What do I do?

[elaine567]

I suggest you read this thread...

 

[IainOliver]

4 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

IMO you are keeping the number as
a) it is a link to your AP that you do not want to sever, ie like keeping an old photo, a letter or a keepsake.
b) an insurance policy, your affair is something you can pick up again if you need to. 
c) something you cannot give up as you KNOW you will want to restart the affair at some point.
d) as a small revenge on your wife or a rebellion. She may think she has you "under control" but you know she hasn't as you can still contact your AP at any time if you feel like it....
e) you simply don't want to delete it.
etc. etc. 

I think you should divorce as kids know when Mommy and Daddy have a big secret like infidelity to hide.
You will not be doing them any favours by sticking around and pining for your AP and what might have been.....

Would you say a month is a long time? I don’t know part of me thinks that I’m keeping it because I know I will be back in contact

[elaine567]

3 minutes ago, IainOliver said:

part of me thinks that I’m keeping it because I know I will be back in contact

Yes, keeping in contact with the AP is not uncommon.
Did your wife find out, or did you just confess of your own volition?

[IainOliver]

16 minutes ago, IainOliver said:

Would you say a month is a long time? I don’t know part of me thinks that I’m keeping it because I know I will be back in contact

 

16 minutes ago, IainOliver said:

Would you say a month is a long time? I don’t know part of me thinks that I’m keeping it because I know I will be back in contact

Thank you but I’m not going to read someonelse a thread. I can’t barely deal with my own issues I don’t need to see someonelses

[IainOliver]

11 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Yes, keeping in contact with the AP is not uncommon.
Did your wife find out, or did you just confess of your own volition?

No I was asking if you think a month is a long time. I confessed but she had her suspicions. 

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, IainOliver said:

I confessed all to my wife. We are trying to make things work for the sake of our kids. 
 

Why did you confess? 

[elaine567]

1 minute ago, IainOliver said:

No I was asking if you think a month is a long time.

A month is not a long time, especially if you were emotionally invested.
BUT a month if your wife was to find out is a lifetime...

[IainOliver]

4 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

A month is not a long time, especially if you were emotionally invested.
BUT a month if your wife was to find out is a lifetime...

You may have seen me speak about keeping the number and not using it. Does that make any sense to do so?

[elaine567]

32 minutes ago, IainOliver said:

Thank you but I’m not going to read someonelse a thread. I can’t barely deal with my own issues I don’t need to see someonelses

It may give you an insight into how your wife may feel about you keeping your Ow's number... 

[elaine567]

If you keep the number you will use it.

[pepperbird2]

op,

if you were truly planning to stay in your marriage, this wouldn't even be an issue. You would have thrown that number way a long time ago. you might even have given your wife the pleasure of ripping it up or burning it. Instead, you are looking for ways to justify keeping it.
Why? Why does it matter so much to you? Is it the ow herself or what she represents? An escape from a marriage where you are no longer happy?
Why do you feel that you and your wife can't end your marriage on amicable terms so you can co-parent and at least maybe be friends? If you want the best possible way forward for your family, the ow number ha absolutely no role whatsoever. It should be thrown in the trash immediately-it will not benefit your children in any way.

[RebeccaR]

Did your wife perhaps suspect anything? Is that why you confessed? Did you notice she was watching you like a hawk?