How to continue living after a broken dream?

[raquellexxx]

Hello. I am a Christian in her 20's who desperately needs your help and spiritual guidance because from my family, only I am the believer and I absolutely have no other friends or close people who are believers, which makes it impossible for me to seek any similar help (and I started therapy because I couldn't bare the pain any longer).

Since I remember myself, I had a dream to live in the States and it wasn't the typical stupid American dream. I just always felt that I would be completely happy there - I loved almost everything there, especially the fact that I can share my faith properly. In my country, believers are not so many and they aren't Protestant - we go to church alone and etc. I had the chance to go there for Work and Travel and I loved it even more. However, lately, my only one dream to live there was completely shattered. No matter how much I tried all these years, there are so many reasons and personal obstacles in my life, making it completely impossible to realize. And I wanted to be legal, which is even more impossible since I can't achieve none of the things to be legal there.

I can't describe how difficult, devastating, and exhausting this is for me to the point that I stopped having meaning in life... Since I am a believer, it makes it even more harder as I keep asking God why did he let this happen when so many even non-believers successfully live my dream without even dreaming, working hard, and praying for it? It feels so unfair and painful since I've never made anything so bad or horrific in my life that would make God punish me or something like this. What is more - every time, when there was an opportunity for me and people around me to cheat or lie for something, I have ALWAYS chosen the right and truthful path, no matter what... and it makes me feel even more angrier, alone, and devastated..

I keep reading and listening that that God knows your true desires and when you work hard and pray for them, He will let them happen. And no matter how much I tried, my dream was shattered and made impossible. While I know many people that didn't even care about that and they successfully live my dream.... Why? It just doesn't make any sense to me... Also, I thought that maybe God has a better plan for me here in my country. However, nothing in my life is good here, not to mention to get better with all my endless problems.. My parents don't care about me, my friends are not there for me when I've always been there for them, despite all my hard work, I am treated badly in my work and it's an emotional abuse. And on the top of that - I am experiencing this hell all alone...

For me, every day is an emotional torture, trying to understand why did God allow my only dream to be shattered and as a result, to be extremely unhappy and devastated? Please, I really need your piece of wisdom and advice since it hurts so bad and I although, I started to go to therapy, I still have nobody to talk with on this Christian things.

[salparadise]

2 hours ago, raquellexxx said:

trying to understand why did God allow my only dream to be shattered

You're failing to take advantage of what is perhaps the biggest and best perk of being a believer... whenever something doesn't go your way you can just say "God has a plan for me, or God's will" and even though you don't understand you can be content knowing that everything happens for a reason. There is no such thing as randomness or bad luck because it's all part of the plan, and therefore there is nothing to be upset about.

[d0nnivain]

salparadise is right.  You have to trust that your present situation is God's will for you.  There is some lesson you are supposed to learn from this, some reason you are needed where you are. Pray for wisdom to understand what that purpose is & grace to accept your present situation 

Prayer is not a menu or magic lantern.  You don't just fall to your knees & get what you want. 

Do reach out & speak to your spiritual advisor about how you are feeling & your faith.  That person should be able to ease your mind, even more so then a therapist.  

As for your goal, maybe you need to break it down into steps more.  What has to happen for you to be able to reapply to emigrate to the US?  I think step 1 has to be the Covid travel bans have to be lifted which is out of your control.   Whatever these other personal obstacles are, what are the steps needed to overcome them.  You need action steps.  Remember God helps those who help themselves.  

[major_merrick]

Just because your dream hasn't happened yet doesn't mean that it won't.  How old are you? 

Much of what I wanted in life I had to wait for.  But now I'm in my mid 30's and things that I thought were totally impossible have been brought into my life.  Things happen in our lives in 3 ways:  Random chance, our own free will, and God's planning.  Your current situation could be due to any one of those three, or a combination of them. 

Keep praying, keep asking God for what you want and need.  He knows your desires.  He also knows His plan for you, and your ultimate good.  Be aware that since God's ultimate goal is eternal, your comfort immediately in this life is not always His priority.  That part sucks!  And that's where faith comes in.  Let me share a word from Hebrews 11:

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.  For by it the elders obtained a good testimony."  (Verses 1 and 2)  The chapter then continues with examples of faithful people in the Old Testament.  Continuing on in verse 13, "These all died in faith, not having received the promises.  But having seen them afar off, were assured of them, embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth."  So, what does this mean for you?  Faith is not easy while walking here on the painful earth.  We don't get to see God's view of life, but we have to trust that when we suffer in this world, that He understands.  Jesus was tempted and tested during His 33 years in all the ways we are.  He longed to marry, but was unable.  He longed to care for His people, but was rejected.  He went hungry, thirsty, tired, dirty.  He worked with His hands.  Ultimately, He was beaten, humiliated, tortured, and murdered.  Keep telling Jesus your troubles, and ask for His comfort.  God is emotional like we are, and He understands and will send his Holy Spirit to be your Comforter.  Our patience in this life can result in rewards in this life, or in eternity.  We don't know the outcome, only God's promises.  I know that hanging on to them is hard! 

