He asked me to join dinner with him and his friends

[Glx]

I am a student and he is a student as well. We've been dating for about two months, and I don't know his friends yet.
But recently he told me that his good acquaintances, with whom he went together on an exchange semester (my homeland at the same time), would soon be arriving and he offered me to join them for dinner.

I'm a little nervous, and I'm afraid to be "an extra unknown person" there.

He wrote me today: "I've already announced you as a special guest for our dinner. they are looking forward to getting to know you!" 

to me "special guest" doesn't sound exactly like "my girlfriend".. and doesn't sound like an introduction of the girlfriend as well. 

Should I go or should I refuse and find a reason not to go? 

I am a bit confused....

Edited September 13, 2020 by Glx

[FMW]

I think his friends are pretty sure what he means by "special guest", he wouldn't be inviting just any old pal along.  You've only been seeing each other 2 months, I don't think you should require explicit declarations of "this is my girlfriend" from him in order to meet the people that are important to him.

I can't imagine why you would "refuse" to go if you are interested in furthering your relationship with this guy.  He's showing you with this invitation that he wants to further things. Meeting friends and family is an important step to doing that.  

[Fletch Lives]

I can understand why you feel anxious. You should wait six months to meet friends and family.

[FMW]

The guy I'm seeing made a point of introducing me to his closest friends within 2-3 months of us seeing each other regularly even though we were taking things pretty slow. It didn't, and doesn't, mean that we're going to be together forever, it wasn't any type of commitment.  But it's nice to now have a history with them and feel comfortable and enjoy the times we all spend together. 

Don't stress out over it, just look at it as an opportunity to meet new people.  

[Dork Vader]

1 hour ago, Glx said:

I am a student and he is a student as well. We've been dating for about two months, and I don't know his friends yet.
But recently he told me that his good acquaintances, with whom he went together on an exchange semester (my homeland at the same time), would soon be arriving and he offered me to join them for dinner.

I'm a little nervous, and I'm afraid to be "an extra unknown person" there.

He wrote me today: "I've already announced you as a special guest for our dinner. they are looking forward to getting to know you!" 

to me "special guest" doesn't sound exactly like "my girlfriend".. and doesn't sound like an introduction of the girlfriend as well. 

Should I go or should I refuse and find a reason not to go? 

I am a bit confused....

I think you're being a tad too rigid with the title department and over analyzing the words he's using. He's showing you more of his personal life and getting you more involved with it. That's a good thing.

If you like the guy and want the relationship to continue to grow, then go! What do you have to lose? Imagine being in his shoes genuinely liking you, you invite him to meet your friends. He then makes up an excuse not to attend because he's not happy with the way you labeled him. 

Are you sure you're not just having anxiety about meeting his friends? That anxiety is then making you over analyze the entire situation? Keep in mind special guest, does not sound like "friend".. And most guys will introduce a FWB/casual fling as a friend. That's if they introduce you to their friends at all. Which I have never done, when it's casual they almost never meet my friends.

Edited September 13, 2020 by Dork Vader

[Mrin]

Women I date introduce me to their friends all the time. Sometimes really early on. It is a good sign IMHO.

[kendahke]

Go to the dinner. Quit splitting hairs.

You not showing up will put a bad taste in their mouths, especially for the flimsy reasons you've got going on in this post.

[smackie9]

Ya I would say it would be kinda rude to bail out on this dinner invitation. Sure it will be a little nerve wracking, but all you have to do is smile warmly as you are being introduced. Bring some wine, and everyone will get loosened up and conversation will start to flow.

[ShyViolet]

Why would you refuse to go, if you actually care about this relationship and want it to progress?  Turning down the invitation would be a weird thing to do.  You should go, and stop over-analyzing this.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Agree, go and have fun.  Just be yourself.  Hopefully "yourself" is warm and engaging :).  

Put a 6 month "time limit" on it is just silly.

[Azincourt]

7 hours ago, Glx said:

I am a student and he is a student as well. We've been dating for about two months, and I don't know his friends yet.
But recently he told me that his good acquaintances, with whom he went together on an exchange semester (my homeland at the same time), would soon be arriving and he offered me to join them for dinner.

