escapesher Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 Hey guys, I'm a lesbian and my relationship with my girlfriend fell apart July-ish of this year. That girlfriend and my other best friend ended up falling in love with me almost at the exact same time...I only loved one of them (my girlfriend) and things just got to be a giant mess (the best friend kept trying to win me over, my girlfriend thought I was cheating, etc.). When things got too complicated, my girlfriend backed out and didn't want to work through it...she was in love with me and then kindof just gave up on me. This ex-girlfriend is dating this guy now (which she swore she'd never do, I'm pretty sure she's with him mainly because her parents HATED that she was with a girl...they always tried to sabotage our relationship)...anyways... I told her I couldn't talk to her if she was with him and I've been doing NC...haven't talked to her since mid-July. She called me three times a few weeks ago and left a message asking how I was...then she had her BOYFRIEND call me to tell me to talk to them. I was shocked...I really thought that was a cruel thing to do. Haven't heard from her since...the thing is I thought I was 100% over her. I had been doing so well lately, hardly thinking of her and all of a sudden last night I just burst into tears! Suddenly every memory I thought I had gotten over hit me...smack in the face all over again. I cried for an hour just wishing she was near me and missing EVERYTHING about her. Then I woke up this morning thinking "Maybe one day she'll realize she made a mistake." I truly thought I was over this phase of healing and I thought that I was stronger than this! I was still deeply in love with her when she started dating this new guy...so it's understandable that I'm still hurt because it takes a long time to heal...but this HUGE relapse is not good at all. I'm at school in New York and I'm spending next semester in the Czech Republic so I have these great things going for me...I can't figure out why I'm so damn upset. I guess right now I could REALLY use some words of encouragement. Thanks guys.
legrtova Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 Her leaving you that message brought up all your pain again. I don't think she has truly moved on if she felt she had to brag about her new BF. I'm guessing she is struggling to get over you as you are struggling to get over her. I suggest next time she calls you spare your self the pain and not even listen to the message. I know it's hard...it's more then hard...but do it for your self. It will pass again, and you will find that this time it will take less time for you to not miss her as bad then it did last time. Hang in there! P.S. I am from the Czech Republic...if you need any help or have questions, let me know. Btw there are many HOT and GREAT girls in Czech
Author escapesher Posted October 12, 2005 Author Posted October 12, 2005 Thank you, that's just what I needed to hear in one way or another. I was actually really proud of myself the night she called me because I didn't take it too seriously or let it get me down...mostly I was just PISSED that she had her damn boyfriend call me. But I NEVER picked up the phone and actually went to sleep as she was calling me. I guess that's why I'm confused as to why all this pain is hitting me NOW! Oh my gosh, that's amazing that you're from the Czech Republic...I'm going to Prague! I think I'm in love with the idea of going, actually...I get all excited when I think about it, hahah. I hear the girls are gorgeous, too. I know this is kindof random, but what's the weather like there January-May? I keep hearing so many random things I have no idea what to pack.
legrtova Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 Prague is georgeous! Are you gonna be at Charles University? If so, LUCKY YOU! Weather...um...pack a little bit of everything...but in January (through about april) it can get really really cold...the dry winters in Prague are killers. At times you might need to cover your mouth to be able to breathe. I would also pack springs clothes, it can be nice. The Sun doesn't come out too often, so be prepared to have 'down' days. People are a lot of fun, like to party and like the outdoors. While there, make sure you visit villages and country sides, it's soooo beautiful. If you feel lonely, I can give you my brothers phone# (he went to Charles University), he lives in Prague and knows a lot of people. As for your issue...I would do NC unless you hear what you want to hear. This is manipulation from her part...not cool.
Author escapesher Posted October 12, 2005 Author Posted October 12, 2005 I forgot to add...I used to be friends with her boyfriend actually, but stopped talking to him because he basically had no morals. I know he drinks and smokes all the time and in turn I also know (for a fact) that my ex-girlfriend is always drunk or high when she's around him. Besides that, I heard from someone that she's claiming that she loves him (which I just cannot understand, on so many levels). I guess these two things put together have been subconsciously bothering me for a while now but I've been playing it off...maybe that's why I'm so upset. Any ideas on how to deal with either of those things? The fact that she says she loves him kindof eats away at me sometimes.
legrtova Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 Well, you didn't say how long you were together. To me it sounds like she is craving attention and mistakes it with love. Hanging out with some vs. loving someone. She feels lonely and is uncapable to deal with her own grief...hence the fact she is high and drunk all the time around him. That's not a sign of happiness to me. Also, if she was happy, why would she have to tell you about all that? I think she is doing it because she is misserable and wants to make sure that you are as well. Good luck!
Author escapesher Posted October 12, 2005 Author Posted October 12, 2005 Yeah we were together for a year and a half...things just got really complicated because my best friend wanted to be with me so badly that it started messing with my head. Whenever my girlfriend made a mistake, my best friend would be there telling me to leave her. I guess I was pretty betrayed by both of them because they were both being selfish. My ex started smoking a whooole lot towards the end of our relationship, I think it was because she didn't want to deal with any of her feelings. In fact, I'm almost positive that's why. It got to be so bad that I could hardly recognize her anymore when she was right in front of me. God, it hurt. Anyways, I didn't find out about the smoking/drinking stuff from HER, exactly. I try to avoid it but I end up hearing things from other people (believe me, I'm staying as far away from all of this as possible without disappearing). The only time she has contacted me since she started dating him was right after (again calling to ask how I was...that's when I started NC)...and a couple of weeks ago when she called those three times and left messages. I'm sure I'll NEVER know why she did that, I can speculate forever but I just can't say for sure. At first (when I was still all caught up in this mess) people would tell me that she was constantly saying how "happy" she was with him and how much she "loved her life" and THAT has stuck with me because it just plain hurts. I know I'm still in so much pain from all this...thanks so much for your encouragement.
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