Ladies, do release this OLD date back into the wild?

[elaine567]

11 hours ago, bobjon said:

Need to be more clear about a friend only deal.  I think the reality is I meet women OLD or otherwise and they all want a relationship, and I have mostly been trying to find girl friends, or maybe even an FWB.  I have mostly learned that for some reason, I cannot have women as friends only.  They either want to advance something more, or would rather find someone else that does want more.  

Why are you looking for female friends on a dating site?

[JRabbit]

9 hours ago, bobjon said:

Women are cunning creatures and she literally mentions this stuff with my dick in her hand.....lol  All I could think of was that I live in the middle of no where and don't talk to anyone other than my dog, which is a reality....  It was not a good answer but that's all I had at the moment.  Sadly I had a flashback to like 7th grade with a girl that was about to give me oral and said "I can only do this if we are dating"......lmao......  smooth.....  I said sure, then broke up with her the next day.....  I mean, who does that to a guy?  

ok but that's basically exactly what you did to this girl.  Slept with her then oh sorry, not into a relationship. 

[mark clemson]

12 hours ago, bobjon said:

1.  She came to my place last night.  I offered, she got here asap....

2.  Sex happened.....s***  I really was not into it and I think she knew that after the fact.  

3.  She mentioned about wanting to be exclusive, she doesn't want to talk to anyone else, etc ,etc.  

4.  She is very kissy, huggy, touchy, feely

I think she is trying to "win" you as a BF or FWB by coming on strong. She specifically mentioned exclusivity. Whether you want this or not is of course up to you.

I'm not dating, so take with a big grain of salt, but I think it's ok to take a (little) while to decide what you may or may not want with her. If your interests don't align, then once you've firmly figured that out, it's ethically right to let her know rather than stringing her along.

Her coming on this strong might be a sign that she has borderline tendencies or similar, but it may also just be that she's decided to back into the dating pool after a difficult time in her life, thinks you're at least pretty good, and isn't wasting time.

[bobjon]

I think it is fair to say, there will not be a 2nd role in the hay.  I don't think it is fair to her, but I will at least keep the channels open as a friendly deal.  

As far as the "dating site", I noted previously that even she mentioned what the site is "usually used for", and from some chit chats I have had there, I would say some don't care what is in your profile, they are on a mission for the mission position.  

[Allupinnit]

I always roll my eyes at posters who can't stop talking about all the women who wanted to sleep with them.  LOL. 

[Calmandfocused]

Op, are you the guy in my thread? If not, I should introduce you to each other. This is bats**t crazy stuff and you may be able to relate to each other. 
 

Forget the sex, the convos, the touching etc. Bottom line is you are not being fair to her. 
 

You have not got one iota of a clue what you want or what your looking for. Therefore you have no dating boundaries to speak of. 

I can’t make any sense out of what your saying and I expect your dates can’t  either

Back off from her and every woman until you at least figure out what you want. 
 

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

12 hours ago, bobjon said:

Women are cunning creatures and she literally mentions this stuff with my dick in her hand.....lol  All I could think of was that I live in the middle of no where and don't talk to anyone other than my dog, which is a reality....  It was not a good answer but that's all I had at the moment.  Sadly I had a flashback to like 7th grade with a girl that was about to give me oral and said "I can only do this if we are dating"......lmao......  smooth.....  I said sure, then broke up with her the next day.....  I mean, who does that to a guy?  

Oh come on. You're not 14.

[kismetkismet]

You clearly have some issues and would probably benefit more from talk therapy than OLD.

You talk about women being cunning and manipulative, but then can't be up front about your own intentions? it's pretty simple, just tell her what you're after and see if she's after the same thing - if she's not she can choose to not see you anymore. It also sounds like SHE may also just be interested in something casual.. mentioning that it's a hook up app, asking to hang out before learning anything at all about you, being all over you physically etc. etc.  

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, Allupinnit said:

I always roll my eyes at posters who can't stop talking about all the women who wanted to sleep with them.  LOL. 

