Girlfriend of 4 months suddenly broke up with me today

[amerikajin]

14 hours ago, JC90 said:

What do you all think about me getting back on Tinder/Bumble/Hinge? Not necessarily to look for a date/hookup immediately, but just to swipe and attempt to connect with other women? I'll admit though that I'm scared I might see her on there and it's going to give me another panic/depressive attack.

Nah, you're better off going out with a drinking buddy.

[Mystery4u]

14 hours ago, JC90 said:

What do you all think about me getting back on Tinder/Bumble/Hinge? Not necessarily to look for a date/hookup immediately, but just to swipe and attempt to connect with other women? I'll admit though that I'm scared I might see her on there and it's going to give me another panic/depressive attack.

That's a great idea, but look for just a casual/hookup specifically. Won't be hard, it's what Tinder is used for. Find yourself a rebound girl to have fun with and take your mind off this one.

We have all been through breakups. You will get over it. Only time will help. And meeting someone new.

[JC90]

The more I think about it, which I shouldn't even be doing (but can't help), the more I realize there were bad signs...

The posting of salacious pictures/videos publicly on social media (snapchat). I even remember back when she was still with her ex before we net she would randomly post pictures showing her ass in yoga pants. I think this shows that she may have some self-esteem issues and requires attention/validation from others to make herself feel attractive.

She told me she was drugged and raped in college, which prompted her to take a year off school. I have extreme empathy for her, but I'm sure this caused a lot of emotional trauma and baggage.

She told me her older sister has borderline personality disorder and might even be a sociopath, and said she has trauma and trust issues because her sister would do REALLY messed up things to her when they were younger.

The antidepressants and lorazepam. I have NO problem with these medications, but it does signify she has depression/anxiety issues she couldn't deal with without them, so her anxiety/depression must have been bad.

She admitted to still talking to her ex "as friends".

One night she was wearing a shirt that her ex gave her. And it wasn't just a normal shirt. It was a navy shirt with his last name on the back (he's in the navy). She also gave me a shirt to wear one night that he had made for her. It had a graphic of a spider she kept as a pet or something and she told me it was an inside joke between them.

And of course that time 3 weeks ago when she canceled our friday date night because she said she had to babysit, then I saw snaps of her having a party at her place, which she didn't tell me about or invite me to. Her excuse being she DID babysit, and afterward a girlfriend wanted to hangout so they did, then other people got invited and it turned into a party, and she didn't invite me because "I don't really drink so she didn't think I would have fun". I found the excuse ridiculous, but had fallen for her at that point and was willing to move past it.

I guess I'm not entirely surprised this happened, but I'm shocked at the timing. She had a kidney infection most of last week and this week, and I went to her place sunday & monday to be there for her, helped take care of her dogs, and spent the night both nights because she wanted me to stay. We also had a beach trip coming up in two weeks that I had made reservations for and even bought us water shoes for. And on top of that, on wednesday (the day before she dumped me), she let me buy this Halloween costume for her dog. I sent her the link and she told me which size to buy. There was no indication that the next day she would be dumping me. I just feel like something had to have prompted this... Maybe her being really sick and feeling bad made her depressed, which led to this? She went to her mom's to stay the night tuesday. Maybe they talked about me and her mom told her it would be best to let me go if she wasn't over her last relationship? I'll never understand this timing...

Edited September 13, 2020 by JC90

[DarrenB]

Life can sometimes be an uncertainty @JC90, but it just so happens to be that the last 4 months you spent with her was ultimately leading to an inevitable ending.

Is it acceptable for you to feel this way? yes, of course. But allowing yourself to continue thinking about the 'what ifs', 'maybe this', 'wrong timing that' will not help you on your road to recovery. The more you remain hopeful of her and reconciling, the harder it will be to move forward and deal with it when everything is forgotten about.

She is dealing with her own problems and has chosen to confront and deal with them in her own way, without you. Now you must do the same or else you're going to be stuck in this never-ending cycle of hopelessness.

I hate to be blunt but I'm not going to sugarcoat anything for you - this is real life, not a fantasy.

[amerikajin]

51 minutes ago, JC90 said:

The more I think about it, which I shouldn't even be doing (but can't help), the more I realize there were bad signs...

The posting of salacious pictures/videos publicly on social media (snapchat). I even remember back when she was still with her ex before we net she would randomly post pictures showing her ass in yoga pants. I think this shows that she may have some self-esteem issues and requires attention/validation from others to make herself feel attractive.

