How do you meet men in real life?

[Alvi]

Where do you meet men if they don't notice you at all.  It is like I am invisible to men entirely. No guy ever looks my way when I go out. Nobody ever hit on me in a grocery store.  I volunteer, take classes (actually not now due to Covid-19 but before that). Guys ignore me pretty much. When I approach men first, they either nod politely, exchange pleasantries and move on.  I even tried to dress a bit more provocatively at the gym,, but guys don't notice. They hit on other women, but don't see me at all. I go to work conferences from time to time. Again, men don't approach me and if I approach them they don't know how to move away from me fast enough. Pretty sure if I go to a bar and be the only women there, no men will ever approach me. Ney, not that I am offering, but they would not even be asking me for sex. Men don't see me as anything at all. One guy I took a class with told me years later that he thought I was cute. But he was pretty much flirting with every other female but not me.
I am in a good shape. I am 5'3 and weigh 120 lb which is normal for me. People tell me I am good looking but that's about it. I try to dress nicely when I am out, always do my hair, wear makeup (nothing too crazy) don't smell bad. 
A psychic told me once that I am cursed to be alone all my life and I tend to believe him now. lol. But seriously, all kidding aside, why don't men look my way?

My internet dating life been a disaster, you can read my previous threads. So how do you meet men? Would you have any advice for me?

[d0nnivain]

I'm not sure why men aren't reacting to you in public.  It has been my experience that if a woman smiles at a man & so much as says hi a conversation will usually ensue.  You may have to take the laboring oar at first but with a little encouragement most men will be happy to chat with a nice woman. 

My advice, for now practice.  Say hi to men.  Maybe not all but just many.  Nothing crazy.  "Hey good morning."  "Hello"  "Hi"  just make a greeting while you are out & about.  We're not looking for anything else just you getting more comfortable being the first person to vocalize.  

When the world opens up my recommendation would be for you to go to a sports bar while the "big game" is on.  If you have a clue who's playing it's impossible to not find a man to talk to.   If you really hate sports this may prove a bit tougher.  

[Woggle]

The majority of men in general are afraid to interact with women in public. It has nothing to do with you. Men these days don't want to be labeled a creep so many just avoid women all together.

[Veronica73]

Don’t listen to Woggle, lol.

[basil67]

When most guys approach a woman, there is a high chance she will nod politely, exchange pleasantries and move on.  When making a cold approach we know nothing about their personal lives, marital status or whether they are even open to being approached by a stranger.   Even the most successful guys get many more knockbacks than they do acceptances, so it's quite normal that the same would happen to you.   

The work conference thing is odd.   Are you saying that if you're mingling at a work conference, a guy won't even stand with you to talk about the topic of the conference?    

You mentioned your poor history of dating.  I refreshed myself on your history and found that you've been engaged before and have now been single for two years.   If you can get engaged, it can't be all that bad.  What was your dating life like before you were engaged?  Was your fiance the only guy who ever looked at you...or did you date a number of men before that?

[DarrenB]

I'm sure you must have had some luck, but I guess it's probably your low self-esteem telling you the opposite.

Have you tried arranging small get togethers with friends? perhaps they could set you up with someone? 

[Happy Lemming]

57 minutes ago, basil67 said:

  Even the most successful guys get many more knockbacks than they do acceptances, so it's quite normal that the same would happen to you.   

 

This is 100% true.  I've had more rejections than I care to count, but I kept trying.

Some of the places I met women (in real life) grocery store line, sports activities, college (night classes), quite a few at friends' parties. I met one woman at a computer parts show that sold used computer parts, she was fun. Most of the women I met were at my local bar/pub. 

I met my present girlfriend while swimming in an apartment complex pool, she was in the cutest little blue bikini. I had to swim up to her and introduce myself.

I did try internet dating (briefly) hated it and went back to meeting women in real life.

As far as advice... I talk to everyone.  You never know who may have a friend or sibling that they think would be perfect for you.

