d0nnivain Posted September 28, 2020 Posted September 28, 2020 35 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: I'd never in a million years go on a single date with an unemployed guy. I think the OP said she thought he was unemployed due to Covid. I doubt I would have been dating in the height of the pandemic but I could see myself making an exception if that was the reason but I would definitely no stick around for somebody who shows no incentive to find new employment now, especially with my help. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted September 28, 2020 Posted September 28, 2020 4 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: I think the OP said she thought he was unemployed due to Covid. I doubt I would have been dating in the height of the pandemic but I could see myself making an exception if that was the reason but I would definitely no stick around for somebody who shows no incentive to find new employment now, especially with my help. I wouldn't. I'd tell him get in touch once he has a job and date employed men.
Allupinnit Posted September 28, 2020 Posted September 28, 2020 I can't think of a less attractive trait in a man, honestly. 2
alphamale Posted September 29, 2020 Posted September 29, 2020 18 hours ago, smackie9 said: ... and dump this chump. 1
Azincourt Posted September 29, 2020 Posted September 29, 2020 (edited) On 9/27/2020 at 8:15 AM, rebb4120 said: My relatively new boyfriend isn’t working right now. We’ve been together 4 months, so we met right when the worst of the pandemic seemed to be ending. He worked for his family before doing manual labor and it just didn’t end well, so he quit right before covid. I understood him not having a job again because of covid, and we got along and everything was great so I figured he’ll just get a job when everything ended. Well it’s now almost October, and he still isn’t working and honestly doesn’t seem interested in going back to work. I just got a second job because I’m 23, will be 24 in 6 months, and living at my parents house and wanting to move out within the next year and I know I won’t be able to do so with my current income. I don’t want to be working 6 days a week with 2 jobs while I know he’s sitting at home not even with 1. It also makes me think he doesn’t care about us or our relationship, which may be dramatic but I’m partly doing this because I know if I want us to have a good life together I need to make more money. While this is a concern of mine, it seems like he could care less. Every time I bring up him getting a job he’ll immediately change the subject or just tend to make a joke about what I said somehow just to avoid talking about it. Tonight we went to a friends house and he was doing a few things I wasn’t comfortable with so I was upset anyway. One of his friends there mentioned that a job was available doing something similar to what he did before with the company of their friends dad. All he said was “oh okay” and that was that. When we got home I asked if he was going to contact his friends dad about the job and he was silent. I waited for a few seconds and then asked again, and he said “I don’t know” in a stern voice. I asked him why he was mad and he said that he wasn’t mad just annoyed, and how I sound like “his mom” and he’s already in his own head about not having a job and apparently me asking is making it worse. Well if you’re in your own head about it, why are you not trying to get a job? I typed up his resume AND created a job recruiting profile for him for employers to try and find him. He hasn’t put in any effort to try and even look at the website, and I feel like I’m about to hit my breaking point with this situation. If I try to bring it up, he gets mad. If I don’t bring it up, I’m upset because there’s absolutely no reason for him not to be working. How should I go about resolving this, if I can? I feel like the situation might be hopeless and maybe I should reevaluate the situation entirely, but then I also think maybe I’m just being too sensitive because we are so new in our relationship. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you if you’ve read up to this point. You are not married to him. You don't have kids with him. You are not living with him. Why would he need to get a job if he doesn't need to get one, and why are you fixated on the guy getting a job? Let the guy be happy and enjoy his last few years of youth. Soon enough it will be taxes, taxes, sub taxes, mortggage, property taxes ,and a billion other ways for him to lose his money. You want to move out from your parents house but you can't pay for rent on your own? Then stay with your parents, save up your money, get the downpayment for a house and then you buy yourself a house. Only rich fools waste their money on renting a house. Paying someone's else's mortggage for them? Dude got out of his parents house with 100 000 dollars in his bank account, bought himself a house, paid it off comfortably and now he's chilling real nice. A bit better than moving out of your parents, and then dating a guy and forcing him to get a job because you need help to pay for the rent, no? You know, I had a girlfriend like the kind of girlfriend you're attempting to be right now. I was in between jobs, and I didn't feel like getting a job, as I had an older lady friend who was willing to sponsor me, and this girlfriend of mine wanted me to move in with her and wanted me to get a job and then wanted me to pool my money with hers. Nah, I'm good. I ain't a billionaire, and even billionaires treat their money like it's the last peach tree on earth. What you should do is to break up with your boyfriend and find yourself a guy who isn't afraid to play the game of, ''roomates with benefits until the both of us are tired of each other/grow bored with each other, we break up, go back to our parents houses, and all of the money we spent on the house got wasted because our relationship ran it's course.'' Besides the fact that you have only been dating the guy for 4 months. 4 months ain't even enough time for me to get to know you, let alone actually move in with you and share my living spaces with you. Locked up with you in a quarentine when I don't know much about you other than your name and how old you are? Geez what's next, I wonder. I'm eagerly waiting for the day someone comes to Loveshack and says she wants to have a baby with her boyfriend of 2 months, yikes. Edited September 29, 2020 by Azincourt