She told me she was drugged and raped in college, which prompted her to take a year off school. I have extreme empathy for her, but I'm sure this caused a lot of emotional trauma and baggage.

She told me her older sister has borderline personality disorder and might even be a sociopath, and said she has trauma and trust issues because her sister would do REALLY messed up things to her when they were younger.

The antidepressants and lorazepam. I have NO problem with these medications, but it does signify she has depression/anxiety issues she couldn't deal with without them, so her anxiety/depression must have been bad.

She admitted to still talking to her ex "as friends".

One night she was wearing a shirt that her ex gave her. And it wasn't just a normal shirt. It was a navy shirt with his last name on the back (he's in the navy). She also gave me a shirt to wear one night that he had made for her. It had a graphic of a spider she kept as a pet or something and she told me it was an inside joke between them.

And of course that time 3 weeks ago when she canceled our friday date night because she said she had to babysit, then I saw snaps of her having a party at her place, which she didn't tell me about or invite me to. Her excuse being she DID babysit, and afterward a girlfriend wanted to hangout so they did, then other people got invited and it turned into a party, and she didn't invite me because "I don't really drink so she didn't think I would have fun". I found the excuse ridiculous, but had fallen for her at that point and was willing to move past it.

I guess I'm not entirely surprised this happened, but I'm shocked at the timing. She had a kidney infection most of last week and this week, and I went to her place sunday & monday to be there for her, helped take care of her dogs, and spent the night both nights because she wanted me to stay. We also had a beach trip coming up in two weeks that I had made reservations for and even bought us water shoes for. And on top of that, on wednesday (the day before she dumped me), she let me buy this Halloween costume for her dog. I sent her the link and she told me which size to buy. There was no indication that the next day she would be dumping me. I just feel like something had to have prompted this... Maybe her being really sick and feeling bad made her depressed, which led to this? She went to her mom's to stay the night tuesday. Maybe they talked about me and her mom told her it would be best to let me go if she wasn't over her last relationship? I'll never understand this timing...

 

[amerikajin]

OP, sorry something happened with my reply - not sure what.

Anyway, what I wanted to say was, I wasn't aware of all that background, but I think you should read what you've written again and again because your instincts are almost certainly correct.

Being drugged and raped must be awful, and that's obviously something that's traumatic and out of her control. Empathy was warranted there.

But that doesn't give her license to ignore the feelings of other people like you and it doesn't mean that you have to take s*** from her or be her savior. I wouldn't be comfortable with someone posting racy pics of themselves on social media. It comes across as narcissistic and someone in need of attention. It would be a warning sign for me.

In any case, try to move on from her. Try to think about what your boundaries and red flags are in relationships and then moving forward, enforce them.

[JC90]

43 minutes ago, DarrenB said:

Life can sometimes be an uncertainty @JC90, but it just so happens to be that the last 4 months you spent with her was ultimately leading to an inevitable ending.

Is it acceptable for you to feel this way? yes, of course. But allowing yourself to continue thinking about the 'what ifs', 'maybe this', 'wrong timing that' will not help you on your road to recovery. The more you remain hopeful of her and reconciling, the harder it will be to move forward and deal with it when everything is forgotten about.

She is dealing with her own problems and has chosen to confront and deal with them in her own way, without you. Now you must do the same or else you're going to be stuck in this never-ending cycle of hopelessness.

I hate to be blunt but I'm not going to sugarcoat anything for you - this is real life, not a fantasy.

 

23 minutes ago, amerikajin said:

OP, sorry something happened with my reply - not sure what.

Anyway, what I wanted to say was, I wasn't aware of all that background, but I think you should read what you've written again and again because your instincts are almost certainly correct.

Being drugged and raped must be awful, and that's obviously something that's traumatic and out of her control. Empathy was warranted there.

But that doesn't give her license to ignore the feelings of other people like you and it doesn't mean that you have to take s*** from her or be her savior. I wouldn't be comfortable with someone posting racy pics of themselves on social media. It comes across as narcissistic and someone in need of attention. It would be a warning sign for me.

In any case, try to move on from her. Try to think about what your boundaries and red flags are in relationships and then moving forward, enforce them.