Presently, you are going to have a hard time, as the pandemic has made many people "hole up" for the duration.  As soon as a vaccine is out and distributed, I think more dating possibilities will be available.

[Mrin]

Just tossing this out there but do you wear heels? Even low ones? If not consider it and see what happens. Just saying. Since it is autumn in the northern hemisphere a good heeled boot will work wonders too.

We men can be marvelously simple creatures at times. The don't call them CFM pumps for nothing!

Edited September 30, 2020 by Mrin

[MeadowFlower]

4 hours ago, Alvi said:

Where do you meet men if they don't notice you at all.  It is like I am invisible to men entirely. No guy ever looks my way when I go out. Nobody ever hit on me in a grocery store.  I volunteer, take classes (actually not now due to Covid-19 but before that). Guys ignore me pretty much. When I approach men first, they either nod politely, exchange pleasantries and move on.  I even tried to dress a bit more provocatively at the gym,, but guys don't notice. They hit on other women, but don't see me at all. I go to work conferences from time to time. Again, men don't approach me and if I approach them they don't know how to move away from me fast enough. Pretty sure if I go to a bar and be the only women there, no men will ever approach me. Ney, not that I am offering, but they would not even be asking me for sex. Men don't see me as anything at all. One guy I took a class with told me years later that he thought I was cute. But he was pretty much flirting with every other female but not me.
I am in a good shape. I am 5'3 and weigh 120 lb which is normal for me. People tell me I am good looking but that's about it. I try to dress nicely when I am out, always do my hair, wear makeup (nothing too crazy) don't smell bad. 
A psychic told me once that I am cursed to be alone all my life and I tend to believe him now. lol. But seriously, all kidding aside, why don't men look my way?

My internet dating life been a disaster, you can read my previous threads. So how do you meet men? Would you have any advice for me?

Well you know how most men are. It's about looks. It's a beauty contest. Don't give those type the time of day. You're worth more than that. 

Of course, there would be men of value out there. Men who want to date a person rather than something that appeals to them visually, and who value connection and friendship. 

 

Don't dress provocatively to get attention from men. You don't want those kind of guys. Just be yourself. Let your own personality shine out. Be real. And be open to genuine friendly interactions with men and see where those connections go. 

Also, I haven't practised this myself, but it's a good idea... Join groups that are doing things that you're interested in. Like those meetup groups. 

[alphamale]

3 hours ago, Woggle said:

The majority of men in general are afraid to interact with women in public. It has nothing to do with you. Men these days don't want to be labeled a creep so many just avoid women all together.

thanks to #metoo

[alphamale]

1 hour ago, Mrin said:

The don't call them CFM pumps for nothing!

i don't date women who don't wear heels.  couple years ago i met a woman off match who was 5 foot tall.  she said she only wears "granny shoes".  Needless to say i was totally turned off and never called her after the 1st date.

Edited October 1, 2020 by alphamale

[mortensorchid]

Much of why men in general do not react to women in public places (even a bar) has to do with the hypersensitive, anal retention PC culture we love in now.  Even if you were to say "hi how are you" to someone they act like you are strange anymore I think.  I am in the same boat as you.  I feel like I am too old to attract anyone, and I think guys want someone who is lesser than they are or who will take care of them.  

[snowboy91]

If you want to be noticed by guys, you have to get their attention. And I don't necessarily mean dressing provocatively (although that may help, I wouldn't do that if you're not comfortable with it), I mean actually talking to and interacting with them. And, of course, some settings are better than others for this - grocery stores and work functions are a big no-no, but bars, parties and social gatherings are better. Even as a guy I'd feel a bit weirded out by being approached by a girl while doing my weekly shop. If I'm at a bar or party, I'm always open for conversation. Sure, I'm taken and would say no in the end, but I'd never fault you for trying (and may point you in the direction of a single friend if you so wish!)

