Guy stopped sending messages all of a sudden

[astutise]

On 9/23/2020 at 4:23 PM, poppyfields said:

Anyone see the movie Goodfellas?  Below is a clip from when Henry stood Karen up, and her response.

Too funny!! 

https://youtu.be/BUbOFRNcaWA

This is so funny. She's so bad-a**!

Edited September 25, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[Velvet teddy]

On 9/21/2020 at 9:16 PM, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Yes, my question is not about the lack of texting and me wanting to text all the time, it’s about his sudden change of behaviour. 

He went from texting a lot to not texting that much and then checking my Instagram in between. That is a red flag to me and it makes me think of someone who is insecure, emotionally unavailable or just dating a lot of people at the same time.

It’s the change of behaviour.

He did text me today saying good morning and how are you and sharing something about his work and he mentioned our dinner tomorrow, I responded and then he said nothing else for the rest of the day. But he just checked my Instagram Stories just now...

Anyway I am going to have the dinner date with him but will definitely proceed with caution. I do not like lack of consistency in anyone for that matter, makes me not trust that person.

Texting gets boring real fast. Like a constant back and forth. Maybe he simply  couldnt be bothered to carry it on.

And if he mentioned your date the day before. He didnt forget. He's just pretending so he can get out of it 

Either way. Its not exactly the best foot to start anything on. During the early stages at the very least he should be more excited than that. Not 'forgetting' dates which he set up. 

Edited September 24, 2020 by Velvet teddy

[girlnextdoor2020]

5 hours ago, Velvet teddy said:

Texting gets boring real fast. Like a constant back and forth. Maybe he simply  couldnt be bothered to carry it on.

And if he mentioned your date the day before. He didnt forget. He's just pretending so he can get out of it 

Either way. Its not exactly the best foot to start anything on. During the early stages at the very least he should be more excited than that. Not 'forgetting' dates which he set up. 

That depends. I am texting the guy I am going on a date tomorrow (it will be the second date too) and having lots of fun with it.

There’s lots of banter, enjoyable conversations,  there’s always something to talk about. All through texting. In person it was the same.

So I guess it is not the texting that is boring, but the lack of chemistry and compatibility between two people.

[Snow_Queen]

28 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

That depends. I am texting the guy I am going on a date tomorrow (it will be the second date too) and having lots of fun with it.

There’s lots of banter, enjoyable conversations,  there’s always something to talk about. All through texting. In person it was the same.

So I guess it is not the texting that is boring, but the lack of chemistry and compatibility between two people.

I misread your response. I thought you were still texting guy # 1.

Edited September 24, 2020 by Snow_Queen

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

That depends. I am texting the guy I am going on a date tomorrow (it will be the second date too) and having lots of fun with it.

There’s lots of banter, enjoyable conversations,  there’s always something to talk about. All through texting. In person it was the same.

So I guess it is not the texting that is boring, but the lack of chemistry and compatibility between two people.

Oooh.....gnd...careful....I mean, over-texting made things a little weird next time. I'd take things slower. Just what I'd do.

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

So I guess it is not the texting that is boring, but the lack of chemistry and compatibility between two people.

I concur!  

Some people believe you cannot have chemistry/energy via text/email but you absolutely can!  A mental connection if you will.

The hope is that when you meet in person, the physical energy/connection matches the mental energy/connection.  

Fingers crossed it will, have fun!! 

 

Edited September 24, 2020 by poppyfields

[girlnextdoor2020]

28 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Oooh.....gnd...careful....I mean, over-texting made things a little weird next time. I'd take things slower. Just what I'd do.

I see no problem in that and see no reason why I should be careful if I’m enjoying it and it’s light and easy. I’m not gonna take things slower because it feels good. If it stops feeling good for any reason then I’ll stop.

[girlnextdoor2020]

29 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I concur!  

Some people believe you cannot have chemistry/energy via text/email but you absolutely can!  A mental connection if you will.

The hope is that when you meet in person, the physical energy/connection matches the mental energy/connection.  

Fingers crossed it will, have fun!! 

 

You absolutely can have chemistry and feel the other person through texting. And you can also feel the lack of it, like I felt with the other guy.

Actually, if there’s no chemistry while texting I have no interest in meeting in person.

Thank you!

