do most fathers don't ever want their daughters to get married to a guy someday?

[SuperHeroMan]

No matter what, most fathers seem to hate it whenever their daughter has a boyfriend (even if he is a good guy). There are even shirts made for daughters that say "I'M NOT ALLOWED TO EVER DATE" and shirts made for fathers that say "DADS AGAINST DAUGHTERS DATING". I have also heard many fathers on the internet say that they hate the idea of their daughter having a boyfriend someday, and are completely against it. So it seems to me that most fathers don't ever want their daughters to date and be in a romantic relationship with a guy and get married to him someday.

Edited September 14, 2020 by SuperHeroMan

[basil67]

Don't make the mistake of thinking that weirdos on the internet and dumb tshirts represent "most fathers".    

[d0nnivain]

On some level it's a joke.  Fathers know what dogs they were as young men.  They don't want some guy treating their little girl the way they treated women.  

It's not meant to be taken seriously.  It's like when the woman's brothers tease the groom saying "we know where you live" if he ever mistreats their sister, the bride.  

[basil67]

And on some level it's not a joke.  A remember a comment which was well into the category of 'toxic meat-head' when a guy spouted off to his workmates that if anyone hurts his sister, he'll beat the cr@p out of him.  🙄     

Thankfully, most men understand that relationships come with ups and downs and know that their daughters and sisters must learn to navigate them.  

[SuperHeroMan]

9 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

On some level it's a joke.  Fathers know what dogs they were as young men.  They don't want some guy treating their little girl the way they treated women.  

It's not meant to be taken seriously.  It's like when the woman's brothers tease the groom saying "we know where you live" if he ever mistreats their sister, the bride.  

So most fathers (and brothers too) actually do want their daughters/sisters to find love someday and get married? 

Edited September 14, 2020 by SuperHeroMan

[mark clemson]

Yeah, I think at least many of them want her to be married to a "right" guy (or even gal in some cases) for her one day and happy.  No doubt there are exceptions to that.  Some probably do have their own ideas about what a "right guy" is like, and that may or may not align well to their daughter's tastes. C'est la vie.

[La.Primavera]

I've seen fathers be protective over their daughters (within reason) because they care about them, but never to this extreme.  Frankly, what you're describing is suffocating and creepy.  

It sounds like they are trying to take ownership of a young woman's body and their rights as individuals, like they are a piece of property.  Do these types of men behave this way with their sons too?  If not, you have to ask yourself why?

Imagine a father wearing a tshirt saying dads against sons dating.  It would never happen!  But if that is the case, why should it be acceptable to do that to his daughter?

Perhaps there are still some socially acceptable beliefs we as a society need to examine more closely.

[Ruby Slippers]

Men who have daughters sometimes learn a painful lesson that what comes around goes around. In other words, all that shady stuff you pulled on someone's daughters might one day be pulled on your little princess.

Women with the best dads who were great to their mothers generally find the best boyfriends and husbands. And vice versa. Sins of the father...

[Haydn]

I don`t own my daughters. And i suspect if i objected to whom they date or wanted to date, i would be told to sod off, so to speak. And rightly so.

However i will constantly look out for them should trouble arise (Whatever form that trouble comes in)

Edited September 15, 2020 by Haydn

[d0nnivain]

11 hours ago, SuperHeroMan said:

So most fathers (and brothers too) actually do want their daughters/sisters to find love someday and get married? 

Yes.  

[Azincourt]

14 hours ago, SuperHeroMan said:

No matter what, most fathers seem to hate it whenever their daughter has a boyfriend (even if he is a good guy).

What is a 'good guy' ?

What a father wants for his daughter is dependent on which culture he originates from.

In Saudi Arabia you have fathers more than willing to sell off their daughters in marriage as long as the guy has the money or any object of equal worth to the price the father of the daughter to be married is asking for her. Could be money. Could be land. Could be silver. Gold. Jewelry.  Heck, who knows, maybe these days these fathers are even taking Wall Street stocks as a valid currency.

In the States, and in Europe, especially in the US states that weren't as rich as California, and in the poorest European states, I had plenty of fathers and mothers who wanted to introduce their daughters to me. These dudes even carried pictures of their 22-30 year old daughters and showed them off asking me if I wanted to meet them.

In France, Germany, Italy, you know the powerhouses of Europe, fathers wouldn't be so bold as to pretty much act as matchmakers. They simply invited me to dinner or to spend the weekend with their family and wouldn't you know, ''here's my daughter her name is '' this is after they had often mentioned their daughter had just gotten out of a relationship etc etc.

It's easy to smell money on people, and when the world's economy is collapsing,  as it so happens every few years, doesn't matter how rich the Country the father is from. He'll still want to see his daughter paired-off with a guy who can take care of her and loves her and all that jazz.

That's one of the reasons I am not interested in having biological children of mine with whom I have to interact with and raise. The world belongs to rich, old men.  Women almost have no power or wealth of their own even in the most progressive European nations, and I wouldn't want to have a daughter only for her to marry a guy because it's getting harder and harder for middle-class people to not end up homeless.

