patooks Posted September 13, 2020 Posted September 13, 2020 Hi all. So a lady I was seeing until last week is 37, and has been engaged 5 times and married twice, I was wondering if this was a red flag at all ? Cheers.
Mrin Posted September 13, 2020 Posted September 13, 2020 OP's story in food: I used to go to this Irish pub until last week. But it is closed now. I guess it had been cited five times for health code violations and went bankrupt twice. I wonder if that had anything to do with it closing... Translation: ya think???? 1
chillii Posted September 13, 2020 Posted September 13, 2020 Must be the time of yr or something but just about every thread involves someone 37 atm. But anyway op , until last wk , so your not seeing her anymore then , what happened ? At any rate on the surface without knowing details yeah normally all that would seem a terrible sign and def need some serious looking into before getting too involved.
Fox Sake Posted September 13, 2020 Posted September 13, 2020 7 hours ago, patooks said: Hi all. So a lady I was seeing until last week is 37, and has been engaged 5 times and married twice, I was wondering if this was a red flag at all ? Cheers. It could be a red flag. It might not. People go through a lot of changes in who they are between 18 and 37. Probably multiple times. I know I have. if all this happened when she was younger then I would say it was open as to whether or not it was a red flag. If it all happened spaced out over the years up to current time, then I would say that’s definitely a red flag. anyways , you’re not dating her anymore. So I’m gonna hazard a guess that it’s all happened spaced out over time for her, and you were simply just another trial by fire. Don’t let it get you down tho, easier said than done I know , but the right person is out there for you
Fletch Lives Posted September 13, 2020 Posted September 13, 2020 If you think it's a red flag, it probably is 1
Author patooks Posted September 13, 2020 Author Posted September 13, 2020 So she was married from 24 - 30, and then 31 till now. Her ex - Husband cheated on her twice, and was a total ass to her, never did anything with her, put her down all the time. He's only left her place a few months ago, and she found out while he was staying with her until he found a place he was sending flowers to another woman. She'd liked me for awhile but couldn't make a move until he moved out, but I guess we wanted 2 different things and I made a few errors early on that killed things, I've never connected with a woman who I had so much in common with but her family & friends said she needs time to heal and don't see anyone, she's also got an expected nasty divorce coming up with him, and she's super stressed about it as he could potentially take half of what she owns.
ShyViolet Posted September 13, 2020 Posted September 13, 2020 Engaged 5 times? Yeah I'd say that's a bad sign.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 13, 2020 Posted September 13, 2020 Yeah, a red flag. Was she engaged 5 times AND married twice (so engaged 7 times?)?
Author patooks Posted September 13, 2020 Author Posted September 13, 2020 1 hour ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: Yeah, a red flag. Was she engaged 5 times AND married twice (so engaged 7 times?)? Engaged 5 times, and 2 of those 5 she married. 1
Author patooks Posted September 13, 2020 Author Posted September 13, 2020 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: You even have to ask???? Never dated any woman who has been engaged or married before so was unsure.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 13, 2020 Posted September 13, 2020 Just now, patooks said: Never dated any woman who has been engaged or married before so was unsure. MOST people have only been engaged the same number of times they've been married. Did she break the other three engagements?
Author patooks Posted September 14, 2020 Author Posted September 14, 2020 43 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: MOST people have only been engaged the same number of times they've been married. Did she break the other three engagements? I'm not sure, she didn't say, she's only had like 5 relationships in her life that have spanned from 17 to now been 37. All long term. 1
Alvi Posted September 14, 2020 Posted September 14, 2020 (edited) It's difficult to judge without knowing her side of the story. So, she was engaged number of times? What if she had 5 long term relationships in her 37 years on this earth without being married or engaged? Would it make any difference to you? What if she had countless flings and short term relationships only? Would that make her better or worse in your eyes? What if she, like myself, was never married? Some people think there is something terrible wrong with me because I was never married. Some men told me that they would rather date a woman who was married countless times and the one who had countless relationships rather than the one who never had those "experiences." We are who we are. Past certain age, we all have history and baggage. It doesn't matter what we think here. All is matter what you think. Does it bother you about her? If it does, then don't date her. Edited September 14, 2020 by Alvi 1
Author patooks Posted September 14, 2020 Author Posted September 14, 2020 3 hours ago, Alvi said: It's difficult to judge without knowing her side of the story. So, she was engaged number of times? What if she had 5 long term relationships in her 37 years on this earth without being married or engaged? Would it make any difference to you? What if she had countless flings and short term relationships only? Would that make her better or worse in your eyes? What if she, like myself, was never married? Some people think there is something terrible wrong with me because I was never married. Some men told me that they would rather date a woman who was married countless times and the one who had countless relationships rather than the one who never had those "experiences." We are who we are. Past certain age, we all have history and baggage. It doesn't matter what we think here. All is matter what you think. Does it bother you about her? If it does, then don't date her. It was new to me as I've never dated anyone who has been engaged or married before, so was unsure if these amounts of time been engaged or married was then norm. In my eyes it's admirable she had these long term relationships as opposed to plenty of short term ones showed her character especially in this day and age, it doesn't matter now as we're finished which is very much a shame in my eyes, but I never once judged her I'd date a woman who was married before if I had a connection with her, wouldn't bother me in the slightest.
