Ladies, do release this OLD date back into the wild?

[bobjon]

I should know better!  Dicking around on an OLD site last night and a woman basically asked me out for a drink.  I had so much going on staring at my dog that I guess I decided wth.  My OLD profile does not really elude to the fact that I am really not looking for a relationship, actually I quite detest them anymore, or at least I have learned to unplug my feelers.  

Anywho, we get along fine but I could tell this woman has had some really rough points in her life and sounds like many family and friend deaths and I think it has taken a toll.  She mentioned being on a lot of dates and hasn't felt this way (good) about someone in a long time.  She asked to kiss me I had no issue with that, and I will admit this went on for, oh, an hour or more!  After she mentioned being very excited to get to know me, etc, etc.  

As much as I want to just be a "player", it becomes hard to hurt women.  I most certainly don't trust them, but that doesn't mean I want to throw a knife in their back.  It is pretty obvious this woman wants to advance to the next stage, and most likely sex.  That could have happened last night but I like to collect my thoughts and I don't need to rush anything anymore.  My concern is sex could just cause more attachment and make it harder for her.  OTOH, it seems like she desires and maybe  needs some "fun" in her life.  

I think for the most part, some of these OLD women are obviously looking for some "attention" and are somewhat aggressive and "down to business"...  This one is obviously a "sensual" type that likes all the touching, rubbing, holding, etc, which used to be what I liked and I found myself reverting back to some of those behaviors, which she was VERY receptive to.  However, I think that can just be a slipper slope as I have immense control of my feelers, and she may not, and that could just end up hurting her.  

Anyway, just sorting out if I should cut this one loose before it gets too far, or feed her desires and hope she can move on with minimal impact?  

[Versacehottie]

Release her back into the wild. 

[ShyViolet]

If you're definitely not looking for a relationship, you need to either put that in your online profile, or tell people that up front.  Otherwise, you are wasting people's time.

[beentheredonethat77]

No need to release as long as you're completely upfront and honest.   Tell her you want to have fun and enjoy the sensual side but emotions need to be kept at bay -- if she is ok with this, then fine.  If she says shes ok and shes lying, then thats not something you can control.   Just be completely transparent about your intentions and you're fine. 

[elaine567]

13 hours ago, beentheredonethat77 said:

If she says shes ok and shes lying, then thats not something you can control.   Just be completely transparent about your intentions and you're fine. 

But you need to take some responsibility for you actions, surely? 
Yes you an tell a baby you are going to take its candy, but you can't really justify it because it is a baby after all... 

[Velvet teddy]

19 hours ago, bobjon said:

I should know better!  Dicking around on an OLD site last night and a woman basically asked me out for a drink.  I had so much going on staring at my dog that I guess I decided wth.  My OLD profile does not really elude to the fact that I am really not looking for a relationship, actually I quite detest them anymore, or at least I have learned to unplug my feelers.  

Anywho, we get along fine but I could tell this woman has had some really rough points in her life and sounds like many family and friend deaths and I think it has taken a toll.  She mentioned being on a lot of dates and hasn't felt this way (good) about someone in a long time.  She asked to kiss me I had no issue with that, and I will admit this went on for, oh, an hour or more!  After she mentioned being very excited to get to know me, etc, etc.  

As much as I want to just be a "player", it becomes hard to hurt women.  I most certainly don't trust them, but that doesn't mean I want to throw a knife in their back.  It is pretty obvious this woman wants to advance to the next stage, and most likely sex.  That could have happened last night but I like to collect my thoughts and I don't need to rush anything anymore.  My concern is sex could just cause more attachment and make it harder for her.  OTOH, it seems like she desires and maybe  needs some "fun" in her life.  

I think for the most part, some of these OLD women are obviously looking for some "attention" and are somewhat aggressive and "down to business"...  This one is obviously a "sensual" type that likes all the touching, rubbing, holding, etc, which used to be what I liked and I found myself reverting back to some of those behaviors, which she was VERY receptive to.  However, I think that can just be a slipper slope as I have immense control of my feelers, and she may not, and that could just end up hurting her.  

Anyway, just sorting out if I should cut this one loose before it gets too far, or feed her desires and hope she can move on with minimal impact?  

Cut her loose. 

There's plenty of other women. 

[ccas93]

lol she might just be feeding your desires too. I've had women that act all excited about me at first suddenly tell me they dont want anything serious. 

[CLS63AMG]

Whats the question?  Sounds more like sharing your excitement of going on a good date for once.

[bobjon]

Just now, CLS63AMG said:

Whats the question?  Sounds more like sharing your excitement of going on a good date for once.

