girlnextdoor2020 Posted September 10, 2020 Posted September 10, 2020 I’ve had this happened twice in 2 months. The first guy we met online and then went on a date. It went well but then I didn’t hear from him after the date. Two days later I texted him about something we talked about on our date and he responded and we talked briefly. Haven’t heard from him again and I didn’t text him again. Then we matched again on a different dating app and he started talking saying I was the one who didn’t say anything to him, that he hasn’t heard from me since! That he didn’t say anything because he didn’t know if I was interested! Then I told him ok I am, do you want to meet again? And I think he wasn’t expecting that as he said oh we don’t have to rush like that, let’s just keep in touch, etc. So, I deleted him. The next guy we went on two dates on two consecutive days, lots in common. He asked me to meet again on the date and I said yes. He texted me about some random stuff two days later, I responded and haven’t heard from him again for weeks. Then yesterday he texted me saying the same thing: that I disappeared and I am the one who stopped texting! I told him no, he was the one not saying anything else! It just feels that these guys were never that into me and probably didn’t say anything else because were entertained meeting someone else. Then when that stopped, let’s get back to the contact list... And they didn’t assume they stopped contacting, saying sorry or anything, they twist it around and blame me! What were they expecting? If they stop contacting I am not the person to chase anyone! And I know that a guy who is interested do contact regularly! Why do guys do this?
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted September 10, 2020 Posted September 10, 2020 They do it because they know when they come back around, the woman will likely respond and offer to see him again. 1
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted September 10, 2020 Author Posted September 10, 2020 (edited) 5 minutes ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said: They do it because they know when they come back around, the woman will likely respond and offer to see him again. Not this woman. One of the things I like in a man is consistency and the lack of it just puts me off. It makes me think if I see this guy again, will he ghost again for days or weeks? Not a good feel to go out with someone, so I just prefer to delete and move on to someone that is consistent and respectful. Edited September 10, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020 4
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted September 10, 2020 Posted September 10, 2020 1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Then I told him ok I am, do you want to meet again? 1
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted September 10, 2020 Author Posted September 10, 2020 1 minute ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said: Yes and I learned not to do that again. 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted September 10, 2020 Posted September 10, 2020 Good, because you deserve better than crumbs.
smackie9 Posted September 10, 2020 Posted September 10, 2020 (edited) As soon as they ghost, just block/delete...don't even answer when they eventually do reach out...gosh weeks later...they don't even deserve a response...what tools. Edited September 10, 2020 by smackie9 1
BaileyB Posted September 10, 2020 Posted September 10, 2020 Who cares why they do it. Just be glad that they have revealed themselves to be uninterested before you got too attached... next. 2 1
BaileyB Posted September 10, 2020 Posted September 10, 2020 Sorry, that actually meant to say unreliable...
