breyedgirlbc Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 Hey there, i guess i just feel the need to blog here for some other opinions of people that aren't my friends, or to see if anyone else has been in the same situation. I am a 32 year old women, and i have met a 19 year old guy with a great personality and heart, and we have hit it off right away. I have never dated a guy this young before, but have dated younger then me, as well as older. So far from what i know from this guy, he is mature beyond his years, as he's had to grow up fast because he didn't have the greatest family life, and had to learn to take care of himself from a young age. I have dated guys older then me who act like they are 16...so i guess what i am asking is should age really matter here. I can't seem to let go of the age difference!! I mean we are both legal adults, and its just "there" with us, we have connected on so many levels. I am not sure what to do, as i really like him, but seem to keep bringing up the age difference, which is making him uncomfortable...he hates that i am making age a problem. How can i help myself get past this, and just accept it and learn to just look at him as a guy i am dating, not a "19 year old guy i am dating". We have not slept together yet, so its not about sex. I have gotten nothing but good feedback from my friends and i do know many other people with 10-12 year age differences that turn out to be great and end in marriage. We've been dating a month now, but have known one another for 6 months. Is there anyone out there that has been in the same situation that has any advice, or even someone who hasn't been there, but feels they have some input they can throw my way, i would greatly appreciate it!! Thank-you,
basscatcher Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 I have dated 13 yr age difference in both ends. I am almost 37. The man I dated who was 13 yrs older had issues with age. I didnt at the time but now when I look back we did have issues. We had different interests that were connected to maturity. I wanted to go out dancing and hang out with friends. He wanted to just go to a sports bar drink beer and watch tv. I wanted to move about he didnt. He was energetic-he went to the gym every day I didn't. I had an interest being around the energy of younger people and my peer group. He desired the more laid back and settled energy of people in his age group. Then the guy who was 13 yrs younger, Wow he rocked my socks off. I enjoyed him for the time I had him. It always haunted me in the back of my mind that one day he would move on to a female closer to his age because I am getting older. I am starting to get fine lines, my weight is good but it fluctuates by 5 lbs all the time, my reproductive system is slowing down and he wanted to have kids someday, my tits and a$$ will fall. I was always concerned he would lost interest in me faster cause he could grow old with me and he would be drawn to females is own age. We also lived 3 1/2 hours apart. I enjoyed the time I got to share with him, I learned from him and experienced him. I still cherish him today. He disappeared on me. I don't know what happened to him. He went aloof and hasnt returned any phone calls or text messages. I think he moved out of state. He mentioned he was moving out of state and starting a new job that will keep him super busy. The last call i got I missed and he left me a sweet breif msg to call him back and when I tried I met him vm too. We never did connect. I have chosen to move on and am. I still think of him but I believe he is gone. I cherish my time with him. He was sweet, caring, affectionate, fun, charming, very handsome, shared similiar interests and values. I wish him the best where ever he may be. **Be honest with yourself first of all. If you know what could happen, in all reality, in the future and if you think you can handle whatever happens by all means I would enjoy him.. Learn from him, but if you are afraid of being hurt if he should move onto younger pastures as you age then rethink it. This is just MHO.
mental_traveller Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 Why don't you just stop thinking about it and enjoy his company? Us guys do it all the time - do you think a man 13 years older than his girlfriend would have a problem with the age difference? Why shouldn't a woman be able to do it with no qualms either? Besides, it's pretty shallow to judge someone by the number on their birth certificate. It just seems like you're making a big deal out of something trivial. Try to put things in perspective and focus on the things you like about him, instead of worry about the age gap.
lost_in_chgo Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 It isn't likely to work long term. When it's an older man and a younger woman it has a better shot. Women seek security, men can have children at an older age, men are looks oriented, men don't show their age as quickly above 30, all these factors make the older man younger woman scenario more workable than the younger man older woman scenario for long term. For short term it doesn't matter. Is the age difference bothering you or is it that you know it isn't going to work? You can stop worrying about it and enjoy him if all you are looking for is a date. If you are looking for a family, you might want to move on. At 19 or 24, he's likely to go over the wall on you as soon as you try to have a serious "where are we going" kind of talk or make any demands on him. Until then he'll think it's the greatest thing in the world. I've seen it happen quite a few times to women I know who were dating younger men in their 20's. The guys were all gung ho about things (sex) until the woman starts talking about kids or a house and then the panic and run. At 19 he is not in this relationship for the long haul, whatever he might think.
helena abadi Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 a big age difference did not stop me from being in a long, successful relationship with younger man. and he loved the way i looked. be aware people's expectations at 19 and 32 are very different, and accommodate them, where you think it is reasonable. take it slowly, have a great time.
helena abadi Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 oh, i forgot to say ... i never looked at the guy i was dating as a toy boy or anything disrespectful like that. i respected him totally. there was always the nagging fear he would find someone younger. we could never have married, and kept that as a reality check. padameckla covers the issues well.
