elaine567 Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 The problem with the unaware blind date thing set up by your brother and his gf, is that she was kind of forced into it. The pressure was on. Be nice and entertain a stranger was the instruction and she complied. BUT out in real life without that push to the same extent, she is not so keen. She still wants to be nice, to not offend her friends, but I guess she is not feeling it. I don't think she is playing games, I just think she has been somewhat railroaded by the situation.
d0nnivain Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 10 minutes ago, elaine567 said: The problem with the unaware blind date thing set up by your brother and his gf, is that she was kind of forced into it. The pressure was on. Be nice and entertain a stranger was the instruction and she complied. BUT out in real life without that push to the same extent, she is not so keen. She still wants to be nice, to not offend her friends, but I guess she is not feeling it. I don't think she is playing games, I just think she has been somewhat railroaded by the situation. Then why did she make out with him hours after the other's left? I get the "be nice & entertain the strange guy" thing but if that was the case why would she hang around with him after her friend left? It would have been easy enough to make up an excuse to leave at that point. Why contact him & play the push pull thing? If she really wasn't feeling it she could have 1). said no thanks 2) ghosted or 3). sent a message back through her friend to the brother to tell the OP to buzz off. I really think she's playing catch me if I can. . .see the 33 1/3% & 51% cracks. 1
Author tokidoki Posted September 15, 2020 Author Posted September 15, 2020 That's fair enough. And that's sort of what I think. Although she wasn't obliged to 'entertain me' hahaha. She could have left the pub at any point but she stayed in my company for 4 hours voluntarily and kissed me at the end, so I think it's safe to assume she's attracted. I totally appreciate that maybe in the cold light of day, she may be less into it and slightly more inhibited by other circumstances in her life. I'm not gona do what Donivan suggested because it isn't my style. I'm not a 'hey, I meant what I said....if I don't hear from you...bow out gracefully' kinda guy. To me, that says that you are OK with being ignored and that you expect it. I'm an easy going person, and I know my worth. I've invited her to spend time with me. If she doesn't want to then that's her loss but I'm letting her know that it's safe to say she isn't interested rather than keeping me on the hook to spare my feelings. I'm a big boy and I can take rejection. 2
elaine567 Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 She hung around as A) it was expected and B) she was getting a bit tipsy by the end hence the kiss. Not everyone is as assertive as to be able to push off would be suitors efficiently. Also the whole thing is as awkward as hell. "What do you mean you don't want to go out with my bf's brother? What's wrong with him?" 1
Author tokidoki Posted September 15, 2020 Author Posted September 15, 2020 ffs, what's awkward about it? I met a nice girl in the pub and I asked her on a date. She says she is keen, but she is being flakey. I have let her know that now she has cancelled the date, I have politely told her that she does not need to spare my feelings if she isn't interested. I would rather she tell me than waste my time. 1
Timshel Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 She is single and being set up for a reason. Believe her actions and move on.
elaine567 Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 Its not awkward for you, it is awkward for her. How does she break it to the expectant friend and the bf that she isn't keen, without being seen as the "baddie"? It was supposed to go well and then the four of you could go on double dates...
Author tokidoki Posted September 15, 2020 Author Posted September 15, 2020 8 minutes ago, Timshel said: She is single and being set up for a reason. Believe her actions and move on. believe her actions? this is the problem, man. Her actions are not clear. 8 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Its not awkward for you, it is awkward for her. How does she break it to the expectant friend and the bf that she isn't keen, without being seen as the "baddie"? It was supposed to go well and then the four of you could go on double dates... She is not a baddie if she's not interested! these things happen. I have felt the same way before. But it is better to communicate clearly and openly than play games to spare feelings. It only causes more damage in the long run.
Timshel Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 Her action is not going on a date with you. It's only a game for you, because things aren't going your way with her. She has your #, she knows that you are interested, don't chase her. I should say be careful what you wish for. This level of flakey/wishwashiness isn't solid relationship material. Good luck ☺
princessaurora Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 I just don't understand why when you told her to let you know what worked for her, she texted back a bit later Tuesday would work. If she wasn't interested then she shouldn't have offered another option and assumed you'd get the hint after that. That's what I would have done. She may be only slightly interested or she may be playing games. Regardless, you deserve someone who is thrilled to spend time with you and isn't afraid to show it, and I promise you she's out there, you just have to keep looking. 1 1
Author tokidoki Posted September 15, 2020 Author Posted September 15, 2020 24 minutes ago, princessaurora said: I just don't understand why when you told her to let you know what worked for her, she texted back a bit later Tuesday would work. Yes, exactly! I think it is game playing. I have wasted enough time with women who play games. As I said before: I'm an easy going person, and I know my worth. I've invited her to spend time with me. If she doesn't want to then that's her loss but I'm letting her know that it's safe to say she isn't interested rather than keeping me on the hook to spare my feelings. I'm a big boy and I can take rejection.
