Guy stopped sending messages all of a sudden

[girlnextdoor2020]

1 minute ago, Watercolors said:

Oh, so I was ridiculous in my previous response telling you to contact him?! But look what that accomplished. IT solved the mystery. He forgot. You built up this huge drama around why he wouldn’t reconfirm and meanwhile the truth was, he forgot. 

But then you push him away but sending that passive aggressive statement b/c you’re annoyed with yourself more than you are with him. Honestly, I think you create more problems for yourself than these guys do. You immediately jump to conclusions and make assumptions about the guy’s true intentions, even after he gives you an answer that you don’t like. 

What if he really did forget? What if he has a ton going on in his life? You won’t know that, because you cut off your nose to spite your face jumping to yet another conclusion. 

Please calm down from now on, and stop jumping to conclusions. You’ll never get anywhere with this online dating if you keep doing that. Instead of texting all the time, just call the guy on the phone. Leave a voicemail. Wait for him to return your call. Pretty simple. 

I do not want a guy in my life that is so busy he forgets he asked me on a date. I’m out.

[Wiseman2]

16 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

His response: OMG I’m so sorry I forgot today is Wednesday! I’ve been in meetings all day busy with work and I forgot. My apologies.

People don't forget what is important to them or what they look forward to. Some dates are one-and-done, no matter how good it seemed or what was said.

Edited September 23, 2020 by Wiseman2

[astutise]

3 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

Oh, so I was ridiculous in my previous response telling you to contact him?! But look what that accomplished. IT solved the mystery. He forgot. You built up this huge drama around why he wouldn’t reconfirm and meanwhile the truth was, he forgot. 

But then you push him away but sending that passive aggressive statement b/c you’re annoyed with yourself more than you are with him. Honestly, I think you create more problems for yourself than these guys do. You immediately jump to conclusions and make assumptions about the guy’s true intentions, even after he gives you an answer that you don’t like. 

What if he really did forget? What if he has a ton going on in his life? You won’t know that, because you cut off your nose to spite your face jumping to yet another conclusion. 

Please calm down from now on, and stop jumping to conclusions. You’ll never get anywhere with this online dating if you keep doing that. Instead of texting all the time, just call the guy on the phone. Leave a voicemail. Wait for him to return your call. Pretty simple. 

That's all well and good but he didn't actually go beyond saying sorry. He didn't say 'can i make it up to you, how's friday?' or anything to suggest another date. There's too much iffyness with this guy!

[CaliforniaGirl]

5 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

Oh, so I was ridiculous in my previous response telling you to contact him?! But look what that accomplished. IT solved the mystery. He forgot. You built up this huge drama around why he wouldn’t reconfirm and meanwhile the truth was, he forgot. 

But then you push him away but sending that passive aggressive statement b/c you’re annoyed with yourself more than you are with him. Honestly, I think you create more problems for yourself than these guys do. You immediately jump to conclusions and make assumptions about the guy’s true intentions, even after he gives you an answer that you don’t like. 

What if he really did forget? What if he has a ton going on in his life? You won’t know that, because you cut off your nose to spite your face jumping to yet another conclusion. 

Please calm down from now on, and stop jumping to conclusions. You’ll never get anywhere with this online dating if you keep doing that. Instead of texting all the time, just call the guy on the phone. Leave a voicemail. Wait for him to return your call. Pretty simple. 

 

Honestly I think you're taking this very personally. This is about the OP and this guy. She was miffed. But she handled it. She's moved along.

[CaliforniaGirl]

6 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

I do not want a guy in my life that is so busy he forgets he asked me on a date. I’m out.

Pretty plain and simple. If he really is that forgetful there's a woman out there for him. My BIL is like that. Some women can take that. Others really can't. It will never change. A smart woman won't try. She'll find someone who's a match...this seems really simple to me. 

Personally I feel like the "why" doesn't even matter any more at this point...if he was playing games that's no good...if he was disinterested that's no good...if he's forgetful that's no good for the OP's style...so along she goes...simple.

[girlnextdoor2020]

24 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Pretty plain and simple. If he really is that forgetful there's a woman out there for him. My BIL is like that. Some women can take that. Others really can't. It will never change. A smart woman won't try. She'll find someone who's a match...this seems really simple to me. 

