First two dates went really well now she texts saying she doesnt want to see eachother again

[amerikajin]

1 hour ago, Azincourt said:

Geez, that's a bit vulgar don't you think. 

At least blank it out with at least you got some netflix and chill.

Besides, there's nothing in the post that gives me the idea she was any good, so wasted time, and risked his life(covid-19)for mediocre sex. That's not what I call a good tinder experience.

Yeah I guess that was a bit crude on my part - sorry.

I was just trying to make a point in blunt language, with the point being that I don't think a hook-up is a good foundation for a relationship.

[amerikajin]

19 hours ago, Wd0694820 said:

My gut feeling is that she has started talking to someone else who she prefers over me and wants to date them instead, either that or she has just compleltey lost interest in me for some unknown reason, but I suppose there is a chance she is being truthful and maybe she doesnt realise that i like her in that way.   I could send her a message telling her thats also what i want but then i feel like she has so much power over me and that will just kill her attraction to me.    What would you do in my situation?

I think if you want any shot at this girl, I'd probably just play it super cool and hope for the best. She might have felt things were going too fast and just wanted some way to slam the brakes. If you text her at all, maybe say something like 'I'm sorry to hear that, but okay, no worries. See you around' and then leave it at that. This way, you're giving her space but you're also not coming across as angry or bitter. Who knows - she could change her mind.

[Azincourt]

It's fine, don't worry about it 

[kismetkismet]

18 hours ago, Wd0694820 said:

I mean I hope this could be right but my gut feeling is she has just lost interest for some unknown reason, probably talking to someone else she prefers to me.  I feel like I may be coming across as needy and like begging for her to meet me again, and even if we do meet it could have killed the vibe between us.   It’s frustrating for me I feel like I’m putting so much effort into trying to get a girlfriend and I’m stil falling short

If you want a girlfriend, you need to get comfortable with having direct, sometimes difficult conversations and being vulnerable. Playing games and hoping that they get the message is not how you start a relationship. 

[Wd0694820]

5 minutes ago, kismetkismet said:

If you want a girlfriend, you need to get comfortable with having direct, sometimes difficult conversations and being vulnerable. Playing games and hoping that they get the message is not how you start a relationship. 

You say this but whenever I’ve actually showed any kind of vulnerability or weakness to a girl who was initially attracted to me it has completley killed that attraction so I don’t agree with this.   If she had met me again I was gonna show her she wasn’t just a shag to me by doing something romantic like cook her a meal because that clearly states she isn’t just a shag to me.   But if I had pushed for her to be romantically involved with me too quickly I it would have killed her attraction to me and come across as needy

[Weezy1973]

You can’t know what she’s thinking but she’s lost interest for whatever. I suspect whereas she was a “yes” for you, you were a “maybe” for her that got influenced perhaps by the wine. On sober reflection she realized you weren’t a match and therefore ended things sooner rather than dragging it on. Such is dating. 

[Azincourt]

I agree. Maybe she regrets the sex because might  be the type to not have sex without being in a relationship first, and the wine is what tipped the scales, or she has feelings for someone else and the guy has been himself interested in her. Or maybe she was just interested in sex,  isn't looking for a relationship, and she ghosted you after getting what she wanted.

[Wd0694820]

6 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

You can’t know what she’s thinking but she’s lost interest for whatever. I suspect whereas she was a “yes” for you, you were a “maybe” for her that got influenced perhaps by the wine. On sober reflection she realized you weren’t a match and therefore ended things sooner rather than dragging it on. Such is dating. 

We had sex completely sober

[Wd0694820]

Just now, Azincourt said:

I agree. Maybe she regrets the sex because might  be the type to not have sex without being in a relationship first, and the wine is what tipped the scales, or she has feelings for someone else and the guy has been himself interested in her. Or maybe she was just interested in sex,  isn't looking for a relationship, and she ghosted you after getting what she wanted.

We were sober!!!

[Azincourt]

The guy above me mentioned wine, I assumed my eyes had missed that part when I was reading your stuff. Anyway, sometimes things just don't work out for whatever reason. It's a waste of time to ponder about why someone ghosted us, best course of action is to shrug, move on, and meet new women.

[Weezy1973]

16 minutes ago, Wd0694820 said:

We were sober!!!

Yes, that’s fine, maybe it wasn’t influenced by the wine. Doesn’t really matter. For whatever reason she’s decided you’re not a match. That’s why you date people. Just because you think she was a match for you doesn’t matter if it’s not mutual. Next!

[Wd0694820]

15 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

The guy above me mentioned wine, I assumed my eyes had missed that part when I was reading your stuff. Anyway, sometimes things just don't work out for whatever reason. It's a waste of time to ponder about why someone ghosted us, best course of action is to shrug, move on, and meet new women.

but it took me so long to get this oppurtunity i cant just move on like its nothing when it is so rare for me to find a girl who shows interest in me

[assertives]

Then tell her how you feel and clear the air a little if you think this is a misunderstanding or some kinda miscommunication and it's something worth pursuing? If she doesn't reply or straight up tells you no, then at least you know for sure and you've shot your shot instead of guessing and worrying about what ifs and if onlys.

