DrasticMeasurements Posted September 4, 2020 Posted September 4, 2020 Don’t know how it works and haven’t been able to do it.
bobjon Posted September 4, 2020 Posted September 4, 2020 Just smack em on the ass and say "good game"..... That will either be a good or bad start......lol
basil67 Posted September 4, 2020 Posted September 4, 2020 banter /ˈbantə/ noun the playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks. Some people like banter, but others don't. There's no wrong way to be - it's more about finding someone who feels like you do. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted September 4, 2020 Posted September 4, 2020 40 minutes ago, DrasticMeasurements said: Don’t know how it works and haven’t been able to do it. Back-and-forth, playful...like Basil says, it can be teasing...and it isn't always necessarily in a flirtatious way; my brother and I banter all the time. I don't recommend just trying to do it if you don't know how or if it doesn't come naturally. It can come off either wooden and awkward or seemingly sort of nasty. 1 1
smackie9 Posted September 4, 2020 Posted September 4, 2020 Witty teasing full of sarcasm and innuendo with a dash of cheekiness. 1
Dork Vader Posted September 4, 2020 Posted September 4, 2020 Well why not learn some good one liners? Jokes? Perhaps watch some stand up comedy routines? Those are some good places to learn how.. It's just playful joking around..
elaine567 Posted September 4, 2020 Posted September 4, 2020 Quote The magnificent art of using word play, opinions, exaggeration, irony, sarcasm, and other comedic themes to (playfully) humiliate, make fun of, and laugh at your friends. This word is most commonly used in Britain, but 'Banter' is used around the world. Definition via the "Urban Dictionary" 1
d0nnivain Posted September 4, 2020 Posted September 4, 2020 It's a lighthearted back & forth, a little bit of gentle non-malicious teasing & part flirting.
Author DrasticMeasurements Posted September 5, 2020 Author Posted September 5, 2020 A lot of responses are similar to each other. I really want to find love but banter isn’t something I’m capable of doing. The interesting thing is, since I’m introverted: people tell me to look for an extroverted girl who calls the shots and can balance out a relationship, but she’s most likely an expert at banter and I have 0 ability to do that. I’m a concrete thinker and don’t know how to bend the social rules when it’s necessary or “cool”.
elaine567 Posted September 5, 2020 Posted September 5, 2020 As you are on the spectrum, why not look for a girl who is also on the spectrum? Someone who may understand you better.
basil67 Posted September 5, 2020 Posted September 5, 2020 6 hours ago, DrasticMeasurements said: A lot of responses are similar to each other. I really want to find love but banter isn’t something I’m capable of doing. The interesting thing is, since I’m introverted: people tell me to look for an extroverted girl who calls the shots and can balance out a relationship, but she’s most likely an expert at banter and I have 0 ability to do that. I’m a concrete thinker and don’t know how to bend the social rules when it’s necessary or “cool”. Your friends misunderstand the terms 'introverted and extroverted'. What those terms mean is whether or not one is energised by socialising or drained by socialising. I'm in introvert. I can't do long nights at parties. And when I am forced to do so, I need a couple of days holed up with only my nearest and dearest while I get back to normal. But despite being introverted, I am also proactive about getting things done, can be confident and can banter..
d0nnivain Posted September 5, 2020 Posted September 5, 2020 Learning to banter or be good at small talk is a SKILL. You can learn this. Not every conversation has to be deep, profound or about an important subject. An introverted guy may or may not partner well with an extroverted woman. My husband & I are that kind of couple. I am in charge of our social lives. If I wasn't, we wouldn't have social lives. I'm out & about way more then him. But some women get upset if their SOs don't plan dates & take the lead with romance. Find out where your comfort zone is & then test the boundaries stepping a little bit outside it once in a while but be generally true to yourself.