Personally I feel like the "why" doesn't even matter any more at this point...if he was playing games that's no good...if he was disinterested that's no good...if he's forgetful that's no good for the OP's style...so along she goes...simple.

Yes, pretty simple to me too.

I didn’t mention it before but this guy was a life coach... I think he should know better how to do things.

Anyway, I’m looking forward to meet the other guy on Friday. 

Edited September 23, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020

[stillafool]

Unless he's a senile old man he didn't forget.  How insulting.  Who knows how many other dates he made for tonight that he magically forgot about.

[Watercolors]

31 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Pretty plain and simple. If he really is that forgetful there's a woman out there for him. My BIL is like that. Some women can take that. Others really can't. It will never change. A smart woman won't try. She'll find someone who's a match...this seems really simple to me. 

Personally I feel like the "why" doesn't even matter any more at this point...if he was playing games that's no good...if he was disinterested that's no good...if he's forgetful that's no good for the OP's style...so along she goes...simple.

I'm not projecting my own experience with OLD to the OP.

My point with my criticism of the OP's behavior, is that the OP couldn't even be bothered to act like an adult in this situation. She stalked his social media and created this thread due to her own paranoia where she questioned his intentions and interest level in her. She went on about how she's someone who is a secure attacher, yet her behavior demonstrated otherwise. It demonstrated someone who is very insecure and who likes to jump to conclusions. All you had to do OP, was reach out which you finally did after all that conclusion jumping.

Then, instead of taking the high road, when texted back to you today that he "forgot" (true or not, is besides the point), you respond very immaturely, telling him off. Someone who has self-confidence doesn't act that way when a guy rejects her after one date. Why do you care what he thinks? Because you obviously do. Which makes no sense since you two were not even in a relationship and only had 1 date.

Plus, why be annoyed with him? You already set up another date with another guy for this Friday. I imagine that since he is a life coach he is very busy. Maybe he really did forget. Maybe he's gone on a lot of dates with other women. Maybe he didn't like you and he is not mature enough to be straightforward with a woman, despite being a life coach (which i think is hilarious).

Your behavior and your written thoughts here, expressed someone who is very paranoid and anxious and who jumps to a lot of conclusions about complete strangers online. You had one date with the guy. One date. 

[Watercolors]

5 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Unless he's a senile old man he didn't forget.  How insulting.  Who knows how many other dates he made for tonight that he magically forgot about.

While I agree with you, his behavior doesn't bother me as much as the OP's behavior does in this situation.

I don't know how long the OP has been doing online dating, but rejection comes in all shapes and sizes with online dating.

His lack of follow-up, should not have triggered such an avalanche of paranoia in the OP, if she's used to multi-dating guys she meets through online dating. I could see her being annoyed and write him off. But what she did, was she spent hours, days even, ruminating about his interest level in her, stalking his WhatsApp, jumping to crazy conclusions.

Then, when she finally reached out via text message today, he gave her the "I forgot its Wednesday" response which very well could be his immature way (despite his life coach career) of rejecting her. 

What is the OP going to do after her date this Friday? Incessantly text with Friday-Guy and do the same thing all over again: stalk his social media, add him to her FB, her Insta, and her WhatsApp after just one date? That's too much too soon. Whatever happened to people taking dating slow? Just because there's texting and social media, doesn't mean you have to kill romance with instant gratification of "add me to your social media!" after one date. Yikes. 

 

[girlnextdoor2020]

4 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

While I agree with you, his behavior doesn't bother me as much as the OP's behavior does in this situation.

I don't know how long the OP has been doing online dating, but rejection comes in all shapes and sizes with online dating.

His lack of follow-up, should not have triggered such an avalanche of paranoia in the OP, if she's used to multi-dating guys she meets through online dating. I could see her being annoyed and write him off. But what she did, was she spent hours, days even, ruminating about his interest level in her, stalking his WhatsApp, jumping to crazy conclusions.

Then, when she finally reached out via text message today, he gave her the "I forgot its Wednesday" response which very well could be his immature way (despite his life coach career) of rejecting her. 

What is the OP going to do after her date this Friday? Incessantly text with Friday-Guy and do the same thing all over again: stalk his social media, add him to her FB, her Insta, and her WhatsApp after just one date? That's too much too soon. Whatever happened to people taking dating slow? Just because there's texting and social media, doesn't mean you have to kill romance with instant gratification of "add me to your social media!" after one date. Yikes. 

