tokidoki Posted September 12, 2020 Posted September 12, 2020 I went for a drink with my brother and his gf the other night. His gf knows I'm single so she invited another single friend along - I didn't know she was going to do this. We all were chatting and it was nice. My brother and his gf left after about an hour and a half so it was just me and the other girl. We hung out in the pub for a few more hours and she seemed to be enjoying my company. We bonded over a lot of stuff. We were talking about dating in general and I said 'well apparently this was a set-up, so maybe we can call it a 50% date', and she sad 'hmm maybe 30%', and I laughed. A little later we ended up kissing and she wasn't particularly shy about that. It was a really nice vibe. Anyway we walked to the station but I had to run for my train, I said i would get her number off our mutual friend and she said 'sounds good'. I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and left. The next day I got her number and sent her 'Ciao Bella! It was lovely to meet you last night! Would you like to go on a 100% date one of these days?'. She said she could offer a 51% date which i thought was quite cute, but then when i tried to set a date, she claimed to be busy and said she would get back to me. In my experience, this is usually a brush off and it's best just to assume she's not interested and leave it. However, we definitely hit it off in the pub so wondering if this is ever a 'hard to get' or 'make myself appear unavailable' strategy after maybe giving a bit too much away on what wasn't even a first date? I also have experience of shy women giving themselves more time to think or do some research. She seemed to really like me in the pub so can't imagine I've done anything to turn her off.
Erik30 Posted September 12, 2020 Posted September 12, 2020 She doesn't sound shy to me, going by your story. Just wait. She said she would get back to you, if she doesn't you'll know being "busy" was just a lame excuse. 7
Wiseman2 Posted September 12, 2020 Posted September 12, 2020 Yes, the ball is in her court. If she gets back to you great. Keep in mind you played it a bit too cool with "one of those days", because that's not really asking for anything specific or asking her on a date. She may or may not be shy, but you are playing it to cool more like you are afraid to get her number from her or really ask her out. 1
Author tokidoki Posted September 12, 2020 Author Posted September 12, 2020 Well after I said that, she said, yes I can do this week or the week after. So i suggested two separate days, both she said she was busy. So i said 'when is good for you?', and she said she would check and get back. Not heard from her yet. I will just leave it but in my experience this is brush off stuff, which seems at odds with her attitude in the pub. 3
Maldives Posted September 12, 2020 Posted September 12, 2020 21 minutes ago, davidsonramirez said: Well after I said that, she said, yes I can do this week or the week after. So i suggested two separate days, both she said she was busy. So i said 'when is good for you?', and she said she would check and get back. Not heard from her yet. I will just leave it but in my experience this is brush off stuff, which seems at odds with her attitude in the pub. It happens In the moment in the pub it was on A few days later her thoughts feelings changed maybe/possibly? That's my guess if she doesn't reach out And...so common with dating these days re online or in your case you could say blind date
Author tokidoki Posted September 12, 2020 Author Posted September 12, 2020 yeah it was the next day. I reckon playing it cool, or shy. But not uninterested. Will see what happens but won't chase. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 12, 2020 Posted September 12, 2020 1 hour ago, davidsonramirez said: Well after I said that, she said, yes I can do this week or the week after. So i suggested two separate days, both she said she was busy. So i said 'when is good for you?', and she said she would check and get back. Not heard from her yet. I will just leave it but in my experience this is brush off stuff, which seems at odds with her attitude in the pub. It does, but keep in mind that alcohol lowers inhibitions. It's easy to get a little caught up in the moment when you've had a couple wobbly pops. I don't get the impression that she is shy, but she sounds rather lukewarm. Either way, you gave it a shot. If she is in fact brushing you off, you'll know soon enough. 1
Wiseman2 Posted September 12, 2020 Posted September 12, 2020 Busy is not shy. Uninterested maybe but if you play games because you assume she's playing games you're not going to get very far. 2