Obviously, I rejected all of this nonsense. I am not interested in women who are with me for the possiblity of money. Take a good look at me, here, I'll remove my tank top and stand on my beach shorts. Like what you see? Then we date!

Quote

There are even shirts made for daughters that say "I'M NOT ALLOWED TO EVER DATE" and shirts made for fathers that say "DADS AGAINST DAUGHTERS DATING". I have also heard many fathers on the internet say that they hate the idea of their daughter having a boyfriend someday, and are completely against it. So it seems to me that most fathers don't ever want their daughters to date and be in a romantic relationship with a guy and get married to him someday.

 By the time those women reach the age of 22, they'll have boyfriends and such and such, and their parents will get used to the idea of a dude doing to their daughter what these fathers were trying to do to women, when they were 18 and didn't have a mortgagge to pay for.

Quote

So most fathers (and brothers too) actually do want their daughters/sisters to find love someday and get married? 

Those fathers actually want a guy who can provide their daughters with financial security, a house, with the house already paid off, and in near proximity to his(the father's) home so that they can get together often and daily, and the guy can watch his grandsons grow, so he can play soccer with them and enroll them in the academy belonging to famous soccer clubs, to give the kid a chance of growing up to having a good life.

But considering most men are broke, don't own a house before the age of 30, don't have a good job, and can't give their daughters everything they need.. they'll be alright with having a son-in-law who loves his daughter and treats her right.

Edited September 15, 2020 by Azincourt

[Ruby Slippers]

I think most good dads hope their daughter marries a responsible, loving man who's loyal to her and their family.

[snowcones]

My father was a great provider but bad at all the other things you should be as a father to a daughter, so he never did the whole protective father song and dance.  He just provided well and that's it.

[kismetkismet]

I think they think it's a just a cute joke, when in reality it's actually kind of gross and misogynistic. It implies that they were sexist jerks themselves when they were young and/or that they think they have some kind of ownership over their daughters body. Back in the day men did often have a lot of control over their daughters and who they married (and in some cases/cultures still do) because women were seen as property to be protected and kept 'pure.' It comes from a similar line of thinking, just cutsified for the internet. 

Edited September 15, 2020 by kismetkismet

[Azincourt]

Quote

I think they think it's a just a cute joke, when in reality it's actually kind of gross and misogynistic. It implies that they were sexist jerks themselves when they were young and/or that they think they have some kind of ownership over their daughters body. Back in the day men did often have a lot of control over their daughters and who they married (and in some cases/cultures still do) because women were seen as property to be protected and kept 'pure.' It comes from a similar line of thinking, just cutsified for the internet. 

Back in the day fathers owned their daughters?

Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Iran, Africa, India, many areas in South America, Indonesia, China, The Phillipines, the Countries that are part of the Arab league(22) and that's to name a few. Most of the women in the world are owned by their fathers, by their brothers, and then by their husbands, and if they husbands die, then their born-sons will own the daughters who are now mothers.

Women are still seen as property in the world by a large majority of men, and even in the west, if it wasn't for democracy, lots of men would want their daughters and wives to become their property as women were in the states and in Europe for thousands of years.

Hence another reason why I would never want to have a daughter. Because there are many men out there in Germany, California, Italy, France and so forth who believe they have a right to their girlfriend's body and future, and I wouldn't want no daughter of mine to grow up and end up with a dude like that. Very few women are going to find a Prince Charming,  so what's the point.

Lads, the world ain't just the USA, Canada, Mexico, and Europe.

Edited September 15, 2020 by Azincourt

[kismetkismet]

13 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

Back in the day fathers owned their daughters?

Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Iran, Africa, India, many areas in South America, Indonesia, China, The Phillipines, the Countries that are part of the Arab league(22) and that's to name a few. Most of the women in the world are owned by their fathers, by their brothers, and then by their husbands, and if they husbands die, then their born-sons will own the daughters who are now mothers.

Women are still seen as property in the world by a large majority of men, and even in the west, if it wasn't for democracy, lots of men would want their daughters and wives to become their property as women were in the states and in Europe for thousands of years.

Hence another reason why I would never want to have a daughter. Because there are many men out there in Germany, California, Italy, France and so forth who believe they have a right to their girlfriend's body and future, and I wouldn't want no daughter of mine to grow up and end up with a dude like that. Very few women are going to find a Prince Charming,  so what's the point.

Lads, the world ain't just the USA, Canada, Mexico, and Europe.

I did write that in some cases and cultures they still do.. The running joke of t-shirts and facebook posts mentioned in OP's post is more of a North American/European thing, because in other cultures the possession of women is real and not a joke. I think people just forget that it was part of (pretty recent) North American/European history as well. My point was that I think the running joke is gross because it's carrying on the thought process behind that tradition while pretending that it's cute (ie I agree with you).

Edited September 15, 2020 by kismetkismet

[Azincourt]

Yeah, I know.  I just like to remind people it ain't all roses and sunshine for women.

Thumbs up.

[snowcones]

32 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

 Very few women are going to find a Prince Charming,  so what's the point.

