A friend was being so ungrateful and entitled, but I was being called petty?

[zibby]

This happened early this year, when I rented a booth at a second-hand goods market which was held near where I live. A month before the market took place, I told some of my friends and offered to share the booth if they're interested to join me. I was not asking them to share the rent, I just thought it would be more fun to have companies. One of my friends said she was interested, and she had some handmade accessories which she failed to sell online and wanted to give it a try at the market.

But in those few weeks before the market, she kept asking me if there would be a lot of visitors and if she would be able to sell her stuff. I told her I've never been to the market before, but from the online photos I saw, it was pretty crowded last time. But still she kept asking as if I had to guarantee her that business would be good. I felt quite annoyed. Then, a week before the market, we went on a double date, and she again brought up those questions, saying that she had to dig out those unsold accessories and carry them all the way to the market which was so far away from where she lives (she lives around 45 min away by car), and so it would be a whole lot waste of time and effort if she couldn't sell anything at the market due to lack of visitors. I was already too fed up to give her straight answers nor could I guarantee her. I just tried to divert the subject, praising her products to give her some confidence so that she could stop asking. But at some point, she kind of said it would be good if my boyfriend could drive her and her boyfriend to the market on that day, so that they didn't have take a bus while carrying her heavy stuff. My boyfriend immediately said okay, which I felt was completely not okay since I actually needed him to drive me and my stuff to the market too! (Though we're living like 15 min walking distance from the market, I was bringing to the market 2 luggage of old clothes, a clothes rack, and some jewellery display stands and boxes which I offered to lent her for displaying her products, and so it was not possible for me to walk to the market with all these stuff!!)

I didn't say anything at that moment since my boyfriend already said yes. But later that night I questioned my boyfriend why he would go out of his way to give them a ride, while it would mean he had to drive all the way to their place in early morning. It would take him almost 2 hours driving there and back just for them. We're, of course, in no way going to ask them to pay for fuel, but just talking about the time and effort, I thought it wasn't worth it. My boyfriend said I was being petty, which really upset me because he was not thinking from my perspective. The fact is, it was not like I didn't want to give them a free ride, but I was already offering her half of my booth for free, not to mention she had been making it sound like it's my fault if she couldn't sell anything, I just felt not being respected and that she was so entitled. She didn't show that she was thankful for the free booth, and instead further requesting a free ride like my boyfriend was her private driver. 

I didn't further discuss this with my boyfriend, just telling and showing him what I had to bring to the market and that I had to arrive at the market early in the morning to set up the booth... and so he knew he didn't really have the time to drive them here if he had to help me with my stuff. And my friend didn't really ask for the ride at last, I believe her boyfriend had talked her out of it since he was a more reasonable person. And at last, there were not a lot of visitors at the market. The booths next to us couldn't sell a single thing, so as she, while I did sell a few things just enough to cover the rent. I guess it's because she saw that the other booths were not making any sale either, she was not complaining as much as I thought she would be, but she did whine a little about the lack of visitors, and that no one was buying her earrings which I praised and said would be a sellout (like I guaranteed?!).

Again, I just don't understand why she talked and acted like I should be responsible for whether she could make a sale, while I was sharing my booth for free. Yes I kind of invited her to join me, but she could have said no if she thought it would be a waste of time and effort. Why should I take responsibility for her decision? And why should I guarantee her while I was the one who would suffer loss while she was not losing a dime ever if she couldn't sell anything. She was not even thanking me at all! And my boyfriend said I was being petty! I just want to know what everybody here thinks who's right and who's wrong here, and was I being petty that I felt offended by her words and actions? 

[Acacia98]

24 minutes ago, zibby said:

...

There are bits where your female friend sounds annoying. For instance, where she seems to expect you to guarantee she will sell a lot of her stuff. If you decide to do something similar in the future and her inability to take responsibility for her decisions is too annoying for you to bear, there's an easy way out: Tell her you've thought about it and you realize she's right. She probably won't sell much and you don't want her to spend so much time and effort for nothing. 