I know you have a deep desire to live in America.  My family came to America because of the same dream.  But keep in mind, not everything in the USA is nice.  I was born in a shack with a dirt floor.  Bugs in my bed, bugs in my food (when there was any).  I had to steal to survive, and shield my sister from abuse.  I used to look at my situation, and wonder where God was!  I blamed Him.  How I could live in the richest nation on earth and be going hungry?  Unfortunately, no matter where you live, there is always the possibility of evil.  Sin has infested every part of our fallen world, and there is no paradise anywhere until Jesus comes back. 

For now, wait.  I know that's not what you want to hear!  I know how hard it can be!  But wait.  Plan.  Be smart.  Pray.  Perhaps try international dating? There are many men from the USA who would like a Godly wife and haven't found one.  Perhaps God has a great partner for you, but he isn't ready yet.  Or you aren't ready.  Trust that He hears your cry and is working behind the scenes. 

 

[mark clemson]

I'm not sure why you'd think being a Christian would have that much bearing on your dreams. Many Christians have and still do have plenty of trouble in life. From those who were persecuted by the Romans all the way up to those who live and die in extreme poverty today. You are ignoring that reality.

While I certainly believe in God, my belief is that He doesn't (generally) just make stuff happen out of thin air. Good stuff may indeed come, but it generally comes from what's already extant in the environment in one way or another. For example, you won't suddenly win the lottery if you never even buy tickets (or if there's no lottery in your country etc.)

With that in mind, you could indeed look for some way to help actualize your dream, and the Deity might help you make it happen.

However, there's something you should consider. What about the opportunities to help others or contribute to society in other ways that are probably around you? Are you doing any of the things you could be doing? IMO you should consider whether you are so busy being focused on this dream that may never happen, that perhaps you are missing out on the life journies you could be taking. Perhaps you would be best served (and best serve) by foregoing this dream and focusing on what you actually CAN do, here and now.

Edited September 11, 2020 by mark clemson

[DaveBond]

raquellexxx 

Peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Being an African and a Nigerian, I had the opportunity to live in the UK for a while for study. I had the choice to stay in the country illegally after my visa had run out, but I chose to leave. I understand what people can do to 'succeed' and it's truly not easy to see them excell by doing what one choose not to do. Not because one can't do the same, but because one choose not to for personal reasons. However, we do not know tomorrow. This is why we should keep trusting the One who knows us perfectly well and has a unique future for us.  This is what God's Holy Spirit have been reminding me about what we perceive as delay and I am happy to share it with you today. I hope it will help. Just to mention. I understand there are dreams we have with our eyes closed. There are also dreams we have with our eyes open. What I am about to share is for both.

 

Do you remember Joseph, the Isrealite who later became a great leader in Egypt? He was second in authority after the Pharoah. When he was a young lad, he had a dream just like you and me. In his dream, he saw himself being bowed to. That dream was given to him by the Almighty God. Yet, Joseph suffered so much shortly afterward. I suppose spiritual forces wanted to thwart his dream. Joseph was almost murdered, but God used a suggestion from his brothers to prevent his murder. He was sold as a slave instead which made him the first of Abraham's promised decendants to become a slave. Then he got falsely accused of sleeping with his master's wife in adultery or fornication. He was thrown into jail for because he was set up. The bible is silent about how many years Joseph spent in slavery and how long he stayed in jail. All these things happened to this innocent guy. I do not suppose Joseph experience was purnishement for his sins.  I believe you know the end of the story. His dream became reality at the appointed time. God took him from prison to the seat of governance. A popular song says " don't give up on God, because he won't give up on you". Please be strong in the Lord and in the power of his might.

 

see Psalm 37

[Curious-Sam]

20 hours ago, DaveBond said:

Do you remember Joseph, the Isrealite who later became a great leader in Egypt? He was second in authority after the Pharoah. When he was a young lad, he had a dream just like you and me. In his dream, he saw himself being bowed to. That dream was given to him by the Almighty God. Yet, Joseph suffered so much shortly afterward. ......I do not suppose Joseph experience was purnishement for his sins.  I believe you know the end of the story. His dream became reality at the appointed time. God took him from prison to the seat of governance. A popular song says " don't give up on God, because he won't give up on you". Please be strong in the Lord and in the power of his might.

