Where do you stand after 7 dates?

[Azincourt]

9 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

This is true, but it goes beyond basic sexual needs, at least for me.

When attracted to a man, it's more about my sexual desire for HIM!  

No judgment towards women who prefer to wait, but I never could, not when the energy was there for both of us.  

Exactly. If we're both feeling that boundless sexual energy between us, sex will happen, and it will be amazing, but if she wants me to wait, then I reckon she's as attracted to me as the casual Tourist to Egypt is attracted to the dessicated mummy of Ancient Egypt's greatest Pharaoh.

I look at a woman and with just one glance I either know I 100% want to have sex with her, or not. I expect the same from the women I come across.

''take a good look at me. Do you like my hair? My eyes? My smile? Here, I'll even send you a shirtless picture of me,'' and if she approves of what she sees,  we get together, because this is attraction on a primal level, the most honest kind, as there are no expectations of going on a ''date'' to see if there is chemistry there or not.

All of the women I've pursued have been women I could see myself having sex with 5 times a day 7 days a week,  and all of the women who've approached me or who have made it ''easy'' for me have been women with high sex drives, and women who directed those high sex drives at me.

Going on dates for weeks, months, all that talk and talk and talk, that just makes me feel ugly instead of making me feel hot and sexy, you know.

[Trail Blazer]

8 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

I guess I'm interesting beyond my sex parts, and those men got the impression it would be worth the wait. There are plenty of things you can do short of having sex to get a sense of physical and sensual compatibility.

I'm sure, given you have a daughter, you can understand why a woman might want to take her time to get a know a man before doing the most intimate physical, mental, and emotional thing you can do with another person. Especially when the guy tells her he's not sure he's into her unless he has sex with her. Think about a man telling your daughter that on a date. Is this a man she should ever get near with a 10-foot pole? Hardly.

You must be some sort of a looker if you've managed to keep a bunch of prospective partners hovering around like bata orbiters waiting for you to throw them a bone.  Me, personally?  I couldn't wait over seven dates for even a 10, with a magnificent personality to match the looks.

My daughter is nine-years-old and I do already worry about the future with her.  A father is always going to say his daughter's beautiful, but trying to be as objective as possible, I predict there will be some interest garnered by the boys at some stage (if it hasn't already started at that premature age).

I would definitely advise my daughter to proceed with caution upon hearing that he's not sure if he's into her unless he has sex with her.  At the same time, though, it is a thing for guys, where they will bond after sex.  

[Azincourt]

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Men who have that rule have a certain mentality. They're not focused on finding a great partner. They're focused on scratching the next itch. Unless their mentality shifts, they have nothing to offer you or any woman who wants to build something meaningful. In other words, you've lost NOTHING by keeping the bar high, and spared yourself wasted time and energy.

Not really.  

My parents have been happily married to each other for 40 years.

My dad was hanging out with his friends at the local restaurants after work, with his back to the restaurant's entrance door.

My mother enters the place, and having already seen my dad before, and liking what she was seeing, she went up to him, introduced herself, sat herself down. My dad's friends got up, excused themselves, left, and my parents-to-be got to talking. My mother asks my father out to go on a date that same very night. Mom knows what she wants, and she makes her move. They hook-up.  A week later they're together 24/7. 6 months later they're married to each other.  

Like my mother always told me growing up: when a woman really wants me she's not going to give other women the opportunity to steal me from her.

If someone makes me wait, she's really not all that into me, and if she is, and is the kind to want to take things slowly.  Doesn't matter. There will always be new women to meet because there's 3.5 billion of women in the world, more than 300 million women in Europe alone, then there's South America, Africa, The USA; and I'd even date Middle-Eastern women if it wasn't for the fact that their brothers and fathers would kill me lol.

[Trail Blazer]

19 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

This is true, but it goes beyond basic sexual needs, at least for me.

When attracted to a man, it's more about my sexual desire for HIM!  

No judgment towards women who prefer to wait, but I never could, not when the energy was there for both of us.  