Wiseman2 Posted September 10, 2020 Posted September 10, 2020 Game players. Sorry this is happening. 1
Ami1uwant Posted September 11, 2020 Posted September 11, 2020 I am not defending them...but sometimes texts are lost in cyber space with these two guys you weren’t choice #1 in eho they were dating so they chose someone else. Then came back to you 1
DarrenB Posted September 11, 2020 Posted September 11, 2020 11 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Game players. Sorry this is happening. Checkmate
poppyfields Posted September 11, 2020 Posted September 11, 2020 (edited) I've had this happen too! I don't know whether some guys truly believe that after they ghost, the woman should call and ask what's up, And if she doesn't, in his mind she doesn't care. OR if he's intentionally flipping the script to alleviate feelings of guilt. I dunno, maybe it's a little of both. I did experience one man reaching out three months later telling me his feelings scared him, the closeness. But that he's in therapy working through his fears. Not sure if it was the truth or not, by then it was too late anyway, I had begun dating someone else. But yeah, strange phenomenon. Edited September 11, 2020 by poppyfields
CaliforniaGirl Posted September 12, 2020 Posted September 12, 2020 All these "we friendly texted"-type posts. You didn't say you were interested in going out again, he didn't say he wanted to go out again, each of you lost interest. I think it is just nuts how so many millennials and Ys won't just...friggin'...say...it. You're going to lose momentum if nothing romantic or sexy is going on at least somewhere. 1
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted September 12, 2020 Author Posted September 12, 2020 (edited) 11 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said: All these "we friendly texted"-type posts. You didn't say you were interested in going out again, he didn't say he wanted to go out again, each of you lost interest. I think it is just nuts how so many millennials and Ys won't just...friggin'...say...it. You're going to lose momentum if nothing romantic or sexy is going on at least somewhere. With the second guy, on the last date he did say he wanted to go out again and I said yes. Then he ghosted. Then when he came back saying I disappeared, I told him that he was the one that disappeared, not me. He was pis** off and told me he got sick with amigdalitis and that I didn't care... I told him I don't have a crystal ball to see that he was sick with amigdalitis, and as far as I am concerned, amigdalitis doesn't affect the fingers so he couldn't text me, and it's better if we stop contact. Then he said I am too sensitive for him and yes agree to stop contact. Ridiculous. Edited September 12, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted September 12, 2020 Author Posted September 12, 2020 On 9/11/2020 at 3:11 AM, Ami1uwant said: I am not defending them...but sometimes texts are lost in cyber space with these two guys you weren’t choice #1 in eho they were dating so they chose someone else. Then came back to you Are these guys so stupid that they think women are so stupid they don't know they are not their number one choice? Do they expect women to run to them when they come back? Why? Are they Brad Pitt? That is just ridiculous. 1
Alvi Posted September 12, 2020 Posted September 12, 2020 (edited) On 9/11/2020 at 9:15 AM, poppyfields said: don't know whether some guys truly believe that after they ghost, the woman should call and ask what's up, And if she doesn't, in his mind she doesn't care. They know perfectly well what they are doing here. Don't think they expect a woman to reach out to them after they ghosted her. They are probably met or are dating someone else so her reaching out might even be inconvenient. I believe they want to keep a woman on a shelf just in case their "bigger better deal" doesn't work out. And often it doesn't so they come back and pretend this is all on you, lol. Had it happened to me quite few times. Block, delete, no need to answer them. Edited September 12, 2020 by Alvi more stuff to write 3
Dork Vader Posted September 12, 2020 Posted September 12, 2020 Hard for me to say what's going on without seeing the exact communication that's happening between you and them. So I have one question, are you ever initiating conversations or anything with them? Now I'm not trying to blame you, I'm simply trying to cover all possibilities. I will message first on dating websites. I will even initiate conversations through text messages and/or phone calls. I'll even initiate the first date. How ever, if I feel like I'm the one who's constantly having start things up, I will quit trying and fairly quickly. Conversation and dating in general is a two way street, it absolutely must be balanced. If I feel like I'm having to carry the conversations, if I feel like I'm having to start conversations all the time, then I'm going to lose interest and really fast. If I ask how they are and they respond with "good" or even more details. But don't ask how I am or put much effort into the conversation, I'm going to assume they are trying to kill the conversation. It's not a huge deal if conversation is one sided here or there, but if it constantly seems/feels that way, then guys will back off real fast. They don't want to be the creepy obnoxious dude who can't take a hint. If I have had to ask for the first 2-3 dates and she has not pursued seeing me at all aside from agreeing to dates I have asked for. I'm going to think she is not that interested or all that interested. The ghosting after a first date is common with internet dating though. You can meet and things just change. Maybe it lacked chemistry for them, maybe there were red flags, maybe they were not attracted, who knows? Maybe they were already talking to someone else? And things got serious with that person first. Sure guys will chase, but they'll only do it so much.
