Fox Sake Posted September 13, 2020 Posted September 13, 2020 On 9/10/2020 at 5:07 PM, girlnextdoor2020 said: I’ve had this happened twice in 2 months. The first guy we met online and then went on a date. It went well but then I didn’t hear from him after the date. Two days later I texted him about something we talked about on our date and he responded and we talked briefly. Haven’t heard from him again and I didn’t text him again. Then we matched again on a different dating app and he started talking saying I was the one who didn’t say anything to him, that he hasn’t heard from me since! That he didn’t say anything because he didn’t know if I was interested! Then I told him ok I am, do you want to meet again? And I think he wasn’t expecting that as he said oh we don’t have to rush like that, let’s just keep in touch, etc. So, I deleted him. The next guy we went on two dates on two consecutive days, lots in common. He asked me to meet again on the date and I said yes. He texted me about some random stuff two days later, I responded and haven’t heard from him again for weeks. Then yesterday he texted me saying the same thing: that I disappeared and I am the one who stopped texting! I told him no, he was the one not saying anything else! It just feels that these guys were never that into me and probably didn’t say anything else because were entertained meeting someone else. Then when that stopped, let’s get back to the contact list... And they didn’t assume they stopped contacting, saying sorry or anything, they twist it around and blame me! What were they expecting? If they stop contacting I am not the person to chase anyone! And I know that a guy who is interested do contact regularly! Why do guys do this? It’s not just guys. Women to do it too. It’s what happens now a days because everything is simply too easy. - It’s too easy to just swipe and say you like someone , meanwhile you’ve already swiped another bunch of people so what’s to stop you holding out to see if there’s something better? It costs zero effort to say yes to someone. No risk. How many awesome people do you think we have all glanced past because they posted a crap photo of themselves or didn’t convey themselves? It’s literally based on looks for 99% of it. Mostly, it’s all about the thrill of the chase too. my most successful dates have been people I met in social settings , not social media’s or dating apps. I have very little luck with them! one day you’ll match with someone and they’ll feel just the same about you as you do about them. It sucks the way the dating world works these days, but have faith that everything will work out for you, as it’s meant to. If someone ghosts you- send them packing. Be the prize 1
Dork Vader Posted September 13, 2020 Posted September 13, 2020 6 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: With the first guy, I WAS THE ONE TEXTING after the first date, two days later, since he didn't say anything. With the second guy, I agreed to meet him for a third date. So, no it wasn't me not showing interest. I am very black or white in dating: either I am interested and show the interest and keep communication flowing consistently and want to meet again, or I am not interested and do not want more contact or see them again. All this grey area and playing games and ghosting and coming back, leaving you on a shelf waiting while they are playing the field, is just teenage acting, not grown-up adults behaviour. And I pass on that. Of course if he was interested and acted like a grown-up, he would have told me he was sick and we meet again when he's well. But, I doubt he was even sick to begin with. Sorry if it seemed like I was accusing you of that, I was just trying to make sure it was not the issue. Then the guys just are not interested and unfortunately it comes with dating. I have it happen to me frequently as well, things seem to be going well and I'm interested but they are not. It's also fairly common for people to say yes to another date or lead you on a bit, then just disappear. I agree he would have told you he was sick. Unless they are seriously ill and in the hospital. But even still, I was hospitalized for 7 nights 2 years ago with an unknown virus. It was endless testing because I was asymptomatic and no tests were coming back positive. I still let the people I had been communicating with know what was going on.
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted September 13, 2020 Author Posted September 13, 2020 1 hour ago, Dork Vader said: Sorry if it seemed like I was accusing you of that, I was just trying to make sure it was not the issue. Then the guys just are not interested and unfortunately it comes with dating. I have it happen to me frequently as well, things seem to be going well and I'm interested but they are not. It's also fairly common for people to say yes to another date or lead you on a bit, then just disappear. I agree he would have told you he was sick. Unless they are seriously ill and in the hospital. But even still, I was hospitalized for 7 nights 2 years ago with an unknown virus. It was endless testing because I was asymptomatic and no tests were coming back positive. I still let the people I had been communicating with know what was going on. No worries, I get it. Yes they were not interested, but they should just move on and meet someone else instead of coming back after ghosting. Anyway, yes you are right, but if they were so sick that they had trouble communicating, when they came back they would say something like "hey I'm so sorry I didn't say anything for x days but I was very sick". That is VERY different than coming back saying I was the one disappearing and blaming it on me. That is why I think the being sick wasn't even real, and a last attempt to make me feel guilty and sorry. Ridiculous. Now if a guy doesn't keep the communication consistent, especially after meeting in person, it's block and delete for me. 1
Dork Vader Posted September 13, 2020 Posted September 13, 2020 3 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: No worries, I get it. Yes they were not interested, but they should just move on and meet someone else instead of coming back after ghosting. Anyway, yes you are right, but if they were so sick that they had trouble communicating, when they came back they would say something like "hey I'm so sorry I didn't say anything for x days but I was very sick". That is VERY different than coming back saying I was the one disappearing and blaming it on me. That is why I think the being sick wasn't even real, and a last attempt to make me feel guilty and sorry. Ridiculous. Now if a guy doesn't keep the communication consistent, especially after meeting in person, it's block and delete for me. Agreed but that happens as well with dating. I frequently have woman go MIA. They show up 2-3 months latter with a "Hi, how are you?" or I bump into them on a dating website months later. Typically just don't respond when they reach out.
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted September 14, 2020 Author Posted September 14, 2020 (edited) 13 hours ago, Dork Vader said: Agreed but that happens as well with dating. I frequently have woman go MIA. They show up 2-3 months latter with a "Hi, how are you?" or I bump into them on a dating website months later. Typically just don't respond when they reach out. I never did that to anyone (go MIA and show up weeks or months later), so it's not acceptable behaviour for me. Or either I am interested from the get go, or I'm out completely. I do not put people on shelves waiting and I do not contact again if I wasn't that much into someone. That is just ridiculous. One thing I was doing however, was responding to guys when they did that to me. But now lesson learned and it's block and delete. Edited September 14, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020
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