Author tokidoki Posted September 15, 2020 Author Posted September 15, 2020 She just replied to me saying 'I would have liked to rearrange, but without any pressure'. I said 'Oh no I don't mean to pressure you! you just seem a little unsure so I'm just letting you know it's OK if you'd rather leave it'. Just seems like a lot of game playing, making it very difficult to set a date. I know it's part of the game of dating but I cba to deal with it. Just saying you're either into it or you're not.
elaine567 Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 Maybe its not necessarily pressure only from you she is referring to...
Wiseman2 Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 6 minutes ago, davidsonramirez said: She just replied to me saying 'I would have liked to rearrange, but without any pressure'. Ok the ball is in her court. If she keeps being a moving target like a game of whack-a-mole, just move forward. She's most likely meeting others and playing the 'who gets to date me?!' game. 1
Author tokidoki Posted September 15, 2020 Author Posted September 15, 2020 Yep, deffo. Just letting her know I won't hang around for it. Puts her in a tricky position. She knows what i mean so she either sets a new date, or gaslights. Let's see. Stay tuned folks! 1
kismetkismet Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 I think I would move on from this one, she sounds really confusing. She seems very concerned with there being a lot of 'pressure' from going on a date with you - saying that she only wants to go on a 51% date, and then saying 'I would have liked to rearrange, but without any pressure.' A date is just a date, it's not that much commitment. She may be getting pressure from her friend/your brother too, but she's a grown woman and it's just a date. I would have thought she just flat out wasn't interested, but it's strange that she suggested a specific date and then later canceled it herself. Either way, I feel like any date you went on would be a bit unpleasant because she seems to have her guard wayyyyyy up. 1
Author tokidoki Posted September 15, 2020 Author Posted September 15, 2020 6 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Maybe its not necessarily pressure only from you she is referring to... what do you mean
elaine567 Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 4 minutes ago, davidsonramirez said: what do you mean Her friend...
Author tokidoki Posted September 15, 2020 Author Posted September 15, 2020 I don't think her friend is putting any pressure on her. I don't think she even knows anything about this.
elaine567 Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 5 minutes ago, davidsonramirez said: I don't think her friend is putting any pressure on her. I don't think she even knows anything about this. I doubt that. She set up her friend with you, she will be getting all the gory details..
mortensorchid Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 She doesn't sound too interested. Try again and if she won't commit to a time/place, move on.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 16, 2020 Posted September 16, 2020 11 hours ago, davidsonramirez said: She just replied to me saying 'I would have liked to rearrange, but without any pressure'. I said 'Oh no I don't mean to pressure you! you just seem a little unsure so I'm just letting you know it's OK if you'd rather leave it'. I think she doesn't have the stones to tell you that she would rather leave it. This isn't the tone of woman who is eager to see you again. You gave it a shot, so kudos to you. I would keep moving.
Erik30 Posted September 16, 2020 Posted September 16, 2020 12 hours ago, davidsonramirez said: She just replied to me saying 'I would have liked to rearrange, but without any pressure'. I said 'Oh no I don't mean to pressure you! you just seem a little unsure so I'm just letting you know it's OK if you'd rather leave it'. Just seems like a lot of game playing, making it very difficult to set a date. I know it's part of the game of dating but I cba to deal with it. Just saying you're either into it or you're not. What pressure? She disappeared when you tried to set up the date on the day she said she was available. She also waited till the last second to let you know the date wasn't happening, and only after you reached out... I would walk away, seems like she's not that interested. It shouldn't be this hard to go on a date
Author tokidoki Posted September 16, 2020 Author Posted September 16, 2020 I agree. When I met her we did talk about dating, and she said she doesn't like to feel vulnerable and that she can be very shy with new people. Given that, along with the fact that I have made all the 'right moves' and done nothing to turn her off, I imagine she may be a little intimidated by that self-assurance, and playing games to maintain a little control, especially as we have already kissed etc. within a few hours of meeting. I know A LOT of women who act like this. Either way, I've given her the option to say she isn't interested. I'm not putting pressure on her, I'm just politely communicating that I don't want to waste my time if she's not interested. I could continue with the chase for fun but it doesn't set a solid foundation for a relationship which is what I'm looking for at this point.
elaine567 Posted September 16, 2020 Posted September 16, 2020 To my mind she is not playing any game. BUT like many women, 1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said: ... she doesn't have the stones to tell you that she would rather leave it. Agreed.
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