zeus2018 Posted September 13, 2020 Posted September 13, 2020 I have be single for about 1 year previous to that I was involved with a women for 4 yrs it was mutual breakup. I learned a lot about myself and what I wanted. I joined match and have been seeing a wonderful women for 2 months. She is a single mom of 2 kids, she has been separated from her husband for a yr and half and working though a divorce he was very mentally abusive and controlling, she has a good job very smart and very beautiful in my eyes. She is 42 i am 40, i am good guy i would like to think college educated good job no kids never been married active. We hit it off from the start, we have been seeing each other a lot for 2 months. We just went out today we did kayaking and had a picnic and we both had a great time and she was all lovey dovey with me. She was looking forward to seeing me the following week and planing out dates and we even have a trip planned at the end of Oct to go away to mountains. Then this evening i get this text from her after our date today I know I shouldn't text you this because it's not the classy thing to do. I have really enjoyed getting to know you and I really like you. I just have been realizing that this isn't what I'm looking for. I can't explain it any more than that. You have been amazing and generous and kind. I'm just not feeling the connection on my part that I'm looking for. I'm so sorry. The last thing I want to do is hurt your feelings. But I think it's better to do it now than wait and have it be worse later. I spoke to my good friend of 12 yrs who is a physiologist he said after reading her text he thinks she is flat out scared and thing are moving to fast and she is afraid of getting hurt. The previous guy she dated before me was an alcoholic and did not treat her very nice and she also was raised in a very mentally y abusive family. Could all her past relationships be the issues with allowing her to realize there is good guys out there? all the best just down in the dumps i just hate dating
ShyViolet Posted September 13, 2020 Posted September 13, 2020 She's just not that into you and doesn't want to date you anymore. That's it. Trying to psychoanalyze her and come up with theories as to her reasons for breaking up with you is not going to help you in any way. Just accept that it's over, and move on. 6
CLS63AMG Posted September 13, 2020 Posted September 13, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, ShyViolet said: She's just not that into you and doesn't want to date you anymore. That's it. Trying to psychoanalyze her and come up with theories as to her reasons for breaking up with you is not going to help you in any way. Just accept that it's over, and move on. Bingo and you did something today that was the last straw for her, most often its being too clingy/needy/feminine/trying to lock her down etc, its gives women the heebie geebies and they bolt for the hills and guys are left there dumbfounded because they did what every rom-com movie told them to do (its actually exactly what NOT to do) since they were a child. Edited September 13, 2020 by CLS63AMG
Maldives Posted September 13, 2020 Posted September 13, 2020 Ye she's not into you dude sorry to thats the case for you but believe her when she says it she's not speaking a double language lol definately take her at her word
chillii Posted September 13, 2020 Posted September 13, 2020 Afraid l don't agree with your shrink friend ironically , you would think nothing could be handier than a friend that's also a shrink. But nope, sorry but l think it's pretty well like she said. 2
CLS63AMG Posted September 13, 2020 Posted September 13, 2020 7 hours ago, chillii said: Afraid l don't agree with your shrink friend ironically , you would think nothing could be handier than a friend that's also a shrink. But nope, sorry but l think it's pretty well like she said. physiologist isn't a shrink lol but I agree, way off base. Divorced chick with 2 kids is only afraid of ending up in another terrible relationship which is why she cut and ran. 1
kendahke Posted September 13, 2020 Posted September 13, 2020 (edited) Quote she has been separated from her husband for a yr and half and working though a divorce he was very mentally abusive and controlling The previous guy she dated before me was an alcoholic and did not treat her very nice she also was raised in a very mentally y abusive family. My take on it is that you're not an abusive jerk and for her, that means love. She gets a charge out of the imbalance and you being stable and on point doesn't deliver the charge she needs to recognize what "love" means to her. Block her and move on. Her life is messy a.f. right now and she's got a lot to clean up before trying to get with someone new. She would have ended up bringing you down with all that mess on her hands. You dodged a nuclear warhead. Edited September 13, 2020 by kendahke 3