Author DrasticMeasurements Posted September 5, 2020 Author Posted September 5, 2020 14 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Learning to banter or be good at small talk is a SKILL. You can learn this. Not every conversation has to be deep, profound or about an important subject. An introverted guy may or may not partner well with an extroverted woman. My husband & I are that kind of couple. I am in charge of our social lives. If I wasn't, we wouldn't have social lives. I'm out & about way more then him. But some women get upset if their SOs don't plan dates & take the lead with romance. Find out where your comfort zone is & then test the boundaries stepping a little bit outside it once in a while but be generally true to yourself. My brain can’t discern between what is appropriate and what isn’t when it comes to banter or flirting. I can’t tell is someone is kidding or being mean. This is after 5 years of therapy. It’s not a skill to those who can’t naturally learn it. True, no person is born confident, just like no person is born 5’10”. We all are inclined to reach a certain level of brain development in wit and nonverbal cues and my doctor confirmed this. I never make excuses, just telling it how it is.
d0nnivain Posted September 5, 2020 Posted September 5, 2020 1 hour ago, DrasticMeasurements said: My brain can’t discern between what is appropriate and what isn’t when it comes to banter or flirting. I can’t tell is someone is kidding or being mean. I get it. I can't tell the difference on line or in text. What I mean by skill is something you control, how you speak to another person. As long as you keep it G / PG rated & based on kindness / compassion you can control that. Being genuine is the most important. If somebody says something & you are not sure if they are kidding or being serious, ask. It's OK to get clarification. If you are one of those people who don't process non-verbal cues it's even more important for you to ask for clarification. On of my friends has an adult brother who is on the spectrum. He's a sweet guy but sometimes he can be overwhelming. I have learned when he crowds me to take a deep breath, take a step back or ask him too by saying something gentle like "Hey B I know you are so enthusiastic about this but you are a little too close to me. I'm going to take a step back (or could you please take a step back) then I want to keep talking to you about this." He gets cued in to why I'm uncomfortable but he knows I'm not made at him so our friendship can continue. It's OK to be a concrete thinker. Just sometimes especially when you first meet somebody talk about lighter subjects -- movies, TV, books, music etc. You don't have to jump into political or social issues or discuss the finer points of theoretical physics or quantum mechanics
Author DrasticMeasurements Posted September 11, 2020 Author Posted September 11, 2020 (edited) On 9/5/2020 at 8:05 AM, d0nnivain said: I get it. I can't tell the difference on line or in text. What I mean by skill is something you control, how you speak to another person. As long as you keep it G / PG rated & based on kindness / compassion you can control that. Being genuine is the most important. If somebody says something & you are not sure if they are kidding or being serious, ask. It's OK to get clarification. If you are one of those people who don't process non-verbal cues it's even more important for you to ask for clarification. On of my friends has an adult brother who is on the spectrum. He's a sweet guy but sometimes he can be overwhelming. I have learned when he crowds me to take a deep breath, take a step back or ask him too by saying something gentle like "Hey B I know you are so enthusiastic about this but you are a little too close to me. I'm going to take a step back (or could you please take a step back) then I want to keep talking to you about this." He gets cued in to why I'm uncomfortable but he knows I'm not made at him so our friendship can continue. It's OK to be a concrete thinker. Just sometimes especially when you first meet somebody talk about lighter subjects -- movies, TV, books, music etc. You don't have to jump into political or social issues or discuss the finer points of theoretical physics or quantum mechanics If I ask or get clarification, it’s seen as lacking confidence because everyone is supposed to understand lighthearted talk or nonverbal gestures so it’s alien and uncertain if one person doesn’t understand them. Edited September 11, 2020 by DrasticMeasurements
d0nnivain Posted September 14, 2020 Posted September 14, 2020 On 9/11/2020 at 10:25 AM, DrasticMeasurements said: If I ask or get clarification, it’s seen as lacking confidence because everyone is supposed to understand lighthearted talk or nonverbal gestures so it’s alien and uncertain if one person doesn’t understand them. I call BS. Nobody thinks that. Your insecurities are projecting. If you are "friends" with people who demean you for asking for clarification, they are rotten people. Get rid of them. Real friends will hep you. I have life long friends & sometimes I don't get what they are trying to say. It's OK to say "what?"
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