boblob Posted September 9, 2020 Posted September 9, 2020 Parents, sometimes ( few times per year ), demand me to get a wife. I am 28 years old male. Never had girlfriend. Parents also assist me in finances, as I am unable to earn enough money, also unable to get persistent job. Parents also attempt to give me various reasons, "to persuade" me to want to get a wife. In fact, I don't want to get a wife at all: 1) No girl gave me sex during age 11-17. Since 17, I refuse to negotiate with woman's, because I needed to survive painful sex starve. 2) Since now I am 28. If I would attempt to get a wife, I would get ( worst junk ): woman with kids, or woman who had 1-10+ sex partners, but I had none partners. This makes very unfair in terms for relationship, from my perspective. So unfair, that I prefer not to get a wife, but parents want.
Wiseman2 Posted September 9, 2020 Posted September 9, 2020 5 minutes ago, boblob said: . 2) Since now I am 28. If I would attempt to get a wife, I would get ( worst junk woman with kids, or woman who had 1-10+ sex partners, but I had none partners. This makes very unfair in terms for relationship, from my perspective. So unfair, that I prefer not to get a wife, but parents want. Is arranged marriage a requirement in your culture? If so you may have to marry who your parents pick out. Do your parents know about your fear of getting "worst junk"?
snowboy91 Posted September 9, 2020 Posted September 9, 2020 Ok first things first - you're going to want to be able to look after yourself independently at some point - I'm not going to judge you for leaving it relatively late, we are all on our own path. But I'd make that an aim of yours from this point. The lack of sex so far in your life is no problem. Whoever you end up dating will be quite surprised, but not judgmental about it. I find your comment of "worst junk" really unfair. Not every woman has had kids by age 28 (in fact, the majority in my circle haven't), and you shouldn't judge anyone by the number of sexual partners they've had in their lifetime. Like I said, it shouldn't matter for you (besides - I'd argue it's better if they know what they're doing ) 2
Author boblob Posted September 9, 2020 Author Posted September 9, 2020 Mariage is not required. But parents expect, as 'man becomes completed as it should'. Parents don't pick. They may encourage at most. Im in Latvia. Parents know nothing about my view. It would be scary attempt to explain it to them.
Wiseman2 Posted September 9, 2020 Posted September 9, 2020 9 minutes ago, boblob said: Mariage is not required. But parents expect, as 'man becomes completed as it should'. Parents don't pick. They may encourage at most. Im in Latvia. Parents know nothing about my view. It would be scary attempt to explain it to them. Date younger women and you are not supposed to know about sex partners anyway. Don't date single mothers This is not about that. This is about your parents want you to grow up, get a job, move out and take care of yourself . Are your parents concerned that you can't function alone or that you might be gay? What is their concern? 2
basil67 Posted September 9, 2020 Posted September 9, 2020 31 minutes ago, boblob said: Parents also assist me in finances, as I am unable to earn enough money, also unable to get persistent job. Do you have some type of disability which makes these things difficult for you?
Author boblob Posted September 9, 2020 Author Posted September 9, 2020 Core reason why parents want me to get wife: 1) because "everyone is married at your age". 2) because they may feel ashamed among relatives , due gossips - "their son cant get wife. what a stranger. what a loser".
Author boblob Posted September 9, 2020 Author Posted September 9, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, basil67 said: Do you have some type of disability which makes these things difficult for you? I am unproductive at job. I am the one, who gives pioriority for dinner, short breaks, not focusing on results, even manners difrend from employees: I dont watch news-tv-eurovision, dont drink beer, no smoking, following security guideline even if they are not provided in job place. Edited September 9, 2020 by boblob
Els Posted September 9, 2020 Posted September 9, 2020 How do your parents expect you to get a wife when you can't even support yourself? AFAIK in Eastern Europe where you live, men are expected to be the providers. You should obviously ignore your parents, but that will be hard when you are financially dependent on them. So work on becoming financially independent. 1
Calmandfocused Posted September 9, 2020 Posted September 9, 2020 Please show some respect op! How dare you refer to women with children as “junk”? Who the hell do you think you are? No offence but you don’t sound like a prize yourself mate. It is ok to have preferences. Fine, go stick with your preferences. But don’t devalue and degrade women just because they don’t suit your preferences. Personally I think you’re going to struggle getting interest from any woman with that sort of judgemental attitude towards women. It’s very unattractive! Sort your attitudes out before you contemplate finding a wife 1
Ruby Slippers Posted September 9, 2020 Posted September 9, 2020 As long as you're financially dependent on your parents and living in their house, you'll have to deal with their opinions on what you should be doing. I'd say job #1 is to improve yourself to the point where you can move out and support yourself. Then you can consider their advice, but you'll be independent and able to make your own decisions about whether to marry and when.