I'm a little nervous, and I'm afraid to be "an extra unknown person" there.

He wrote me today: "I've already announced you as a special guest for our dinner. they are looking forward to getting to know you!" 

to me "special guest" doesn't sound exactly like "my girlfriend".. and doesn't sound like an introduction of the girlfriend as well. 

Should I go or should I refuse and find a reason not to go? 

I am a bit confused....

World wide health crisis and you're going on a dinner with people you don't know other than your boyfriend?  You do realize people get infected while eating, right?

[basil67]

I think you're letting your nerves get away with you.   Sounds like everything is progressing nicely.

[Caauug]

3 hours ago, Azincourt said:

World wide health crisis and you're going on a dinner with people you don't know other than your boyfriend?  You do realize people get infected while eating, right?

Not everyone is living in a Covid-19 "War Zone". Where does OP live/go to school?

For me here in WA it is life as normal, just no interstate or international travel without special permission. No masks, social distancing is recommended but not required. We have not had a case of socially transmission in months, all cases are in quarantine from international and interstate travel. 

Not everyone is living in fear, I'm sorry to hear you are.

WA=Western Australia 

[Watercolors]

12 hours ago, Glx said:

I am a student and he is a student as well. We've been dating for about two months, and I don't know his friends yet.
But recently he told me that his good acquaintances, with whom he went together on an exchange semester (my homeland at the same time), would soon be arriving and he offered me to join them for dinner.

I'm a little nervous, and I'm afraid to be "an extra unknown person" there.

He wrote me today: "I've already announced you as a special guest for our dinner. they are looking forward to getting to know you!" 

to me "special guest" doesn't sound exactly like "my girlfriend".. and doesn't sound like an introduction of the girlfriend as well. 

Should I go or should I refuse and find a reason not to go? 

I am a bit confused....

I'd say "no" unless you can bring some girlfriends along. You are not some piece of meat on display. How old is he, anyway? Does he not care about your feelings?!

I'm sorry but it's super awkward to expect you - 1 female - to be with a bunch of strange guys and a new b/f. That's just dumb planning on his part. I wouldn't go. 

You need your safety net of girlfriends with you for moral support. Tell your b/f you're bringing 2-3 friends with you. If he objects, stuff him. 

Edited September 14, 2020 by Watercolors

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Watercolors said:

I'm sorry but it's super awkward to expect you - 1 female - to be with a bunch of strange guys and a new b/f. That's just dumb planning on his part. I wouldn't go. 

Interesting perspective.   I hadn't read any discussion of gender of the people they'd been hanging out with, so assumed the group would be mixed.

@Glx would the group be mixed gender or just you and a heap of men?

 

[Glx]

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

Interesting perspective.   I hadn't read any discussion of gender of the people they'd been hanging out with, so assumed the group would be mixed.

@Glx would the group be mixed gender or just you and a heap of men?

 

it is a mixed group, there will be two other girls and a guy, who will apparently bring his girlfriend as well

Edited September 14, 2020 by Glx

[basil67]

Then I'd work on the assumption that they are good people and meet for dinner.  You may have a great time

[Mystery4u]

58 minutes ago, Glx said:

it is a mixed group, there will be two other girls and a guy, who will apparently bring his girlfriend as well

Then why are you worrying?

It's just dinner.

If your self confidence and self esteem is this low, maybe it's not the right time to date for you.

Edited September 14, 2020 by Mystery4u

[Watercolors]

2 hours ago, Glx said:

it is a mixed group, there will be two other girls and a guy, who will apparently bring his girlfriend as well

I still think you should be able to invite a couple of friends of your own along to meet your boyfriend and his friends. There should be a mutual “meet each other’s friends” dinner. Otherwise it puts too much pressure on you to be there by yourself with your boyfriend and just his friends.  The dinner isn’t a good idea because it’s not socially balanced. 

[Mystery4u]

11 minutes ago, Watercolors said:

I still think you should be able to invite a couple of friends of your own along to meet your boyfriend and his friends. There should be a mutual “meet each other’s friends” dinner. Otherwise it puts too much pressure on you to be there by yourself with your boyfriend and just his friends.  The dinner isn’t a good idea because it’s not socially balanced. 