A sad but true commentary on men currently.  But things are changing, and yes, it's starting with westernized countries.

[Azincourt]

4 minutes ago, snowcones said:

A sad but true commentary on men currently.  But things are changing, and yes, it's starting with westernized countries.

Modern men are a lot better than they were 50+ years ago. My grandfathers never changed a diaper, never cooked, never washed clothes, never bothered cleaning the house, not even when my grandmothers were heavily pregnant. Meanwhile, my father always worked hard,  studied hard, and still managed to always help my mother in any way or shape. Mom got lucky. She often says she won the jackpot of husbands, but I don't know if my sisters will get that lucky despite all of their qualities and gifts. 

Young and handsome and rich? Usually entitled and arrogant and loves to sleep with women other than their partners.

Kind-hearted and decent? usually broke and doesn't own a house.

hard-working, attractive, but would rather be single because it's a lot simpler to be single.

Lots and lots of men out there, and so very few women are ever going to find themselves a good man.

 

Edited September 15, 2020 by Azincourt

[Ruby Slippers]

My married friends have good husbands. They're not perfect, but they're about the best a woman could get - hard-working, loving, honest, loyal, fun, supportive. I think success in romantic relationships is mostly about a good upbringing and positive family support system. If a man or woman comes from a good, loving family, odds are much higher that they're going to replicate the same environment in their adult life. One of the big factors in whether a marriage lasts is whether each person's parents have a good marriage that has lasted. It doesn't mean people who had poor upbringings won't find good romantic relationships - but when your parents have already set a great example, that paves the way and makes it a lot easier.

[Azincourt]

Yeah, that saddens me about my generation.  There aren't that many millennials whose parents have a happy marriage, they're either unhappily married to each other, or they're divorced and that added all sorts of complications to my friends lives when they were young and had to live with mom and dad every few weeks, then they'd have to live with their stepfathers and stepmothers, and when those relationships would end, the cycle would repeat itself.

My best friend would be the ideal husband to pretty much every woman. 6'2'', handsome, he looked like Henry Cavill before Cavill did,  bodybuilder in that sexy and attractive way, not the massive muscles gross way, charming, good job, great car, he's kind and loves his mother and his sister, but his parents divorced when he was 14 and it was a terrible divorce, such that he hasn't spoken to his dad for 10 years+ and every time his girlfriends start talking about marriage and children, he just shuts down. He ends up getting dumped, and he spends a lot of the time alone because he doesn't really trust marriage, love, or anything like that.

Millions upon millions of men and women who belong to my generation are like this.

Edited September 15, 2020 by Azincourt

[snowcones]

1 hour ago, Azincourt said:

Modern men are a lot better than they were 50+ years ago. My grandfathers never changed a diaper, never cooked, never washed clothes, never bothered cleaning the house, not even when my grandmothers were heavily pregnant. Meanwhile, my father always worked hard,  studied hard, and still managed to always help my mother in any way or shape. Mom got lucky. She often says she won the jackpot of husbands, but I don't know if my sisters will get that lucky despite all of their qualities and gifts. 

Young and handsome and rich? Usually entitled and arrogant and loves to sleep with women other than their partners.

Kind-hearted and decent? usually broke and doesn't own a house.

hard-working, attractive, but would rather be single because it's a lot simpler to be single.

Lots and lots of men out there, and so very few women are ever going to find themselves a good man.

 

I can't disagree with you on all that, my friend.  We have a looooong way to go. 

[lana-banana]

The mentality you're describing is the natural outcome of hyper-patriarchy and misogyny (see also: daddy-daughter "proms" with girls as young as 4, virginity pledges, etc). The good news is it's not that common. Most fathers aren't like this and mature ones certainly aren't. Good parents don't obsess over their children's sex lives and they want what makes their children happy. 

[Ruby Slippers]

1 hour ago, Azincourt said:

My best friend would be the ideal husband to pretty much every woman. 6'2'', handsome, he looked like Henry Cavill before Cavill did,  bodybuilder in that sexy and attractive way, not the massive muscles gross way, charming, good job, great car, he's kind and loves his mother and his sister, but his parents divorced when he was 14 and it was a terrible divorce, such that he hasn't spoken to his dad for 10 years+ and every time his girlfriends start talking about marriage and children, he just shuts down. He ends up getting dumped, and he spends a lot of the time alone because he doesn't really trust marriage, love, or anything like that.

He's far from the ideal husband because of his mentality brought on by the trauma of his parents' divorce. You sound young, as you heavily overemphasize the importance of superficial qualities. 95% of what you've outlined here matters a lot for superficial dating and hooking up, but has very little bearing on the strength and longevity of relationships and marriage. Even the hottest people lose that luster to a partner in a pretty short period of time - then you have the rest of your life to deal with the person inside.

[GorillaTheater]

I'm going to have a second daughter get married next month. She and her fiancee are in California, and I'm in Texas. Good guy, I met him over Christmas and was informed ahead of time that he was scared to meet me. 

That's a good thing, the basis of a solid relationship, because while I'm a friendly guy, I want them to be a little worried about me.