[poppyfields]

11 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

You absolutely can have chemistry and feel the other person through texting. And you can also feel the lack of it, like I felt with the other guy.

Actually, if there’s no chemistry while texting I have no interest in meeting in person.

Thank you!

Same for me girlfriend!  Which is why I rarely wanted to meet anyone.

For me, finding that type of mental connection/energy was so rare, the most recent time I did OLD, I met only two men, the second became my boyfriend.  

[Watercolors]

26 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

You absolutely can have chemistry and feel the other person through texting. And you can also feel the lack of it, like I felt with the other guy.

Actually, if there’s no chemistry while texting I have no interest in meeting in person.

Thank you!

No you can’t have real chemistry via text. Texting isn’t real conversation. It’s where people can create fantasies and delude themselves and each other. For some reason you refuse to take any responsibility.  It’s clear you haven’t learned anything from this experience, about having realistic expectations and learning to set boundaries and taking things slow. It is completely abnormal to add someone you barely know to all of your social media accounts after one or two dates. You should be prepared for guy number two to suddenly stop texting you because you overload him with information. Too much too soon is never a good thing.

Edited September 24, 2020 by Watercolors

[CaliforniaGirl]

56 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

No you can’t have real chemistry via text. Texting isn’t real conversation. It’s where people can create fantasies and delude themselves and each other. For some reason you refuse to take any responsibility.  It’s clear you haven’t learned anything from this experience, about having realistic expectations and learning to set boundaries and taking things slow. It is completely abnormal to add someone you barely know to all of your social media accounts after one or two dates. You should be prepared for guy number two to suddenly stop texting you because you overload him with information. Too much too soon is never a good thing.

This is the thing. I feel like we just went through this. Text-bombing and it was the real deal and then fizzzzzzzzz.  

I mean it doesn't HAVE to happen this way but if it does happen to the OP, and twice in one week no less, well...  ETA: oh, you know what? Sorry. Wrong poster. 

Edited September 24, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[kendahke]

1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

You absolutely can have chemistry and feel the other person through texting.

what you actually have chemistry with is the version of them you're constructing in your head, not the actual person. This is how romance scammers hook their prey---through stolen pictures, texting and phone calls, but never in person interaction. 

Look at the last dude you did this with:  all the texting you did, you built an artificial construct of who you wanted him to be. Ended up not being who he actually was, hence you being in high dudgeon that the real him didn't act like the him you built him up to be.

Outside of actually meeting them in person and interacting with them in person over the course of time, they can be a completely different person to the one you're constructing.

Edited September 24, 2020 by kendahke

[Versacehottie]

if we would have asked you two days into texting the original guy, you would have said it was great too!  Right now it's "new" so both of you are into it, if it drops off you will take it personally all over again.  

I do believe people have banter and chemistry through text.  It's not a bad thing.  Too much of anything is not good though.  It's good if you have more chemistry with this guy now, though i think you are saying that kind of conveniently and naively.  I don't think you learned much from the last thing--of which there is stuff for you to learn.  Hopefully this will go 100% according to your expectation, every step of the way.  Lol, that's sarcasm. truly good luck tho.

[girlnextdoor2020]

54 minutes ago, kendahke said:

what you actually have chemistry with is the version of them you're constructing in your head, not the actual person. This is how romance scammers hook their prey---through stolen pictures, texting and phone calls, but never in person interaction. 

Look at the last dude you did this with:  all the texting you did, you built an artificial construct of who you wanted him to be. Ended up not being who he actually was, hence you being in high dudgeon that the real him didn't act like the him you built him up to be.

Outside of actually meeting them in person and interacting with them in person over the course of time, they can be a completely different person to the one you're constructing.

Totally wrong. Actually the texting with him showed me exactly who he is: the boring conversations, the lack of chemistry, the sudden stop in texting, etc.

It was in fact the opposite. I’ve had an idea of him from our first date in person, and then the texting behaviour and his attitude revealed something else. And my intuition was spot on.

Sometimes it’s the other way around you know, people portray a certain persona face to face, and then reveal their true colours by texting.

 

 

Edited September 24, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020

[girlnextdoor2020]

27 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

if we would have asked you two days into texting the original guy, you would have said it was great too!  Right now it's "new" so both of you are into it, if it drops off you will take it personally all over again.  

