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Excuse : timing

mortensorchid

By mortensorchid
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mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

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I was saying to someone not too long when we talked online (a guy friend in another city) to update each other on things.  I said I'd had a few internet dates in the last few months but eventually they all turned out the same - either never heard a word from them again or the texting tapers off after a day or two.  He said an excuse that I have heard before : the timing is not right.

I'm not sure how I feel about this excuse or not.  I used to believe that might be true but I don't really anymore.  Timing how?  From what I saw these guys are looking for a gf otherwise why would they put up an ad on an app or website?  I suppose that one could say that they chose A instead of B, that's not uncommon.  But when they are rude and act stupid with you (ex. Not even ordering a drink when you are at the meeting place), that's just ridiculous.  

Anyone else think this?

ShyViolet Established Member

ShyViolet

Posted
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"The timing is not right".... I think for the most part that is a line that people say to just kinda smooth things over, but it doesn't mean anything.  It's just a meaningless excuse.  I think the bottom line is that if a person doesn't make an effort to be with the person then "he's just not that into you!"

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FMW Established Member

FMW

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I've always thought about it as the timing for me, or in your example, you.  That for whatever reason the time is not right for you to be paired up.  Maybe there is more for you to learn about yourself or accomplish on your own before the timing is right for you to meet the person with whom you'll truly connect.

There are plenty of people who think they are ready to settle down but really aren't.  That could be you, or it could be them.  Or both.

There's no reason for someone to be rude or a complete dud, so of course this doesn't excuse people that act the way you've described. But unfortunately most of us meet a lot of duds (in terms of compatibility with us) before meeting a good match.

Obviously I do believe in divine timing, so although it can be frustrating and disappointing at times, I believe what's meant to be yours, will be yours.  When the time is right.  In the meantime you just have to stay open and receptive and don't let the rude duds get you down.  Or at least don't let them keep you down. 

I've never done online dating, but it seems to me from what I've read on this forum and heard from others it can be more frustrating and disappointing than meeting someone IRL because you spend time and energy on them before even meeting to know if whatever interest you were feeling holds out face to face.  I'm sure that gets really old.        

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CaliforniaGirl Established Member

CaliforniaGirl

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Yeah...it's ridiculous...I mean, as you said, he's looking, you're looking, the timing's bad for what? It's an excuse.

 

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FMW Established Member

FMW

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Maybe I misunderstood, but I took it that the "timing" comment was from someone who is just a friend with whom she was discussing her recent dates.  So he was just telling her the timing wasn't right in general.  

If a guy says something about timing as a reason for HIM to not date you, then yes, I would agree it's just an excuse.  

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Watercolors Established Member

Watercolors

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I agree with everyone that it's just a lame excuse. The person who says it to you is basically conveying that whatever's going on in their life, you don't fit in it. But if we have to wait for both of our lives to align to be together, we'd be waiting forever. So yeah, it's just a lie or an excuse not to get involved with the person.

Erik30 Established Member

Erik30

Posted
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4 hours ago, FMW said:

Maybe I misunderstood, but I took it that the "timing" comment was from someone who is just a friend with whom she was discussing her recent dates.  So he was just telling her the timing wasn't right in general.  

If a guy says something about timing as a reason for HIM to not date you, then yes, I would agree it's just an excuse.  

Yeah I think your friend was just trying to be nice to cheer you up. This is basically like saying "you'll meet the right person some day."

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Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

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It's a cliche to end the conversation in a neutral way.

Alvi Established Member

Alvi

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14 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

the timing is not right

I suppose it can be true. The key word here is "suppose". Let's say a guy just lost his job. You two meet and you feel chemistry. As for him, well, his thoughts are preoccupied with finding a job. He may become distant, feel like an incomplete man, like he is unworthy of you or any woman. For him, he needs to be working first and any relationships would come second. It's possible that rather than ask you to hang on till he finds a job, he would just slow fade or ghost you. And then, let's say, a year later he has a great job and feels more secure. If you've met him a year later, there might be a relationship in the cards since his mindset in the right place. Or a guy is not over his ex. His mindset is not in the right place right here at the moment. But if you two meet a year later, it might be.  Not saying at all this is a case with any of guys you meet but it is not impossible either. 

14 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

From what I saw these guys are looking for a gf otherwise why would they put up an ad on an app or website? 

A lot of people, ready or not, go on website looking for dates. Looking for a relationship. Looking for "the one". A lot of people are looking, looking, and that's just it, looking. They do have good intentions, but nothing more. I talked to quite a lot lot of guys on dating sites. I realized that a majority of them are not quite ready to date, but they do miss a human interaction. They miss intimacy, goin on dates. They are not necessarily only looking for sex, but they are not looking for anything long term either. Many really do want a woman in their lives, but are they ready for a relationship with everything it entails? Not even close. 
Me, myself, I realized few days ago that I am not ready to date and that I would not make a good partner. I was on a dating sites for a  year and a realization just hit me. Not that I had any bad intentions at all, nor did I try to mislead anybody, but due to my mindset, I am simply not ready to date quite yet.

Edited by Alvi
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Chilli Established Member

Chilli

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lf you were to finally meet that someone then you'd do what you can to hold onto it no matter the timing and at least explain and offer something. So yeah , unless you get something more it's just politely opting out l'm afraid.

Edited by Chilli
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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Another vote for 'timing' being a lame excuse.   

 

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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It's just another bull $%^& excuse, like the dog ate my homework. IMO the ones that give you an honest, but gentle explanation are the stand up guys.......obviously you haven't met many of those/ zero to none on those dating sites.

Edited by smackie9
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