Is my divorced female boss harassing me or flirting or NUTS and I haven't laid a finger on her ?

[JakeCJ]

To me, I feel 100% sure since she's been a Supervisor for 23 years, she hitting on me and knows what she's doing is wrong or doesn't care but, I feel if i say something to stop it, I'm worried that's going to create a more toxic work environment if she gets mad and tries to retaliate, if i didn't love the job so much it wouldn't be such a hard decision to make and i damn sure know if i did this to a woman, I would be put under the jail cell for harassment in the workplace.

I'm male and in my ninth week at a new job in a warehouse and within the first week my female boss and i started talking about how we both use to work at the same company at different times and how working at this new company was a refreshing and relaxed change and while we were talking, she started rubbing the middle of my back straight up and down and that's the day that it started.

After that she has come up from behind me 3 different times and put both her hands around my neck, patted me on the back, and started bumping her hand on my thigh to talk to me.

She's asked me to dance with her at the back of the warehouse and even asked if i was going to whip her one day when i was putting a safety belt on for lifting when i was breaking skids down full of inventory.

When i was putting boxes on a skid one day the bottom of a box broke open letting glass bottles break on the floor and when she seen it, she told me to come over to her and she slapped me WTF.

This last time i was bubble wrapping glass bottles for protection for shipping and i had a large roll of bubble wrap at my feet on the floor i was using and she came over to help on the other side of the roller conveyor and looked at me and said gimme some, so when i started to bend down to get her the bubble wrap, she said to me, If you think i'm going anywhere near down there to get the bubble wrap from you, your crazy, well, i didn't say anything to her but, just looked at her confused and was saying to myself, i wasn't expecting you to go down at my feet to get the bubble wrap but, i felt she was implying something else, maybe I'm wrong.

[d0nnivain]

I think the touching is over the top & her comments aren't the greatest.  I would not flirt back or banter.  I would keep all conversations professional & I would move away if she tries to touch you again.  Do that before you verbalize the issue in the hopes that she gets it.  She should. 

If that doesn't deter her, say to her I'd prefer to keep everything between us professional & leave it at that. 

Finally if that doesn't work then you say your comments & touching are offensive & unwelcome.  Please stop.  If it happens again I will have to report your behavior.  

[JakeCJ]

I feel like I'm in a twisted dream, I've never had a female boss act like this before in my life.

[mark clemson]

Consider documenting at least one incident and then going to HR to discuss it. It will help if you have tangible, objective evidence such as an obviously inappropriate email or security video where she touches your leg. If your co has an ethics committee or similar, consider going to both so that they are "watching each other".

Depending on local laws, in some areas, it's easy to get fired since it's "easier" (less expensive and risky for the company) to just fire you rather than deal with disciplining the manager. In some places there are laws against retaliation, etc, but generally there must be proof that fits the local legal definitions of harassment, etc.

My guess is your boss has been doing this for a while and so has become "emboldened" about it as she's certainly not being careful, but of course I could be wrong about that.

If you can't afford a lawyer (potentially) then another solution might be to look for another job ASAP.

Edit: Oh yeah - it's possible she's mentally ill or has some other issue driving this, like BDSM impulses that she never "got to experience". Slapping you without your consent seems over the top, especially in a work context. There's nothing wrong with BDSM in my view, but people who want to Dom need to get consent first, so that sounds very wannabe to me.

Edited September 14, 2020 by mark clemson

[JakeCJ]

It's a small company with only about 100 people and the only time i've seen the H.R. people was during orientation, after that they have been invisible.

[d0nnivain]

Talk to the boss 1st before you go to HR.  HR doesn't want to have to get in the middle of something that could be stopped in it's tracks by you asking her to refrain from touching you.  You will look so much better in everyone's eyes if you solve your own problem.  

If the boss doesn't stop then by all means document, document, document & report her behavior.  

As of now, there is nothing to bother a lawyer about.  The terms & conditions of your employment have not been effected (you weren't fired or demoted) so you don't have grounds for a lawsuit.  

[Dork Vader]

On 9/14/2020 at 10:39 AM, d0nnivain said:

I think the touching is over the top & her comments aren't the greatest.  I would not flirt back or banter.  I would keep all conversations professional & I would move away if she tries to touch you again.  Do that before you verbalize the issue in the hopes that she gets it.  She should. 

If that doesn't deter her, say to her I'd prefer to keep everything between us professional & leave it at that. 

Finally if that doesn't work then you say your comments & touching are offensive & unwelcome.  Please stop.  If it happens again I will have to report your behavior.  

I generally agree. Try and shut it down on your own first, document what's happened (time and dates). If the manager retaliates against you for shutting her down, talk to the owner or HR. You then have the time and dates available for the owner or HR to investigate further. There is no guarantee the owner/HR will handle this professionally or fairly. But the OP should not have to put up with this kind of behavior. 

I have seen some businesses fire new employees, favoring established employees despite the fact that the established employee was the problem. 

Edited September 22, 2020 by Dork Vader