 

I didn’t stalk his social media. He was checking my Instagram Stories and you can see who checked it. So he was the one stalking me. 

No paranoia here lol. I was spot on in my intuition.

[girlnextdoor2020]

14 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

I'm not projecting my own experience with OLD to the OP.

My point with my criticism of the OP's behavior, is that the OP couldn't even be bothered to act like an adult in this situation. She stalked his social media and created this thread due to her own paranoia where she questioned his intentions and interest level in her. She went on about how she's someone who is a secure attacher, yet her behavior demonstrated otherwise. It demonstrated someone who is very insecure and who likes to jump to conclusions. All you had to do OP, was reach out which you finally did after all that conclusion jumping.

Then, instead of taking the high road, when texted back to you today that he "forgot" (true or not, is besides the point), you respond very immaturely, telling him off. Someone who has self-confidence doesn't act that way when a guy rejects her after one date. Why do you care what he thinks? Because you obviously do. Which makes no sense since you two were not even in a relationship and only had 1 date.

Plus, why be annoyed with him? You already set up another date with another guy for this Friday. I imagine that since he is a life coach he is very busy. Maybe he really did forget. Maybe he's gone on a lot of dates with other women. Maybe he didn't like you and he is not mature enough to be straightforward with a woman, despite being a life coach (which i think is hilarious).

Your behavior and your written thoughts here, expressed someone who is very paranoid and anxious and who jumps to a lot of conclusions about complete strangers online. You had one date with the guy. One date. 

I told him off yes and then blocked and deleted. To me that is taking the high road, and he should be the one embarrassed  with his childish behaviour. 

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

So guys I decided to text him saying I thought we had a dinner date today and don’t understand what happened as he hasn’t been in touch the whole day. If he is not interested anymore that’s fine, but it would be nice to cancel.

His response: OMG I’m so sorry I forgot today is Wednesday! I’ve been in meetings all day busy with work and I forgot. My apologies.

I responded that if his life is so busy then do not ask people out and forget them because that is rude beyond measure. That also shows his level of interest, so I wish him well. Then I deleted him.

I’m glad I decided to do a last contact and see how he really is. He lost interest. If the ‘forgetting’ was really true he would ask to reschedule. 

Next.

Girl, he did NOT forget, that is complete and utter bullshyt.  Unless the guy is mentally challenged which may be possible!  LOL

More likely, this was the male version of a shyt test.  I could almost guarantee it.  Or he lost interest, didn't have the balls to tell you so told you he "forgot."  Not buying it for one split second.

I think your response was fine.  Let's see what his next move will be, although if he's blocked, it's gonna take some major maneuvering to dig his way out of this assuming he's still interested.

[poppyfields]

Anyone see the movie Goodfellas?  Below is a clip from when Henry stood Karen up, and her response.

Too funny!! 

https://youtu.be/BUbOFRNcaWA

Edited September 23, 2020 by poppyfields

[girlnextdoor2020]

18 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Girl, he did NOT forget, that is complete and utter bullshyt.  Unless the guy is mentally challenged which may be possible!  LOL

More likely, this was the male version of a shyt test.  I could almost guarantee it.  Or he lost interest, didn't have the balls to tell you so told you he "forgot."  Not buying it for one split second.

I think your response was fine.  Let's see what his next move will be, although if he's blocked, it's gonna take some major maneuvering to dig his way out of this assuming he's still interested.

There will be no next move. It’s done and dusted. He is not interested, I moved on, next. 

That clip is funny lol

[Mystery4u]

3 hours ago, Watercolors said:

Like, its his job to do all the confirming and leading here.

Erm, that's exactly what his job is, he is the man.

It's his job to plan the date, confirm it, do all the 'hard' work and make it as easy and stress free to the OP so all she has to do is turn up, and have a great fun time. No second guessing needed whether he is interested or not, as his actions should show it. He should have been making her feel like the only woman in his world he wants to get to know, like his potential Queen.

That includes answering her messages in a normal time frame, not leaving them as unread. That's something us men will do when we are not really that interested in someone.

OP was spot on with her instinct and did the right thing, as his reply about 'forgetting' the day showed.

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Watercolors said:

What is the OP going to do after her date this Friday? Incessantly text with Friday-Guy and do the same thing all over again: stalk his social media, add him to her FB, her Insta, and her WhatsApp after just one date? That's too much too soon. Whatever happened to people taking dating slow? Just because there's texting and social media, doesn't mean you have to kill romance with instant gratification of "add me to your social media!" after one date. Yikes. 