I do believe people have banter and chemistry through text.  It's not a bad thing.  Too much of anything is not good though.  It's good if you have more chemistry with this guy now, though i think you are saying that kind of conveniently and naively.  I don't think you learned much from the last thing--of which there is stuff for you to learn.  Hopefully this will go 100% according to your expectation, every step of the way.  Lol, that's sarcasm. truly good luck tho.

I’ve learned that by listening to my intuition, I can easily see how people are. I felt something was off and it was.

I didn’t take personally the ‘drop off’, what I took personally was inviting me for dinner and then acting like a complete idiot saying he ‘forgot’. Made me waste my time thinking about the dinner date with him.

Edited September 24, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020

[girlnextdoor2020]

2 hours ago, Watercolors said:

No you can’t have real chemistry via text. Texting isn’t real conversation. It’s where people can create fantasies and delude themselves and each other. For some reason you refuse to take any responsibility.  It’s clear you haven’t learned anything from this experience, about having realistic expectations and learning to set boundaries and taking things slow. It is completely abnormal to add someone you barely know to all of your social media accounts after one or two dates. You should be prepared for guy number two to suddenly stop texting you because you overload him with information. Too much too soon is never a good thing.

There was no fantasy or expectations created by text. I met the guy in person, liked him, and after that he invited me for dinner and we texted each other for a while and then he reduced texting and yesterday ‘forgot’ the dinner date.

The texting just helped me see who he really is: the boring conversations, the lack of chemistry and then the ‘forgetting the date’. So there were no fantasies created and nothing happened that way.

My only expectation was the dinner date he invited me to. lol

We met, he invited me for dinner and created an expectation of that dinner, and then acted like an immature person that ‘forgot the date’. And I’m glad I saw right through it.

It wasn’t all social media accounts, it was only Instagram and it’s public so anyone can follow me and see what I post.

And yes you can absolutely have chemistry through text if both are being real to each other. There’s plenty of real love stories that started that way.

Edited September 24, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020

[poppyfields]

Unless you're a robot, yes of course you can connect with another human being on line.  

As human beings, our interests, our emotions, feelings, etc. can all be communicated and expressed via text, email, messaging, the same way as letters did back in the day.

I hear people say you cannot possibly connect with "words on a screen."

Well who do you think are writing those "words on a screen," again a robot?  Lol

No, real people are writing those words on a screen, people with real live interests, emotions, feelings.  

It's no different from verbal communication, except it's written.

Back in the day when people relied on letters, did you hear anyone say "oh it's not real, it's a fantasy, you're not really connecting, it's only "words on paper." 

Really??  This notion that you cannot possibliy connect with another human being via the written (or typed) word is absolutely absurd.   Lol

 

Edited September 24, 2020 by poppyfields

[Versacehottie]

15 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

I’ve learned that by listening to my intuition, I can easily see how people are. I felt something was off and it was.

I didn’t take personally the ‘drop off’, what I took personally was inviting me for dinner and then acting like a complete idiot saying he ‘forgot’. Made me waste my time thinking about the dinner date with him.

Be real, you were pissed and worried about the drop-off before that and that was just the final straw. Chicken or egg which comes first--ie why was drop off really happening..  Sometimes being outside a situation helps see it more clearly.  Like I said, good luck tomorrow sincerely.

Edited September 24, 2020 by Versacehottie

[Trail Blazer]

3 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Totally wrong. Actually the texting with him showed me exactly who he is: the boring conversations, the lack of chemistry, the sudden stop in texting, etc.

It was in fact the opposite. I’ve had an idea of him from our first date in person, and then the texting behaviour and his attitude revealed something else. And my intuition was spot on.

Sometimes it’s the other way around you know, people portray a certain persona face to face, and then reveal their true colours by texting.

 

 

We don't exist in a vacuum, where text messages is our dating reality and what happens face-to-face is illusory.  Text messages are merely a supplement to direct communction, and we should use it sparingly.

You have this self-fulfilling prophecy whereby you'll actually connect well in person, yet if this person doesn't match your arbitrarily defined levels of minimum interaction over text, then you'll get in a huff, block them and then pat yourself on the back for having "amazing intuition."

Lady, your priorities are completely misaligned.  Good luck with the next dude!  I only hope for your sake that he's as eager as you to communicate via text and has all day to do so.  Lest you be left disappointed, but ultimately satisfied whilst toiling in a self-congratulatory loop.  Rinse, repeat.

