Sudden D-Day and Questions

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, RebeccaR said:

A lot here doesn’t make sense. Strangers and acquaintances noticed your “energy” but neither spouse did? He made this “careless mistake” that anyone in an affair would surely avoid? That flirty text exchange must have been pretty steamy to have constituted DDay. I am not criticizing or questioning you, but there seems more than you are telling us.

My guess is he’s a garden variety “cake eater”, given that he told you immediately he would never divorce (and he hoped you wouldn’t either). You, OTOH, wanted more, which is why you are now miserable. Maybe he was ready to end it/blow this up.

I agree this is definitely not his first affair nor will it be his last.  He knows to be upfront about not leaving his wife.  He puts that fact out there but he knows it won't make any difference because the affair will still start.

[C52]

You're understandably in a confused panicked state. Try to reach a state of calm for at least a few minutes and consider if divorce from your spouse is really a bad thing. You may be trying to stay with him since keeping a 'whole family unit' may seem like a stabilizing goal in these panicky times. 

If you truly feel that you want to try and work to keep the marriage together then (at all costs) avoid telling your husband direct lies. Trickle-truthing or discovered lies (even of omission) are a fresh stab to your husband so answer all questions truthfully and completely - that way you won't  have to keep track of lies.

As for your former friend (BW) leave her alone as well as fMM.

It  may benefit you to seek out a competent IC to help you through this time - esp how to deal with your children's questions.