Well, that's the thing.  I find that when the chemistry between two people is high, it's an all-encompassing situation where we've both just ravaged one another at the earliest possible convenience.

Except for one girl, who was my FWB for a few months, of the girls who I've been in a relationship (or married), they've all been very quick to have sex with me, but none were the type to have slept around a lot or have random hook-ups.

[Happy Lemming]

10 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

Men who have that rule have a certain mentality. They're not focused on finding a great partner.

I disagree... I've had some great long term relationships with women that slept with me on the 1st date.

[Azincourt]

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You must be some sort of a looker if you've managed to keep a bunch of prospective partners hovering around like bata orbiters waiting for you to throw them a bone.  Me, personally?  I couldn't wait over seven dates for even a 10, with a magnificent personality to match the looks.

my mom's a looker. Former fashion catwalk model, beauty queen pageant, swimswuit model, a Miss, and a lingerie model. Got offers to pose for Playboy many a time, but mom always said no.

Mom's in her 60s still gets approached often by attractive men and women who are 30, 40 years younger than her. 

Don't sell yourself short, King. When a woman is REALLY attracted to you, she could be Cindy Crawford, and she will still sleep with you right away, instead of making you wait for weeks, months, to gauge what your *true intentions* are.

 

[poppyfields]

33 minutes ago, meeji said:

I'm just wondering if any of you walked away from options that could've been great partners because you didn't get the validation you were seeking.

Goodness, that's a good point!  Validation.  Seems to be at the heart of many of our dating experiences.  

I had a male friend tell me that sex, for him, is very much about feeling validated as a man, an attractive and sexual being.

And I don't think there is anything wrong with that, it's human for chrissakes. 

And women need validation too, I know I do!  I need to feel that the man I like and desire finds me attractive and beautiful, I do not need for him to have sex with me however to feel that from him.

Just another difference between men and women, no wrong or right as far as I'm concerned.  Just different.

Edited September 13, 2020 by poppyfields

[Datingdisabled]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

Goodness, that's a good point!  Validation.  Seems to be at the heart of many of our dating experiences.  

I had a male friend tell me that sex, for him, is very much about feeling validated as a man, an attractive and sexual being.

And I don't think there is anything wrong with that, it's human for chrissakes. 

And women need validation too, I know I do!  I need to feel that the man I like and desire finds me attractive and beautiful, I do not for him to have sex with me however to feel that from him.

Just another difference between men and women, no wrong or right as far as I'm concerned.  Just different.

Beautiful @poppyfields and good morning sunshine 

[Azincourt]

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I disagree... I've had some great long term relationships with women that slept with me on the 1st date.

Same. Some of my best long-term relationships have been with women I've met in nightclubs/off tinder ,or women I met who were coming over for holidays, and they were looking to just have fun, but we clicked, and we ended up having a good relationship between us that lasted a decent amount of time.

On the other hand, women who've made me wait.. not only was the sex boring,  but it was too much of an intellectual relationship for my taste.

[meeji]

2 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

 

Going on dates for weeks, months, all that talk and talk and talk, that just makes me feel ugly instead of making me feel hot and sexy, you know.

What you said here is worth noting. I'm hearing a lot of men saying they would feel rejected.  It's not her responsibility to maintain your self-esteem. Of course you want to know that the interest is mutual on a date, but it's on you to keep your ego in check.

I can't be with someone who doesn't communicate well. I would expect to have a conversation about expectations and so forth. If you are feeling insecure, rather than assume what her actions mean, why not ask? Maybe she has a yeast infection or doesn't prefer period sex, maybe she missed a pill and doesn't like using condoms. You guys are really assuming a lot about why a woman doesn't want to have sex right away. If it's an issue for you bring it up. You might find out that it's not what you thought at all.

 

[Azincourt]

Just now, meeji said:

What you said here is worth noting. I'm hearing a lot of men saying they would feel rejected.  It's not her responsibility to maintain your self-esteem. Of course you want to know that the interest is mutual on a date, but it's on you to keep your ego in check.