I know.  To be blunt again..."I get laid all the time because women throw themselves at me" does not generally = "I literally couldn't stop because somebody was touching my dick."

Sorry, OP...

OP, your posts aren't consistent...meanwhile they're full of all this agony over maybe "hurting" this woman...just...take a break and figure yourself out. And yes, break up with this woman if you technically were boyfriend and girlfriend after only two dates.

[MsJayne]

You need to be straight up from the moment you start chatting online and tell women that you're just looking for casual sex that you don't have to pay for. Most women will stop speaking to you right about then because being treated like an unpaid prostitute isn't what most women dream of.  

[bobjon]

Just now, MsJayne said:

You need to be straight up from the moment you start chatting online and tell women that you're just looking for casual sex that you don't have to pay for. Most women will stop speaking to you right about then because being treated like an unpaid prostitute isn't what most women dream of.  

I know, right?!  Thus the dilemma.  I mean, I would still like some action every now and then.  

[MsJayne]

19 hours ago, bobjon said:

I know, right?!  Thus the dilemma.  I mean, I would still like some action every now and then.  

LOL!!  Just pay for it, that's what the sex industry is there for. Or buy one of those lifelike sex dolls. They're easy-going, have low expectations of a relationship,  and these days they look smokin' hot. They don't even have that permanently surprised expression now, so you could take her out places and people wouldn't rudely stare they way they used to. 

[bobjon]

Just now, MsJayne said:

LOL!!  Just pay for it, that's what the sex industry is there for. Or buy one of those lifelike sex dolls. They're easy-going, have low expectations of a relationship,  and these days they look smokin' hot. They don't even have that permanently surprised expression now, so you could take her out places and people wouldn't rudely stare they way they used to. 

I mean, I am a business guy and it sure seems like buying a few stiff drinks is cheaper than a hooker.  But that does give me an idea since so many are looking for "420"....  Maybe I need to consider that angle.  

[MsJayne]

3 minutes ago, bobjon said:

I mean, I am a business guy and it sure seems like buying a few stiff drinks is cheaper than a hooker.  But that does give me an idea since so many are looking for "420"....  Maybe I need to consider that angle.  

Absolutely, perhaps change your profile to "Businessman  would like to exchange sexual favours for marijuana".  There'd be takers for sure, though you might find that by the time you've swapped goods, plus shouted them 10 pizzas and a truck of chips before they go home, a hooker actually would be cheaper. 

[bobjon]

Just now, MsJayne said:

Absolutely, perhaps change your profile to "Businessman  would like to exchange sexual favours for marijuana".  There'd be takers for sure, though you might find that by the time you've swapped goods, plus shouted them 10 pizzas and a truck of chips before they go home, a hooker actually would be cheaper. 

I think the price will still be cheaper when you consider the STD shots and getting the sloppy SIXTHS off the hooker.  Nah, never bought a hooker, and think I will just stick with being being an a**h*** of a partner.  

Edited September 10, 2020 by bobjon

[MsJayne]

20 minutes ago, bobjon said:

I think the price will still be cheaper when you consider the STD shots and getting the sloppy SIXTHS off the hooker.  Nah, never bought a hooker, and think I will just stick with being being an a**h*** of a partner.  

OK, so just change your profile to "A--Hole looking for free sex with gullible women. Please no stalkers, genuine replies only." 

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, bobjon said:

I mean, I am a business guy and it sure seems like buying a few stiff drinks is cheaper than a hooker.  But that does give me an idea since so many are looking for "420"....  Maybe I need to consider that angle.  

Huh???

Who is looking for 420? I didn't get that.

[CaliforniaGirl]

34 minutes ago, bobjon said:

I think the price will still be cheaper when you consider the STD shots and getting the sloppy SIXTHS off the hooker.  Nah, never bought a hooker, and think I will just stick with being being an a**h*** of a partner.  

Seriously why can't you just be an adult about it and state in your profile that you're not currently looking for an LTR?

[Allupinnit]

12 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Seriously why can't you just be an adult about it and state in your profile that you're not currently looking for an LTR?