Velvet teddy Posted September 12, 2020 Posted September 12, 2020 (edited) 5 hours ago, davidsonramirez said: I went for a drink with my brother and his gf the other night. His gf knows I'm single so she invited another single friend along - I didn't know she was going to do this. We all were chatting and it was nice. My brother and his gf left after about an hour and a half so it was just me and the other girl. We hung out in the pub for a few more hours and she seemed to be enjoying my company. We bonded over a lot of stuff. We were talking about dating in general and I said 'well apparently this was a set-up, so maybe we can call it a 50% date', and she sad 'hmm maybe 30%', and I laughed. A little later we ended up kissing and she wasn't particularly shy about that. It was a really nice vibe. Anyway we walked to the station but I had to run for my train, I said i would get her number off our mutual friend and she said 'sounds good'. I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and left. The next day I got her number and sent her 'Ciao Bella! It was lovely to meet you last night! Would you like to go on a 100% date one of these days?'. She said she could offer a 51% date which i thought was quite cute, but then when i tried to set a date, she claimed to be busy and said she would get back to me. In my experience, this is usually a brush off and it's best just to assume she's not interested and leave it. However, we definitely hit it off in the pub so wondering if this is ever a 'hard to get' or 'make myself appear unavailable' strategy after maybe giving a bit too much away on what wasn't even a first date? I also have experience of shy women giving themselves more time to think or do some research. She seemed to really like me in the pub so can't imagine I've done anything to turn her off. A shy woman wouldnt have kissed you on a first meeting. Either shes genuinely busy/ playing games or having second thoughts. Only time will tell. But then again you only met her once. Surely you don't care too much Edited September 12, 2020 by Velvet teddy
smackie9 Posted September 12, 2020 Posted September 12, 2020 She's not shy, she's just not that interested....if she was interested she would be very available. 1
Azincourt Posted September 12, 2020 Posted September 12, 2020 (edited) 6 hours ago, davidsonramirez said: I went for a drink with my brother and his gf the other night. His gf knows I'm single so she invited another single friend along - I didn't know she was going to do this. We all were chatting and it was nice. Usually, when a friend's(in your case your boyfriend's girlfriend)girlfriend invited another woman to come with you guys, and doesn't invite men, it's because she wants to set you guys up. Either because she thinks the two of you are a good match, or because that woman in question has heard of you/seen you, and has requested to be introduced to her. Quote My brother and his gf left after about an hour and a half so it was just me and the other girl. So this ''going for a drink'' idea was just a ploy to get you to come and meet the woman. I like it. Subtle and smooth, sweet and yet thoughtful, how they exited the place after 30 minutes just long enough to introduce the two of you to each other and then stay for a bit, and then they left. Quote We hung out in the pub for a few more hours and she seemed to be enjoying my company. We bonded over a lot of stuff. We were talking about dating in general and I said 'well apparently this was a set-up, so maybe we can call it a 50% date', and she sad 'hmm maybe 30%', and I laughed. A little later we ended up kissing and she wasn't particularly shy about that. It was a really nice vibe. This was a set-up from the get-go. She was flirting with you, dude. Bro, you guys ended up kissing on the first date after an hour or two. If she's shy I'm Pharaoh Ramesses II. Quote Anyway we walked to the station but I had to run for my train, I said i would get her number off our mutual friend and she said 'sounds good'. I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and left. The next day I got her number and sent her 'Ciao Bella! It was lovely to meet you last night! Would you like to go on a 100% date one of these days?'. She said she could offer a 51% date which i thought was quite cute, but then when i tried to set a date, she claimed to be busy and said she would get back to me. In my experience, this is usually a brush off and it's best just to assume she's not interested and leave it. However, we definitely hit it off in the pub so wondering if this is ever a 'hard to get' or 'make myself appear unavailable' strategy after maybe giving a bit too much away on what wasn't even a first date? I also have experience of shy women giving themselves more time to think or do some research. She seemed to really like me in the pub so can't imagine I've done anything to turn her off. La bella ragazza! That's cute. Yeah, you got three options. 1) wait for her to contact you again, which gives her time to evaluate how she feels and thinks about you, and that's great. 2) Contact her yourself instead, which can come across as confident and self-assured, which is hot for many women, but can be considered to be douchebaggery to other women, but hey no pain no gain. 3)Ask your brother's girlfriend to set you guys up again, like a double date. It could also be that she thinks you're cute and sweet, but she's not looking for anything right now. Or she met some other guy she cares more about and wants to see what might come out of it. Edited September 12, 2020 by Azincourt