Yeah, see the reason why some of my relationships didn't work out is that the women in question either made me wait a long time before anything sexual happened, which slowly eroded my self-esteem and made me question my own personal of physical beauty,  and slowly made me lose all emotional and physical attraction for her, or they were women who pretty much hooked-up with z guy and y guy, but expected me to be the responsible boyfriend they've never had, before they were to have sex with me, and I ain't interested in being used.

 

Just now, meeji said:

I can't be with someone who doesn't communicate well. I would expect to have a conversation about expectations and so forth. If you are feeling insecure, rather than assume what her actions mean, why not ask? Maybe she has a yeast infection or doesn't prefer period sex, maybe she missed a pill and doesn't like using condoms. You guys are really assuming a lot about why a woman doesn't want to have sex right away. If it's an issue for you bring it up. You might find out that it's not what you thought at all.

 

Oh, I'm always open and clear about what I want. I straight up say that I want to have sex with them. Those women with whom I've had a bad relationship either came up with, ''I'm on my period,'' not that it bothers me at all to have sex with a woman having her period, and '' I'm not emotionally ready to have sex with a man before x dates or time has passed,'' and while I was pretty cool and chill with it, I quickly lost interest in them as there were other women as attractive as these women, if not more, who were far more quickly with the expression of their physical desire for me.

[meeji]

6 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

I disagree... I've had some great long term relationships with women that slept with me on the 1st date.

I feel like the previous comment was taken out of context. The poster did not say great relationships can't come out of 1st date hookups. I belive the point was that men you feel entitled to sex, expect it on their terms and discard woman who don't put are the types of men checking off notches. 

Back to what I said earlier... it's all about intentions. If you're looking for a partner, you're going to prioritize the added value being with the person can bring into your life as a whole. If you're just looking for sex you're gonna be in a hurry to get what you want out of it with very little consideration of the other person or any long-term investments on building anything.

[poppyfields]

22 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

Except for one girl, who was my FWB for a few months, of the girls who I've been in a relationship (or married), they've all been very quick to have sex with me, but none were the type to have slept around a lot or have random hook-ups.

You sound a lot like my ex!  We had sex the first night we met, it wasn't even an actual date!  The chemistry was that intense.

We began dating after that night and later in the relationship, I asked him if he ever considered me "easy" or "sluttish" because I had sex with him so soon.

And he replied, rather boldly which was his typical style "hell no, I knew it was because you were HOT for me"!  Said with a sly smile.

And guess what, he was right!!  

Edited September 13, 2020 by poppyfields

[Ruby Slippers]

10 minutes ago, meeji said:

What you said here is worth noting. I'm hearing a lot of men saying they would feel rejected.  It's not her responsibility to maintain your self-esteem.

Amen. If a man's confidence is that dependent upon how fast he gets laid, this sounds like a boy not a man to me.

Most of the men I've been involved with have had endless "options" and they know it, but focus on quality over quantity. Every one of them says sex is very easy to get - but finding a meaningful connection where attraction and compatibility are present on all levels is extremely rare, and something to be handled with care and patience.

[Trail Blazer]

27 minutes ago, meeji said:

Additionally, the hard and fast rule of if the woman doesn't put out by the 3rd date, she's not interested is indicating that men don't have the awareness to understand the other ways women can express intetest on a date. I'm just wondering if any of you walked away from options that could've been great partners because you didn't the validation you were seeking.

She might be interested, but she's ultimately incompatible.  She may well be a good partner, sans the sex.  However, for most men, that is a deal-breaker.

So many women de-value the importance of sex in a relationship and then put it back on the man as though he's the one with a problem.  Women generally want to take zero responsibility for meeting their man's sexual needs. 

From my experience, however little or as much sex a woman is willing to doll out is the amount that a man should be content on accepting.  If he wants more, that's his problem.  You can't expect to be met half way, as offering up more sex than she wants is akin to bring pressured and that's a huge no-no.

At the end of the day, you are entitled to take as long as you like to have sex and nobody should make you feel pressured into doing something you're not comfortable doing. 