Fletch Lives Posted September 29, 2020 Posted September 29, 2020 Listen to gaeta and smakie. For a person to be a good catch, they have to be responsible - and that means they gotta have money or work for it. Get a yob, mang! 1
Allupinnit Posted September 29, 2020 Posted September 29, 2020 I don't understand how some people just don't feel like working. What the hell do you do with yourself all day? Don't you have financial goals you want to meet? Don't you feel useless? (not talking about stay-at-home parents) I've worked since I was 15. I learned very young that the only person who was going to take care of me was myself. If I don't work, I don't eat. My sister lives with a guy who doesn't like to work. His parents are still paying his bills and he's 28. He says he doesn't want to get just any "manual labor" job. LOL no way in hell I would have sex with that guy. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted September 29, 2020 Posted September 29, 2020 7 minutes ago, Allupinnit said: I don't understand how some people just don't feel like working. What the hell do you do with yourself all day? Don't you have financial goals you want to meet? Don't you feel useless? When you need to support yourself and are working toward financial goals, I agree. But I hope to retire as young as possible, and I'll have plenty to occupy myself - exploring nature, art and craft projects, tons of hobbies, volunteering, travel, on and on. But I agree with you that I can't relate whatsoever to people who are content to do nothing and sponge off others including the government. I guess they're just lazy, no ambition, no goals or drive. Not someone I'd ever have any interest in dating or even being friends with.
Allupinnit Posted September 29, 2020 Posted September 29, 2020 @Ruby Slippers - I think we can safely say that this guy hasn't been investing in his IRA for 20 years. LOL 1
Ruby Slippers Posted September 29, 2020 Posted September 29, 2020 Yes LOL I just don't get when people say "what do you do with yourself all day?" if you're not working. A MILLION things! But I have a feeling a guy like this isn't doing jack - maybe getting high and playing video games 2
kendahke Posted September 29, 2020 Posted September 29, 2020 On 9/27/2020 at 3:15 AM, rebb4120 said: I don’t want to be working 6 days a week with 2 jobs while I know he’s sitting at home not even with 1. Don't move in with him or let him move in with you. That solves that one. On 9/27/2020 at 3:15 AM, rebb4120 said: How should I go about resolving this, if I can? Stop being his mom. Stop nagging him about getting a job. If you want a man who's working, this guy ain't the guy for you, despite what you may think is happening in the 4 months you've known him. He's showing you that he's good with sitting around the house all day doing nothing while you slave away--and he feels entitled to sit around the house while you slave away--like a child. Do you want a dependent you have to take care of? If not, kick him to the curb. He wants a mommy to sponge off of--let him go back home and do that. Meantime, you get on with your life and never, ever let him talk his way into living with you or else you'll never be able to get rid of him without it costing you a grip. 2 1
Alvi Posted September 30, 2020 Posted September 30, 2020 (edited) On 9/27/2020 at 1:15 AM, rebb4120 said: I don’t want to be working 6 days a week with 2 jobs while I know he’s sitting at home not even with 1. Well, there are plenty of guys who actually work and don't sit at home and expect their girlfriends to work for them. He is NOT one of them. As long as you'll be bringing home the money and him just sitting and doing nothing all day, he is all in. Imagine what it would be like when you actually move in together. You working long hours at 2 jobs. Him, sitting at home all day doing nothing at all. On 9/27/2020 at 1:15 AM, rebb4120 said: It also makes me think he doesn’t care about us or our relationship, which may be dramatic but I’m partly doing this because I know if I want us to have a good life together I need to make more money. While this is a concern of mine, it seems like he could care less. No, he probably cares enough about you, or at least how much money you can bring home in order to support his lazy behind. As long as you make the money, he is all in. Quit your jobs and sit at home and do nothing like him and see how long he sticks around. I bet he'll be gone before you can say "Hey" to him. Off to another gullible female who is willing to work 2 jobs to support him. He seems like he could care less because you are actually working and making the money. On 9/27/2020 at 1:15 AM, rebb4120 said: Every time I bring up him getting a job he’ll immediately change the subject or just tend to make a joke about what I said somehow just to avoid talking about it. He is lazy, but you know that already, don't you? On 9/27/2020 at 1:15 AM, rebb4120 said: One of his friends there mentioned that a job was available doing something similar to what he did before with the company of their friends dad. All he said