UrbanCamo Posted September 14, 2020 Posted September 14, 2020 (edited) OP, first of all I want to say I'm sorry you have to go through this, BUT the good news is that this is one of the the worst kinds of pain a human being can go through in their lives, so once you move past this you will be a bigger, stronger person emotionally. Secondly, the list of red flags you posted is... Frightening. She clearly has trauma in her past (the rape and her sister), trust issues (the rape and her sister), self-esteem issues (posting salacious pics publicly and stripping), and the medication(s) she's on is probably necessary to keep her in a "balanced" state. Which leads me to my third point... Quote -She admitted to still talking to her ex "as friends". -One night she was wearing a shirt that her ex gave her. And it wasn't just a normal shirt. It was a navy shirt with his last name on the back (he's in the navy). She also gave me a shirt to wear one night that he had made for her. It had a graphic of a spider she kept as a pet or something and she told me it was an inside joke between them. This is clearly someone who has not moved on. No wonder her feelings weren't progressing like yours, or at all. She probably had longer term reservations because, while SHE was at the top of YOUR mind, HER EX was at the top of HER mind the entire time. Honestly, fun/chemistry/compatibility (which it seems like you two had) should turn into more as time goes on. It's the natural progression. That Disney/rom-com movie BS of feeling a "spontaneous spark" isn't real. "Love" is just chemicals in your brain making you addicted to a person who you spend a lot of time with (the same mechanism you become addicted to a drug the more you use it). My point is, you were feeling more and more for her as time went on because you're a normal human being, she wasn't because she's broken (i.e. not over her last relationship). One thing you DON'T want to do is blame this on yourself. This was NOT your fault. Thinking it was your fault in some way or thinking it would have been different if you had done this or not done that will destroy you. This is on her. This girl has issues she needs to work out on her own and dating is not going to help her. Honestly, for the sake of the next guy(s) she dates, I hope to God that text about her needing to be alone is the truth and she actually takes some time to heal. Otherwise there's going to be more guys in OP's position because of her. Quote Her: Yeah I shouldn't have started dating right away, I need time. I think I thought I was over my ex but honestly I don't think I was. I'm sorry James. I just need to be alone right now. Me: I understand Sarah. I wish things could have been different, but we had a lot of fun together and I don't regret the time we shared. Take care Her: We did. I don't either. You too I didn't love your text before this one, but I think this final text was a good, mature, dignified and respectful way to say goodbye. Even though her mind is filled by her ex, I'd bet you'll pop in there once in a while and she will miss you. Edited September 14, 2020 by UrbanCamo
LivingWaterPlease Posted September 15, 2020 Posted September 15, 2020 7 hours ago, JC90 said: I agree with your post but wanted to clear a couple things up. Yes, I did a lot of nice, nurturing things for her--more than she did for me overall, but that's not to say she did nothing for me. She regularly cooked me dinner, paid for half the meals we ate out, bought me a gift when she went on her week vacation, and of course gave me a lot of "love" that you would expect in a relationship. I also never told her "I love you." I told her I cared for her a lot, and also that I was worried about her (like when she was sick). When we sat down and had that "if you want space" conversation 3 weeks ago I told her that if we kept seeing each other I was definitely going to fall in love, BUT I never straight up told her I loved her/was in love with her. Gotcha! I misread. You seem to be a great guy and someone posted that once you move on and look back you'll be glad for the breakup! Something like that. I tend to agree.
mortensorchid Posted September 17, 2020 Posted September 17, 2020 Sorry to hear this. But take comfort that there is this to think about: 1) She was honest, she said why she didn't want to see you again. Or ... She may not be. I was with a guy years ago who was a notorious womanizer - I had no idea how he juggles women, always had 3 or 4 going at the same time. He met the woman he would marry after me and is still married to her. 2) She should have broken up with you face to face rather than by a text. Years ago someone broke up with me via email - this is cowardice. 3) Life goes on.
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