However, if you flip the coin, is it also possible that you've walked away from a great relationship because a guy displaying a strong biological urge to have sex with someone who he's incredibly attracted to has repeatedly rejected his advances?

Nice, genuine guys want sex too, ya know...

[Alpacalia]

Cliche' as it may be - each person and each relationship is different.

You just weren't compatible.

[Azincourt]

5 minutes ago, meeji said:

I feel like the previous comment was taken out of context. The poster did not say great relationships can't come out of 1st date hookups. I belive the point was that men you feel entitled to sex, expect it on their terms and discard woman who don't put are the types of men checking off notches. 

Back to what I said earlier... it's all about intentions. If you're looking for a partner, you're going to prioritize the added value being with the person can bring into your life as a whole. If you're just looking for sex you're gonna be in a hurry to get what you want out of it with very little consideration of the other person or any long-term investments on building anything.

It's not really about being entitled about sex. At least not for me.

 I've always been crystal clear with my intentions, and women have never been left wondering if I was interested in having sex with them. I flirt with them, I tell them that if they sleep with me they better clear off their agenda because I want to stay in bed with them all day long,  and I expressively tell them we ain't playing monopoly,   so women know where they stand with me from the get-go.

I'm not going to invest my emotions, time, and money(phone calls cost money, time is money etc) on someone who isn't all that sexually attracted to me to begin with, because let's be frank, if she thought I was hot, and if she had gone months without sex,  she wouldn't wait months to sleep with me. So I assume she's not attracted to me, as a man, as a sexual being, and my feelings for her shut down and I start looking at other women with interest.

I'm not just looking for sex. Nightclubs? Music festivals? Bars? Beach parties? Yes, I'm mostly interested in one-night stands, but where it concerns relationships?

I want a woman with a high sex drive and who wants me as badly as I want her, and I ain't wasting what's little left of my youth on someone who doesn't really want me that way.

 

[Azincourt]

Quote

Most of the men I've been involved with have had endless "options" and they know it, but focus on quality over quantity. Every one of them says sex is very easy to get - but finding a meaningful connection where attraction and compatibility are present on all levels is extremely rare, and something to be handled with care and patience.

You've dated Giorgio Armani models and Hollywood movie stars and Billionaires? That's impressive. They must have really liked you to not simply go away and meet new women. Or did they sleep with other women while they were waiting for you to sleep with them?

[Azincourt]

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Amen. If a man's confidence is that dependent upon how fast he gets laid, this sounds like a boy not a man to me.

Well, yes. I'm only in my 30s, so women who are in their 50s or late 40s do probably see me as being a boy, but that's generational thing ain't it? Someone my age or younger ain't seeing me as being childish for not wanting to waste my time and effort on someone who doesn't see me like I'm the last glass of water in the desert.

[Inflikted]

*shrug* I've never dated, never been in a relationship, never had sex, nothing. I've always been somewhat fascinated by the "timeline" of it. Er, well, obviously, I know everyone is different, and everyone will do what feels right and makes the most sense for them. But in a general way, I've always wondered quite a bit about it, because if I ever were to date, I feel like I'd have no idea what the expectations are on me for any of that stuff are. I certainly wouldn't ever want to "move too fast", but I also wouldn't want to "move too slow". As a guy, I don't really know how women generally expect things to progress from date to date, but I've always been very curious. Ah well.

[Trail Blazer]

18 minutes ago, meeji said:

What you said here is worth noting. I'm hearing a lot of men saying they would feel rejected.  It's not her responsibility to maintain your self-esteem. Of course you want to know that the interest is mutual on a date, but it's on you to keep your ego in check.

I can't be with someone who doesn't communicate well. I would expect to have a conversation about expectations and so forth. If you are feeling insecure, rather than assume what her actions mean, why not ask? Maybe she has a yeast infection or doesn't prefer period sex, maybe she missed a pill and doesn't like using condoms. You guys are really assuming a lot about why a woman doesn't want to have sex right away. If it's an issue for you bring it up. You might find out that it's not what you thought at all.