Thank you. You're both right. I hope I can stop thinking so much about this in the coming days. I can't get more than 6 hours of sleep, because as soon as I wake up to use the bathroom I start thinking about all this and can't fall back to sleep. I'm exhausted

[ExpatInItaly]

The timing isn’t as important as you feel it is, JC.

The ending of this was inevitable, given all the signs along the way that she just wasn’t that into it. Whether it happened last week or 6 weeks from now, it was coming. As such, being ill with an infection and on anti-depressants didn’t lead to this. Her lack of genuine interest and investment did. 

[JC90]

11 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

The timing isn’t as important as you feel it is, JC.

The ending of this was inevitable, given all the signs along the way that she just wasn’t that into it. Whether it happened last week or 6 weeks from now, it was coming. As such, being ill with an infection and on anti-depressants didn’t lead to this. Her lack of genuine interest and investment did. 

That's so hard for me to accept... It makes me feel like a failure and like I'm unlovable. I can't stop from trying to convince myself that her feelings for her ex/not being over her last relationship played a big role in the direction this went. Like why lead me on and let it go on for 4 months if she wasn't into it? Why agree to exclusivity? Why not take the out I gave her weeks ago? None of this makes sense

Edited September 13, 2020 by JC90

[Acacia98]

16 hours ago, JC90 said:

About sums it up. But she agreed to be exclusive 2 months in. And She didn't take the out 3 weeks ago when I gave it to her on a silver platter. I told her I was going to fall in love and if she wanted out, space, or to see other people we should break it off, and she didn't. She KNEW where it was going. If she didn't want that she shouldn't have led me on and gone along with it. 

The problem with doing that is it puts the power in the other person's hands. And if they don't have the self-awareness to know what they want at that point in time or if they're selfish, they could end up stringing you along. If you ever find yourself in this situation again and you sense that the other person isn't as invested as you (you must have sensed it to even consider initiating the discussion), just end things. For your own sake.

[Allupinnit]

Yeah I'm curious - why initiate a "do you want out of this?" discussion if your spidey senses weren't already telling you something was really off?  You can't make her responsible for your feelings for not saying something right then and there, maybe she DID want to see by giving things a few more weeks to see how she truly felt.  I don't think she strung you along.

Please don't go back on dating apps - this is just perpetuating the cycle that has put you in this miserable situation.  Hurt people hurt people.  You'd end up hurting someone else - thinking about your ex non-stop and trying to distract yourself from the pain.  

I'd also block her all over social media; in fact get rid of it altogether.  It's freeing.  People who post selfies to that degree definitely have issues - my mom is one of those women and she's selfish and narcissistic and has no idea what she wants with men but gets a false sense of approval with every "like" she gets.  It's going to hurt for a while but doing self-destructive things like driving by her house and stalking her social media and getting on a dating app are the very things that will keep you stuck.  

Now you've got to suit up and go no contact and start the painful process of purging her from your life.  

 

 

[JC90]

9 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

Yeah I'm curious - why initiate a "do you want out of this?" discussion if your spidey senses weren't already telling you something was really off?  You can't make her responsible for your feelings for not saying something right then and there, maybe she DID want to see by giving things a few more weeks to see how she truly felt.  I don't think she strung you along.

Please don't go back on dating apps - this is just perpetuating the cycle that has put you in this miserable situation.  Hurt people hurt people.  You'd end up hurting someone else - thinking about your ex non-stop and trying to distract yourself from the pain.  

I'd also block her all over social media; in fact get rid of it altogether.  It's freeing.  People who post selfies to that degree definitely have issues - my mom is one of those women and she's selfish and narcissistic and has no idea what she wants with men but gets a false sense of approval with every "like" she gets.  It's going to hurt for a while but doing self-destructive things like driving by her house and stalking her social media and getting on a dating app are the very things that will keep you stuck.  

Now you've got to suit up and go no contact and start the painful process of purging her from your life.  