d0nnivain Posted September 14, 2020 Posted September 14, 2020 She can't be alone. She jumped to you to heal from the break up of her marriage not because she genuinely liked you. Date her but guard your heart. She is not somebody who makes rational decisions about love. She is bowled over & caught up in the romance of it all but can't handle the practical mundane stuff. If both of her marriages ended because the guy cheated you have to ask why her picker is so off. Does he like bad boys? Does she ignore red flags? Something is going on here that you don't see yet. 1
Snow_Queen Posted September 14, 2020 Posted September 14, 2020 I agree it sounds like she can’t be alone. She was single 1 year after her 1st marriage. Now that her second one is finished, here she is. That, to me, is a bigger red flag than her being engaged multiple times. This proves that she probably doesn’t know who she is, what she really wants from someone, and you’ll never know her if she’s with you because she truly cares. It’s likely she’s with someone only to fill a void. 1
Dork Vader Posted September 14, 2020 Posted September 14, 2020 23 hours ago, patooks said: So she was married from 24 - 30, and then 31 till now. Her ex - Husband cheated on her twice, and was a total ass to her, never did anything with her, put her down all the time. He's only left her place a few months ago, and she found out while he was staying with her until he found a place he was sending flowers to another woman. She'd liked me for awhile but couldn't make a move until he moved out, but I guess we wanted 2 different things and I made a few errors early on that killed things, I've never connected with a woman who I had so much in common with but her family & friends said she needs time to heal and don't see anyone, she's also got an expected nasty divorce coming up with him, and she's super stressed about it as he could potentially take half of what she owns. One divorce not a huge deal, we all make mistakes or sometimes the unexpected happens... Two divorces especially at the age of 37, is a possible red flag. Two divorces and 5 engagements at 37 is a huge red flag. Here is what I take away from this.. She likely rushes relationships and lets them advance far to quickly. Ultimately ending up in bad marriages and with the wrong people. I also highly doubt it was entirely her ex husbands fault. Even if it she was truly getting married to men who treated her poorly and gave her justified reasons for divorce, What does that tell you about her and her ability to pick a good spouse? I dated a woman who had only been married/divorced once. But had a high number of fiancees, amongst other red flags, not even 8 weeks into the relationship I was starting to question whether or not her ex's were really the problem. We continued to date for 3-4 more months and it was extremely clear she was the reason her past relationships all failed. 1
Ami1uwant Posted September 14, 2020 Posted September 14, 2020 On 9/12/2020 at 11:44 PM, patooks said: Hi all. So a lady I was seeing until last week is 37, and has been engaged 5 times and married twice, I was wondering if this was a red flag at all ? Cheers. Are the other 3 dead?
Ami1uwant Posted September 14, 2020 Posted September 14, 2020 16 hours ago, patooks said: It was new to me as I've never dated anyone who has been engaged or married before, so was unsure if these amounts of time been engaged or married was then norm. In my eyes it's admirable she had these long term relationships as opposed to plenty of short term ones showed her character especially in this day and age, it doesn't matter now as we're finished which is very much a shame in my eyes, but I never once judged her I'd date a woman who was married before if I had a connection with her, wouldn't bother me in the slightest. When you are in your mid 30s and a woman wasn’t married or engaged ( serious relationship,live together) would be more of a red flag.
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