Author Alvi Posted October 2, 2020 Author Posted October 2, 2020 3 hours ago, mark clemson said: This is meetups: https://www.meetup.com/ Thanks for the link. There is singles "Meet, Mix & Mingle" event where I live tomorrow. It is for only $5 dollars plus free beverage. I will attend, nothing to loose I suppose. Not that I am putting high hopes into it, but at least might be an interesting evening. 1
mindswap Posted October 2, 2020 Posted October 2, 2020 On 9/30/2020 at 12:38 PM, Alvi said: Where do you meet men if they don't notice you at all. It is like I am invisible to men entirely. No guy ever looks my way when I go out. Nobody ever hit on me in a grocery store. I volunteer, take classes (actually not now due to Covid-19 but before that). Guys ignore me pretty much. When I approach men first, they either nod politely, exchange pleasantries and move on. I even tried to dress a bit more provocatively at the gym,, but guys don't notice. They hit on other women, but don't see me at all. I go to work conferences from time to time. Again, men don't approach me and if I approach them they don't know how to move away from me fast enough. Pretty sure if I go to a bar and be the only women there, no men will ever approach me. Ney, not that I am offering, but they would not even be asking me for sex. Men don't see me as anything at all. One guy I took a class with told me years later that he thought I was cute. But he was pretty much flirting with every other female but not me. I am in a good shape. I am 5'3 and weigh 120 lb which is normal for me. People tell me I am good looking but that's about it. I try to dress nicely when I am out, always do my hair, wear makeup (nothing too crazy) don't smell bad. A psychic told me once that I am cursed to be alone all my life and I tend to believe him now. lol. But seriously, all kidding aside, why don't men look my way? My internet dating life been a disaster, you can read my previous threads. So how do you meet men? Would you have any advice for me? That's strange. I'm in a situation of looking for a woman. I feel invisible too. I don't like dating sites; they are full of fakes. I hear that some people find what they are looking for, but there are so many horror stories; I have a few of my own. I workout too. I'm in great shape, I'm told that I'm attractive, but I've only recently entered into the dating game. I have a heck of a time getting the right female attention; it's like I'm invisible. Maybe your attraction is too intimidating, and men have a hard time approaching you. I have had an instance where a nice looking woman has caught my attention, but I chickened out... oh well; live and learn. I'm out of practice; it's been 23 years since I've dated. A whole new experience for me. You may want to try being very warm and smiley. It's very easy to look too serious and be putting on a btch face without knowing it. A relaxed face isn't very inviting I've learned that much so far. Good luck in your search.
Azincourt Posted October 2, 2020 Posted October 2, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, mindswap said: That's strange. I'm in a situation of looking for a woman. I feel invisible too. You aren't invisible! There's literaly billions of women out there in the world, with many millions of women being single and also looking for a guy. What kind of woman do you want? Different women take different approaches to make them notice you. In any case, if I was you, I'd hit the gym HARD like you are the IRS and it owes you money. You'll look good, you'll feel good, you'll feel confident, and in return women will begin to notice you the way you wan tto be noticed. Quote I don't like dating sites; they are full of fakes. I hear that some people find what they are looking for, but there are so many horror stories; I have a few of my own. I workout too. I'm in great shape, I'm told that I'm attractive, but I've only recently entered into the dating game. I have a heck of a time getting the right female attention; it's like I'm invisible. Maybe your attraction is too intimidating, and men have a hard time approaching you. I have had an instance where a nice looking woman has caught my attention, but I chickened out... oh well; live and learn. I'm out of practice; it's been 23 years since I've dated. A whole new experience for me. You may want to try being very warm and smiley. It's very easy to look too serious and be putting on a btch face without knowing it. A relaxed face isn't very inviting I've learned that much so far. Good luck in your search. Okay, so you're in shape, and women tell you that you're attractive. Then you're not invisible to