 

 

They were, but when I did that it was already too late for me. If she had dumped me at that point I'd have still felt like this, but 3 weeks ago instead of now. Later that day she texted me saying she was freaked out that I confronted her and felt like she needed space. I didn't want it to be over so I asked her if we could talk about it in person first, before she was going on vacation the next day. Surprisingly she agreed, I went over, we talked some, it turned out to be a great night as well as the first time I slept over, and everything seemed fine/back to normal. She then went on vacation for a week starting the next day and was texting me and sending me vacation pics every single day, as well as wanted to see me the day she got back. That day is also when she introduced me to her two best girlfriends. Things seemed BETTER than before. And not that it matters, but since then she hasn't posted any "attention" pics on social media. Then of course you all know the rest

[Allupinnit]

It's probably never going to make sense, friend.  Feelings are illogical.  Stop looking at her social media!  Because it's gonna suck for you when she DOES resume posting and all of the thirsty dudes on her feed start piling on the likes.  You'll wonder which one(s) she's spending time with.

[ShyViolet]

3 hours ago, JC90 said:

I just feel like something had to have prompted this... Maybe her being really sick and feeling bad made her depressed, which led to this? She went to her mom's to stay the night tuesday. Maybe they talked about me and her mom told her it would be best to let me go if she wasn't over her last relationship? I'll never understand this timing...

NO.  She didn't dump you due to depression or being sick.  She dumped you because she decided to finally be honest with you and tell you that she doesn't want to be with you anymore.  You really need to stop going over the "what ifs" in your head.  It seriously doesn't matter.  This relationship never would have lasted, because she clearly didn't feel the same way about you that you do about. her.  All this over-analyzing and questioning the tiny little factors that may have led to the breakup are just stopping you from being able to begin to get over this.

[JC90]

39 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

NO.  She didn't dump you due to depression or being sick.  She dumped you because she decided to finally be honest with you and tell you that she doesn't want to be with you anymore.  You really need to stop going over the "what ifs" in your head.  It seriously doesn't matter.  This relationship never would have lasted, because she clearly didn't feel the same way about you that you do about. her.  All this over-analyzing and questioning the tiny little factors that may have led to the breakup are just stopping you from being able to begin to get over this.

I understand... I talked to a girl friend of mine and she went as far to say that this girl knew what she was doing the entire time and was just using me for attention, affection, and as a rebound/placeholder, and she's just a bad person overall (in harsher words than that). She said women don't usually do what she did--they don't "wait for feelings to come". Especially not for months. If a woman doesn't "feel" anything or like you, she won't waste her time and stick around that long.

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, JC90 said:

 She said women don't usually do what she did--they don't "wait for feelings to come". Especially not for months. If a woman doesn't "feel" anything or like you, she won't waste her time and stick around that long.

Eh, maybe in an ideal world. 

I'm a woman, but I can tell that other women do sometimes do this. (Men too, but that's for a different thread) Some people just love the attention and comfort that comes with having someone around, especially if they're fairly fresh out of a relationship. There are plenty of folks who just can't stand being single and will always have a partner around, even if they're not that invested. They might have a surface-level attraction and enjoy the moment but don't feel it on a deeper level, and so they'll keep dating that person until it becomes obvious the other person wants more and they know they need to bail. 

[LivingWaterPlease]

13 hours ago, JC90 said:

The more I think about it, which I shouldn't even be doing (but can't help), the more I realize there were bad signs...

The posting of salacious pictures/videos publicly on social media (snapchat). I even remember back when she was still with her ex before we net she would randomly post pictures showing her ass in yoga pants. I think this shows that she may have some self-esteem issues and requires attention/validation from others to make herself feel attractive.

She told me she was drugged and raped in college, which prompted her to take a year off school. I have extreme empathy for her, but I'm sure this caused a lot of emotional trauma and baggage.

She told me her older sister has borderline personality disorder and might even be a sociopath, and said she has trauma and trust issues because her sister would do REALLY messed up things to her when they were younger.

The antidepressants and lorazepam. I have NO problem with these medications, but it does signify she has depression/anxiety issues she couldn't deal with without them, so her anxiety/depression must have been bad.

She admitted to still talking to her ex "as friends".

One night she was wearing a shirt that her ex gave her. And it wasn't just a normal shirt. It was a navy shirt with his last name on the back (he's in the navy). She also gave me a shirt to wear one night that he had made for her. It had a graphic of a spider she kept as a pet or something and she told me it was an inside joke between them.

And of course that time 3 weeks ago when she canceled our friday date night because she said she had to babysit, then I saw snaps of her having a party at her place, which she didn't tell me about or invite me to. Her excuse being she DID babysit, and afterward a girlfriend wanted to hangout so they did, then other people got invited and it turned into a party, and she didn't invite me because "I don't really drink so she didn't think I would have fun". I found the excuse ridiculous, but had fallen for her at that point and was willing to move past it.