7 hours ago, basil67 said:

When most guys approach a woman, there is a high chance she will nod politely, exchange pleasantries and move on.  When making a cold approach we know nothing about their personal lives, marital status or whether they are even open to being approached by a stranger.   Even the most successful guys get many more knockbacks than they do acceptances, so it's quite normal that the same would happen to you.   

OP keep this in mind. Even guys with a "good" strike rate may only make progress with 1 in every 4 or 5 girls they talk to, since you don't know anything about them until you approach them.

Edited October 1, 2020 by snowboy91

[Dork Vader]

11 hours ago, Alvi said:

Where do you meet men if they don't notice you at all.  It is like I am invisible to men entirely. No guy ever looks my way when I go out. Nobody ever hit on me in a grocery store.  I volunteer, take classes (actually not now due to Covid-19 but before that). Guys ignore me pretty much. When I approach men first, they either nod politely, exchange pleasantries and move on.  I even tried to dress a bit more provocatively at the gym,, but guys don't notice. They hit on other women, but don't see me at all. I go to work conferences from time to time. Again, men don't approach me and if I approach them they don't know how to move away from me fast enough. Pretty sure if I go to a bar and be the only women there, no men will ever approach me. Ney, not that I am offering, but they would not even be asking me for sex. Men don't see me as anything at all. One guy I took a class with told me years later that he thought I was cute. But he was pretty much flirting with every other female but not me.
I am in a good shape. I am 5'3 and weigh 120 lb which is normal for me. People tell me I am good looking but that's about it. I try to dress nicely when I am out, always do my hair, wear makeup (nothing too crazy) don't smell bad. 
A psychic told me once that I am cursed to be alone all my life and I tend to believe him now. lol. But seriously, all kidding aside, why don't men look my way?

My internet dating life been a disaster, you can read my previous threads. So how do you meet men? Would you have any advice for me?

Well meeting people inside of a grocery store is going to be difficult. People go there to shop.. They also often have personal items in their shopping carts.. I can tell you i would never flirt or try to get someones number at a grocery store. I feel like it's not the place and time.

If you want to meet men, perhaps focus more on interacting with them. What are your interests? Do you like books? Video games? Exercise? Find hobbies in which you can interact with other people. Do you like animals? volunteer at a shelter.. Are you religious? Get involved with your religion.. You'll start to meet people and build friendships.

[d0nnivain]

Dressing provocatively does not necessarily mean showing too much skin.  A heel might help but it can also mean clothes that fit well to show you have a shape other than sack of potatoes. Again I'm not advocating skin tight just something that fits.  Soft, touchable fabrics help too -- silk, cashmere etc.  Don't overlook the allure of a dangling earring.  Yes, I am making a fishing analogy.  

No matter what a smile is your best asset.

[Fletch Lives]

How do you meet men in real life? - You hit them over the head with a club and drag them into your cave!

[d0nnivain]

3 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said:

How do you meet men in real life? - You hit them over the head with a club and drag them into your cave!

That is so much work & the club can be heavy, not to mention the exertion of dragging the guy.  Ugh.  It's so much easier when they just follow you home, kind of like a stray puppy.  🐕

[alphamale]

46 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Yes, I am making a fishing analogy.  

[Azincourt]

18 hours ago, Alvi said:

Where do you meet men if they don't notice you at all.

I'm sure they notice you. It's impossible for someone to have everyone belonging to the opposite sex to notice her, but most women and most men do get noticed by a decent share of men and women, and you're a part of those people who are noticed.

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  It is like I am invisible to men entirely. No guy ever looks my way when I go out.

There are men who are already in a relationship and aren't looking for a new girlfriend because they're happy with what they have. There are men who have gotten out of recently turned sour relationships,  and they'd rather focus on something else other than dating. There are men who are attracted to their own sex, so those guys aren't really going to pay attention to women, and then there are those men who find you to be attractive but they are shy, or they feel like they have no chance with you, resulting in them not really ''noticing'' you because they wonder to themselves why bother.