women. Maybe you're interested in women who are young and who are very attractive? In that case, it isn't a question of being invisible. It's that those women have so many men after them that they don't need to do anything to get men. There's lots and lots of decent-looking women around, and I very much doubt you are invisible to women. Maybe you just can't read body language? There are 3 groups of women. The majority of women will not physically approach a man. What they'll do is to stare at a guy until the guy feels someone is looking at them, then when they get the guy's attention, they let their own eyes roam the entirety of the guy's body, from the moment they lock eyes, down to his feet, and then they slowly walk up and up, until they've again seen all of your body, and your eyes are locked again. Then they smile at you. They play with their hair while staring at you and smiling. They touch and caress their necks while they look at you and smile at you. Their bodies are brimming with energy and excitment, as they keenly expect you to go up to them and say hello, and from there to getting a number, a date, a hook-up; it's pretty easy because they were already turned on from the get-go just by looking at you, so if you don't mess it up by talking too much and you just let things flow naturally everything will turn out fine. Then there are the women who are interested in a guy but they're shy and honestly shy women are usually terrible in bed so you shouldn't bother with them. Lastly, there are the women who will look at you, like what they see, and will approach you randomly and propose you for sex. These women vary from being physically unattractive to being young and hot, and the sex is usually pretty good, but many of them are crazy-crazy, and there's always the risk of catching a STD because these women lack self-control in many cases and will sleep with any guy whom they are attracted to. 23 years since you dated??? What you been up to these last 23 years?? Edited October 2, 2020 by Azincourt 1
mortensorchid Posted October 2, 2020 Posted October 2, 2020 I have more or less given up on things. Why someone would end up choosing a woman lesser than me is always the question, but they always do. And I mean they are lesser in looks, in the body, in the personality, as well as career success. It's what it is.
Azincourt Posted October 2, 2020 Posted October 2, 2020 (edited) 57 minutes ago, mortensorchid said: I have more or less given up on things. Why someone would end up choosing a woman lesser than me is always the question, but they always do. And I mean they are lesser in looks, in the body, in the personality, as well as career success. It's what it is. ??? Why would you give up on dating?? Friends are great, dogs and cats are awesome, but who is going to be there for you when you grow old and you get sick and frail, and you can't be mobile like you are anymore and you begin to need help? What do you mean a woman who is ''lesser'' than you? Are you college educated? Do you have your own house? is it well on it's way of being paid off? is the house located in a good state, in a wealthy city? Are you 18-30 and healthy, and physically attractive? Do you dress charmingly? Do you show an interest in the men you are interested in? Then I don't see how someone is picking women who are inferior than you by getting with the women who aren't you. Been around fashion models from Channel to Calvin Klein to any grand European fashion house, including beauty queens, since the moment I was born, heck even the nurse who attended to my birth was a fashion model on the side, and I've never really met a woman who complains about guys picking women who aren't as good as they themselves are. I'm scratching my skull through my very thick mop of hair here! Edited October 2, 2020 by Azincourt
Andy_K Posted October 2, 2020 Posted October 2, 2020 On 9/30/2020 at 8:38 PM, Alvi said: Where do you meet men if they don't notice you at all. Just to put things in perspective... if men approached every women they found attractive, most women wouldn't be able to leave the house. Any attempt to walk through a shopping centre could take hours. Society would break down because nobody would have time to do anything else. So... they don't. Most guys rarely or never cold approach. Those who do, still only do so on a very small fraction of the women they find attractive. You almost certainly are being noticed, just not approached. Put yourself in situations where it is natural that you will talk to people. Clubs/societies, exercise or academic classes, meetups, anything like that. There's no guarantees, but it improves your odds.
