one of the reasons I gave up on OLD and went back to meeting women in "Real Life". 1
Author dangerous Posted October 7, 2020 Author Posted October 7, 2020 6 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: Going forward, if the woman doesn't have pictures that are clear, current and show what she looks like, either ask for updated pics or avoid her and move onto the next one. This is not your fault, she tried to sell you a pig in a poke. Everyone who participates in OLD should be honest about their appearance (and pics), again this is just one of the reasons I gave up on OLD and went back to meeting women in "Real Life". I agree about OLD, and I much prefer real life meets. But due to Covid... I went back to OLD as its a lazy way to date, but fraught with the dangers you already touched upon. My short return has certainly not enthused me to continue with any vigour!!
Lotsgoingon Posted October 7, 2020 Posted October 7, 2020 It's better that she reject you ... no, she's not rejecting you. She's simply informing you that there's no interest. The only way it's better than she sent the text is if you think she is pathetic and you had to protect her. Her feelings are no more important than yours. You're misunderstanding romance ... part of the fun of romance is that it's risky and you don't know if someone else is into you. That's part of the entire thing. Drop the protecting other people. The problem is, what if the next woman like this doesn't voluntarily retreat? What are you gonna do then? 1
boymommy Posted October 7, 2020 Posted October 7, 2020 53 minutes ago, dangerous said: I disagree. It would have been EASY for me to have told her at the outset. I wanted to try a differmet approach, and tbh I believe SHE now feels better "rejecting" me rather than me telling her. Anyway, that's me done. No. You did the slow fade and she got pissed and (rightfully so) bowed out because she wasn't getting back what she was putting in. You seem proud of yourself for not being straight with her but to be honest it's not a huge accomplishment in my book. Good for her, hopefully she finds someone who communicates more directly 1 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted October 8, 2020 Posted October 8, 2020 13 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: It's better that she reject you ... no, she's not rejecting you. She's simply informing you that there's no interest. The only way it's better than she sent the text is if you think she is pathetic and you had to protect her. Her feelings are no more important than yours. You're misunderstanding romance ... part of the fun of romance is that it's risky and you don't know if someone else is into you. That's part of the entire thing. Drop the protecting other people. The problem is, what if the next woman like this doesn't voluntarily retreat? What are you gonna do then? Probably ghost 1
Fox Sake Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 (edited) On 10/6/2020 at 7:31 PM, dangerous said: I went on a date last weekend and although it was very pleasant and we got on ok, I have zero attraction to her, she is just not my type, physically certainly. We agreed to meet again, because we are local and share a few common interests, and as I already said, we got on ok. Now she is texting me multiple times a day, always with kisses. I text back much less. Conventional wisdom is that I should tell her we would meet only as friends... BUT do I really have to spell this out? We are both in our 50's and she has said that she is easy going. I am comfortable enough to meet her but do not want to give her the impression this will be a romance. I will not behave in such a manner. If I spell it out, from experience, this will be a friendship-killer too. Opinions please? I’m sure I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know .... sometimes it’s hard to see our own situations tho. so , you met her and realised she wasn’t your type. At that point you should have made a graceful exit and said that the chemistry wasn’t there. You know that’s the right thing to do. The fact you agreed to meet her again has likely given her false hope. I don’t think you should have done that without being straight up with her. It’s okay tho, we all make mistakes! her texting you lots of kisses and you withholding them (as much) is only making her want you more. People want what they can’t have. The more you pull away the more she will try and grasp you. If you’ve made a new friend then I would be honest with her and try and retain that friendship haven’t read any reply’s to this thread yet, so here’s hoping I’m not repeating absolutely everyone edit - I see she made the call... damnit I really should read the thread before replying! Still good advice tho if anyone else ever gets in the same boat. Edited October 10, 2020 by Fox Sake 1
Azincourt Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 On 10/6/2020 at 7:31 PM, dangerous said: I went on a date last weekend and although it was very pleasant and we got on ok, I have zero attraction to her, she is just not my type, physically certainly. We agreed to meet again, because we are local and share a few common interests, and as I already said, we got on ok. Now she is texting me multiple times a day, always with kisses. I text back much less. Conventional wisdom is that I should tell her we would meet only as friends... BUT do I really have to spell this out? We are both in our 50's and she has said that she is easy going. I am comfortable enough to meet her but do not want to give her the impression this will be a romance. I will not behave in such a manner. If I spell it out, from experience, this will be a friendship-killer too. Opinions please? You have gone on one date and she's already texting you mutiple times a day with kisses. And she claims to be easy going? I don't get that impression. She's probably highly interested in you and it's going to be a bother to let her down without hurting her. Quote It was from OLD so based on a couple of shady pictures and a few texts. So almost a blind date. When i saw her I just don't fancy her, nothing wrong, just not feeling it. You don't meet with women you have no idea what they look like. A few pictures on OLD? Ask for full-body pictures. Most of the people who do online dating are people who don't have much success in real life with dating, and a great deal of why they don't do well with real life dating is because they are physically unattractive. Make sure next woman you go on a date with is someone you're actually attracted to. 1
Versacehottie Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 On 10/7/2020 at 3:08 AM, Wiseman2 said: Don't string her along and keep agreeing to meet and texting. Move on. You are not interested, so why play games? Simply be honest and tell her you see her as a friend so both of you can be free to find someone else. I think this is the kindest thing to do even if it's awkward or feels unkind at first. Much better than stringing her along. Especially if she is sending you kisses emojis, you have a reason to address it. Just be a "friend" in that way and then don't be a friend--neither of you wants that. I think you can either fade or tell her directly. I think telling her directly suits the situation but so would disappearing. It was one date from OLD. Good luck 1
Watercolors Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 On 10/7/2020 at 5:54 PM, dangerous said: I agree about OLD, and I much prefer real life meets. But due to Covid... I went back to OLD as its a lazy way to date, but fraught with the dangers you already touched upon. My short return has certainly not enthused me to continue with any vigour!! Since you are both 50, (I'll be that age soon) why not just tell the truth at the end of the first date, like you know, our parents' generation did pre-online-dating era. If your normal go-to, is to let the lady know at the end of the night you're interested or not interested, don't deviate from that just b/c you're online dating. You played the caretaker role, which is something you said you wanted to break free from, by letting her think you really wanted a 2nd date when you didn't. You're a nice guy, but don't finish last next time. Finish first. Be upfront in a polite, yet direct way if you're not feeling a second date in the future with a woman. Will be much easier for you and her. 1
smackie9 Posted October 11, 2020 Posted October 11, 2020 (edited) She figured it out that you weren't interested but wanted to be sure. I know some people try the passive aggressive approach or the $%^& test by saying they are not feeling it to see what reaction they will get. So many come here that are in her situation, always say they would have appreciated honesty and say so instead of them continuing effort, having their hopes up. This lady isn't feeling better that she rejected you, she's upset and feeling duped. The only person that's feeling better is you. Edited October 11, 2020 by smackie9
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