Tips on how to be more assertive

[robaday]

I am a quiet guy generally but my last relationship made me question the way I conduct myself. I do speak up for myself and do assert when something is a dealbreaker for me, but it tends to be reactive rather than proactive. Too often I found myself spoken over by my partner and I struggled to keep her respect. Another thing I have noticed about myself is rather than say what I think or I want, I often put it on them, i.e. instead of "I'm unhappy and having doubts" I might say "you were having doubts". It's a weird thing about me in that I tend to not put my whole self forward and speak directly. It's not always a bad thing - women know me as being mysterious for that reason and I do like that element in certain respects, but sometimes I need to assert myself better. I am introverted by nature and am quite structured in terms of small tasks I do every single day, but when it comes to relationships I am often unorganised and this leads me to losing power I guess. 

Any tips? I thought of doing toastmasters just to get my confidence up, essentially I want to learn to be more direct in general, not just in relationships and speak louder

[d0nnivain]

Toastmasters is an excellent group.  I support your decision to join. 

You have an edge in that you already know you have certain verbal ticks so you will know them when you say them or are about to say them. 

Practice saying I feel.  Just try speaking in more declarative sentences when you aren't saying anything controversial.  Say  "Today's a nice day" rather than adding on the "don't you think?" at the end.