[Ami1uwant]

21 hours ago, Wd0694820 said:

So i met this girl recently on tinder.  We went on two dates so far, the first one we went to a park, had a picnic together, drank wine and kissed a lot, we had a great time and said wed see eachother again.  Second date she came over to my place and we watched and film and had sex afterwards, sex seemed like it went really well and she enjoyed and, both dates seemed really good and i was looking forward to seeing her again.  After our date she even sent some messages saying she was looking forward to next time etc.  Fast forward today and she has sent me a message saying she has decided she doesnt want to meet up again and in her words she is looking to date someone properly and not just for sex (I thought we were dating!).  I know we had sex quite early on but in the past i have messed things up with girls because i would be too affectionatie to them too early on because i really wanted a gf so with this girl i tried to play it cool and i figured if we had sex first she could then push for commitment afterwards.  Also when were together surely she can tell i really like her becuase im quite affectionaite towards her and we laugh a lot and i really enjoy her company, I definetly dont think of it as just sex but im just cautious of pushing for romance and commitment from a girl too early on as in the past this has messed up oppurtunities for me.

My gut feeling is that she has started talking to someone else who she prefers over me and wants to date them instead, either that or she has just compleltey lost interest in me for some unknown reason, but I suppose there is a chance she is being truthful and maybe she doesnt realise that i like her in that way.   I could send her a message telling her thats also what i want but then i feel like she has so much power over me and that will just kill her attraction to me.    What would you do in my situation?

Options

 

1 she’s multidating and wants to choose someone rose to focus on a relationship with

2. There was something about your place that turned her off or she thought the sex wasn’t good or you smelled during sex.

 

3 it went yo fast for what she wanted so she’s upset st herself for sleeping with you too soon so she pulls away. Maybe she didn’t want yo have sex or regretted it after

 

4. You met on tinder..need I say more

[smackie9]

Soooooo why didn't you just tell her you are interested more than just sex...? And that you enjoyed her company. Some women do a S%^& test to see what your response is. You played it cool, so she went on her way.

Edited September 10, 2020 by smackie9

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, Wd0694820 said:

You say this but whenever I’ve actually showed any kind of vulnerability or weakness to a girl who was initially attracted to me it has completley killed that attraction so I don’t agree with this.   If she had met me again I was gonna show her she wasn’t just a shag to me by doing something romantic like cook her a meal because that clearly states she isn’t just a shag to me.   But if I had pushed for her to be romantically involved with me too quickly I it would have killed her attraction to me and come across as needy

 

 

There is s difference between  not being direct and being evasive.

 

there is a difference in showing vulnerability and dumping the Kitchen sink of baggage

[Ami1uwant]

We men are very difficult.There might have been a list of things you didn’t do or say s she read it as just a hookup.

 

if you cooked for her, maybe the food wasn’t good.

[poppyfields]

21 hours ago, Wd0694820 said:

Fast forward today and she has sent me a message saying she has decided she doesnt want to meet up again and in her words she is looking to date someone properly and not just for sex (I thought we were dating!).  

How did you respond?  If you posted it, apologies I missed. 

Anyway, her message reads to me like some sort of shyt test.  She had sex too soon (for her), she likes you, she feels vulnerable and she is either assuming you only want sex and/or she is shyt testing you to gauge your response to her ending it because she wants more than sex!

I don't know how you did respond but you might have said "Me too!  I'm wanting more than sex as well, I like you, and would like to date you and see where it takes us."

Or something along those lines in your own words.

I don't get all this talk about her meeting another man, to me it's so obvious she likes you, is scared you only want sex and was testing you. 

Call her!  What are you so afraid of?

 

 

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, Wd0694820 said:

but it took me so long to get this oppurtunity i cant just move on like its nothing when it is so rare for me to find a girl who shows interest in me

But the rareness of it for you has nothing to do with her feelings towards you. She’s not interested. No need to analyze. 

[poppyfields]

17 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

But the rareness of it for you has nothing to do with her feelings towards you. She’s not interested. No need to analyze. 

Weezy a woman not interested would either ghost, tell him some story about her getting back with her ex, lol or met someone else.

I know of no woman who would say she is looking for more than sex and wants to date a man properly.  

Clearly, at least to me, she was (is) assuming he only wants a sexual relationship, FWB, and was needing reassurance that he wants more than sex and to date her "properly."  That's the word she used.  Hence the "test." 

 

Edited September 10, 2020 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

 

Double post.

Edited September 10, 2020 by poppyfields

[Weezy1973]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Clearly, at least to me, she was (is) assuming he only wants a sexual relationship, FWB, and was needing reassurance that he wants more than sex and to date her "properly."  That's the word she used.  Hence the "test." 

Well it’s either that, or she saw him as only being a sexual fling but not really the type of person she wants to be in a relationship with. 

[poppyfields]

12 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Weezy a woman not interested would either ghost, tell him some story about her getting back with her ex, lol or met someone else.

I know of no woman who would say she is looking for more than sex and wants to date a man properly.  

Clearly, at least to me, she was (is) assuming he only wants a sexual relationship, FWB, and was needing reassurance that he wants more than sex and to date her "properly."  That's the word she used.  Hence the "test." 

 

To add, if it had been me I would not have shyt tested him, I would communicate directly. 

But sadly there are folks who have poor communication skills or they're afraid to assert their boundaries and needs and resort to games and shyt testing to find out what they need to find out.

[Wd0694820]

I texted her telling her that that is also what I want as well but I also said if she doesn’t want that with me it’s cool and no hard feelings, no response as of yet- I think it’s over

[poppyfields]

10 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Well it’s either that, or she saw him as only being a sexual fling but not really the type of person she wants to be in a relationship with. 

Again, she would have said she was back with an ex or something, not tell him she is wanting more than sex and to date a man properly.  

That was his cue to step up, stop playing it so cool, and tell her that's what he wants too!  To date properly and and see where it leads!