Azincourt Posted October 2, 2020 Posted October 2, 2020 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Andy_K said: Just to put things in perspective... if men approached every women they found attractive, most women wouldn't be able to leave the house. Any attempt to walk through a shopping centre could take hours. Society would break down because nobody would have time to do anything else. So... they don't. Most guys rarely or never cold approach. Those who do, still only do so on a very small fraction of the women they find attractive. You almost certainly are being noticed, just not approached. Put yourself in situations where it is natural that you will talk to people. Clubs/societies, exercise or academic classes, meetups, anything like that. There's no guarantees, but it improves your odds. LMAO. If I was to approach every woman I find to be attractive, Italian college women wouldn't be doing anything other than either accept my invite for a cup of coffee, or they'd be busy rejecting me left and right. You guys have no idea how many beautiful women there are in the world. Even in Countries and cultures where they try to hide their women's beauty, like in Iran or Saudi Arabia, it's not really that hard to come across beautiful women. These women we have on this planet at this point in time are the most beautiful women in the entire world to have been born. Go to any city in the world and you'll see tens and tens of thousands of women who consider themselves to be average, but are far more attractive than any Helen of Troy ever was. Did Helen of Troy have access to toothpaste? Did Helen of Troy have access to acne-clearing medicine? Did Helen of Troy keep her 18 year old body-figure after giving birth? We aren't going to approach every woman we find to be attractive. We need to go to our jobs, we need to go to college. We need to walk the dog! And when you're surrounded by beauty, and the gold of youth permeates your life because you live in a beach town, most of the time you are not going to go up to the majority of the women you are attracted to and say, 'how you doin' because you grow used to Beauty. It becomes something as natural as people ruining their lives and their pockets with cigarettes. Most guys aren't going to approach you, lady, even if you look like a 21 year old Sara Sampaio, or even as a 19 year old Sara Matos, not to talk about a Kelly Gale, who is dating a super jacked up Hollywood star, and why is that? Because those men feel like they have no chances with you, which is silly, as I've dated Victoria's Secret models and I am average-looking in Saint-Tropez, and I'm only a bartender, but my boldness and the flames of desire in my eyes, made her think of me as an attractive man. And I sure as heck can't compete with Giorgio Armani models but with that Goddess I still managed to win! Most guys thes days are too, well, you know, so you gotta go up to the guys you like and say hi and see what happens. Edited October 2, 2020 by Azincourt 1
Acacia98 Posted October 2, 2020 Posted October 2, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, mortensorchid said: Why someone would end up choosing a woman lesser than me is always the question, but they always do. And I mean they are lesser in looks, in the body, in the personality, as well as career success. It's what it is. Perhaps your outlook is part of the problem. Based on this post alone, it sounds like you believe that love is some kind of competition and the person with the "best" characteristics automatically wins. But that isn't how it works with genuine affection. With genuine affection, people form emotional connections with other people. And that can happen despite poverty, despite what you might consider to be unremarkable looks, and despite a personality that might not appeal to you. Edited October 2, 2020 by Acacia98 1
Azincourt Posted October 2, 2020 Posted October 2, 2020 Quote Perhaps your outlook is part of the problem. Based on this post alone, it sounds like you believe that love is some kind of competition and the person with the "best" characteristics automatically wins. But that isn't how it works with genuine affection. With genuine affection, people form emotional connections with other people. And that can happen despite poverty, despite what you might consider unremarkable looks, and despite a personality that might not appeal to you. I agree with this. Like, I'm not looking for a wife here, so my requirements for what a woman has to have for me to date her are pretty low as they are already. Young, hot, and she is attracted to me? I've dated women with terrible personalities who were so extremely arrogant that they only allowed attractive people to talk to them. They legit would ignore everyone they thought wasn't attractive, whenever someone talked to them, and I'm talking about other women asking them if they can pass the salt, not just guys who wanted to sleep with them. But that's me. Most guys are looking for a girlfriend, for a wife, and for a mother for their unborn kids. They're going to be far more selective where it concerns a woman's personality, behavior, and the way she sees the world than I am. This person who feels like she's getting rejected for women who are less than them could even look like a 21 year old Laetitia Casta. Maybe she does, but looking like a super model doesn't necessarily mean there's lots and lots of hard-working, family-oriented, marriage-oriented men, looking to date her, because you actually gotta talk to your wife, and maybe those men feel like they don't share any hobbies, any interests, nor any life goals with @mortensorchid and as a result they prefer to date the women they actually have an emotional connection with? 1
smackie9 Posted October 2, 2020 Posted October 2, 2020 All you have to do is smile...it makes you approachable. It's that easy. 3
Azincourt Posted October 2, 2020 Posted October 2, 2020 2 hours ago, smackie9 said: All you have to do is smile...it makes you approachable. It's that easy. Exactly this. All mom had to do to get dad was to approach him, smile and say hi. Same with my sisters, and aunties with their romantic partners. The right man for you won't really take all that much effort to get.