ShyViolet Posted September 12, 2020 Posted September 12, 2020 It sounds like she might not be interested. Since the ball is now in her court, just don't message her again and see if she "gets back to you" like she said she would. Then you'll know for sure. 2
Dork Vader Posted September 12, 2020 Posted September 12, 2020 10 hours ago, davidsonramirez said: I went for a drink with my brother and his gf the other night. His gf knows I'm single so she invited another single friend along - I didn't know she was going to do this. We all were chatting and it was nice. My brother and his gf left after about an hour and a half so it was just me and the other girl. We hung out in the pub for a few more hours and she seemed to be enjoying my company. We bonded over a lot of stuff. We were talking about dating in general and I said 'well apparently this was a set-up, so maybe we can call it a 50% date', and she sad 'hmm maybe 30%', and I laughed. A little later we ended up kissing and she wasn't particularly shy about that. It was a really nice vibe. Anyway we walked to the station but I had to run for my train, I said i would get her number off our mutual friend and she said 'sounds good'. I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and left. The next day I got her number and sent her 'Ciao Bella! It was lovely to meet you last night! Would you like to go on a 100% date one of these days?'. She said she could offer a 51% date which i thought was quite cute, but then when i tried to set a date, she claimed to be busy and said she would get back to me. In my experience, this is usually a brush off and it's best just to assume she's not interested and leave it. However, we definitely hit it off in the pub so wondering if this is ever a 'hard to get' or 'make myself appear unavailable' strategy after maybe giving a bit too much away on what wasn't even a first date? I also have experience of shy women giving themselves more time to think or do some research. She seemed to really like me in the pub so can't imagine I've done anything to turn her off. Hard to say what her motives are? Maybe she really is just busy? Which is very possible given the way you met her.. She might not even be trying to date right now because she is busy with her personal life/career/school. But the situation at the pub happened? if she's interested she'll continue to communicate with you and eventually make time for a date. No way to know one way or the other (yet). 1
Ami1uwant Posted September 12, 2020 Posted September 12, 2020 13 hours ago, davidsonramirez said: Well after I said that, she said, yes I can do this week or the week after. So i suggested two separate days, both she said she was busy. So i said 'when is good for you?', and she said she would check and get back. Not heard from her yet. I will just leave it but in my experience this is brush off stuff, which seems at odds with her attitude in the pub. I wouldnt have asked asked ehat about this day...I’d ask her what days are good for her. she may work somewhere she only learns her schedule a week out
Author tokidoki Posted September 13, 2020 Author Posted September 13, 2020 She got back to me, but nothing to do with the date. Weird. Just said 'are you happy?' (the football team we both support won) - we had a brief exchange about it but I didn't mention the date. She still needs to get back to me with her schedule so just gona wait and not push.
Azincourt Posted September 13, 2020 Posted September 13, 2020 Could be she enjoyed your company but didn't feel any chemistry when she kissed you, but would like to stay in touch as friends. Odd to me that she contacts you but doesn't say anything about setting up a date, although I'm not so sure about the common sense of someone who kisses a complete stranger on the lips on the first date in the middle of a world-wide pandemic crisis, so what do I know.
Fletch Lives Posted September 13, 2020 Posted September 13, 2020 Next time, wait a week to call. Sometimes it helps. Love grows slowly (when and if it does). 1
Author tokidoki Posted September 15, 2020 Author Posted September 15, 2020 So after a day or two she got back to me saying she was free on Tuesday. I suggested a time and a place and she didn't reply. I texted her Tuesday morning and she said she would have too much work. The flakey behaviour is getting tiring so I just said 'it's OK if you would rather leave it! I won't be offended'. I still can't really tell if this is game-playing or not interested. I understand women like to give men a little test in this situ, especially as we've already kissed. I can literally think of nothing I've done that would have turned her off, so it's either that or she's shy/nervous (not to sound arrogant). It is getting tedious now so would rather just ask directly where I stand rather than long it out anymore. Good move or nah?
