Is millenial dating hard?

[Maldives]

Yup dating now is way more harder and I blame it on all the online dating apps and stuff . I compare being single now to when I was fresh out of a relationship ten yrs ago. Ten yrs ago was much more balsy you just went out and had a date now you gotta create all this attraction through SMS which is way hard and dating apps create this space of the grass is greener where it's like a candy store. Although for veterans of these apps soon realise how hard it is to find a match and spark soon are humbled and bring there standards way down 

 

[ccas93]

2 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

What do you mean, in the U.S.? The U.S. is a big place. There are like 328 million people. Thousands of backgrounds, cultures, locales, experiences, personalities. But everybody acts in this ^ very exaggerated way?

Are you sure that isn't autobiographical and angry rather than a generalization about millions of extremely diverse people?

As for exchanging a few words, did you make a mistake and mean, after people sleep together some assume that's exclusivity? Because while it has its obvious potential pitfalls that general idea isn't exactly weird. Lots and lots of people don't want the issues and potential health dangers of the S.O. sleeping with somebody else, or somebodies plural, we then jumping into bed with them.

No, no no, I was I was being sarcastic but it must have been too low key.. I was saying exactly what you're saying in regards to your third paragraph. I sleep with one person at a time because of exactly what you just wrote. I just don't love the expectation "hey, it's a free for all and he/she can do whatever the hell she wants until the exclusive talk" and then suddenly there's a verbal agreement, and this person who felt the need to enjoy multiple sexual partners is going to commit to one person and suddenly see cheating as something terrible? Idk. Maybe it's a generalization but I don't trust people who love casual dating for the lack of exclusivity. And I can do casual exclusive; sexual exclusivity does not mean the relationship is serious for me. But that's just me. 

Also, yeah some bitterness from some of my own dating experiences definitely seeped through my fingers lol, sorry for that. 

Edited September 10, 2020 by ccas93

[Weezy1973]

I think I’m general it is harder. The main reason is that marriage has been pushed back about 7 years on average. Boomers tended to get married right out of high school or university. They didn’t really date around that much because they go married so young. Gen X was a transitional generation as the age of marriage started getting pushed back.
 

Now the average age for men to get married is over 30 and for women I believe it’s 29. That give people many years to date. When you take into account attractiveness discrepancies by age, that is young women have way more options than young men, whereas older men (over 35) have way more options than older women, yes I suspect it’s harder to date. 

[smackie9]

3 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

I think I’m general it is harder. The main reason is that marriage has been pushed back about 7 years on average. Boomers tended to get married right out of high school or university. They didn’t really date around that much because they go married so young. Gen X was a transitional generation as the age of marriage started getting pushed back.
 

Now the average age for men to get married is over 30 and for women I believe it’s 29. That give people many years to date. When you take into account attractiveness discrepancies by age, that is young women have way more options than young men, whereas older men (over 35) have way more options than older women, yes I suspect it’s harder to date. 

Ya because a lot of them are still living with their parents.

[Weezy1973]

On 9/10/2020 at 7:33 AM, smackie9 said:

Ya because a lot of them are still living with their parents.

Yes, that’s a product of getting married later in life. It’s produced an extended adolescence.

[basil67]

12 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Yes, that’s a product of getting married later in life. It’s produced an extended adolescence.

It's a product of unaffordable housing and unaffordable education.   Or at least, it is where I am where the leaders were the product of free education and affordable housing, but won't give today's kids the same advantage.

[Calmandfocused]

On 9/9/2020 at 3:47 AM, Trail Blazer said:

I've found success, so I personally have little to complain about. 

However, despite having found a few decent relationships, I've definitely had that feeling where many aren't taking it seriously and you feel as though you'll be nexted at any moment's notice due to the sheer volume of choices on offer.

Both sexes enjoy scrolling through a catalog of potentials.  It's exciting, fun and when you do get matches, it's a huge buzz when that notification comes through.