I always loved the story of Joseph. Because it shows how God prepares those he plans to "use" for a higher purpose. If he had simply made Joseph a Ruler and prince without any trial or tribulation for him to go through - there is a high likelyhood he would have taken the "reward" and power given to him for granted. Used his ascension to ruler for selfish reasons and not respected his position - or those in lower positions whom he was given power to rule over. The promise God made - would have been wasted by Joseph. 

But because he went through such significant trials in his life earlier -  being banished and rejected by his family - made into a slave who served others - this actually prepared and enabled him to become the wise and compassionate leader God had earlier told him he would become. In order to receive the promises of God he had to first go through a difficult transformation process. Though he did not see or realize it at the time the very difficult circumstances earlier in his life was not evidence that God was not working in his life - those difficult circumstances actually WAS Gods hand working directly in his life. He was put through early hardship - because he had been selected to later be put on high. the hardship was actually the process and path God had created specifically for Joseph in order to transform him into the personwho was mature enough to receive his "dream" of becoming a ruler.  

There is a good book I purchased recently by the preacher T.D Jakes. "Crushing: God turns pressure into Power" which I think would be helpful for the O.P to read while going through this difficult phase in your own personal development and faith process. below is is an excerpt video where he talks about the basis of the message in the book. I really love the lines: 

 "Do not be confused when a crushing proceeds a soaring - For the ones who God is going to anoint the most - he always crushes the most severely. I have not met anyone who did exceptional things in their life - who at some point had not endured exceptional crushing. It is the force to which one is pulled back that determines the height that you will fly."

https://youtu.be/CzP23Zti-YI?t=628

Perhaps the difficult circumstances your are experiencing now - where it is difficult to practices your faith in your home country - the very thing you are trying to "escape" - is actually the challenge and avenue God has set before you to move you from where you are to where you want to go. Maybe he doesn't want you to "escape" to a place where it is easier to follow him. He wants you to perserve and graft a way to do so where you are. And inthe process of doing so - this will actually open the way for you to then fulfill your dream of moving to the USA.

Its like the little kids song: Going on a bear hunt.  We can't go over it. We can't go under it. Oh no! We've got to go through it! For me at least this subtle change in perspective makes the process a little easier. 

Wish you all the best in your journey 🙏

Edited September 14, 2020 by Curious-Sam

[Datingdisabled]

On 9/4/2020 at 7:49 AM, d0nnivain said:

salparadise is right.  You have to trust that your present situation is God's will for you.  There is some lesson you are supposed to learn from this, some reason you are needed where you are. Pray for wisdom to understand what that purpose is & grace to accept your present situation 

Prayer is not a menu or magic lantern.  You don't just fall to your knees & get what you want. 

Do reach out & speak to your spiritual advisor about how you are feeling & your faith.  That person should be able to ease your mind, even more so then a therapist.  

As for your goal, maybe you need to break it down into steps more.  What has to happen for you to be able to reapply to emigrate to the US?  I think step 1 has to be the Covid travel bans have to be lifted which is out of your control.   Whatever these other personal obstacles are, what are the steps needed to overcome them.  You need action steps.  Remember God helps those who help themselves.  

For obvious reasons, I have not loved this forum. I was left on read and rejected before I even knew it was a rejection. This advice was very good advice and I am glad I read it. I am meeting a paster's wife at 2pm for coffee because I do believe I need to find purpose in my life again. I'm willing to look at God's will in this to see if I can get moving past all of this. 

Edited September 16, 2020 by Datingdisabled

[SumGuy]

On 9/4/2020 at 4:19 AM, raquellexxx said:

.....

For me, every day is an emotional torture, trying to understand why did God allow my only dream to be shattered and as a result, to be extremely unhappy and devastated? Please, I really need your piece of wisdom and advice since it hurts so bad and I although, I started to go to therapy, I still have nobody to talk with on this Christian things.

Does your Bible have the Book of Job?   It helps explains this.   Also Matthew 5:44 and Luke 6:27 may help. 

[Ellener]

On 9/4/2020 at 3:19 AM, raquellexxx said:

it wasn't the typical stupid American dream. I just always felt that I would be completely happy there - I loved almost everything there, especially the fact that I can share my faith properly.

I can tell you there may be a lot of christian religions here in America but it doesn't mean the churches are perfect or that you'll always be welcomed, supported etc. People are people. 

There's often comfort in church music, the words of a hymn we sang as children in the UK just came to mind, I looked them up:

Father, hear the prayer we offer:
not for ease that prayer shall be,
but for strength that we may ever
live our lives courageously.

Not for ever in green pastures
do we ask our way to be;
but the steep and rugged pathway
may we tread rejoicingly.

Not for ever by still waters
would we idly rest and stay;
but would smite the living fountains
from the rocks along our way.

Be our strength in hours of weakness,
in our wanderings be our guide;
through endeavour, failure, danger,
Father, be thou at our side.

*

Hope you feel better soon.