^^^THIS^^^  OP, I'm sure you've learned from this experience not to put too much mind space into a guy you only dated once, right?

[CaliforniaGirl]

Honestly, a life coach who forgets what day of the week it is, is worth it for the Carlin-esque laughs alone. At least he left ya with that to remember him by.  #boobyprize

Edited September 23, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[CaliforniaGirl]

44 minutes ago, stillafool said:

^^^THIS^^^  OP, I'm sure you've learned from this experience not to put too much mind space into a guy you only dated once, right?

I doubt it, look how much headspace we've all put into it and we didn't even date the guy!

[Trail Blazer]

4 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

I didn’t stalk his social media. He was checking my Instagram Stories and you can see who checked it. So he was the one stalking me. 

No paranoia here lol. I was spot on in my intuition.

It's pretty easy to figure out if someone's not interested.  They act disinterested.  Whilst I've sometimes forgotten to reply here and there, I've never fluffed up organizing a date.  It's really not that hard to be straight up.  Interested men might forget to reply occasionally, but they don't forget to set a date correctly.

Having said that, you can pat yourself on the back all you like about how you think you were so intuitive and handled the situation with aplomb. However, in my opinion, this thread highlights how you did quite the opposite.

What are you doing adding people to your socials so soon after one date?   Why did you hang on his every move, every word whilst carefully monitoring his social media activity?  That in itself is very strange, clingy and demonstrates a severe lack of self-assurance.

To put it into context; it was one date.  It was bound to happen.  It's happened to me, it's happened to almost everyone.  This thread was essentially unnecessary, as you could have sat back, waited for his lack of communication to unfold, accept it for what it is and move on, like you have now.

Whatever you do, DO NOT add this new date to SM after the date is finished on Friday.  If you enjoyed the date, there's no harm in letting him know that you did and that you'd be keen to catch up again.  Leave it at that and let him decide if the feeling is mutual.  If it is, he'll be in touch.  

It's important that you do not talk to him frequently between the first and second date.  It's simply unnecessary.  Keep on talking to other guys in the meantime.  Until such time that you guys decide you'd like to exclusively date, nobody owes it to anybody to communicate constantly.  

Remember, there's a difference between constant communication and effective communication.  So long as your new date communicates effectively, his frequency of engagement is not at all an absolute indicator of his interest levels, even if these fluctuate a fair bit.  Learn the difference. 

[Versacehottie]

12 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

I totally agree and that’s how I like things. 

Great relationships are made of consistency and communication at all stages, since date one.

If a guy drops the consistency, changes behaviour or whatever, it is not a good sign.

Anyway, he texted me yesterday asking how I am, I  responded and asked him back (this was 8 pm), he was online on Whatsapp after I sent my message, but didn’t read mine or responded...

Only today in the morning he responded to that message saying how he is, and... NOTHING mentioning our dinner date today. Nothing. 

It’s now lunch time and still nothing about plans for tonight. I guess my intuition was right.

I can't wait to read the rest of what happened. Girl, he is setting a pace he can live up to.  That seems absolutely normal and fair in this situation (one date). You can say all you want that you don't have big expectations but you do and he can feel it.  That contributes to him fading if he is doing so.  Plus what you are talking about is boring, sorry it is.  If you want to kill the deal, that's not only on him, it's on you too.  You are responsible for half of this boringness and then you wonder why he's not blowing up your phone? This is why. This is boring.

He's losing interest in part because interaction is boring. You have these feelings and although you probably feel that you contain them, you already feel insecure and like he is fading or not giving you enough.  So you probably go into the conversation guarded and with a chip on your shoulder--again, not good.

If you are "right", walk away.  If it doesn't suit, you walk away. But you keep hanging in there wanting the guy, in spite of him not living up to what you want.  As misguided as I think you are about your expectations, this isn't equating either.  Walk away then.  While it's not uncommon what you are doing, it's not productive or conducive to getting what you want from a normal guy at the beginning of dating.

[Trail Blazer]

2 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

I can't wait to read the rest of what happened.

It got more interesting...