But I don't understand why you would express annoyance at your boyfriend's decision to help them out. It's his time, fuel and car to give if he wants. If anything, it sounded like he was trying to be kind to YOUR friend. You had already set the tone by offering free booth space. So maybe he was helping in that spirit. I wouldn't say you were being petty, though. I would say you were being somewhat controlling. But you probably wouldn't like that either, right?

Anyway, this is generally why we don't mix business with friendship. It makes things unnecessarily complicated.

[zibby]

8 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

But I don't understand why you would express annoyance at your boyfriend's decision to help them out.

Like I said, what bothered me was the fact that my friend was asking for a free ride on top of all the things that I have offered her (free booth, lending her display stands and boxes which I had to carry to the market on top of all other stuff I was already carrying), and that she was not being thankful at all and making me to take responsibility for her sale. My reluctance in driving her was based in her entitled and rude behaviours, and also the fact that I needed my boyfriend's help on that morning more than she did. I mean, when we're hanging out together, I never mind going the extra miles driving them home with my boyfriend even if they don't ask for it. And this time, I believe when my boyfriend agreed to drive them he hadn't thought or known about all the work I had to do before the market opened on that morning, and so later when I told him about it he realized he didn't actually have the time to go out to drive them. But still, being called petty by him upset me since he should know how I have always been generous in helping friends. Also, what kind of a friend would ask you to drive an hour to her home to pick her up and then another hour to the market (my boyfriend is living with me, so he was only 5min drive away from the market, but would become 2hrs drive if he had to go out to drive them, think about how much earlier he had to wake up that day just to be her driver). I just don't think it's a reasonable and considerate request to make. I think it's actually quite rude to make such request to be frank. There is a difference between me offering you a free ride v.s. you requesting someone to go all the way to pick you up from your place and drive you to where you want to go. And the fact that she had been saying over and over again that the market was very far from her place before making that request means it was not an impulsive question that popped out, but she had planned for it. 

[zibby]

9 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

There are bits where your female friend sounds annoying. For instance, where she seems to expect you to guarantee she will sell a lot of her stuff. If you decide to do something similar in the future and her inability to take responsibility for her decisions is too annoying for you to bear, there's an easy way out: Tell her you've thought about it and you realize she's right. She probably won't sell much and you don't want her to spend so much time and effort for nothing. 

In fact, this is only one of the examples that she, and also some of my other friends, have always been expecting me to make guarantee or take responsibility for decisions that we make together (or mostly, decisions that I make for them because they are too indecisive or don't want to take responsibility). From the simplest where to eat tonight, which hotel to stay while traveling, to the more complicated situations like the time when I was going on a working holiday with a friend, and we had to look for farm jobs to sustain our travel expenses and visa, she failed to make up her mind in taking any of the jobs that I had found (while she never helped looking for jobs) and kept asking me if it was safe to go there/if I was sure it was not a scam/if the work was not too hard to handle/if that job was going to earn us enough money that we would be able to save up some money after paying rent and buying food, etc... all of those things that not even god knows nor can guarantee. They don't have the gut to make any decision, but when things go wrong, they have the gut to say it to my face that I had made some stupid decisions, or in the most common "which restaurant to dine in" situation, they would whine about the not so delicious food, the unreasonable price etc. all night long, even if they don't say it out loud that they think it's my fault.

I think there is a pattern in there, and it's getting worse or it's just that after all these year finally I can't handle it anymore. With them, if I don't take the lead or make the decision, I can assure you that we are not going anywhere... They are the kind of girls who don't feel ashamed of staying in a small boutique for more than an hour, when it is clear that the owner/salesgirl is feeling annoyed by them, just pondering about which dress to buy, while they are only choosing between 2 styles, or 2 colours of the same style... I had already given up shopping with them a long time ago... But now I can't think of any way to end this pattern other than actually ending the friendships... I just don't know what else I can do...