Alvi Posted September 10, 2020 Posted September 10, 2020 (edited) Men, what's your take on this? I am just very curious here, if the situation was reversed, what would you guys think or do here? If a woman was "cold", very dismissive, distant, tells you you are high maintenance because you would express a concern over the lack of intimacy, wouldn't kiss or show any affection, how long would you guys stick around? Would you try to psychoanalyze her behavior and hope that perhaps in time things would get better? Or would you simply move on to the next more accommodation female (not necessary talking about the one who gives sex early on but to the one who shows more signs of interest)? How many dates do you guys usually be OK without any flirting, kissing, touching, sex? She goes out on the dates, tells you when you probe that she likes you but that's about it. Would you stick around for two month, nine month in this type of relationship even if you feel you have stuff in common? Also, more importantly, would you guys place a blame on yourself because she is not affectionate enough or think this somehow is all your own fault? Would you also, as as females tend to do, feel humiliated and rejected here? Would it take a hit on your self esteem as well? Or would you just put her out of your mind and date someone else? Edited September 10, 2020 by Alvi 1
SumGuy Posted September 10, 2020 Posted September 10, 2020 3 hours ago, Alvi said: Men, what's your take on this? ...If a woman was "cold", very dismissive, distant, tells you you are high maintenance because you would express a concern over the lack of intimacy, wouldn't kiss or show any affection, how long would you guys stick around? ... Dismissive and invalidating behavior is a no go for me. The sex is not even a part of it. There are scenarios I can imagine where going very, very slow sexually would OK, but they all rely on open, honest communication, and connection; dismissivness and invalidation is the exact opposite of that. There are few to no scenarios where I can see accepting dismissivness and invalidation no matter the sex. 1
chillii Posted September 11, 2020 Posted September 11, 2020 (edited) 8 hours ago, Alvi said: Men, what's your take on this? I am just very curious here, if the situation was reversed, what would you guys think or do here? If a woman was "cold", very dismissive, distant, tells you you are high maintenance because you would express a concern over the lack of intimacy, wouldn't kiss or show any affection, how long would you guys stick around? Would you try to psychoanalyze her behavior and hope that perhaps in time things would get better? Or would you simply move on to the next more accommodation female (not necessary talking about the one who gives sex early on but to the one who shows more signs of interest)? How many dates do you guys usually be OK without any flirting, kissing, touching, sex? She goes out on the dates, tells you when you probe that she likes you but that's about it. Would you stick around for two month, nine month in this type of relationship even if you feel you have stuff in common? Also, more importantly, would you guys place a blame on yourself because she is not affectionate enough or think this somehow is all your own fault? Would you also, as as females tend to do, feel humiliated and rejected here? Would it take a hit on your self esteem as well? Or would you just put her out of your mind and date someone else? Nah , certainly wouldn't be blaming myself we like what we like but if your not quite their cup of tea then that's not your fault or anyone's fault , it's just how these things are. lt doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you , sometimes you can like someone but they just don't like you back . And from the way you describe it she just wouldn't be into me being that way anyway but if she was to then even actually say on top of it, she likes me but that's about it , well that right there pretty well says it all anyway. So nope, l def wouldn't be sticking round. Edited September 11, 2020 by chillii
chillii Posted September 11, 2020 Posted September 11, 2020 Have you actually heard from this guy now at all since op ? Just wondering.
Author Calmandfocused Posted September 11, 2020 Author Posted September 11, 2020 15 hours ago, chillii said: Have you actually heard from this guy now at all since op ? Just wondering. Yes, he messaged me to tell me that he “just wasn’t really feeling it” with me. No S**t Sherlock! . At first I felt really upset and angry as he’s been messing me around from Day 1 and hadn’t been honest with me throughout. But you know what? You’re all right! This has taught me a lot, especially what I don’t want. And honestly, I wouldn’t have seen him again after that weekend anyway. Im relieved it’s over. It was such hard work. I’m over it and back dating again but that’s another thread .... 1
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