Oh perlease are you scared of your own shadow? 

'Too much pressure'? Are you actually being serious? You can't be.

Has to be a socially balanced dinner? How ridiculous is that?

[d0nnivain]

20 hours ago, Glx said:

Should I go or should I refuse and find a reason not to go? 

There is nothing to be confused or nervous about on a social level.  On a Covid level, yes I have concerns about meeting a group of travelers.  Wear a  mask.  Observe social distancing protocols & be safe.  

But for you to not go would be insulting to your BF & to his friends.  If you don't make the effort, he will conclude you don't care about him.  Since you like him, assume his friends are people you will like too.  Go in with the mindset of this will be fun.  If you are so stressed about this & basically awkward & unable to function socially, because it is a group activity, you can drag a female friend along for moral support but you must not spend the entire time talking to her to the exclusion of his friends.

Look at it this way.  You are a student.  Presumably you hope to get a job some day.  Any practice you get meeting & interacting with new people will prepare you for job interviews & to socialize with new colleagues as you enter the work force.  It sounds like you could use the practice to build your confidence in new social situations.   

When he said "special guest" they all understood he meant new GF.  Chill.  

[kismetkismet]

You're overthinking it. This sounds like a perfectly normal step in the relationship - a good sign that he wants you to meet his friends, but not also not a HUGE deal where you should feel you're under pressure. If you like this guy then bailing on the dinner would definitely send the wrong message and put a bad taste in his friends mouths. 

The suggestion that you would need to bring your own friends as well is bizarre to me. It's just a dinner with friends, it's not a formal relationship sealing where you'd need moral support. I hung out with my husband's friends alone a lot when we were first dating just because they were all single and/or the person they were dating wasn't available, it's perfectly normal. 

[Watercolors]

59 minutes ago, kismetkismet said:

You're overthinking it. This sounds like a perfectly normal step in the relationship - a good sign that he wants you to meet his friends, but not also not a HUGE deal where you should feel you're under pressure. If you like this guy then bailing on the dinner would definitely send the wrong message and put a bad taste in his friends mouths. 

The suggestion that you would need to bring your own friends as well is bizarre to me. It's just a dinner with friends, it's not a formal relationship sealing where you'd need moral support. I hung out with my husband's friends alone a lot when we were first dating just because they were all single and/or the person they were dating wasn't available, it's perfectly normal. 

We can agree to disagree. I think the OP would be smart to bring along a friend or two with her. She won't feel anxious or like she has to be 'on par' for his friends. Yeah, I know they're in college. But I think that's a lot of pressure to put on someone you're just newly started dating at only 2 months. Having a friend or two along with her, will help the OP relax and help her process meeting her boyfriend's friends in. less anxious way. 

I don't think my advice is outrageous or bizarre either. It's just personal preference. To expect that the OP has to conform to some social standard that works for you but may not work for her, is, what I find unreasonable. Maybe the OP has social anxiety, so having her bring along a friend or two is a good way for her to cope with her social anxiety. Stop calling my suggestion bizarre. It's not. 

Edited September 14, 2020 by Watercolors

[poppyfields]

9 hours ago, Watercolors said:

I still think you should be able to invite a couple of friends of your own along to meet your boyfriend and his friends. 

Watercolors, I agree, I think she should be able to as well, if it makes it more comfortable for her.

I cannot imagine her boyfriend having an issue with that, he may even welcome it! 

Her friends can bring their boyfriends, it would be a fun little (or not so little) dinner party. 

So perhaps we should give him the benefit of the doubt and not assume he considers her "some piece of meat on display"?  

Just a suggestion. 

Edited September 14, 2020 by poppyfields

[Azincourt]

Quote

So perhaps we should give him the benefit of the doubt and not assume he considers her "some piece of meat on display"?  

I don't understand what made you feel like OP's boyfriend is trying to exhibit her around as a Trophy wife?

If she suffers from anxiety, then wouldn't be more wise to not attend to a dinner date considering not only is she going to meet a bunch of people she has never seen before, and she'll want to be making a good impression - but there's also a little something called covid-19 running arund?