Should I stop dating?

[Savannah1990]

Hi everyone, 

im really wondering how to act in this situation; 

i am currently dating this guy for a few weeks and we are having sex as well. I don’t know if i want it to turn into a relationship. 

Anyway; im in a high-risk group for Covid-19. Meaning that if i catch the virus, it might be fatal or i might get severe complications. Covid was slowly fading away in the area i live in, so i thought it could do no harm to date and kiss this guy, since he never shows any signs of covid. 

 

Since  2 weeks, covid is rapidly re-appearing in this area and I’m wondering if i should keep on seeing this guy.. we have a great time, but I really don’t want to catch covid. He is not very strict on restrictnig himself or social distancing when it comes to covid. He’s in bars drinking sometimes (that’s still allowed) and he even jokingly said he was in a restaurant somewhere without wearing his mask, right before we would meet. I told him that i’m in a high-risk group and if he wants to keep seeing me and Kissin me, he does need to be a bit stricter. He said ’ oh im sorry for you! But don’t worry, everything will be fine‘ , but 2 days later he sends me this picture of himself drinking in a bar. 

And of course, we could stop seeing eachother when f.e he gets symptoms, but some people have covid but no symptoms at all and they can still pass it on to others. 

What would you do?

 

Edited September 4, 2020 by Savannah1990

[schlumpy]

You have to do what you need to protect yourself and not rely on someone else to understand that need.

When you are young empathy is a rare quality.

[d0nnivain]

If you don't want this to turn into a relationship, then I don't think it's fair for you to ask him to curb his behavior But since you are in a high risk group, I think it would be very dangerous for you to keep seeing him.  I would be having panic attacks over his lack of social distance & as a result could not let him in my bubble but people have suggested that I am overly cautious about things.  

Understand by the time he shows symptoms it will be too late for you.  

I would not continue to date him but I have a very low risk tolerance.  I am already avoiding friends for doing far less then what this guy is doing & I am certainly not getting as physically close to them as you are to him.  

[Versacehottie]

I agree that you should stop seeing him.  The risk is too great for someone you are not even sure about.  Just because people are "allowed" to go to bars or wherever he goes that won't necessarily make them risk-free or the least risky behavior he could be doing.  And I agree it's not fair to ask him not to as you aren't a couple & you don't even know if you want to be one with him.  For you it's too big of a risk IMO due to your health situation.  Good luck 

[elaine567]

2 hours ago, Savannah1990 said:

im in a high-risk group for Covid-19. Meaning that if i catch the virus, it might be fatal or i might get severe complications.

Not very sensible to be having sex or even hanging about with strangers is it?
 Even close family may pose a risk to you.
The virus does not care about human emotions or ties, it just sees a bridge between people and  says thank you very much.
His behaviour in an environment of rising cases, is not conducive to being uninfected.
He I guess is willing to take the risk, as he is not high risk, unlike you...

[notbroken]

Drop him like a hot potato - and tell him why.   He is way too big of a risk for you.  

 

[smackie9]

Gosh you better cut him loose. There's a reason why the virus is spreading...everyone is going back to bars, etc.

[kismetkismet]

Yes, you should stop dating him for your own safety. He also sounds kind of like a reckless jerk. Putting other people's lives in danger isn't a funny joke. 

[kendahke]

10 hours ago, Savannah1990 said:

What would you do?

How sincere are you when you say:

Quote

im in a high-risk group for Covid-19. Meaning that if i catch the virus, it might be fatal or i might get severe complications.

?

I mean, I 'm not seeing what the struggle here is when you say:

Quote

He is not very strict on restrictnig himself or social distancing when it comes to covid.

He’s in bars drinking sometimes

he even jokingly said he was in a restaurant somewhere without wearing his mask, right before we would meet. 

I told him that i’m in a high-risk group and if he wants to keep seeing me and Kissin me, he does need to be a bit stricter. 

He said ’ oh im sorry for you! But don’t worry, everything will be fine‘ ,

2 days later he sends me this picture of himself drinking in a bar

He doesn't give a damb about your health. He's selfish and doesn't care. He's not invested in you and granted, it still is early days in this, but still--he's showing you right now when you're supposed to both be in the 'on their best behavior' aspect of a new relationship exactly what he is.

If you catch covid, no, everything will not be fine.  Make sure someone that you trust knows this conversation went down--because his attitude lends itself to reckless endangerment if he's dismissing your health, and that could be actionable--just like giving someone HIV back in the day before it was manageable.

In the meantime, I'd stop seeing him.  He doesn't care about you.

[chillii]

Kissing ,  ahh, don't you say your sleeping with him , that's a lot more than just kissing if he gets symptoms it's too late you'll 99% sure already have it too.

[ShyViolet]

Stop seeing him.  Don't just ask him to be more careful.  That's not going to work and you can't rely on that.  He is a risk to you and he could bring you the virus.  Guys come and go; your life is irreplaceable.  