Dork Vader Posted September 12, 2020 Posted September 12, 2020 28 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: With the second guy, on the last date he did say he wanted to go out again and I said yes. Then he ghosted. Then when he came back saying I disappeared, I told him that he was the one that disappeared, not me. He was pis** off and told me he got sick with amigdalitis and that I didn't care... I told him I don't have a crystal ball to see that he was sick with amigdalitis, and as far as I am concerned, amigdalitis doesn't affect the fingers, so he wouldn't be able to text and we better stop contact. Then he said I am too sensitive for him and yes agree to stop contact. Ridiculous. I agree he should have said something. if I was in his position had some type of plans even if not concrete I would let them know hey, I'm sick when I get better we can plan things out.. But I think you dodged a bullet in that instance, communication is key. I also don't understand why he would be angry about it? Sane, level headed people won't get angry about it.. It will be talked about and both parties should say okay, well we are both interested how do we make sure this does not happen again? Then move on, but the defensiveness and anger over that is a major red flag IMO. My other post all I was trying to do was make sure you were not accidentally not showing interest or leaving it on them to much.
stillafool Posted September 12, 2020 Posted September 12, 2020 On 9/10/2020 at 12:07 PM, girlnextdoor2020 said: It just feels that these guys were never that into me and probably didn’t say anything else because were entertained meeting someone else. You are correct. Stop entertaining guys like this.
Mrin Posted September 12, 2020 Posted September 12, 2020 Question: are you using SMS text? You know regular phone text? Any chance that your text might not be going through? I've had this happen on several occasions. Thankfully it has been with friends or women I'm actively dating so it was easy to figure out. We've compared screenshots and the texts definitely didn't arrive. Went both ways too. 1
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted September 13, 2020 Author Posted September 13, 2020 8 hours ago, Mrin said: Question: are you using SMS text? You know regular phone text? Any chance that your text might not be going through? I've had this happen on several occasions. Thankfully it has been with friends or women I'm actively dating so it was easy to figure out. We've compared screenshots and the texts definitely didn't arrive. Went both ways too. No, I always use Whatsapp, so that didn’t happen. 1
Fletch Lives Posted September 13, 2020 Posted September 13, 2020 There are 3 possibilities with these types of guys: 1) they are crazy 2) a text did not go through. You might be surprised, but sometimes texts don't go through. Technology is not perfect. 3) They are ignorant and don't know how to date - you would be surprised how many guys really don't know what to do!
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted September 13, 2020 Author Posted September 13, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Fletch Lives said: There are 3 possibilities with these types of guys: 1) they are crazy 2) a text did not go through. You might be surprised, but sometimes texts don't go through. Technology is not perfect. 3) They are ignorant and don't know how to date - you would be surprised how many guys really don't know what to do! Possibility number 2 didn't happen because both of these guys said they didn't say anything else after the last date. So, I'll go with number 1 or 3, or even with number 4: they know very well what they are doing and are just players. Edited September 13, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted September 13, 2020 Author Posted September 13, 2020 (edited) 14 hours ago, Dork Vader said: I agree he should have said something. if I was in his position had some type of plans even if not concrete I would let them know hey, I'm sick when I get better we can plan things out.. But I think you dodged a bullet in that instance, communication is key. I also don't understand why he would be angry about it? Sane, level headed people won't get angry about it.. It will be talked about and both parties should say okay, well we are both interested how do we make sure this does not happen again? Then move on, but the defensiveness and anger over that is a major red flag IMO. My other post all I was trying to do was make sure you were not accidentally not showing interest or leaving it on them to much. With the first guy, I WAS THE ONE TEXTING after the first date, two days later, since he didn't say anything. With the second guy, I agreed to meet him for a third date. So, no it wasn't me not showing interest. I am very black or white in dating: either I am interested and show the interest and keep communication flowing consistently and want to meet again, or I am not interested and do not want more contact or see them again. All this grey area and playing games and ghosting and coming back, leaving you on a shelf waiting while they are playing the field, is just teenage acting, not grown-up adults behaviour. And I pass on that. Of course if he was interested and acted like a grown-up, he would have told me he was sick and we meet again when he's well. But, I doubt he was even sick to begin with. Edited September 13, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020 2
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