I guess I'm not entirely surprised this happened, but I'm shocked at the timing. She had a kidney infection most of last week and this week, and I went to her place sunday & monday to be there for her, helped take care of her dogs, and spent the night both nights because she wanted me to stay. We also had a beach trip coming up in two weeks that I had made reservations for and even bought us water shoes for. And on top of that, on wednesday (the day before she dumped me), she let me buy this Halloween costume for her dog. I sent her the link and she told me which size to buy. There was no indication that the next day she would be dumping me. I just feel like something had to have prompted this... Maybe her being really sick and feeling bad made her depressed, which led to this? She went to her mom's to stay the night tuesday. Maybe they talked about me and her mom told her it would be best to let me go if she wasn't over her last relationship? I'll never understand this timing...

JC, part of what happened between the two of you is that you became the nurturer for her. Nothing wrong with that if she's responding well to it, but she wasn't. When a woman is putting seductive photos out there publicly for other guys to see, and is having a party she doesn't invite you to, that is not the time to hover over her doing all you can for her.  Also, you told her you loved her too early. Then when she broke up with you, you told her you "understood." 

You overshared your feelings with her right up until the end. Once she let you know her heart was closed (or however she said it) you shouldn't have shared your feelings with her anymore.

To write, "I understand" "No hard feelings" or anything that would indicate how you are feeling about her was a mistake. If you were going to reply it should not have included anything at all about yourself. At that point, you should not be sharing anything of JC with her, other than, "Wishing you the best!" Just a casual wish for her future would have been appropriate and left you in better standing with her. Not that it matters now. I'm telling you this for the future. It would be just for your own dignity and it would make you more attractive.

Next person you begin to date, just have a great time with. Don't share your feelings until you begin to see signs that the person is having feelings for you.  Don't hover in any way. Don't be a nurturer. Just show her a great time!

Edited September 14, 2020 by LivingWaterPlease
Left the r off of "her"

[Watercolors]

12 hours ago, JC90 said:

I understand... I talked to a girl friend of mine and she went as far to say that this girl knew what she was doing the entire time and was just using me for attention, affection, and as a rebound/placeholder, and she's just a bad person overall (in harsher words than that). She said women don't usually do what she did--they don't "wait for feelings to come". Especially not for months. If a woman doesn't "feel" anything or like you, she won't waste her time and stick around that long.

It seems to me that you over invested in her for four months. The relationship was completely one sided: you invested everything and she invested nothing. Let this be a learning experience for your future dating. It’s showing you that you need to slow down, establish clear boundaries early on, and not to over invest yourself emotionally and physically  without first reconfirming with the other person that they feel the same way. There’s nothing wrong with you. You are a nurturer. You just chose the wrong person to date.

You said it yourself. You already recognized red flags with her social media behavior and how she constantly lied to you. Yet you chose to ignore your own needs, and basically let yourself be a doormat. You allowed her to treat you poorly because you don’t value yourself highly enough. Once you learn to really value yourself, you’ll stop pursuing girls like her, who are attention seekers. Instead, you’ll be more attracted to girls who are more like you and who invest equally as you do. 
 

You two weren’t compatible from the start, and you ignored the warning signs. So, the breakup was inevitable. I’m sorry but that’s what it seems like.

 

[Allupinnit]

Once I got dumped over email by a dude who was VERY into me for a whole month - after we had just spent the whole day together.  He said the same thing - you're welcome to call me if you want to discuss or not but "that's your prerogative."  PUH-LEEZE - I simply responded that I hoped he found what he was looking for and left it at that.

 

[Eternal Sunshine]

We women are always being pushed to let men grow on us, not to look for the instant spark, to date someone for a while and see how we feel. So this girl actually gave you a decent shot. Maybe she hoped her feelings would grow. Maybe she is one of those people who can't be alone. Then she realized how out of sync your feelings are compared to hers. Usually that's a wake up call that it needs to end.

[Ruby Slippers]

On 9/10/2020 at 11:25 PM, JC90 said:

I know all of this is cheesy, but I had been lonely and depressed for a long time (despite being pretty "successful" in my dating/sex life), and when I started getting feelings for her I started thinking... This is it. This is finally it. I've found someone who I might be able to fall in love with and spend my life with. And in an instant it's gone and never coming back. I don't know what to do. I feel like my future has been destroyed. Like there's barely anything to live for.