Author zeus2018 Posted September 15, 2020 Author Posted September 15, 2020 (edited) funny turn of events, so she sent me a long text message today apologizing to me, she said she was scared and that she felt she was not good enough for me and decided to run and she overthinks thinks things a lot. she wants to talk tonight at 9 so kind of curios how this will go Edited September 15, 2020 by zeus2018
lonelyplanetmoon Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 You should be cautious. She sounds unstable. You may be setting yourself up for more hurt. The fact that she said she was not feeling it... that is a big red flag in my book. One that should not be ignored. 2
CaliforniaGirl Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 3 hours ago, zeus2018 said: funny turn of events, so she sent me a long text message today apologizing to me, she said she was scared and that she felt she was not good enough for me and decided to run and she overthinks thinks things a lot. she wants to talk tonight at 9 so kind of curios how this will go Either she wants to create drama, wanted to go for someone else but he dropped her fast, or.she's just a huge mess. 4
Chilli Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 (edited) On 9/14/2020 at 2:33 AM, CLS63AMG said: physiologist isn't a shrink lol but I agree, way off base. Divorced chick with 2 kids is only afraid of ending up in another terrible relationship which is why she cut and ran. Yeah read it fast so use to seeing the actual psychologist word as my partner is in that area l'll be seeing it in my sleep soon. Anyway op well that's a start see how things go tonight. She's also lonely and probably still all over the place too and me, l'd still be wary , sorry. Edited September 15, 2020 by Chilli
d0nnivain Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 11 hours ago, zeus2018 said: funny turn of events, so she sent me a long text message today apologizing to me, she said she was scared and that she felt she was not good enough for me and decided to run and she overthinks thinks things a lot. she wants to talk tonight at 9 so kind of curios how this will go Not a good sign She's not yet divorced. Before you she picked bad men: the abusive stbxh & the alcoholic BF. She is attracted to something about the drama. She likes chasing after these guys begging for scraps of attention; it's like she values their "love" more because she had to earn it. You being a good person it's too easy She has exhibited she makes rash judgments born of insecurity. Be very cautious here. I don't think woman is emotionally available & she doesn't even know it.
kendahke Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 19 hours ago, zeus2018 said: she said she was scared and that she felt she was not good enough for me and decided to run let her keep running... too much drama and she needs a therapist more than she needs a boyfriend.
Author zeus2018 Posted September 20, 2020 Author Posted September 20, 2020 we sat down and talked the other day. She said I check off every box in her head but is scared of what will happen in the future. Sorry I am not a menu there is no checking off like someone said too much drama, then finding out she is on meds for anxiety and depression sorry time to pull the ejection handle. 1 1
Happy Lemming Posted September 20, 2020 Posted September 20, 2020 15 minutes ago, zeus2018 said: time to pull the ejection handle. Good decision... My advice would have been to run hard and run fast away from this one, but you made it out. You definitely dodged a bullet.
smackie9 Posted September 20, 2020 Posted September 20, 2020 Your friend might be right, she's afraid, and not ready to get serious with anyone right now. That would be her "not what I'm looking for" comment. My take on it is, she was in an abusive marriage..here you come along, a nice guy. It's refreshing to be treated well, like a princess. She probably thought, this was her chance to try and get into a healthy relationship, and gave you a shot. We have had many threads where women and guys meet someone that is right for them, all the boxes are ticked off, so they force themselves to take that opportunity, but along the way they didn't feel enough spark/attraction. Don't get me wrong, they all admit they got along famously, but unfortunately that doesn't always mean sexual attraction. They were upset and tried to make it work by being affectionate and doing coupley things to get the attraction going, but to no avail. I have been there done that. TBH I think this is where she is at with this. But whatever the excuses we all can come up with, the bottom line is, she doesn't want to continue dating you. Knocking yourself out trying to figure out why this happen is a waste of energy. Accepting it's over and done with is hard I know, I'm sure a lot of us have been there, but it's your best course of action.
Recommended Posts