Author Alvi Posted October 2, 2020 Author Posted October 2, 2020 4 hours ago, Andy_K said: Just to put things in perspective... if men approached every women they found attractive, most women wouldn't be able to leave the house. Any attempt to walk through a shopping centre could take hours. Society would break down because nobody would have time to do anything else. So... they don't. Most guys rarely or never cold approach. Those who do, still only do so on a very small fraction of the women they find attractive. You almost certainly are being noticed, just not approached. Put yourself in situations where it is natural that you will talk to people. Clubs/societies, exercise or academic classes, meetups, anything like that. There's no guarantees, but it improves your odds. I do that. Well, actually did that before Covid. Nothing, men don't see me at all. If I try to talk to them, they either nod, exchange politeness and move away. Even if I got naked to a room full of men, they would still not see me. Not that I will ever do such a thing, kidding of course. But it is pretty much true.
Author Alvi Posted October 2, 2020 Author Posted October 2, 2020 3 hours ago, smackie9 said: All you have to do is smile...it makes you approachable. It's that easy. I try to smile. I say hi, they say hi and this is it. Never goes any further. I must be cursed as psychic told me.
Azincourt Posted October 2, 2020 Posted October 2, 2020 Just now, Alvi said: I do that. Well, actually did that before Covid. Nothing, men don't see me at all. If I try to talk to them, they either nod, exchange politeness and move away. Even if I got naked to a room full of men, they would still not see me. Not that I will ever do such a thing, kidding of course. But it is pretty much true. What kind of men are we talking about here? Generation X men?(50-60) They're usually married, or looking for a mistress, and I don't think you're looking for that position. Middle-aged men?(30-45) Those men are either married or they're in long-term relationships already. Young men?(18-25) Those men are, in many cases, just looking for casual sex or for a friends with benefits, and when a guy is looking for that, he tends to go for the women who are easier to take to bed, usually the women who have a high sex drive, are comfortable with no strings attached sex, and are very clear with what they want. There's a look to them, a certain aura that makes a guy go after those women when he's just looking for something short and fun. Then there are women whom you look at and you think to yourself, ''meh, she probably wants to go on dates and more dates, and it will take me 1 to 3 months before she sleeps with me, and I'd rather not waste my time with her because I'm not looking for a relationship at the time.'' Maybe the men you've met so far are men who are either already in a relationship so meeting them is pointless, or they're men who are looking for casual sex and so they get the feeling you aren't into that, which leads to.. Meet more and more and more men, until you come across men that like you back. 1
Author Alvi Posted October 2, 2020 Author Posted October 2, 2020 23 minutes ago, Azincourt said: What kind of men are we talking about here? I am 42 years old. Guess I am looking for the men in 38-52 age range. Suppose this is reasonable, give or take. I am only looking for a long term relationship. Suppose, if I really wanted would have no problem finding someone for a hookup or FWB type of relationship. But I don't want that at all. When I was younger, while never been very popular, it was different. Men approached me from time to time. Not very often, but I could see that they were interested. I was bombarded by the e-mails on the dating sites. But as soon as I turned 40, that is it. -Many men my ago are looking for a younger deal. How do you find yourself a relationship after 40? 27 minutes ago, Azincourt said: Then there are women whom you look at and you think to yourself, ''meh, she probably wants to go on dates and more dates, and it will take me 1 to 3 months before she sleeps with me, and I'd rather not waste my time with her because I'm not looking for a relationship at the time.'' I am one of those women you are describing. I want to feel closer to the guy, get to know him more before sleeping with him. Probably wrong approach, but I cannot sleep with every/any guy without an emotional connection. 