 

Rejection and self-esteem are mutually exclusive.  Indeed, a guy's self-esteem might take a hit because he's been rejected, but the feeling of rejection itself is merely just one individual saying, "hey, what I want isn't aligned with what you want."

As far as I'm concerned, the rejection from someone I've been on a couple of dates with, even if I really liked her, would not affect me in any way.  I'd simply move on in a situation where my investment to that point had been so low.

[poppyfields]

17 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

Amen. If a man's confidence is that dependent upon how fast he gets laid, this sounds like a boy not a man to me.

Instead of insulting men, why not try understanding them instead?

Reading the posts from men, they're needing to feel desired - sexually desired by the woman they're attracted to.

And they seek that need (validation) through sex, through her wanting to have sex with him.

Don't you need to feel desired too?  Don't you need to feel that the man you're attracted to finds you beautiful?  

Like I said in previous post, I and many women don't necessarily need for him to have sex with me to feel that from him.

But men do, from women, or some men do.  Many men do!  And there is nothing wrong with that. 

 

 

Edited September 13, 2020 by poppyfields

[Azincourt]

4 minutes ago, Inflikted said:

*shrug* I've never dated, never been in a relationship, never had sex, nothing. I've always been somewhat fascinated by the "timeline" of it. Er, well, obviously, I know everyone is different, and everyone will do what feels right and makes the most sense for them. But in a general way, I've always wondered quite a bit about it, because if I ever were to date, I feel like I'd have no idea what the expectations are on me for any of that stuff are. I certainly wouldn't ever want to "move too fast", but I also wouldn't want to "move too slow". As a guy, I don't really know how women generally expect things to progress from date to date, but I've always been very curious. Ah well.

 

There's no timeline. Some women will straight up sleep with you as soon as they meet you, and there are women who wait months for it to happen, and then there are women who are in-between those women.

Hit the gym, get big and cut and lean, and there will always be women who will make it 'easy' enough for you. You just need to lose that awkwardness around women, but if you are looking for a romantic relationship, there are more important qualities than just the way you look. Good job, your own house, college-education, life savings, kindness, gentleness, good to your parents,  good with kids, good with her parents, she wants to have kids and you share the same wish.

Lots of stuff goes into being the right man to the right woman at the right time.

[Ruby Slippers]

Hey, if that's how you roll, go ahead and get naked to "validate" every random schmo who "needs" to get laid by date 3. 

Edited September 13, 2020 by Ruby Slippers

[Azincourt]

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Rejection and self-esteem are mutually exclusive.  Indeed, a guy's self-esteem might take a hit because he's been rejected, but the feeling of rejection itself is merely just one individual saying, "hey, what I want isn't aligned with what you want."

Yes. I can't feel hot and sexy and sensual despite all of the mirror is telling me when I look at it, if the woman I want to sleep with, the woman I want to be in a true romantic relationship with is rejecting me either because of her religious values, or because she has a low sex-drive, or because she wants to test me out and figure out if I want to hit it and quit it, or if I want to actually spend time with her post-sex.

I feel like I'm being used and manipulated, but I understand that's just how it is, and I just shrug it, and figure she ain't a good match for me, and I ain't a good match for her. Better to just block her on the phone and go meet new women who will not destroy my self-esteem, but enrich it, liven it up, make me feel like a man, by sleeping with me on the first date.

I ain't getting validated as a man, as a sexual being, as a human being, by having intellectual conversations about the importance of 17th century European Fairy tales on the way peasant society was shaped, lady.

Quote

As far as I'm concerned, the rejection from someone I've been on a couple of dates with, even if I really liked her, would not affect me in any way.  I'd simply move on in a situation where my investment to that point had been so low.

Same. My dates are pretty simple. The beach, the local coffee shop, the bookstore, the local mall, or the local dog park. I'm not wasting my money or my time because I get a glass of water for free from the coffee shop, I don't need to pay to go to the beach as the beach is 2 minutes walking distance from my house, and I can stroll around inside the mall or the bookstore for free.

When I get rejected it doesn't bother me because I didn't lose anything by getting rejected.