Nah, I probably should have been more 'to the point' in my post.  I think mostly just second guessing myself based on my selfish boredom.  I think I know I need to cut this one loose or at least disclose some critical info.  I think we could be good friends but I think we have already stepped past that boundary.  I don't think it is appropriate to make her deal with my character flaws.  It was sort of a spur of the moment deal.  She was bored and just wanted to have a drink.  It 's doesn't sound like she has many friends and wants someone to talk to and I guess I get bored talking to my dog all the time.   

[SumGuy]

Yah man you got issues here, release.

[CaliforniaGirl]

You come off like you're trying to be very meh about her but then why would you be afraid to just SAY "I'm not looking for a relationship, this is sex only"?

That doesn't make sense.

What would you have to lose since you don't really want this woman long-term anyway? She might walk away? So?

Edited September 8, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[CaliforniaGirl]

43 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

Yah man you got issues here, release.

It's right here.

[bobjon]

15 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

You come off like you're trying to be very meh about her but then why would you be afraid to just SAY "I'm not looking for a relationship, this is sex only"?

That doesn't make sense.

What would you have to lose since you don't really want this woman long-term anyway? She might walk away? So?

Well, I do think it is time to change up my OLD profile and maybe then I can find some like minded women.  Need to be more clear about a friend only deal.  I think the reality is I meet women OLD or otherwise and they all want a relationship, and I have mostly been trying to find girl friends, or maybe even an FWB.  I have mostly learned that for some reason, I cannot have women as friends only.  They either want to advance something more, or would rather find someone else that does want more.  

I guess that is where my hesitation is.  Enjoy hanging out and talking.  Probably enjoy the ego trip for a minute, but probably not interested in more.  

I think in this case, it really was a last moment meet.  I said 'sup gurl' (not really), and she said 'meet me here for a drink, I want out of the house'.  She even mentioned "you know what this OLD site is mostly used for, right?"  Actually, I have not had sex with anyone from that site, but every single one has wanted it.....but they all were otherwise nice women.  I don't seem to either attract or are attracted to the insane wild types.  

I don't think I am 'afraid' to drop the bomb, but I realize she is a nice person and hate hurting women like that.  I mean, I can try to keep a friendship with her, but I know how those deals usually work out.  One was actually super cool the hang out with, biologist (i'm an engineer), smart, chill, and out of almost no where she tried to 'get it on' like right now!  I rejected her, and we hung out a few times after, but it has mostly fizzled and I can understand.  She was probably one of the few that could understand me.  

Making friends sucks.......

[CaliforniaGirl]

4 minutes ago, bobjon said:

Well, I do think it is time to change up my OLD profile and maybe then I can find some like minded women.  Need to be more clear about a friend only deal.  I think the reality is I meet women OLD or otherwise and they all want a relationship, and I have mostly been trying to find girl friends, or maybe even an FWB.  I have mostly learned that for some reason, I cannot have women as friends only.  They either want to advance something more, or would rather find someone else that does want more.  

I guess that is where my hesitation is.  Enjoy hanging out and talking.  Probably enjoy the ego trip for a minute, but probably not interested in more.  

I think in this case, it really was a last moment meet.  I said 'sup gurl' (not really), and she said 'meet me here for a drink, I want out of the house'.  She even mentioned "you know what this OLD site is mostly used for, right?"  Actually, I have not had sex with anyone from that site, but every single one has wanted it.....but they all were otherwise nice women.  I don't seem to either attract or are attracted to the insane wild types.  

I don't think I am 'afraid' to drop the bomb, but I realize she is a nice person and hate hurting women like that.  I mean, I can try to keep a friendship with her, but I know how those deals usually work out.  One was actually super cool the hang out with, biologist (i'm an engineer), smart, chill, and out of almost no where she tried to 'get it on' like right now!  I rejected her, and we hung out a few times after, but it has mostly fizzled and I can understand.  She was probably one of the few that could understand me.  

Making friends sucks.......

What??? You didn't even ask her so why are you thinking you might "hurt her"? Who on earth is this invested in one date - she's not going to be hurt, LOL! For all you know that's all she wants from you. You said she came on hot and heavy. She may be the one who doesn't want a relationship with you. If so she may just walk anyway. 

 

[bobjon]

6 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

What??? You didn't even ask her so why are you thinking you might "hurt her"? Who on earth is this invested in one date - she's not going to be hurt, LOL! For all you know that's all she wants from you. You said she came on hot and heavy. She may be the one who doesn't want a relationship with you. If so she may just walk anyway. 

 

Let me spell out the whoops..