I agree with the other poster who said this is your real problem. Happiness comes from within. No one can hand it to you. We can augment our partner's happiness and avoid mucking it up, but that only works long term when the person is basically happy at the core.

Like attracts like. You were depressed and lonely, so you attracted this woman who also has issues with depression and is afraid to be alone. 

Once you get your mind right, everything else falls into place. From what I've seen, it's very normal for people in their 20s to be angsty and depressed. Then things usually get better in your 30s and even better in your 40s, as you start to figure out how to enjoy life, make the best of it, and be strong on your own. 

There are people out there who are mostly concerned about their own needs and don't think too much about the other person. Just because a woman is accepting the freebies and stuff you're giving her and doing for her doesn't mean she's really invested. Some people just take the convenient handouts and then hardly think twice about dumping the person once they're done. 

I just broke up with someone a few months ago. The temptation is always to go over all their flaws. What will help you more than anything is to think about your own missteps and improve yourself so you don't make the same mistakes in the future.

There are billions of women out there, so even though you feel crappy now, try to stop agonizing over what went wrong and get yourself strong and healthy again so you can move on to a brighter future.

[JC90]

8 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

JC, part of what happened between the two of you is that you became the nurturer for her. Nothing wrong with that if she's responding well to it, but she wasn't. When a woman is putting seductive photos out there publicly for other guys to see, and is having a party she doesn't invite you to, that is not the time to hover over her doing all you can for her.  Also, you told her you loved her too early. Then when she broke up with you, you told her you "understood." 

You overshared your feelings with her right up until the end. Once she let you know her heart was closed (or however she said it) you shouldn't have shared your feelings with her anymore.

To write, "I understand" "No hard feelings" or anything that would indicate how you are feeling about her was a mistake. If you were going to reply it should not have included anything at all about yourself. At that point, you should not be sharing anything of JC with her, other than, "Wishing you the best!" Just a casual wish for her future would have been appropriate and left you in better standing with her. Not that it matters now. I'm telling you this for the future. It would be just for your own dignity and it would make you more attractive.

Next person you begin to date, just have a great time with. Don't share your feelings until you begin to see signs that the person is having feelings for you.  Don't hover in any way. Don't be a nurturer. Just show her a great time!

I agree with your post but wanted to clear a couple things up. Yes, I did a lot of nice, nurturing things for her--more than she did for me overall, but that's not to say she did nothing for me. She regularly cooked me dinner, paid for half the meals we ate out, bought me a gift when she went on her week vacation, and of course gave me a lot of "love" that you would expect in a relationship. I also never told her "I love you." I told her I cared for her a lot, and also that I was worried about her (like when she was sick). When we sat down and had that "if you want space" conversation 3 weeks ago I told her that if we kept seeing each other I was definitely going to fall in love, BUT I never straight up told her I loved her/was in love with her.

[Watercolors]

5 hours ago, Allupinnit said:

Once I got dumped over email by a dude who was VERY into me for a whole month - after we had just spent the whole day together.  He said the same thing - you're welcome to call me if you want to discuss or not but "that's your prerogative."  PUH-LEEZE - I simply responded that I hoped he found what he was looking for and left it at that.

 

Yep. It happens to everyone -- the inevitable email/text message from the significant other - where you are "Dear Johned" regardless of your gender, because the person just fell out of limerence or like or lust with you. 

Same thing happened to me. Met a great guy. We dated for about 4 weeks. The day after a great date with him, he emailed me that he just wasn't feeling it -- this was after he let me introduce him to a few close friends casually. The timing ALWAYS sucks when these things happen. But, people change their minds ALL the time. Nothing we can do when that happens to us, except grieve about it, and move on. 

[ccas93]

Based on what you've wrote about this woman, once you've moved on and are past this emotionally, you're going to very glad this didn't work out. 

[kismetkismet]

I agree with the general consensus that it's time to move on.

I just also want to add that your response message to her breaking up with you was out of line. Invalidating someone's feelings and decisions because of what YOU think they're going through is very condescending. Women deal with changes in birth control frequently and it's not so extreme that you would end a relationship that you were happy in. Same with medication changes, I've been on multiple anti-depressants and they've never affected my relationships except in a positive way. Don't assume that you know anyone's feelings better than they do, regardless of what they're going through.