Because a lot of men still believe that they need to misrepresent themselves to get laid.  This is no old trick - back in the 1930's they'd call this guy a "Good Time Charlie."  A guy who is ok with wasting your time and hurting your feelings so he can get his jollies.

[kendahke]

People on dating sites are looking for relationships, unless you're on one that specifically is for hooking up/cheating.

You'd do better being on a meet up site or something on reddit where the whole premise for the website isn't looking for love. To be on there knowing that you don't want to date and that you have a low opinion of women means you're cold and calculating and are looking for someone to punish because of what some other woman did to you in the past.

Yes, throw her back in the water, put your rod and tackle away and stop fishing since you don't want to eat fish.

Change your profile to state that you don't trust women, you don't want a relationship so that they know before swiping where you stand. That's what's fair.

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 hours ago, Allupinnit said:

Because a lot of men still believe that they need to misrepresent themselves to get laid.  This is no old trick - back in the 1930's they'd call this guy a "Good Time Charlie."  A guy who is ok with wasting your time and hurting your feelings so he can get his jollies.

Yes...I know...but...the OP talks about how women throw themselves at him. Surely he's somebody who can say "I don't want an LTR"? Because guys say that all the time on profiles AFAIK, and they do get laid. So why can't the OP? Women adore him. I don't see the problem here.

Plus the OP was twisting in agony earlier about how he doesn't want to hurt anybody. So that second part won't work for him.

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, kendahke said:

People on dating sites are looking for relationships, unless you're on one that specifically is for hooking up/cheating.

You'd do better being on a meet up site or something on reddit where the whole premise for the website isn't looking for love. To be on there knowing that you don't want to date and that you have a low opinion of women means you're cold and calculating and are looking for someone to punish because of what some other woman did to you in the past.

Yes, throw her back in the water, put your rod and tackle away and stop fishing since you don't want to eat fish.

Change your profile to state that you don't trust women, you don't want a relationship so that they know before swiping where you stand. That's what's fair.

I thought Tinder started mainly as a hookup site, and way back when I checked out OLD there were boxes for what you were looking for, LTR, not sure, or whatever. And I've heard on various relationship sites that people do go on just to get some, and that they are straightforward about it. Is that not really a thing anymore on OLD?

[Allupinnit]

39 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I thought Tinder started mainly as a hookup site, and way back when I checked out OLD there were boxes for what you were looking for, LTR, not sure, or whatever. And I've heard on various relationship sites that people do go on just to get some, and that they are straightforward about it. Is that not really a thing anymore on OLD?

I met my H on Tinder.  I found that it didn't matter what site or app I used - men were basically the same across the board.  Even men I met on eHarmony were trying to smash on the first night.

Edited September 10, 2020 by Allupinnit

[SumGuy]

5 hours ago, Allupinnit said:

Because a lot of men still believe that they need to misrepresent themselves to get laid.  This is no old trick - back in the 1930's they'd call this guy a "Good Time Charlie."  A guy who is ok with wasting your time and hurting your feelings so he can get his jollies.

Which seems counter to the declaration that women throw themselves at him and he has no problems getting laid...well I guess unless it has always been through lies; those business men are a cunning lot.

Also lying, being misleading (the most insidious form of lie),  seems a sure fired way to hurt someone, almost guaranteed.  To avoid hurting someone and get what the OP wants, be man OP and up front say this is no strings attached sex and even if that means she stops holding you d**k and you don't get any that night. 

Edited September 10, 2020 by SumGuy

[kendahke]

7 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I thought Tinder started mainly as a hookup site, and way back when I checked out OLD there were boxes for what you were looking for, LTR, not sure, or whatever. And I've heard on various relationship sites that people do go on just to get some, and that they are straightforward about it. Is that not really a thing anymore on OLD?

Don't know.  I don't use Tinder.

Earlier when I wrote this, I was trying to think of that site for hookups/cheating and couldn't think of the name of it... it's come to me now: Ashley Madison

Edited September 10, 2020 by kendahke