29 minutes ago, Azincourt said: Those men are, in many cases, just looking for casual sex or for a friends with benefits, and when a guy is looking for that, he tends to go for the women who are easier to take to bed, usually the women who have a high sex drive, are comfortable with no strings attached sex, and are very clear with what they want. There's a look to them, a certain aura that makes a guy go after those women when he's just looking for something short and fun. Yes, I've seen that. Once, a guy said hi to a woman at my doctor's office. She said hi back. And this is it, he just gave her his phone number. She recorded it. It didn't sound to me like either of them were looking for anything serious. But I always wondered how that particular guy knew that that this particular lady would be "easy." There were other women in the waiting room, but he focused particularly on her. Guess her aura was a giveaway.
d0nnivain Posted October 2, 2020 Posted October 2, 2020 Alvi You don't have to jump straight into bed with every man who takes you on a date. It's OK to wait until you feel a connect. Some guy who bails because you are "too slow" is not your guy. Don't worry about it. The disappearance of a guy like that costs you nothing. After the exchange of hellos you have to say something else, anything else, to keep the conversation going. Talk about the weather as cliched as that is. If he's wearing a sports logo ask about the team. Talk . . .it does not matter about what. If you sit there in silence the man will think pushing a conversation will get him in trouble.
Wiseman2 Posted October 2, 2020 Posted October 2, 2020 On 9/30/2020 at 3:38 PM, Alvi said: A psychic told me once that I am cursed to be alone all my life and I tend to believe him Is he single?
Azincourt Posted October 2, 2020 Posted October 2, 2020 (edited) 51 minutes ago, Alvi said: I am 42 years old. Guess I am looking for the men in 38-52 age range. Suppose this is reasonable, give or take. I am only looking for a long term relationship. Suppose, if I really wanted would have no problem finding someone for a hookup or FWB type of relationship. But I don't want that at all. When I was younger, while never been very popular, it was different. Men approached me from time to time. Not very often, but I could see that they were interested. I was bombarded by the e-mails on the dating sites. But as soon as I turned 40, that is it. -Many men my ago are looking for a younger deal. How do you find yourself a relationship after 40? Considering your age, it might be a bit harder getting guys to notice you, but not because you are not physically attractive, but because there are less men in the dating market by that age. Most of the guys in your age-range are either married, or divorced and not looking for a relationship, and then there are the men who died off early in life due to health problems or work accidents etc, which makes the dating pool for your age group a tad harder for women to happily pair up with men. Yes, many men prefer younger women, and if they can afford them, yeah. They're going to go after them, it's just how it is. Well, I dunno. I'm in my 30s and I have no trouble dating older. In fact, there's a few women who work at the local supermarket and they're in their mid to late 40s, even one who is 60 years old, and they're still very attractive and I wouldn't say no to dating them if they weren't married already. Quote I am one of those women you are describing. I want to feel closer to the guy, get to know him more before sleeping with him. Probably wrong approach, but I cannot sleep with every/any guy without an emotional connection. Yes, I've seen that. Once, a guy said hi to a woman at my doctor's office. She said hi back. And this is it, he just gave her his phone number. She recorded it. It didn't sound to me like either of them were looking for anything serious. But I always wondered how that particular guy knew that that this particular lady would be "easy." There were other women in the waiting room, but he focused particularly on her. Guess her aura was a giveaway. There's nothing wrong about needing an emotional connection with a guy before having sex with you. People become vulnerable during sex, especially the women who attach easily to a man after sex, so it does make sense for you to be particular about the men you sleep with. How that particular guy knew that particular lady would be easy? Hmm, I can't say how it is for him, but for me it's pretty much like this. They can't take their eyes off me. They stare at me with an