14 hours ago, Savannah1990 said:

And of course, we could stop seeing eachother when f.e he gets symptoms, but some people have covid but no symptoms at all and they can still pass it on to others. 

 

No, absolutely not.  You can't just stop seeing each other if he gets symptoms.  By then it would be too late.

[spiderowl]

Well, OP,  it does not sound as if you two are exclusive (risky).  He is mixing socially and not taking precautions against covid.  He appears to be ignorant in that he does not understand how the virus is spread.  Apart from the obvious risk to yourself, why would you want to date someone so dumb?

If you want to protect yourself, you need to avoid the careless social mixers and stay in fairly controlled bubbles or with just one faithful and careful partner who is social distancing.

It's your choice but you are undoubtedly at greater risk with a guy like him.

Edited September 5, 2020 by spiderowl

[Saartje]

This sucks tp

Edited September 5, 2020 by Saartje

[dangerous]

Its a no-brainer. The most important person in your life is YOU. If you are in danger, stop it!

It is really that simple.

[FudgeSwirl]

Since you are in a high risk group, I would stop dating him and wouldn't even pursue anybody else for the time being because even when we take precautions by religiously wearing a mask, cleaning our hands, and social distancing, there still is a chance to contract covid like any virus as long as we go out in public.  Even if there were no covid, this guy sounds selfish anyway since he doesn't take your concerns or health seriously.

[QuietRiot]

On 9/4/2020 at 7:17 AM, Savannah1990 said:

Hi everyone, 

im really wondering how to act in this situation; 

i am currently dating this guy for a few weeks and we are having sex as well. I don’t know if i want it to turn into a relationship. 

Anyway; im in a high-risk group for Covid-19. Meaning that if i catch the virus, it might be fatal or i might get severe complications. Covid was slowly fading away in the area i live in, so i thought it could do no harm to date and kiss this guy, since he never shows any signs of covid. 

 

Since  2 weeks, covid is rapidly re-appearing in this area and I’m wondering if i should keep on seeing this guy.. we have a great time, but I really don’t want to catch covid. He is not very strict on restrictnig himself or social distancing when it comes to covid. He’s in bars drinking sometimes (that’s still allowed) and he even jokingly said he was in a restaurant somewhere without wearing his mask, right before we would meet. I told him that i’m in a high-risk group and if he wants to keep seeing me and Kissin me, he does need to be a bit stricter. He said ’ oh im sorry for you! But don’t worry, everything will be fine‘ , but 2 days later he sends me this picture of himself drinking in a bar. 

And of course, we could stop seeing eachother when f.e he gets symptoms, but some people have covid but no symptoms at all and they can still pass it on to others. 

What would you do?

 

I don't you should stop dating him, but perhaps stay in touch via skype or zoom until the numbers go down or whatever.

I actually have a female friend that was dating this guy a couple of months prior to Covid...granted she lives with her mid-70s mother, she drives to see him only, and doesn't bring her back to her house. He limits where he goes, so they are only exclusive to each other and trusts he doesn't do anything risky outside of seeing her exclsuively, so may be you could go this route if you do want to physically see him. 

Just both of you avoid highly populated spots and wear masks when grocery shopping, but ONLY see each other and no one else. But from your posts, he's taking risks going, wherever...maskless...so yeah, kick him to the curb.

Edited September 6, 2020 by QuietRiot

[Velvet teddy]

On 9/4/2020 at 12:17 PM, Savannah1990 said:

Hi everyone, 

im really wondering how to act in this situation; 

i am currently dating this guy for a few weeks and we are having sex as well. I don’t know if i want it to turn into a relationship. 

Anyway; im in a high-risk group for Covid-19. Meaning that if i catch the virus, it might be fatal or i might get severe complications. Covid was slowly fading away in the area i live in, so i thought it could do no harm to date and kiss this guy, since he never shows any signs of covid. 

 

Since  2 weeks, covid is rapidly re-appearing in this area and I’m wondering if i should keep on seeing this guy.. we have a great time, but I really don’t want to catch covid. He is not very strict on restrictnig himself or social distancing when it comes to covid. He’s in bars drinking sometimes (that’s still allowed) and he even jokingly said he was in a restaurant somewhere without wearing his mask, right before we would meet. I told him that i’m in a high-risk group and if he wants to keep seeing me and Kissin me, he does need to be a bit stricter. He said ’ oh im sorry for you! But don’t worry, everything will be fine‘ , but 2 days later he sends me this picture of himself drinking in a bar. 

And of course, we could stop seeing eachother when f.e he gets symptoms, but some people have covid but no symptoms at all and they can still pass it on to others. 

What would you do?

 

Im not even in a high risk group and still haven't dated for half a year!

I don't think you should take risks for a guy, purely for some casual fun. And he clearly isn't someone to be trusted, and does not understand the impact it could have on you. 

So yes i would leave it. Resume when things are better. When the virus has weakened

[Savannah1990]

Thank you all for your replies!

