First two dates went really well now she texts saying she doesnt want to see eachother again

[Azincourt]

She sounds crazy. And not the good hot woman-crazy sex-you're gonna get addicted to her- crazy.

More like she's gonna spend all of the time you spend with her going back and forward not knowing what she wants.

[Wd0694820]

9 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

She sounds crazy. And not the good hot woman-crazy sex-you're gonna get addicted to her- crazy.

More like she's gonna spend all of the time you spend with her going back and forward not knowing what she wants.

I know I normally would agree with you - but honestly in person we got along so well- so much laughing , flirting, great sex.   Honestly in the two years since my ex this is the first girl I’ve found who I really like and also appears to like me back- so I’m cautious of throwing away a good opportunity to potentially have a relationship

[JRabbit]

2 hours ago, Wd0694820 said:

Okay so after a week today she just messaged me saying she’s sorry and she was in a bad mood the day she messaged me that and that she no does want to see me again and go for a drink together -  what should I respond to this now?

Sounds like she got burnt by the other person she was interested in and now rebounding back to you.  I would ignore personally. She threw you away that easy over a bad mood? Doubt it, and if so, totally unstable.

[Ruby Slippers]

2 hours ago, Wd0694820 said:

Okay so after a week today she just messaged me saying she’s sorry and she was in a bad mood the day she messaged me that and that she no does want to see me again and go for a drink together -  what should I respond to this now?

I'd ignore her. She's gonna reject you because she's "in a bad mood," then try to pull you back in a week later? I get that you feel it's hard for you to find someone, but you're not some stray puppy just waiting for scraps... are you? 

I get the feeling you'll get pulled back into this, but she won't really respect you and it's going to end up being a waste of time. I hope you don't bother, but move on and look for someone who values you more than this.

[Wd0694820]

3 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said:

I'd ignore her. She's gonna reject you because she's "in a bad mood," then try to pull you back in a week later? I get that you feel it's hard for you to find someone, but you're not some stray puppy just waiting for scraps... are you? 

I get the feeling you'll get pulled back into this, but she won't really respect you and it's going to end up being a waste of time. I hope you don't bother, but move on and look for someone who values you more than this.

I see what you mean it’s a pretty s*** thing of her to be so hot and cold like that.   But so far in our brief relationship this is the only blip so far- in person everything went so well which is why I was confused when she said she didn’t wanna see me again!   I think I am going to meet her again and give her the benefit of the doubt this time but if she keeps doing stuff like this I’ll have to call it quits.   You have to understand it has taken me a lot of effort and time to find someone to date who actually seems really into me and I’m obviously super super into her as well (or at least I was prior to this- I’m slightly less into her now!), so if I just throw away this oppurtunuty it seems silly as I could potentially spend another 2 years or longer lonely and single and I really don’t want that

[assertives]

On 9/17/2020 at 7:40 AM, Wd0694820 said:

But so far in our brief relationship this is the only blip so far- in person everything went so well

It's only been 2 dates, hardly a relationship and if it was a several years long relationship, I would probably agree with that "it's the only blip" thinking but given such a short time you've known each other, coupled with her taking a week to respond, the "only blip" is actually a very huge one.

On 9/17/2020 at 7:40 AM, Wd0694820 said:

You have to understand it has taken me a lot of effort and time to find someone to date who actually seems really into me and I’m obviously super super into her as well

I've noticed you've said this several times. This isn't a good reason to disregard red flags though. Don't make a decision out of fear. 

[Wd0694820]

7 minutes ago, assertives said:

It's only been 2 dates, hardly a relationship and if it was a several years long relationship, I would probably agree with that "it's the only blip" thinking but given such a short time you've known each other, coupled with her taking a week to respond, the "only blip" is actually a very huge one.

I've noticed you've said this several times. This isn't a good reason to disregard red flags though. Don't make a decision out of fear. 

But this is easy for you to say if you’re either 

1) A girl who has loads of options by virtue of your gender

2) A guy who’s always done well with girls

 

it has taken me so so much work and effort and time to find a girl who actually likes me and I’m really into her as well.  If I just discard her over this I risk spending years potentially missing out on sex and romance and I really don’t want that to happen

[assertives]

2 minutes ago, Wd0694820 said:

But this is easy for you to say if you’re either 

1) A girl who has loads of options by virtue of your gender

2) A guy who’s always done well with girls

 

it has taken me so so much work and effort and time to find a girl who actually likes me and I’m really into her as well.  If I just discard her over this I risk spending years potentially missing out on sex and romance and I really don’t want that to happen

I'm neither, I happen to fall in the category of being blissfully single.

Also, "loads of options by virtue of gender is bs" and a gross generalisation. There are many girls out there who deal with rejections just like everyone else, and not being able to connect/feel a spark when dating is not a gender specific problem. Girls experience it as much as guys too.

[Mystery4u]

38 minutes ago, Wd0694820 said:

But this is easy for you to say if you’re either 

1) A girl who has loads of options by virtue of your gender

2) A guy who’s always done well with girls

 

it has taken me so so much work and effort and time to find a girl who actually likes me and I’m really into her as well.  If I just discard her over this I risk spending years potentially missing out on sex and romance and I really don’t want that to happen

So then go meet her? It's a no brainer, no need to ask what to do.

You need to start being more confident. The message you sent her saying about no hard feelings etc was terrible, but I guess she wasn't bothered.

Now is the time to step your game up and start acting like a man. You know what you want, to meet her and carry on dating her. So do it.

[Wiseman2]

"If I just discard her over this I risk spending years potentially missing out on sex" 

Is she still interested?