intense look in their eyes, like they're the IRS and I owe them serious money and they're afraid I'll get on an airplane and fly to Brazil. They smile a lot. They let their eyes roam the entire surface of my body. They seem to have a nervous energy to them when they're around the guy. They have a homing-in radar, when the guy is nearby they can automatically find where the guy is, as their eyes go straight to where the guy's at and visual contact is established and it's highly charged with a certain thunderous energy that sparkles and bends the atmosphere around them, and there's always a sort of silent uncomfortableness because you can sense what the other person is thinking about, what she's feeling, and what she wants. Edited October 2, 2020 by Azincourt 1
smackie9 Posted October 2, 2020 Posted October 2, 2020 I did an experiment one day in the grocery store. I wasn't done up, just yoga pants hoodie, ponytail. I just walk around in the store shopping smiling away, and men were checking me out, following me for another glance, one did approach me to say hi. I was in my early 40's then. I still get the occasional hello in the store, even tho I'm 56, in work boots, and not so fit body. I think you need to have a more happy go lucky demeanor and stop trying so hard. It how you carry yourself...your stride, attitude, body language. 2
Azincourt Posted October 2, 2020 Posted October 2, 2020 For sure. A few hours ago I was sitting outside at a coffee shop. I'm sitting there, the only person around, I'm wearing a mask, I'm wearing a baseball cap, so pratically the one thing that could be seen of my face is that I have a nose and ears, and my body was behind a table, so it's not like she could've seen much of it, and yet, these 2 cleaning ladies in their early 20s walk by. Both of them were wearing face masks but you could tell they were attractive. One of them looks at me, and she becomes intrigued by me, and as she's walking by we stare at each other and you could easily read her body language, and what that body language said was that she was open to being approached. You just need to work on making that body language of wanting to be approached, and guys will approach you. Did I approach her? No. Why? It ain't exactly hot to ask a woman to let me test her for covid-19 symptoms.
Author Alvi Posted October 3, 2020 Author Posted October 3, 2020 4 hours ago, Azincourt said: You just need to work on making that body language of wanting to be approached, and guys will approach you. Could you give some examples of how to do that? I am honestly terrible at flirting or at making any body signals.
Azincourt Posted October 3, 2020 Posted October 3, 2020 Just now, Alvi said: Could you give some examples of how to do that? I am honestly terrible at flirting or at making any body signals. Point your body and your feet in his direction. Look relaxed. Stare at him. Smile at him. Play with your hair while smiling at him. Touch your neck while smiling at him. Google ''how to let a guy know I'm interested in him,'' just a thought that occured me and that might come with decent tips. 2
alphamale Posted October 3, 2020 Posted October 3, 2020 12 minutes ago, Azincourt said: Point your body and your feet in his direction. Look relaxed. Stare at him. Smile at him. Play with your hair while smiling at him. Touch your neck while smiling at him. Google ''how to let a guy know I'm interested in him,'' just a thought that occured me and that might come with decent tips. most of this is done automatically without thinking about it when you see someone attractive
mortensorchid Posted October 3, 2020 Posted October 3, 2020 My bad outlook has been based on my bad experiences with OLDs and my history, plus seeing who these guys end up with or their excuses. Like the times I meet someone and he says he already ate or didn't buy a drink, nor offer to buy me one. And I sat there trying to make small talk with them and they are clearly not interested in me or whoever else comes before them. One guy literally walked away from me after the get together was over with. Another showed up high and nodded off. And still another said he was looking to do something else other than play cards with his buddies on Saturday nights - he didn't even botber to choose the places we were to meet, he let me do it. It's the apathy I see in others that bothers me, and that carries over to how they treat others around them - including me.
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