was “oh okay” and that was that. When we got home I asked if he was going to contact his friends dad about the job and he was silent. I waited for a few seconds and then asked again, and he said “I don’t know” in a stern voice He is not interested in getting a job, because you know what? He would actually have to work. Imagine the horrors. Perhaps there is a phycological problem with him. But if if he is not even willing to explore every venue to find a job, that makes him just lazy. On 9/27/2020 at 1:15 AM, rebb4120 said: I asked him why he was mad and he said that he wasn’t mad just annoyed, and how I sound like “his mom” He is right. It is NOT your job to mother him. It is not your job to nag him about finding a job. He is the one who needs to be motivated to find one. On 9/27/2020 at 1:15 AM, rebb4120 said: d he’s already in his own head about not having a job and apparently me asking is making it worse. Well if you’re in your own head about it, why are you not trying to get a job? Because it would actually mean that he has to work. He wants to sulk and feel bad about not having a job than actually working. On 9/27/2020 at 1:15 AM, rebb4120 said: I typed up his resume AND created a job recruiting profile for him for employers to try and find him. You've done more than enough for him. A lot more than most women would do in your situation. Nothing more you can do for him. On 9/27/2020 at 1:15 AM, rebb4120 said: He hasn’t put in any effort to try and even look at the website He is a very lazy person. On 9/27/2020 at 1:15 AM, rebb4120 said: I feel like I’m about to hit my breaking point with this situation Just take a minute and imagine what it will be like if you actually move in together with him. Oh, what would happen if you have kids? You'll be working day and night at 3-5 jobs to support yourself, your kids and him of course, while he sits at home. Oh, the joys. On 9/27/2020 at 1:15 AM, rebb4120 said: If I try to bring it up, he gets mad What did you expect? On 9/27/2020 at 1:15 AM, rebb4120 said: If I don’t bring it up, I’m upset because there’s absolutely no reason for him not to be working. You are a 100% correct here. On 9/27/2020 at 1:15 AM, rebb4120 said: How should I go about resolving this, if I can? I feel like the situation might be hopeless and maybe I should reevaluate the situation entirely, but then I also think maybe I’m just being too sensitive because we are so new in our relationship. There is nothing you can do, really. He is who he is. You will never be able to change his nature, no matter what you do or try. Nagging will never work. If you ever marry, you'll be always the one working. He will always be either without a job or between jobs, which is pretty much the same I suppose. Even if he manages to find a job by some miracle, it will not last for long. He will always be either quitting or getting fired from any future jobs. And it will always be up to you to pick up the slack. Either accept that this what life with him will be like forever or move on. Actually, just move on. On 9/27/2020 at 1:15 AM, rebb4120 said: Does anyone have any advice? End the relationship and find someone who is actually willing to work. Nothing more to say here. Edited September 30, 2020 by Alvi 7
pinkpaw Posted September 30, 2020 Posted September 30, 2020 (edited) Perfect response by Alvi. Hit every single nail on the head. Edited September 30, 2020 by pinkpaw
BaileyB Posted September 30, 2020 Posted September 30, 2020 I don’t date unemployed men. COVID is one thing, but the fact that he is not even making an effort to find work - that’s a no go.
kendahke Posted September 30, 2020 Posted September 30, 2020 As long as you're living at home, you have no problem. I doubt your folks will let him sit up in their house consuming electricity, food and broadband, so you're good. What you need to stop doing is feeding any fantasy of you and him getting a place of your own. If he's showing you right now what he's about, why would you want to shoulder the responsibility for your own dwelling and he's not paying a dime or doing anything that looks like he's trying to earn a dime. He thinks he's a prince in the idle class with a trust fund. Your treasury is his trust fund and you need to dry up the funds on him right now. No more paying his way when you go get something to eat. He's grown--he can go figure that out for himself. It's not your responsibility to feed him, clothe him or shelter him. I'd stay at home for as long as possible and bank that coin. You move into your own place on YOUR own timetable, not his. 1
Azincourt Posted September 30, 2020 Posted September 30, 2020 Quote I'd stay at home for as long as possible and bank that coin. You move into your own place on YOUR own timetable, not his. Exactly. Unless your parents are douchebags, they are going to let you stay home rent free. You spend your money on your own food, clothes, the washing and the drying, but the rest of your money you save up for a downpayment. My uncle lived with his parents until the age of 30. The mortggage on his parents house was already paid off, so my grandparents didn't need him to pay rent. Because my grandfather bought the land in one sum lump payment and built the house with his own two hands, alone. My uncle worked hard, saved up, and when he left his parents house he left with 100 000 dollars in the bank. That's a decent enough amount of cash for a relatively young man to start his life with. Just make sure that when you buy a house, you get your attorney to draft a rent contract that states in red lines that your boyfriend - who is paying rent to you - isn't entitled to any share of the house if the two of you break up. Same principle goes if you get married.
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