Azincourt Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 She seems busy. Is she the CEO of a major international company and can barely find the time to eat a sandwich, or is she trying to make you want her more by playing ''hard'' to get, or is she simply not interested in you, but doesn't want to ruin the friendship between she and your brother and your brother's girlfriend and she's trying to put you down easily? Very complicated. Nah, man, when a woman is really attracted to you she doesn't pull games out of her wardrobe because she's bored or because she wants to see how much you like her. She will be open to going out with you as soon as possible because she doesn't want to let a good thing fly away from their hands, she'll even be the one to text you first or to be the one to make the first call to make a date happen. If I was you I would be pretty blunt about it to get this over with and to make it possible for you to move on because you'd finally know what she wants from you. ''Hey, I want to go on a date with you this saturday/friday, can you make it ? No? When will be a good time for you?'' If she fidgets, move on. If she sets a date and then doesn't show up or she comes up with excuses as to why she can't make it? Move on and forget about this woman.
Author tokidoki Posted September 15, 2020 Author Posted September 15, 2020 What so you think it's good to text her twice with no response? I figure if she doesn't respond to the 'It's ok if you're not interested, we can leave it', then she isn't capable of mature communication and that is not someone I want to pursue anyway. I learned that the hard way.
Azincourt Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 You texted her twice and she didn't respond not even once? Cut her off. She's either flakey, or she isn't interested in you, or she has other options she wants to get with but doesn't know how she stands with them, and she's keeping you on the back burner as a backup. Good! Don't waste your time. 1
Author tokidoki Posted September 15, 2020 Author Posted September 15, 2020 No, I didn't text her twice! She texted me at the weekend asking if I could do Tuesday. I said yes. She didn't respond. I messaged her this morning saying 'is 7pm ok for you tonight?' and suggested a place. She said she had too much work, and asked to reschedule to next week. She has already made it difficult to set a date and been slow at responding, so I said 'OK, it's fine if you're feeling lukewarm about it. We can leave it. I won't be offended :)'. She hasn't replied to that yet. You say being blunt about it is good. I may have put her on the spot but open communication is always the best way.
d0nnivain Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 The it's OK if you're not interested text was bad. It was passive aggressive at best. She's not shy. She may be game playing. If she was busy but interested she'd give you a concrete date & time that works for her. Since she isn't doing that, it's either uninterested or game playing. Neither are good for you. I wouldn't pursue but you are free to go out with her if she supplies a straightforward date & time. You can't be too mean / direct because of your mutual friends. You may have to deal with her again in the future if our brother's relationship with his GF progresses. You could opt for the middle school route & ask your brother's GF what's up with her friend, why she is being like this. I have a dear friend who treats men horribly. So when a guy buddy of mine would chase her I would tell him the score -- she has this stupid 3 contact rule -- the guy has to reach out to her 3 times before she will so much as answer / respond. Then he has to ask for a date 3 times before she will go out with him. And she wondered why she was single for sooooo long.
Author tokidoki Posted September 15, 2020 Author Posted September 15, 2020 What was bad about it? I didn't mean it in a passive aggressive way at all. Literally the opposite. It's inviting honest communication rather than dancing around it in a grey area. I have no intention whatsoever of being mean, as I'm not offended if she doesn't want to go out with me. She just needs to tell me if she doesn't. You're right though. Too many games too early.
d0nnivain Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 I understood what you were trying to do. It was just cringe worthy because it was the form of a Q. I'm not explaining it well but you would have been better off using a more declarative statement. "I meant what I said. I like you & wanted to arrange a 100% date. You seem to be having trouble fitting me in even for the 51% you offered. Pick a date & time & I will be there assuming it fits into my schedule. Until I hear from you, I will fade out gracefully." That sucks too. But it's not your fault. She's playing games.
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