[elaine567]

She obviously though it was a one and done/ casual situation so she saved face by ending it first before you did, then you picked it up again and she made some excuse about being in a bad mood.
Of course she is interested.
Good luck.

[Be Cool]

On 9/10/2020 at 4:21 AM, Wd0694820 said:

What would you do in my situation?

NOTHING.

That's the best thing to do in this kind of situation my brother: NOTHING.

Whatever reasons she came up with to stay away from you as soon as possible, when a woman has unilaterally decided to break up with you, you must respect that and let her have what she wants.

From this moment on, you don't beg, you don't chase, you don't try to explain things, you don't do NOTHING to her with the intention of making her stay in your life.

Come on. At least you had sex with her - more than once. 

Appreciate what you had (the sex), and move on. She doesn't owe you anything and vice versa.

 

Edited September 18, 2020 by Be Cool

[Wd0694820]

Update:

okay so I think maybe she was actually telling the truth to me about thinking I just wanted sex and nothing more.   Tomorrow afternoon I’m taking her hiking somewhere nearby so hopefully that’ll demonstrate that I actuslly like her

[Lotsgoingon]

No, I'd leave her alone. If you continue, I can guarantee you will have more rounds of "yes" and "no" and "no" and "yes."

Stay away from people who can't decide whether they want to be with you. That can be a sign of immaturity or instability. It can also be a sign that she's not that into you. She moved on to the next guy, then that didn't work. So, she comes back to you and says her distance was all based on a bad mood.

That's just so implausible. We all have bad moods. That makes no sense.

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, Wd0694820 said:

Update:

okay so I think maybe she was actually telling the truth to me about thinking I just wanted sex and nothing more.   Tomorrow afternoon I’m taking her hiking somewhere nearby so hopefully that’ll demonstrate that I actuslly like her

She called you?

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, Wd0694820 said:

Update:

okay so I think maybe she was actually telling the truth to me about thinking I just wanted sex and nothing more.   Tomorrow afternoon I’m taking her hiking somewhere nearby so hopefully that’ll demonstrate that I actuslly like her

I'm curious what brought you to that conclusion?  It's what many of us had told you (including myself), I'm happy to know you were listening!  

I think you should give her another chance. My goodness, these very early stages are often so precarious, so much uncertainty, people can get scared,  then after calming down, they reconsider.  

I've done it myself!  It's called reality, real life.

Have fun on your hike!  This little bump in the road might actually prompt you to talk about your wants and expectations, this is good!

Play it out, and be sure to update!  

Edited September 19, 2020 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

12 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

She called you?

CaliG, he posted this:

>>Okay so after a week today she just messaged me saying she’s sorry and she was in a bad mood the day she messaged me that and that she now does want to see me again and go for a drink together.<<

[Art.at.Heart]

On 9/16/2020 at 7:40 PM, Wd0694820 said:

I see what you mean it’s a pretty s*** thing of her to be so hot and cold like that.   But so far in our brief relationship this is the only blip so far- in person everything went so well which is why I was confused when she said she didn’t wanna see me again!   I think I am going to meet her again and give her the benefit of the doubt this time but if she keeps doing stuff like this I’ll have to call it quits.   You have to understand it has taken me a lot of effort and time to find someone to date who actually seems really into me and I’m obviously super super into her as well (or at least I was prior to this- I’m slightly less into her now!), so if I just throw away this oppurtunuty it seems silly as I could potentially spend another 2 years or longer lonely and single and I really don’t want that

It was definitely apparent from your previous posts that you were going to see her again if she gave you the chance. I most certainly wish you the best but I have to point to the bold. Having a mindset like that will lead to putting up with some pretty damaging and problematic behavior in the future. Case in point: she blew you off for a week because she was "in a bad mood" (which doesn't explain why she then framed it as you just looking for sex). Begin doing work IMMEDIATELY to change that. You will be much better in the long run.

Be careful. Keep her past actions in mind. For your sake, I hope it was just a one off. Good luck, my friend.

[Wd0694820]

Update:  our date went really well and we’ve been texting since then as well, im hoping soon I’ll be able to make her my gf as I am absolutely crazy about her tbh.   Feel like the happiest luckiest guy in the world when we are hanging out together and as soon as she’s gone all i can think about is when I’m going to see her again.    I want to talk to her about deleting our tinders and being exclusive but I’m scared of coming across as needy and too keen so I’m gonna to play it cool and wait a few more dates

[poppyfields]

31 minutes ago, Wd0694820 said:

Update:  our date went really well and we’ve been texting since then as well, im hoping soon I’ll be able to make her my gf as I am absolutely crazy about her tbh.   Feel like the happiest luckiest guy in the world when we are hanging out together and as soon as she’s gone all i can think about is when I’m going to see her again.    I want to talk to her about deleting our tinders and being exclusive but I’m scared of coming across as needy and too keen so I’m gonna to play it cool and wait a few more dates

Thanks for updating, so happy to hear this!    Like I said, things are often not always what they appear to be.  

You sound over the moon  Good luck and keep us posted!  

Edited September 20, 2020 by poppyfields

[CaliforniaGirl]

29 minutes ago, Wd0694820 said:

Update:  our date went really well and we’ve been texting since then as well, im hoping soon I’ll be able to make her my gf as I am absolutely crazy about her tbh.   Feel like the happiest luckiest guy in the world when we are hanging out together and as soon as she’s gone all i can think about is when I’m going to see her again.    I want to talk to her about deleting our tinders and being exclusive but I’m scared of coming across as needy and too keen so I’m gonna to play it cool and wait a few more dates

This is great news.