This one had a surprising twist. 

I told him that I wanted to stop dating him, because of the situation and the fact that I’m in a highriskgroup. He told me he really did not want to loose me and he totally gets where I’m coming from. He then said that he would like to continue to see eachother without the whole physical part. To get to know me beter and that he, however much he likes being physical with me, wouldn’t mind at all to wait with that until it forms no risk at all. So we now have set a new date in which we will only talk, in a safe distantie. 

[Dork Vader]

On 9/4/2020 at 4:17 AM, Savannah1990 said:

Hi everyone, 

im really wondering how to act in this situation; 

i am currently dating this guy for a few weeks and we are having sex as well. I don’t know if i want it to turn into a relationship. 

Anyway; im in a high-risk group for Covid-19. Meaning that if i catch the virus, it might be fatal or i might get severe complications. Covid was slowly fading away in the area i live in, so i thought it could do no harm to date and kiss this guy, since he never shows any signs of covid. 

 

Since  2 weeks, covid is rapidly re-appearing in this area and I’m wondering if i should keep on seeing this guy.. we have a great time, but I really don’t want to catch covid. He is not very strict on restrictnig himself or social distancing when it comes to covid. He’s in bars drinking sometimes (that’s still allowed) and he even jokingly said he was in a restaurant somewhere without wearing his mask, right before we would meet. I told him that i’m in a high-risk group and if he wants to keep seeing me and Kissin me, he does need to be a bit stricter. He said ’ oh im sorry for you! But don’t worry, everything will be fine‘ , but 2 days later he sends me this picture of himself drinking in a bar. 

And of course, we could stop seeing eachother when f.e he gets symptoms, but some people have covid but no symptoms at all and they can still pass it on to others. 

What would you do?

 

I think you should cut him off. he is showing complete disregard for your well being and safety. You have informed him that you're high risk. I know how you feel I'm in the same group, I have lung disease amongst other health issues. I can almost guarantee he is going to pick it up at some point with the behavior you're describing.  He might not show symptoms and if he does not you will get exposed. Even if he does show symptoms you still might end up getting exposed. It's not just about COVID either, this guys completely lacks any respect for you. If he had any ounce of respect for you he would not be so blatantly throwing his disregard for your safety in your face. I could understand continuing to see him if he was being careful and taking as many precautions as possible. But he's not even remotely trying and he's throwing it right in your face.

I had to kick a friend out of my home. She was renting a room from me for about a month and I warned her about my health conditions. I also told her she was going to have to avoid functions. She tried to hide going to parties, but seemed to forget we were friends on facebook. I kicked her out after a week. 11 days later she tested positive for COVID. I was very lucky that I did not get it. 

[Velvet teddy]

32 minutes ago, Dork Vader said:

I think you should cut him off. he is showing complete disregard for your well being and safety. You have informed him that you're high risk. I know how you feel I'm in the same group, I have lung disease amongst other health issues. I can almost guarantee he is going to pick it up at some point with the behavior you're describing.  He might not show symptoms and if he does not you will get exposed. Even if he does show symptoms you still might end up getting exposed. It's not just about COVID either, this guys completely lacks any respect for you. If he had any ounce of respect for you he would not be so blatantly throwing his disregard for your safety in your face. I could understand continuing to see him if he was being careful and taking as many precautions as possible. But he's not even remotely trying and he's throwing it right in your face.

I had to kick a friend out of my home. She was renting a room from me for about a month and I warned her about my health conditions. I also told her she was going to have to avoid functions. She tried to hide going to parties, but seemed to forget we were friends on facebook. I kicked her out after a week. 11 days later she tested positive for COVID. I was very lucky that I did not get it. 

I think the OP reached an understanding with the guy.

Read above post.

[kendahke]

On 9/7/2020 at 5:59 AM, Savannah1990 said:

He then said that he would like to continue to see eachother without the whole physical part. To get to know me beter and that he, however much he likes being physical with me, wouldn’t mind at all to wait with that until it forms no risk at all. So we now have set a new date in which we will only talk, in a safe distantie. 

Are you going to be satisfied with just being snap chat/face time pals while he is:

Quote

 not very strict on restrictnig himself or social distancing when it comes to covid.

in bars drinking sometimes (that’s still allowed)

in a restaurant somewhere without wearing his mask,

sending me this picture of himself drinking in a bar.

Because he's not going to stop doing that and we're no where close to it being no-risk with the plethora of a lack of self discipline being put on display on a daily basis, like this virus is playing with them.

Basically, he put you in the friendzone box over there and when he's not face timing/snap chatting with you, he's going to be out at the bars without a mask with other women who aren't wearing their masks. Yeah, he doesn't want to lose you, but more importantly: he doesn't want to let go of the life style he's used to living and is going to continue to live. He's just doing it in a way where he doesn't have to answer to you.

Edited September 10, 2020 by kendahke