Happy Lemming Posted September 9, 2020 Posted September 9, 2020 54 year old male, here... Never married, never will get married. In my opinion, no... you don't need a wife to live a happy and productive life, I have!! My parents wanted me to settle down, get married and have children, but that wasn't what I wanted to do. I wanted to be nomadic, to travel, move every couple of years and live life on my terms. And that is exactly what I did. You only get one life, do what you want to do with it. Enjoy life your way!! 5
central Posted September 9, 2020 Posted September 9, 2020 It's fine if you don't want a relationship or a wife. However, what do you want in life? Much of happiness comes from having goals and working towards them - a sense of accomplishment. Do you have goals or activities that provide you with happiness? 1
mark clemson Posted September 9, 2020 Posted September 9, 2020 Parents may want you to, but it sounds like you're not happy with women and may not have the social skills they respond to. Also the woman must be attracted to you. At the risk of making generalizations, women tend to not be attracted to men who aren't good providers (ie, cannot support themselves) which is your case. The exception to this is very handsome men and/or "bad boys" who some women respond to over other factors. Generally the woman must pick you, (or at least agree to date you), the relationship continues for a while (often at least a few years), and then marriage is discussed. Normally one doesn't simply jump into it. You are not at step 1. I think that, if I was in your shoes and had your views, I would simply tell my parents "yes, yes, sure" and then go about my life. Not sure that is the best thing for you, but I don't think their hope for you to somehow magically be married in a short time is particularly realistic. I would note that, while some men will not accept a woman with a kid, they are generally not "worst junk" but can often be generally nice women who presumably (in general) make good partners, as much as other women do, IF one can accept parenting the kid. That is certainly not for everyone, but some men DO enjoy being dads. 1
ajequals Posted September 9, 2020 Posted September 9, 2020 think your parents are trying to get you to grow up. In reality we only have maybe 20 years to set our selves up for a career. then our ability declines into retirement for various reasons. you have wasted 10 years of time. Time to follow their lead in what they accomplished no ones going to take care of you other than you 1
Author boblob Posted September 10, 2020 Author Posted September 10, 2020 My personal hobbies: Trying to develop 2D mmorpg myself. Other then that, I don't find who gives me joy.
BaileyB Posted September 10, 2020 Posted September 10, 2020 (edited) 13 hours ago, Elswyth said: How do your parents expect you to get a wife when you can't even support yourself? Exactly. Remember, the woman will also have to choose you as a husband. It’s not only about you and what you want. Edited September 10, 2020 by BaileyB
Wiseman2 Posted September 10, 2020 Posted September 10, 2020 4 hours ago, boblob said: My personal hobbies: Trying to develop 2D mmorpg myself. Other then that, I don't find who gives me joy. Yes . You need three things. 1. A steady job. 2. Your own apartment 3. A GF/wife. It's time to grow up and take care of yourself.
Atwood Posted September 10, 2020 Posted September 10, 2020 No. A wife can't fix all of the issues you have going on and it certainly isn't something you do just to make your parents stop going on about it. Do your own mental, emotional and physical labour and sort out your own life, follow your life dreams and reach your goals. If you have no interest in a relationship, you're only going to make someone very unhappy by being with them.
Datingdisabled Posted September 10, 2020 Posted September 10, 2020 The correct answer is if you want one. I know a lot of married people and if they could do it again then they wouldn't get married. I don't need to look for a marriage rather then if someone comes into my life and I feel a desire to get married to them. I'm not going to find a husband because someone on loveshack told me to.
Datingdisabled Posted September 10, 2020 Posted September 10, 2020 17 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: 54 year old male, here... Never married, never will get married. In my opinion, no... you don't need a wife to live a happy and productive life, I have!! My parents wanted me to settle down, get married and have children, but that wasn't what I wanted to do. I wanted to be nomadic, to travel, move every couple of years and live life on my terms. And that is exactly what I did. You only get one life, do what you want to do with it. Enjoy life your way!! I've come to really enjoy your posts my friend. 1
Dork Vader Posted September 10, 2020 Posted September 10, 2020 6 hours ago, boblob said: My personal hobbies: Trying to develop 2D mmorpg myself. Other then that, I don't find who gives me joy. So you know how to code? What's your artistic skill like? If you're any good at coding and/or art. Then you could more than likely find some type of job in the IT world. There are a ton of ways you can make a decent living working on computers. You could probably even find work for a video game company. But you're going to have to clean up your act and get your priorities straight. Get some good work experience behind you, build up a resume it won't take long. Once you have that going start looking for a career in the IT world. You need to learn how to be independent of your parents. IMO they should cut you off already.
Azincourt Posted September 10, 2020 Posted September 10, 2020 On 9/9/2020 at 11:42 AM, boblob said: Parents, sometimes ( few times per year ), demand me to get a wife. I am 28 years old male. Never had girlfriend. Parents also assist me in finances, as I am unable to earn enough money, also unable to get persistent job. Parents also attempt to give me various reasons, "to persuade" me to want to get a wife. In fact, I don't want to get a wife at all: 1) No girl gave me sex during age 11-17. Since 17, I refuse to negotiate with woman's, because I needed to survive painful sex starve. 2) Since now I am 28. If I would attempt to get a wife, I would get ( worst junk woman with kids, or woman who had 1-10+ sex partners, but I had none partners. This makes very unfair in terms for relationship, from my perspective. So unfair, that I prefer not to get a wife, but parents want. You're from a conservative culture? Men who are from China, Pakistan, Iran, India, and from the African Muslim regions are often pressured by their families to get married and to make children of their own. It's how it is, thousands of years of tradition can't be cleared off in a few decades. You don't need to get a wife if you don't want one. What you need to do is to find a job and to make enough money to be able to live on your own without your parents assistance. Focus on getting that done and over with, and then worry about the dating world.
Author boblob Posted September 11, 2020 Author Posted September 11, 2020 18 hours ago, Azincourt said: You're from a conservative culture? Men who are from China, Pakistan, Iran, India, and from the African Muslim regions are often pressured by their families to get married and to make children of their own. It's how it is, thousands of years of tradition can't be cleared off in a few decades. You don't need to get a wife if you don't want one. What you need to do is to find a job and to make enough money to be able to live on your own without your parents assistance. Focus on getting that done and over with, and then worry about the dating world. It is not culture. its my personal decision: I don't want to date/marriage girl, because none girl gave me sex during my 11-17. Parents still expect - that I get a wife.
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