I feel that OLD has devalued relationships somewhat, as there's this perception that they're now so easy to be replaced with the scroll of an app.

Combined with a culture of social media, I think that in general, younger people struggle more with face-to-face comminucation.  It's just a sign of the times we live in; we're so connected digitally, yet so detached interpersonally.

TB, firstly it’s gotta be said: you are hot! No wonder you’ve had success! Good on you! I hope she’s curbing her drinking....
 

Right back on topic ....

Yes it is hard. Really hard. 
 

Im 41 and British. Back in the day there were none of these fancy non exclusive labels you have nowadays. You were either with someone or you were “seeing” someone. I never once had the “am I your gf?” Chat. It just happened that way. Furthermore, apart from ads in the local newspaper (remember those? ), you met your partner IRL. Multi dating was unheard off, in fact frowned upon as this constituted cheating. You’d date one person at a time and you didn’t date another until that was over. I never once questioned whether a new partner was seeing someone else other than me. Once I met 2 men at exactly the same time and the pressure was immediately on to chose between them. 
 

Boy how things have changed! I think GIGS has a lot to do with the problems nowadays. Plus, it’s so easy to meet new people that a throwaway mentality is also present. 
 

Also, it gets harder the older you get IMO.  I’m finding that loads have just come out of a relationship and with those I’m simply not interested. 

[Trail Blazer]

1 hour ago, Calmandfocused said:

TB, firstly it’s gotta be said: you are hot! No wonder you’ve had success! Good on you! I hope she’s curbing her drinking....
 

Right back on topic ....

Yes it is hard. Really hard. 
 

Im 41 and British. Back in the day there were none of these fancy non exclusive labels you have nowadays. You were either with someone or you were “seeing” someone. I never once had the “am I your gf?” Chat. It just happened that way. Furthermore, apart from ads in the local newspaper (remember those? ), you met your partner IRL. Multi dating was unheard off, in fact frowned upon as this constituted cheating. You’d date one person at a time and you didn’t date another until that was over. I never once questioned whether a new partner was seeing someone else other than me. Once I met 2 men at exactly the same time and the pressure was immediately on to chose between them. 
 

Boy how things have changed! I think GIGS has a lot to do with the problems nowadays. Plus, it’s so easy to meet new people that a throwaway mentality is also present. 
 

Also, it gets harder the older you get IMO.  I’m finding that loads have just come out of a relationship and with those I’m simply not interested. 

Whilst my GF and I both share a love for our local Pinots, I am quite certain that she was just a little nervous that night.  I haven't seen a tendency to consume like that since... 

[chillii]

1 hour ago, Calmandfocused said:

TB, firstly it’s gotta be said: you are hot! No wonder you’ve had success! Good on you! I hope she’s curbing her drinking....
 

Right back on topic ....

Yes it is hard. Really hard. 
 

Im 41 and British. Back in the day there were none of these fancy non exclusive labels you have nowadays. You were either with someone or you were “seeing” someone. I never once had the “am I your gf?” Chat. It just happened that way. Furthermore, apart from ads in the local newspaper (remember those? ), you met your partner IRL. Multi dating was unheard off, in fact frowned upon as this constituted cheating. You’d date one person at a time and you didn’t date another until that was over. I never once questioned whether a new partner was seeing someone else other than me. Once I met 2 men at exactly the same time and the pressure was immediately on to chose between them. 
 

Boy how things have changed! I think GIGS has a lot to do with the problems nowadays. Plus, it’s so easy to meet new people that a throwaway mentality is also present. 
 

Also, it gets harder the older you get IMO.  I’m finding that loads have just come out of a relationship and with those I’m simply not interested. 

 

Yeah , know exactly where your comin from it was the exactly the same for us back in the day. here. l hadn't even heard of all this crap before l joined ls now over 2oyrs later. Although l have thought it all must've just been a US thing because here as l was saying , for my age group anyway as l found myself single again later 40s . Things were still much the same for us and anyone l met and no way in hell we'd put up with someone seeing other people either even now , or any of the other crap they seem to deal with on ls.