Woggle Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 I am a 26 year old man in love with a 41 year old woman who just might be the one. She is everything I have ever wanted in a woman and I would be an idiot to let age get in the way. If everything else is good don't let agre stop you.
helena abadi Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 I am a 26 year old man in love with a 41 year old woman who just might be the one. She is everything I have ever wanted in a woman and I would be an idiot to let age get in the way. If everything else is good don't let agre stop you. woggle, i'm delighted for you. my heart jumped with joy to read your post. don't let anything stand in your way. i wish you every happiness.
Woggle Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 woggle, i'm delighted for you. my heart jumped with joy to read your post. don't let anything stand in your way. i wish you every happiness. Thank you. The funny thing is that I feel I relate to her more than the women my age. We just connect on so many levels. It is one of those relationships that just feels right but you can't decribe it with words. Why let age stand in the way of this.
helena abadi Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 my younger man told me the same thing. he related to me better than women his own age. we shared so much in common i was really surprised. our energy levels for everything were compatible. we have a standing joke that i danced him off the floor in a club one nite. age didn't stand in our way, or it would have finished very quickly. i would have married him in a nanosecond if he had asked me. his family was the stumbling block. definitely don't let age stand in your way. lucky you, and lucky her.
Woggle Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 my younger man told me the same thing. he related to me better than women his own age. we shared so much in common i was really surprised. our energy levels for everything were compatible. we have a standing joke that i danced him off the floor in a club one nite. age didn't stand in our way, or it would have finished very quickly. i would have married him in a nanosecond if he had asked me. his family was the stumbling block. definitely don't let age stand in your way. lucky you, and lucky her. My family was a little uneasy about it but after they met her they loved her. I might just end marrying her. After my divorce I swore I would never marry again but she might make me eat those words. We have so much in common. We even like the same music.
helena abadi Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 My family was a little uneasy about it but after they met her they loved her. I might just end marrying her. After my divorce I swore I would never marry again but she might make me eat those words. We have so much in common. We even like the same music. winning over the family is a big one. my family was very unimpressed, but got over it eventually. my mother was more supportive than anyone, and she had reason to be, as my father was 6 years younger than her in an era when it was a BIG no-no. glad they love her. you may hit further resistance if you decide to marry, but so far, it's all on your side.
Woggle Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 winning over the family is a big one. my family was very unimpressed, but got over it eventually. my mother was more supportive than anyone, and she had reason to be, as my father was 6 years younger than her in an era when it was a BIG no-no. glad they love her. you may hit further resistance if you decide to marry, but so far, it's all on your side. My father actually said that he thinks we will eventually get maried. I don't think he has any problem with it and my mother is not in the picture. I trust his instincts and he loves her. He never liked my ex wife and looking back I should have listened to him.
helena abadi Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 wow, now there's an affirmation! does she have any idea about what you think on marriage?
Woggle Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 wow, now there's an affirmation! does she have any idea about what you think on marriage? She knows I am cautious but slowly that wall is coming down. I have a feeling she would marry me tomorrow if I would agree to it. I am trying to get to a point where I am ready to take that step. She has never been married so she doesn't have the baggage from a bad divorce that i do. She is one hell of a woman to even get me thinking about marriage again though.
FataMorgana Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 She knows I am cautious but slowly that wall is coming down. I have a feeling she would marry me tomorrow if I would agree to it. I am trying to get to a point where I am ready to take that step. She has never been married so she doesn't have the baggage from a bad divorce that i do. She is one hell of a woman to even get me thinking about marriage again though. go Woggle :bunny: so good to hear such positive comments coming from you! so glad things seem to go from good to better
Woggle Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 go Woggle :bunny: so good to hear such positive comments coming from you! so glad things seem to go from good to better You look at some of my posts when I first started posting here and it doesn't even seem like the same person. I am much happier now.
helena abadi Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 the fact that you are trying to get to that stage shows insight on your part. and you are aware of her readiness. sure, you have every right to be cautious if you had a bad marriage and don't want to repeat the mistake. you don't sound pressured, which is good. i think it's quite common for women to be ready for marriage before men. but marry we do, eventually!
Author breyedgirlbc Posted October 13, 2005 Author Posted October 13, 2005 Woggle....Thanks for your post, it helped me to look at things in a different light, its nice to have a guys point of view whos in a similar situation. Your lady sounds lucky to have a great guy like you too!! Take Care
Author breyedgirlbc Posted October 13, 2005 Author Posted October 13, 2005 Just wanted to thank everyone for their input, much appreciated!! I'll keep you posted on how things are going, so far he makes me smile non-stop, and we are very happy. I am gonna work on letting go of the whole age difference, and just enjoy what we have together.
basscatcher Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 I am gonna work on letting go of the whole age difference, and just enjoy what we have together. Decision made. Good for you. Enjoy.
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