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Nobody ever hit on me in a grocery store.  I volunteer, take classes (actually not now due to Covid-19 but before that). Guys ignore me pretty much. When I approach men first, they either nod politely, exchange pleasantries and move on.  I even tried to dress a bit more provocatively at the gym,, but guys don't notice.

Well, before the covid-19 age, I would be out and about the house and I'd see tens of thousands of people, young folks. Most of the men didn't really approach women all that much, at least from what I've seen, and it couldn't have been a case of lack of attraction for the women present, for this is pretty much a beach town/college town and almost every woman is hot.  I feel that these days men are far more likely to approach women in the right places. Places where women expect to be approached, like the nightclub, the bar, the music festival, and every other party area that has a multitude of young people from both sexes.

There are many men who still approach women out there on the street, but honestly it's not something I feel comfortable with. Even when they're giving me more signals of ''approach me dude I'm green lightening your way to strike a conversation for you '' and I'm into the woman, I'm usually either thinking of the bills I have to pay which put me off, or I feel awkward approaching these women who are interested in being approached by men in the middle of a train or bus. I prefer to be approached by women *shrugs*

It shows her to have high self-esteem and to be willing to go after what she wants, and that's hot.

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They hit on other women, but don't see me at all.

It's a big world out there. 3.5 billio men. Lots of men for you to meet, and you'll come across a lot of men who'll be interested in you.

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I go to work conferences from time to time. Again, men don't approach me and if I approach them they don't know how to move away from me fast enough.

They're either married, in long-term relationships, not looking for relationships, not looking for hook-ups, or they are not interested in you. I hardly think men are running away from you, that's just your impression from what is truly happening, but I'm sure it ain't. Sometimes people are just busy, and they aren't looking to meet new people.

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Pretty sure if I go to a bar and be the only women there, no men will ever approach me. Ney, not that I am offering, but they would not even be asking me for sex. Men don't see me as anything at all. One guy I took a class with told me years later that he thought I was cute. But he was pretty much flirting with every other female but not me.

No offense, but I remember the very first time I entered an European nightclub at the age of 18, and I came across obese women who were being pursued by 4 guys at the same time. And these were young, attractive men. Every woman and every man has someone interested in them, sexually, romantically, and that includes people who are attractive, so unless you're like 600 lbs or you're the unfortunate victim of extreme facial burns - I don't really think you'd have that much of an hassle finding a man to have sex with in a nightclub.

If the guy said he thought you was cute, then you were cute. He thought you was attractive. Back in college, I would always go after the women who' were  down to have sex with me quickly because I was and I'm still primarily only interested in casual sex.

Usually, party girls, women who were unattractive back in high school and were ignored, and now that they blossomed and became hot at like the age of 19, they're gonna enjoy their youth, and also women who had boyfriends but those boyfriends were back in their villages and far away towns,  and you can't really expect a 18 year old woman to go months without sex, can you. It's not like she's married.

There was one woman in particular, she looked like one of those 19th century French dolls, very pretty ,very slim, very sweet, but she was boring and I reckoned it would take me a month or two to score, so I focused my time and effort on the other women, who were as attractive as she was, but easier for me to take to bed, because they wanted to sleep with me from the get-go,  soon after I met them. 

whereas this other woman would ask me out on dates and wanted to spend time with me, and I was 18 and I was in a college that was 70% women and 30% men, and most of the women were from Spain, Italy, Portugal, France, Germany, Brazil, South Africa, Angola etc, and all of the women going to this college were all hot, and their love was free, why in heaven would I let the opportunity pass me by..

So why would I waste my time on a woman I find to be attractive but was going to make work for it.

All I wanted was to get laid, and can't say I've changed much from back then. Except those 4 white hairs I found on my hairline last year, but thankfully they never returned white when I last removed them.

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I am in a good shape. I am 5'3 and weigh 120 lb which is normal for me. People tell me I am good looking but that's about it. I try to dress nicely when I am out, always do my hair, wear makeup (nothing too crazy) don't smell bad. 
A psychic told me once that I am cursed to be alone all my life and I tend to believe him now. lol. But seriously, all kidding aside, why don't men look my way?