[Watercolors]

33 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

We don't exist in a vacuum, where text messages is our dating reality and what happens face-to-face is illusory.  Text messages are merely a supplement to direct communction, and we should use it sparingly.

You have this self-fulfilling prophecy whereby you'll actually connect well in person, yet if this person doesn't match your arbitrarily defined levels of minimum interaction over text, then you'll get in a huff, block them and then pat yourself on the back for having "amazing intuition."

Lady, your priorities are completely misaligned.  Good luck with the next dude!  I only hope for your sake that he's as eager as you to communicate via text and has all day to do so.  Lest you be left disappointed, but ultimately satisfied whilst toiling in a self-congratulatory loop.  Rinse, repeat.

If only you had a twin brother. 

[Trail Blazer]

10 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

If only you had a twin brother. 

I don't always disappoint, but when I do, it's because I don't have a twin brother.

[Watercolors]

Just now, Trail Blazer said:

I don't always disappoint, but when I do, it's because I don't have a twin brother.

Heheh! 

[girlnextdoor2020]

5 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

We don't exist in a vacuum, where text messages is our dating reality and what happens face-to-face is illusory.  Text messages are merely a supplement to direct communction, and we should use it sparingly.

You have this self-fulfilling prophecy whereby you'll actually connect well in person, yet if this person doesn't match your arbitrarily defined levels of minimum interaction over text, then you'll get in a huff, block them and then pat yourself on the back for having "amazing intuition."

Lady, your priorities are completely misaligned.  Good luck with the next dude!  I only hope for your sake that he's as eager as you to communicate via text and has all day to do so.  Lest you be left disappointed, but ultimately satisfied whilst toiling in a self-congratulatory loop.  Rinse, repeat.

This was not about meeting my minimum interaction over text in any way.

This was about him changing how much he was texting ALL OF A SUDDEN and I felt something was off. 

Then what he did about ‘forgetting the dinner date’ just confirmed my intuition was right and something was off.

This wasn’t about the texting, it was about his behaviour and who he is, and I’m very happy I picked that up really quick. 

My priorities are really well.

Edited September 25, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020

[Trail Blazer]

34 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

This was not about meeting my minimum interaction over text in any way.

This was about him changing how much he was texting ALL OF A SUDDEN and I felt something was off. 

Then what he did about ‘forgetting the dinner date’ just confirmed my intuition was right and something was off.

This wasn’t about the texting, it was about his behaviour and who he is, and I’m very happy I picked that up really quick. 

My priorities are really well.

So, he lost interest?  And you noticed it?  No, you actually couldn't make sense of it when it was obvious from the beginning.  It happens all the time.  People lose interest.   It was only one date you went on after all! 

If this same thing happened after date five or six, I'd say that it's pretty poor form on his part.  But one date?  You were sleuthing around at his SM activity, which I find really bizarre and obsessive.  You shouldn't even be adding people on SM after one date!

I get it, you're pretty bummed.  The guy was obviously a catch.  Guess what?  The better looking/more attractive he is, the more in demand he'll be.  Sorry, but obviously he had a better option than you (in his own mind).  That's what it boils down to....

Hopefully this guy you're seeing Friday sees you as one of his better options, or best option.  When two people happen to find that they're both each other's best option, I guess we could consider that to be reaching a dating match equilibrium.

[CaliforniaGirl]

52 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

So, he lost interest?  And you noticed it?  No, you actually couldn't make sense of it when it was obvious from the beginning.  It happens all the time.  People lose interest.   It was only one date you went on after all! 

If this same thing happened after date five or six, I'd say that it's pretty poor form on his part.  But one date?  You were sleuthing around at his SM activity, which I find really bizarre and obsessive.  You shouldn't even be adding people on SM after one date!

I get it, you're pretty bummed.  The guy was obviously a catch.  Guess what?  The better looking/more attractive he is, the more in demand he'll be.  Sorry, but obviously he had a better option than you (in his own mind).  That's what it boils down to....

Hopefully this guy you're seeing Friday sees you as one of his better options, or best option.  When two people happen to find that they're both each other's best option, I guess we could consider that to be reaching a dating match equilibrium.

Why are you negging this girl?