Inappropriate texts or affair?

[QTpie123]

4 minutes ago, DKT3 said:

He would bring it up because it was never resolved,  he never got what he needed to move forward.  

Even now you talk about how you felt embarrassed because people knew, not because what it did to him.

Getting a picture of the history,  it should not shock you that you are where you are in this relationship,  and what your husband is doing isn't a surprise.  Your marriage is broken and you are just as responsible as your husband.  

In order to fix it you two have to go all the way back to your affair and your apparent desire to leave the marriage because of it. 

Honestly,  it sounds like your husband has 20 years of built up resentment and doesn't really respect or love you now.  It maybe too far gone.

You’re right I didn’t mention how it affected him.   However you asked me if I suffered consequences. I simply answered your question about my consequences. 

we did not attend therapy.  It killed him. He was angry. He was hurt. I did what ever he wanted me to to try to mend our relationship I worked my ass off to mend what i could so that he and I could move forward. I made sure that I would never do anything that would ever cause he or I pain like that in the future. All while he was cheating on me during this time and he made me feel like s*** almost daily. 
 

I was not wanting a divorce because Of the affair i had that paper work filled out several months before. Husband had pulled away emotionally and physically. We had been fighting almost nightly always ending unresolved.  I left him and stayed with a friend an hour away one weekend and he called begged me to come home so we could work it out. I finally agreed and when I walked into our house he was walking out to go play at the lake with his friends. This is pre-affair. 
 

my affair did not start until well after all this. The way I saw it our marriage was over. We were going to divorce I could move on. Many do this!  However it did not work that way we ended up working through it together. 
 

little did I know that the reason he had pulled away as mentioned earlier was because he was in a relationship with his coworker at the time. Yes I know how bad this sounds. 
 

I know now the majority of our marriage is one big lie. I know that some would consider this a dysfunctional relationship. Some would say we aren’t compatible. And at this point I can see that. But I didn’t know any of this was happening until recently. 

I have never denied having a role in the degradation of my marriage

 I know I have a role that I played, however I will not be shamed. I made a mistake.  I learned from my mistake.  I didn’t repeat my mistake. 

I offered MC to husband when he found out About my affair he refused. he and I have talked in depth about my affair. 
He however has seemed to have cheated on me for years without my knowledge. He’s had at least 3 affair or affair type situations that i know of. All while telling me that my affair was able to bring us closer and made our marriage stronger. I agreed not knowing better.
 

yes he and I have issues.  we are trying to work through them if we can. It may be too late, we will find out.

 

[mark clemson]

JMO, but seems like there is a big difference between failing to reconcile and faking reconciliation while the WS is sincerely attempting it, hanging the affair over his/her head, publicly humiliating him/her, using it as "I win button" in arguments, guilting them into doing things, and then using it as an excuse to have multiple affairs of your own.

I mean there are levels of "bad", right? This guy is not a serial killer, I assume, but - D-baggery above and beyond??

Edited September 30, 2020 by mark clemson