My internet dating life been a disaster, you can read my previous threads. So how do you meet men? Would you have any advice for me?

you're 50 lbs lighter than the average woman, that's pretty good. If you keep yourself in shape, and if you take good care of yourself(make-up, nail ponish, clear skin, straight white teeth, shiny thick hair that smells good etc) you won't realy have that much of a hard time finding a boyfriend, eventually.  Don't rush anything, it's not like it's the end of the world and you need a boyfriend as fast as possible to be eligible to move to Mars or something.

I dunno why men don't look your way. Maybe you're too attractive. I met women in college who were hot or who've only had a boyfriend(short-term) back in high school, and these women were still virgins. Either because men didn't approach them because they assumed the women already had a guy, or because the man felt like he couldn't afford her $$ or that he wasn't attractive enough for her, or that maybe her dog died and the last thing she wanted to do was to entertain men.

And then there are women who seem closed up  and don't want to be approached, but they actually do, like I had happen to me in college with a few women who seemed they were angry at me for no reason for it's not like I hadn't even told them I don't pay for dates as I didn't even know their names, but when I struck a conversation with them, they warmed up and I got to date a few of them. Didn't get to sleep with most of those women who seemed guarded up when I first saw them. I guess I wasn't attractive enough, dunno, never really stopped to wonder why a woman who rejects me rejects me.

How do you meet men?

My sisters either get approached or they approach the men, and they are successful most of the time. My mom saw my dad at the local restaurant, saw what she saw, went up to him, sat in his table, said hi,  and 40 years later they're still happily married to each other.

High self-esteem in a woman is pretty hot.

Edited October 1, 2020 by Azincourt

[mark clemson]

The watched pot never boils?

Prior to COVID there were Meetups. They will eventually return. There are other types of in-person events, such as professional events, interest clubs, volunteering, etc. Again, gotta wait for things to normalize so may be a year or two. In the meantime, you're stuck with day-to-day unfortunately.

Maybe be the conversation initiator. Have a friendly conversation with a good looking guy.

You can even be the DATE initiator. At the end of the conversation say "You know, you seem really nice. Would you like to go do something sometime?" and see what they say.

Some men won't go for this, but there are those who will. Many will say no or be taken, but that's life. Welcome to the world of what men have to go through.

There are times when you have to go out and get what you want rather than waiting for it to come to you.

[Azincourt]

Meetups?

Like an agency created with the purpose to get people a boyfriend or a girlfriend? or friends meeting up and bringing along other women and other women who are single and looking to date, like going with friends to the movies and they bring along their own friends and then you meet people who are single and who find you to be interesting?

As for the rest, yeah, I agree. Go up to the guy and say hello. It doesn't hurt and it's not as scary in real life as it might seem. Some men will ignore you, other men will already have a girlfriend or be married, but there will be many who'll be attracted to you and will enjoy your bold approach.

Don't wait for men to approach you!

Be like my mom!

Approach the guys you want and be happy.

[mark clemson]

This is meetups:

https://www.meetup.com/

[Azincourt]

Ah, I see. Thanks. 

[d0nnivain]

1 minute ago, Azincourt said:

Meetups?

Like an agency created with the purpose to get people a boyfriend or a girlfriend? or friends meeting up and bringing along other women and other women who are single and looking to date, like going with friends to the movies and they bring along their own friends and then you meet people who are single and who find you to be interesting?

It's more like a clearing house.  You go to MeetUp.com  Anybody can start a group that gets together to engage in a particular activity:  read books, play games, hike, re-enact Civil War battles, whatever.  Anybody can organize one within the parameters of the organization.  

You go on the website & find something that interests you.  You attend whatever the function is.  There you meet like minded people.    

[Azincourt]

That sounds like a decent way for people to find new friends who share their same goals and hobbies. Real nice of whoever had the idea to create such a thing. Thanks for clearing it up for me!