We had newspaper ads last time l was single too. l miss news papers.

 

 

 

 

[Velvet teddy]

Yes it's hard.

Too many fakes/users/casual daters to know whats what. 

Chivalry is also most definitely  dead. 

Im an older millenial.

Edited September 12, 2020 by Velvet teddy

[Redguitar35]

I see a lot of hate on OLD and apps, but I don’t agree. Without the apps I would have had a fraction of the encounters I have made the last few years. I found dating apps made finding someone who was looking for exactly what I was looking for (in most cases sex) a lot easier. I have no idea how people did dating before apps. 

[Dork Vader]

Well I'm 36, but was dating hard? In some ways yes it can be. But I think it depends how you go about dating. Internet dating is extremely difficult both for men and women. For women, internet dating is loaded with a bunch of eye candy looking for nothing but flings. The men typically outnumber women at insane rates. How badly depends on the website but it ranges from 3-1 up into the hundreds to 1.  Free websites make this problem even worse, simply because there is no expense to leaving a profile up and using it.

For men, internet dating is well, extremely difficult. You'll have a hard time getting the attention of any woman on the website. If you do manage to get one to engage with you, you'll be lucky to get a date. The woman are typically communicating with multiple guys at a time, with one getting most of their attention. Typically those who do respond are not in your league. Most will end up ghosting you at some point, likely because they met someone. I'd say about 50-65% of those who ghosted you will send you a message of hey, how are you? about 3-4 months after they originally ghosted you. Which is typically the time period in which they figure out the guy they picked was only in it for sex or things failed for some other reason. I never respond to those, "Hey, how are you?" messages after 3-4 months of being ghosted, not looking to be someones consolation prize.

When I talk to my female friends about internet dating, nearly all complain about being used for sex. They often show me the guys they are trying to date and the guys are typically way out of their leagues for various reasons (not just physical appearances). For the women, it's a tricky place to navigate, because there are a lot of men who are genuinely looking for a relationship, but will lower their standards for a FWB thing simply because they have been single and lonely for such a long period of time. The guys who really don't have any interest in just FWB, get burned out and typically quit trying. Most of the men I know who are not looking for FWB thing (myself included) give up at some point and I had no issue getting dates. I simply burned out on the ghosting that goes on and the crazies. 

From there, most of the people who are using internet dating websites are doing so for a reason. There are a lot of people with a lot of problems on most dating websites. Now what I have said is not representative of everyone, but that's just been my experience in general. I have gone on dates with women in my league who were great people, but it all lacked chemistry. 

Outside of internet dating, dating is complex in part due to social media and the internet. It's extremely easy to get yourself into trouble with social media and create a ton of problems in your relationship. I have dated and heard stories about numerous people who don't know where to draw the line with it. They have "friends" on social media or text messaging, that lack clear cut boundaries as friendship. Example, they often confide in the internet friend more than they do the SO. When things get difficult in their life, they run straight to that friend instead of their SO. That or they can't put their phones/tablets down. You don't have to physically cheat to make your SO feel neglected, betrayed and jealous, you can easily emotionally cheat with social media and it's far more common than people realize. Just look at workaholics who can't/won't provide time for their significant other.

Then there are the ex boy friends who pop their heads up on social media. I have had this create so many problems for past relationships. Ex shows up and suddenly your SO is "confused" if it does not ruin the relationship entirely it ends up doing a TON of damage to it.

Edited September 12, 2020 by Dork Vader

[chillii]

Yeah , date sites sound like a nightmare for women, millions of stories all through ls. And the social media thing of now , even just the whole text thing , again whata minefield from what you see in forums. Wasn't a problem for me don't even use it a few fprums is as sm as l get and no one l met was into it at all either or my gf , like me has never even had a fb acc , despises it.