1.  She came to my place last night.  I offered, she got here asap....

2.  Sex happened.....s***  I really was not into it and I think she knew that after the fact.  

3.  She mentioned about wanting to be exclusive, she doesn't want to talk to anyone else, etc ,etc.  

4.  She is very kissy, huggy, touchy, feely

5.  I am a moron that needs to shut things down.  My favorite part of the evening was playing music and discussing different types and such while outside in lawn chairs.  

6.  I like having women friends because they are different than men, and bring a different perspective.  Unfortunately I screw this up 100% of the time.  

[CaliforniaGirl]

4 minutes ago, bobjon said:

Let me spell out the whoops..

1.  She came to my place last night.  I offered, she got here asap....

2.  Sex happened.....s***  I really was not into it and I think she knew that after the fact.  

3.  She mentioned about wanting to be exclusive, she doesn't want to talk to anyone else, etc ,etc.  

4.  She is very kissy, huggy, touchy, feely

5.  I am a moron that needs to shut things down.  My favorite part of the evening was playing music and discussing different types and such while outside in lawn chairs.  

6.  I like having women friends because they are different than men, and bring a different perspective.  Unfortunately I screw this up 100% of the time.  

WTH? In your OP you said she wants to advance sex (not that you already had it) and you mentioned nothing about exclusivity.

Dude, not to be blunt but I think you might have some problems. Maybe you should work on yourself a little bit before you date. Just my $0.02.

Edited September 8, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[bobjon]

4 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

WTH? In your OP you said she wants to advance sex (not that you already had it) and you mentioned nothing about exclusivity.

Dude, not to be blunt but I think you might have some problems. Maybe you should work on yourself a little bit before you date. Just my $0.02.

Yeah......that would have been date TWO.....  that just happened, and I did not plan to even share that stupid detail because I didn't want the flame job over it.  I should really find a hobby....

I guess the silver lining is she is uniquely able to verbalize her feelings, more than I have known.... I was quite intrigued with it, and told her that.  

I think what sucks is the more she tells me about her struggles with raising her kids, working her ass off at her job, etc, it reminds me that I have had it easier than I want to admit and she out classes me there.  Respect for that woman.  Should not have crossed the line.....f***.....

Edited September 8, 2020 by bobjon

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 minute ago, bobjon said:

Yeah......that would have been date TWO.....  that just happened, and I did not plan to even share that stupid detail because I didn't want the flame job over it.  I should really find a hobby....

Look, just being real here, you sound very confused. You're just not making sense. As I said, you may just want to take a little break from dating to figure your own stuff out. Anyway, good luck.

[CLS63AMG]

8 hours ago, bobjon said:

Nah, I probably should have been more 'to the point' in my post.  I think mostly just second guessing myself based on my selfish boredom.  I think I know I need to cut this one loose or at least disclose some critical info.  I think we could be good friends but I think we have already stepped past that boundary.  I don't think it is appropriate to make her deal with my character flaws.  It was sort of a spur of the moment deal.  She was bored and just wanted to have a drink.  It 's doesn't sound like she has many friends and wants someone to talk to and I guess I get bored talking to my dog all the time.   

Yeah, thats's dating - bored.  Deal with it, no need for a tampon, grow a set

[ThereSheGoes]

Why did you put "old" in caps?

How old are you? And how old is she?

[bobjon]

9 minutes ago, ThereSheGoes said:

Why did you put "old" in caps?

How old are you? And how old is she?

Because it stands for online dating.  Usually capitalize but I guess more proper as O.L.D., I am just too lazy and maybe it should be ODS anyway.  OLD just sounds odd.  

Anyway, both late 30s.  

[assertives]

Well, she brought up exclusivity, so now is a great time to tell her you aren't looking for a relationship and just want to be friends. Problem solved, no?

[bobjon]

30 minutes ago, assertives said:

Well, she brought up exclusivity, so now is a great time to tell her you aren't looking for a relationship and just want to be friends. Problem solved, no?

Women are cunning creatures and she literally mentions this stuff with my dick in her hand.....lol  All I could think of was that I live in the middle of no where and don't talk to anyone other than my dog, which is a reality....  It was not a good answer but that's all I had at the moment.  Sadly I had a flashback to like 7th grade with a girl that was about to give me oral and said "I can only do this if we are dating"......lmao......  smooth.....  I said sure, then broke up with her the next day.....  I mean, who does that to a guy?  

[assertives]

Everything that you just said above is not really relevant to your question. She wants exclusivity and a relationship. You do not. From your description, you weren't even interested in sex so a fwb is out of the question as well. So don't waste each other's time. Call it off so she can go on to find someone to settle down with, while you move on to find whatever you are looking for. This isn't going to work out.

[assertives]

1 hour ago, bobjon said:

Women are cunning creatures and she literally mentions this stuff with my dick in her hand.....lol 

Also, nope. Alot are not. That's a huge generalisation.