[Versacehottie]

6 hours ago, Watercolors said:

Oh, so I was ridiculous in my previous response telling you to contact him?! But look what that accomplished. IT solved the mystery. He forgot. You built up this huge drama around why he wouldn’t reconfirm and meanwhile the truth was, he forgot. 

But then you push him away but sending that passive aggressive statement b/c you’re annoyed with yourself more than you are with him. Honestly, I think you create more problems for yourself than these guys do. You immediately jump to conclusions and make assumptions about the guy’s true intentions, even after he gives you an answer that you don’t like. 

What if he really did forget? What if he has a ton going on in his life? You won’t know that, because you cut off your nose to spite your face jumping to yet another conclusion. 

Please calm down from now on, and stop jumping to conclusions. You’ll never get anywhere with this online dating if you keep doing that. Instead of texting all the time, just call the guy on the phone. Leave a voicemail. Wait for him to return your call. Pretty simple. 

I agree. I think OP contacted him to tell him off and confront him not to clarify or confirm the date.  Op, if you already feel dissed because a guy doesn't do the things you've going on in your imagination, Idk, I just find that angry attitude has been there since the beginning of the thread and you can put a ton of smiley emojis and it won't make a bit of difference.  You need to understand that other people won't always do things as you do.  And that interests change and developed based also on what YOU put into the interactions as well.  I don't think you've handled your side well either.

That you think a guy needs to tell you if he's losing interest after one date, is almost delusional.  that in itself shows that you think one date is a relationship in progression.  Not every guy is going to see it like that, even good guys who would eventually be really into you if you are right for them too.

You should also measure and set the pace, a realistic one, by not letting a guy blow up your phone before you've even gone on a date and then cry "fading, fading" when he can't keep up the pace.  Instead you have to look at your own behavior and realize it contributed to the sabotage.  I have to say if the date was fun and all that and there was a connection, that, the exchange yesterday (?) "hi how are you", good how are you, is way way way too stiff.  You want to blame him for losing interest, take a look at that sentence.  You can put smiley emojis until the end of the universe and that is still a stiff way to greet someone you are into and want to keep progressing with.  You are just as much to blame for the losing and cause a loss of interest.  I look at it like this in part, he had great interest and you failed to deliver.  That is not necessarily in a physical respect but you didn't live up to his expectations either and he's definitely not obligated to keep going with it or "let you know what is going on".  He may not have finalized his decision at the point you told him off.  Do you feel better now?  All that says is you were affected by it and felt dissed.  If you really were excited about your other date and didn't feel anything, you'd block or ignore or even toy with him or throw him on the back burner for some entertainment and laughs.  You are taking all of this way too personally.  

Edited September 24, 2020 by Versacehottie

[Acacia98]

8 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Yes could be. In that case don’t go checking my Instagram Stories like he did just now... but still doesn’t say anything about the date today... 

This is too weird to say the least.
 

Definitely a shyte test.

I smile because I almost dated a guy like this one not too long ago. Too much damn drama. Once you learn to recognize the pattern of behavior, it's hard to unsee it.

Anyway, you'll be okay. Your instincts are not bad at all.

[Watercolors]

7 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Hmmm, yeah this^^.  Hard to admit to oneself, but WC is absolutely right!

WC, you sound like a no-nonsense kind of gal, who doesn't tolerate any sort of BS with a very secure attachment style.  

I strive to be more like you and I mean that sincerely!! 

I know my style is hard for some, but I'm nearly 50 years old. I have no time for all this SM guess-work and conclusion jumping. I did all that when I tried online dating a long time ago. And it got me nowhere, fast. So, now? I won't do online dating (rather save my money for travel or a spa day). I just can't be bothered anymore putting myself through all that stress. If a guy doesn't like me ok fine. If a guy wants me to be his text or email penpal, like so many of these OLD guys -- no way, Jose!! 

I'm willing to make an ass of myself in other ways. But I will not let a guy make an ass of me if we agree to go on dates and he doesn't follow up. I meant what I said to the OP b/c I walk the talk now. I didn't in years prior. But now I won't put up with much baloney. My knees hurt. I can't waste my time staring at my cellphone, or going on a guy's SM. I need to keep moving or I"ll get arthritis. 

[ExpatInItaly]

I would not be adding guys I've just met to social media either next time, OP. 

It doesn't make a difference to the outcome here, but I would get to know the guy first before giving him access to my personal online profiles. Enjoy your date with this other guy tomorrow!